Cruel comments - how do you deal with them?

[Cheese Thief]

Hi guys! Wonder if anyone has been in the same boat as me with cruel comments and how did you cope with them?

I started my new job yesterday, I need some care experience in order to apply for a Radiography degree next year. So I've got a job at a care home for the year while I study my open university course. It's completely different to anything I've done before, mainly call centre stuff, but it was lovely getting to know the residents. well, most of them! One old lady in particular was having a bad day and was screaming insults at everyone, I happened to walk past her and bear the brunt of her anger, she called me "a disgrace with no figure" and said I had a "fat bum". Of course I laughed it off, yes I do have a fat bum but I'm doing slimming world and getting healthier... but yeah, inside it still hurt. And although today is my day off, I'm still thinking about that cruel comment! She's a 90 year old woman for God's sake, I need to get some perspective! Of course the rest of the residents were lovely, but it kinda put a dampener on things! Still I'm not going to let it stop me getting settled in my new job, colleagues seemed lovely and it's only 4 x 7 hour shifts a week (either 8-3 or 3-10) so will leave me plenty of time to do my studies and concentrate on getting fit!

Obviously I need to just get over the comments, but it hurt and I'm dreading the thought of getting them on a daily basis! Anyone else been through the same thing? Or got any ideas to help me not be so bothered by them? I'd appreciate it enormously. It's my first week on Slimming world and I think the thought I am doing something positive about getting healthy and losing weight is the only thing that stopped me from bursting into tears!

 

[lardylady]

Take comfort in the fact that you weren't singled out for verbal abuse! Your bum will get smaller as you follow the plan, just remember that!!

 

[jen3]

Hard not to take it to heart but try not to. A girl I have on facebook who says "the day I get called a ***** instead of a fat ***** is when I know I've reached target"!!!

You've taken the first positive step by joining SW

 

[PuppetWitch]

First of all, congratulations on your motivation, dedication and future career. You're doing brilliantly

Second, I find the best thing to do is vent to a friend. Bottling up when we have been hurt makes it last so much longer! You'll soon be laughing about the rest if your day- I am sure so many exciting new things happened.

Or come on here and moan to us! We'll cheer you on- and we are free to say 'bugger the old bat!' X x

 

[AnnaFaraday]

I do some voluntary work with older people and they one thing that you do have to get used to is that mostly they say what they like!

Sometimes it's just because they know they can get away with it, sometimes it is because they don't really know what they are saying, rarely is it because they mean to be nasty.

Put yourself in her shoes - she is old, maybe not that well, in a care home (she could maybe think of places she would rather be?) and being looked after, which she might not like very much. Although I do know 90 year olds whose minds are still razor-sharp, the older a person is the more likely to have some kind of mental impairement, such as dementia, or simply forgetfulness.

So you will just have to learn to take remarks in your stride and not let them get to you. The other side to this is that older people have all sorts of experiences and stories, and I know from experience that if you take the time and patience with them, the rewards are SO worth it.

 

[jen3]

First of all, congratulations on your motivation, dedication and future career. You're doing brilliantly

Second, I find the best thing to do is vent to a friend. Bottling up when we have been hurt makes it last so much longer! You'll soon be laughing about the rest if your day- I am sure so many exciting new things happened.

Or come on here and moan to us! We'll cheer you on- and we are free to say 'bugger the old bat!' X x

How come you can say "bugger" but my "b1tch" got starred out?!!! Lol

 

[Cheese Thief]

Thanks so much for your support guys. I was feeling a bit crap earlier but a good vent to you guys and to my boyfriend has really cheered me up. I've got to expect things like this from time to time, especially when working with the elderly! Instead I'm going to use it as motivation, like Jen says they day when she calls me a ***** instead of a fat ***** is the day I've made it, oh that did make me chuckle!

Working my second shift tomorrow and I'm not going to let it get me down, it's such a worthwhile job and there are so many good points that one little old lady isn't going to ruin it for me!

 

[ican2013]

Hard not to take it to heart but try not to. A girl I have on facebook who says "the day I get called a ***** instead of a fat ***** is when I know I've reached target"!!!

