Danielle_ivf
Full Member
Hi here to subscribe to your diary & support you xx
Floss - Go Hard or Go Home!
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floss
Full Member
Lovely to see you Danielle 
I must be sleep eating at night or something...never before have I had to stay up to eat porridge to get my calories up! Before I would have left it or just binged but I know now that I will feel awful tomorrow mentally and physically if I don't hit my calorie goal...*CHANGING EVERYDAY!*
P.s....Officially done my 1st week on CC as of tomorrow...can't believe how normal Iv felt/feel .... this is amazing...Im winning!!!
I must be sleep eating at night or something...never before have I had to stay up to eat porridge to get my calories up! Before I would have left it or just binged but I know now that I will feel awful tomorrow mentally and physically if I don't hit my calorie goal...*CHANGING EVERYDAY!*
P.s....Officially done my 1st week on CC as of tomorrow...can't believe how normal Iv felt/feel .... this is amazing...Im winning!!!
Agent Shagwell
Silver Member
Yeah, you are!!! Well done you - clearly, the emotional and mental changes you've been making are huge! Well done!
:talk017::happy036:
floss
Full Member
Thankyou! Yes that's so true
Well I weighed this morning on my dad's rubbish mechanical scales and they havn't moved at all! I was so disappointed as Iv been try ing really hard, but then I thought about it and realised this would be the moment for me to go and sit with my easter eggs and stuff my face until I feel better....ERM NO! What I actually realised that before this week I had a couple of weeks either eating mashed potatoes or ice lollies because I was so poorly and I lost a stone through illness, so I cant expect to lose much if anything when my calories go up again! So I figure that HOPEFULLY I should get a loss next week as my body will have stabalized...does this logic make sense?! I'm also going to try and get my walking/running started again, although I have a pretty busy week from tomorrow so we shall see. Think I need to add more protein as well and more fruits and veggies as iv literally been on porridge, ryvitas and ice lollies as thats all the food my dad has in the house that I can eat!
Iv decided to not stress too much if I don't hit 1200 everyday, as long as i'm under it, and if these things don't work then i'll have a re-think.
Happy Tuesday lovelies! xx
Well I weighed this morning on my dad's rubbish mechanical scales and they havn't moved at all!
I was so disappointed as Iv been try ing really hard, but then I thought about it and realised this would be the moment for me to go and sit with my easter eggs and stuff my face until I feel better....ERM NO! What I actually realised that before this week I had a couple of weeks either eating mashed potatoes or ice lollies because I was so poorly and I lost a stone through illness, so I cant expect to lose much if anything when my calories go up again! So I figure that HOPEFULLY I should get a loss next week as my body will have stabalized...does this logic make sense?! I'm also going to try and get my walking/running started again, although I have a pretty busy week from tomorrow so we shall see. Think I need to add more protein as well and more fruits and veggies as iv literally been on porridge, ryvitas and ice lollies as thats all the food my dad has in the house that I can eat! Iv decided to not stress too much if I don't hit 1200 everyday, as long as i'm under it, and if these things don't work then i'll have a re-think.
Happy Tuesday lovelies! xx
floss
Full Member
Well I have been studying closely and to me it looks either on 10 stone or 1lb under, and after careful studying of my scale pic from 5 days ago id say that one was 1lb over...so maybe I did lose a pound? Ahaha this is why you need digital scales! Although im pretty certain my super sensitive digitals will add on half a stone to these so maybe I should stay put!
BerryBerry
Silver Member
Hey floss, here to subscribe as we are a similar height with similar starting and goal weights. Supergroovy left some v sensible comments up above. I am trying to not to get obsessed with the scales and pour all my energy into exercise, improving fitness/body shape and clean eating. So I think your plan above sounds fab with working in exercise and more balanced, fresh meals now you are on the mend! Good luck xx
floss
Full Member
Got my digitals back, had a cheeky weigh last night and this morning and the number was higher! Oh well...least I know where I am now! Would love to get a pound off before next weigh in on tuesday but we will see....still no exercise! Looks like i stone a stone from tonsillitis...nice to see something good came out of all that pain! Busy day today...have a wonderful thursday! x
floss
Full Member
I'm really struggling. Also had the experience of seeing some footage I filmed and I don't know whether I'm more upset about my face or my weight! I feel like I want to curl up and die I'm so ashamed of how I look. And what's worse is I'm finding it so hard I don't know if il fail today. Down
floss
Full Member
Hiya dominoes...your name makes me hungry!
I don't even know what to say for an update...im just feeling very...blah. Had severe stomach pain which caused me to lie in a ball for 3 hours this afternoon...breakfast made it worse...that was weird. Had some marshmallows and chocolate as I was craving today...hit my 1200 pretty much but I just feel so unmotivated and down. Im so STRESSED because everything in my life is upside down, i havnt exercised for god knows how long and I cant remember why im doing this...and it's only been 11 days! I don't know what's going on, I just know im continuously exhausted, in some sort of silly pain/illness and stressed out...and craving. Wahhhhh such a misery!
I don't even know what to say for an update...im just feeling very...blah. Had severe stomach pain which caused me to lie in a ball for 3 hours this afternoon...breakfast made it worse...that was weird. Had some marshmallows and chocolate as I was craving today...hit my 1200 pretty much but I just feel so unmotivated and down. Im so STRESSED because everything in my life is upside down, i havnt exercised for god knows how long and I cant remember why im doing this...and it's only been 11 days! I don't know what's going on, I just know im continuously exhausted, in some sort of silly pain/illness and stressed out...and craving. Wahhhhh such a misery!
floss
Full Member
I feel weird.
