I think I sadly must pass you the title of 'has worst ex'
@ladybird777 what an awful set of circumstances, I have huge respect for how well you've managed.
I was lucky in as much as I don't think he would ever consider having the kids full time, he's too errr... busy. I also saught legal advice which I don't think he expected which helped secure my property, I was told he had no hold over it as no equity was gained in the 10 years he was here. I suspect he was told this as he never tried to claim anything. I also requested that we each keep our own pensions which was a slight gamble but he agreed. I have 26 years worth paid in to a final salary scheme, practically unheard of these days. I was left with debt, some of which he helped accumulate, but the idea of trying to prove it was exhausting so I decided to just go with my advantages of property and pension. I'll be over the worst of it in the next year.
I'll never marry again either, I married at 21, widdowed at 31 (daughter was 2) met 2nd husband at 33 and he basically came in like a night in shining armour, only to take it all away around 5 years later (I've since been advised it is narcissistic behaviour although I wouldn't call him a true narcissist) it was like cold turkey withdrawal from a drug. I then spent the next 5 years trying to fix what he broke, whilst he pretended he was invested, gaslighted me everytime I challenged him and eventually left. I did not want him to but OMG I've become so grateful since I recovered and gained the clarity. He's made little effort for my daughter even tho he likes to say he looks on her as his own, she's pretty disappointed in him and I am too. He pretended to be someone he clearly was not, for quite a long time.
I'm not against another relationship, but ex moved out of my home directly into his new girlfriends home, pretending to be renting her rooms (seriously can't make this stuff up) he had my kids there a matter of days later. Because of this I feel very protective of my children and feel that one of us needs to 100% put them first and do right by them, my daughter has been through so much. If I meet someone else I don't want to live with them, they will be welcome to stay over and become close to us as a unit, but no one will be allowed to take any control over my household, my dynamics with my kids, my finances etc.
Goodness that was a definite spilling of info haha. I don't expect he would ever look here but it isn't like anyone knows who we really are here anyway, and in any case... I've told not a single lie. Which is more than could be said for him.
In other news, I had open top cucumber subs! I thought having cucumber top and bottom was going to be a bit big to wrap my chops around, so I just had around 3 inches of cucumber halved with the seeds scooped out, topped with tuna, sweetcorn and salad cream, which then inspired son who had a sandwich and left over tuna with cucumber crudites. Good lunch for him. He's a bottomless pit today he's had 1 banana, 1 apple, 1 pear, 1 satsuma, a whole can of tuna, a slice of bread a portion of cucumber, a packet of nik nak crisps and a packet of fizzy cola bottles and it's only 1430
. Beginning to wonder if his Dad forgets to feed him as well as do school work lol