You've taken the first positive step by joining SW

Would that be weight loss ***** by any chance? I follow her on facebook and read her blog.
Comments are hard not to take to heart, I have had my fair share. I was walking to my house one day and a group of lads passed me, I didn't even acknowledge them and one shouted fat c**t at me. No reason what so ever, he just singled me out. I have to laugh though because the poor bugger was so ugly and that my friends can never be fixed. He obviously had his own insecurities. I think people need to look closer to home before insulting others for no reason

 

[kaz3804]

Hi, I think its old and young alike in the cruel comments! My daughter (4) has made friends with a neighbour (6) and I over heard their conversation the other day my daughters friend to her....
"yeah u've got a FAT drinks cup, cause ur mums FAT and she gives u the FAT things".
Now no word of a lie I was gutted to think my daughter was being judged by my size! And also thank god I have taken losing weight on board now so neither of my daughters will continue to be judged by it! But also I've already lost 4st and I'm down from a size 22 to a size 14! What on earth would she have said if she'd known me back at my start weight!! Kids eh!! Oh and don't worry I had a good talk to my daughter that night about acceptible words and unacceptable ones! FAT bring one of the later!

 

[Not]

My kids had a ring tone for me
"Shes fat. Shes round. She bounces on the ground. Its your mum. Its your mum."
They thought it hilarious and were not being intentionally mean but still i cringed.
Its never nice to hear hurtful stuff. No matter who is saying it.
I feel your pain.

 

[Cheese Thief]

My kids had a ring tone for me
"Shes fat. Shes round. She bounces on the ground. Its your mum. Its your mum."
They thought it hilarious and were not being intentionally mean but still i cringed.
Its never nice to hear hurtful stuff. No matter who is saying it.
I feel your pain.

Oh Not that's truely horrible! Even thought it was probably meant as a joke I really feel for you. People can be so insensitive!

 

[Not]

They got rid of the ring tone but still sing the song.
It is horrible when you already feel negative about yourself.

 

[debsxdiet]

I work with people with autism and I get alot of agitation somtimea directed towards me. You really just need to think how u would feel in her situation and how she is probably trying to say totally different! Think about what her expectations are and are they being met etc. Xxx

 

[aliceemily]

Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets a cruel comments. I've had so many of them now that I have stopped going out socializing, I don't know how my hubby puts up with me. Its cruel, when I do pluck up the courage to go out to the pub and do myself up, feel good, then some time in the night there is always one that throws out a comment or a stare of disgust. I am a very quiet person and feel because of my size people are not interested in talking to me even if I make the effort. I'm 15.7 stone have joined slimming world 3 times and always end up not going back just can't get motivated. Sorry for the long winded post think I just needed to get it of my chests.

 

[*Emsie*]

I also work in the caring field and have done for some time and can still remember some of the comments that were made when I was a lot bigger. Most of the time I could take it and accept it for what it is which was sometimes nastiness, sometimes honesty(not always the best policy in those cases!) to do with the persons condition etc once I did leave a clients house (of course calling my manager etc as appropriate) because they were relentless and when I was trying to ask what they wished to have for lunch were too busy commenting on what I ate etc in a very unpleasant manner.
Its not always easy to deal with but hopefully you can lose the weight you want to and will feel better about your size ....and then the nasty ones will find something else to comment on

 

[Cheese Thief]

Thanks guys! Had another shift today and the same lady was nice as pie to me, she was obviously just having a bad day. Another lady did say to me "ooh you've got a gorgeous face and you're a very kind person, you just need to lose a little weight". It was meant in a nice way, so rather than letting it bother me I told her about how I was going swimming after my shift and had just joined Slimming World. She was really supportive and made me promise to update her each week with how I've done. It's amazing how sometimes you can just turn around a negative into a positive, and really sweet that one of the old dears will be rooting for me

Emsie - WOW! You have done so well! Congrats! I completely agree when you say the nasty ones will find something else to comment on when i'm slim, but hey ho this is life! I'd much rather be just a ***** rather than a fat *****!

 

[*Emsie*]

Thanks

Yeah I meant what I said about the nasty ones in the way that its them with the problem and not that its not worth us losing the weight x