Step 1 Sole Source + CC's C diary 2013

[*Cupcake*]

Evening.

So, time to come clean.


So it seems I have inadvertently managed to lose an additional 12 stone along the way yes, Mr CC has left. Seems there is a new companion for him that isn't overweight or a little bit saggy

I haven't wanted to post about it because its not a weight loss thing, but actually I think it is - I've got some many thoughts and feelings about the whole thing they are all jumbled up and messy and painful and I think I need to unravel a bit.

Still managing to remain on step 2 and get to the gym - it's the routine and control of that getting me through though I don't deny diving into the vino and choc has seemed like the perfect plan at times. But I just cry a bit instead

So that's where I am, and that's how I'm feeling. A bit rubbish really.

Hope everyone else is doing better xx

 

[Forever fat n 'bubbly']

Awwww sweetpea... Big hugs for you darling. Double hugs for not hitting the chocolate and wine. Pleased you've found an alternative and you're sticking to step 2. Cry, cry and cry. Get it all out of your system. Go beast the gym and work ur butt off. It's his loss. You are lovely honey, inside and out. He can go and raffle himself and you can start to live a life free from lies. Love yourself and live the life you've got. I know that sounds crazy. Take care honey. You must be in shock. I've been there too x


Restarted CD 9 Sept 5ft 1"
13st 2 BMI 37.2
Wk1 12st5.5 -10.5 BMI 32.7

 

[Forever fat n 'bubbly']

Messaged u my number if you need to talk x


Restarted CD 9 Sept 5ft 1"
13st 2 BMI 37.2
Wk1 12st5.5 -10.5 BMI 32.7

 

[hayley29]

Oh hun I'm really sorry to hear this
I had a feeling something was wrong! It's his loss and he'll regret it when your looking smoking hot!! Which isn't far off.

Abit personal so tell me to bog off but did he find you doing this diet hard and did he struggle with u not eating like social or meals? I worry my OH gets fed up with me not eating and doesn't understand it!

I am amazed you have kept on the diet with all this going on that's truly amazing!! Your a very strong lady I don't think I would keep doing it! So well done

Big hugs hun xxxxx

 

[*Cupcake*]

Awwww sweetpea... Big hugs for you darling. Double hugs for not hitting the chocolate and wine. Pleased you've found an alternative and you're sticking to step 2. Cry, cry and cry. Get it all out of your system. Go beast the gym and work ur butt off. It's his loss. You are lovely honey, inside and out. He can go and raffle himself and you can start to live a life free from lies. Love yourself and live the life you've got. I know that sounds crazy. Take care honey. You must be in shock. I've been there too x

Restarted CD 9 Sept 5ft 1"
13st 2 BMI 37.2
Wk1 12st5.5 -10.5 BMI 32.7

Thanks for this and the pm - I'm ok, I think just numb really, with moments of rage and despair too! The gym has been a saviour and my body is aching in new places but it does help! And I feel a tiny bit empowered to be sticking to step 2 - really so I can sit with my tribe and eat of an evening just to keep family life going.

I have my happy - all is ok face on most of the time, but I cry in private. In the shower,in the car, and at night.

It IS his loss, silly middle aged stereotypical male specimen - I'm determined to find this woman inside more than ever, and slink out into the world with confidence. Somehow, I'm certain that this time, on Cambridge, I will succeed

Thank you thank you thank you for all the support, it means the world xxxx

 

[*Cupcake*]

Oh hun I'm really sorry to hear this
I had a feeling something was wrong! It's his loss and he'll regret it when your looking smoking hot!! Which isn't far off.

Abit personal so tell me to bog off but did he find you doing this diet hard and did he struggle with u not eating like social or meals? I worry my OH gets fed up with me not eating and doesn't understand it!

I am amazed you have kept on the diet with all this going on that's truly amazing!! Your a very strong lady I don't think I would keep doing it! So well done

Big hugs hun xxxxx

Thanks so much for this Hun, I don't know if I'm strong or just stubborn! I don't think the social side of things was an issue for him, as I worked like a Trojan to fit in social events without drawing attention to my lack of eating. I also don't think he even noticed at times!

No, I think more telling has been the small, but real changes in me as the weight has gone, which has meant the obvious improvement in confidence, and energy and feeling younger! I think he probably has found that a threat and his middle aged man-ness has thought he'd reinvent himself with a younger version. My CWPC says that some men find their new and improved partners confidence, changes the balance of power in the relationship, and pathetic versions (like mine) can't handle it.

I don't know - maybe he'd have been an idiot if I'd stayed as I was anyway. Who knows - I don't even know how long his shenanigans have been going on, or if this one was the first - tbh I don't want to. He's a pillock and she's welcome to him and his washing. And his snoring

All I know is it has made me more determined than ever to finish what I've started here. Cambridge is not easy, but by, golly it works, and I like the structure it gives me day in, day out. 40lbs left (or thereabouts).

Xxxx

 

[Forever fat n 'bubbly']

I'm so proud of you honey. Big hug! You have so got the right attitude! Look after you. Get the weight off, follow your dreams. Glad the gym is offering you an avenue to feel better. Keep positive, especially around children (how many do you have?) don't let negative thoughts about him engulf you and swallow you.
I worked with a woman who's husband left her with 3 kids under age of 5. She complained about him daily, really got stressed. He'd left her 20 years previously. She was still going on about him after 20 years! She taught me a valuable lesson which was to move on and be positive!
As a teacher, I hate to see children worrying and stressing when their parents separate. It turns my stomach when I hear them say things like "he drinks too much. He's just a waste of space, he's away to HER house until he realises he's made a big mistake" that was out of the mouth of a four year old girl last year, talking about her dad. Made me nearly cry and then shake the mum. How could she allow a child to be her shoulder to cry on? The poor wee thing was burdened.
I know you won't do that. You're way too clever for that.
Stay strong and keep posting. We are here for you x


Restarted CD 9 Sept 5ft 1"
13st 2 BMI 37.2
Wk1 12st5.5 -10.5 BMI 32.7

 

[Wigglybunny]

Oh cupcake. It's definitely his loss. You 're a strong and amazing lady and one day he might realise what it is he has lost. You will get through this and come out the other side, slimmer and even more beautiful.

It must be the week for curve balls. I had the shock of my life on Thursday night and I've still not quite come to terms with it. But sadly (and I really mean that) I've got to take an immediate break from Cambridge. I will probably still be around tho...certainly for the time being.

K x


18 weeks in...64lbs down...21lbs to go!

 

[Forever fat n 'bubbly']

Hey CC. What sachets you having today? I just can't decide!!! X


Restarted CD 9 Sept 5ft 1"
13st 2 BMI 37.2
Wk1 12st5.5 -10.5 BMI 32.7

 

[becsicle]

Cupcake you are such an inspiration, you really are! Just keep going, I am so sorry to read about what's happened, it is his loss, so keep on track... stay focused and put all your energy in to the journey to be the person you want to be inside and out. He will soon realise what he is missing! Anyone who does not stand by you is not worthy of you! We are all rooting for you Hun! X