My last few entries have been quite depressing (sorry) and Iv just been sat here thinking for a while about everything and have realised that I just feel WEIRD. I don't really feel very healthy, and Iv sort of realised that eating this way will make me lose weight, but I won't end up with the body I really want, i'll just have a smaller version of what iv got now. Im just trying to decide whether I have the drive and ability to change enough to get THAT body. Or whether I should accept what iv got. I know this sounds really silly and most of you will think im talking rubbish, but my belief is that food is the biggest medicine, and there is a reason people with "perfect" bodies eat unprocessed, healthy natural foods and don't simply count their calories.
Iv lost this stone and a bit (ish!) through illness and simple calorie reduction, but i really feel like im at a crossroads....it sort of feels like a spiritual thing. Iv definitely changed recently and I think it's all connected. (now I just sound bonkers!)
Im not exercising, thats the first thing. The second thing is im considering doing something I did about 5 years ago. For 5/6 weeks in the run up to my mothers wedding and at a start weight of 12.5 stone I ate NOTHING processed. Breakfast was fruit or porridge with soya milk, lunch was fruit, soup or veggie omelet and dinner was quorn or fish with veg or salad. Snacks were fruit or tea. Each morning I would cycle for an hour, each afternoon I did and exercise video and each evening I walked the dog. It was hard ofcourse, but I lost atleast 2 stone in that time and I felt amazing. My shape changed dramatically. Then life happened and I lost the time I had and subsequently the drive. I started college and things changed. This type of lifestyle scares the hell out of me, but I know in my heart its the only way to get those amazing results for my body. Iv gained and lost, binged and starved so much that I have a lot of fat, stretch marks, saggy parts and generally a body in a poor condition. I also am incredibly prone to illness, and I worry that eating for calories rather than nutrients will increase this.
Its been good to get this all down in writing. I had a fabulous morning at work but the craving to eat badly is unbelievable and I am worried at how much this restriction is affecting my depression and my general mental health. Im also certain that many "normal" foods have a direct negative affect on my depression. Iv got a lot of thinking to do.
I really would welcome your opinions. Im not saying I would switch to the plan above as the exercise basically took the whole day! It's more the eating side of things. I just feel something isnt right.
Thanks x
My last few entries have been quite depressing (sorry) and Iv just been sat here thinking for a while about everything and have realised that I just feel WEIRD. I don't really feel very healthy, and Iv sort of realised that eating this way will make me lose weight, but I won't end up with the body I really want, i'll just have a smaller version of what iv got now. Im just trying to decide whether I have the drive and ability to change enough to get THAT body. Or whether I should accept what iv got. I know this sounds really silly and most of you will think im talking rubbish, but my belief is that food is the biggest medicine, and there is a reason people with "perfect" bodies eat unprocessed, healthy natural foods and don't simply count their calories.
Iv lost this stone and a bit (ish!) through illness and simple calorie reduction, but i really feel like im at a crossroads....it sort of feels like a spiritual thing. Iv definitely changed recently and I think it's all connected. (now I just sound bonkers!)
Im not exercising, thats the first thing. The second thing is im considering doing something I did about 5 years ago. For 5/6 weeks in the run up to my mothers wedding and at a start weight of 12.5 stone I ate NOTHING processed. Breakfast was fruit or porridge with soya milk, lunch was fruit, soup or veggie omelet and dinner was quorn or fish with veg or salad. Snacks were fruit or tea. Each morning I would cycle for an hour, each afternoon I did and exercise video and each evening I walked the dog. It was hard ofcourse, but I lost atleast 2 stone in that time and I felt amazing. My shape changed dramatically. Then life happened and I lost the time I had and subsequently the drive. I started college and things changed. This type of lifestyle scares the hell out of me, but I know in my heart its the only way to get those amazing results for my body. Iv gained and lost, binged and starved so much that I have a lot of fat, stretch marks, saggy parts and generally a body in a poor condition. I also am incredibly prone to illness, and I worry that eating for calories rather than nutrients will increase this.
Its been good to get this all down in writing. I had a fabulous morning at work but the craving to eat badly is unbelievable and I am worried at how much this restriction is affecting my depression and my general mental health. Im also certain that many "normal" foods have a direct negative affect on my depression. Iv got a lot of thinking to do.
I really would welcome your opinions. Im not saying I would switch to the plan above as the exercise basically took the whole day! It's more the eating side of things. I just feel something isnt right.
Thanks x
floss
Full Member
Supergroovy, I dont think I can give you a just answer to all the beautiful thoughts and advice you have given me above, so id just like to say thank you. xx
I havnt been on because iv been feeling sorry for myself! 1 day binging (hate that word but thats what it is) turned into 3 and here we are. My TOM also arrived last night so I guess I could use that as an excuse, but in all honesty, no excuse is really valid in this, my find won and took over, and now its a COMPLETE mess and I feel I will never even get through the day healthily, let alone reach my goals.
Im also having dreams about my ex every night, not nasty dreams, dreams where he is still with me, I still have my best friend and we are happy...it's even harder. Waking up and realising that not only am I single, have been for a YEAR and can't get over it, but im unhealthy again and I can't gain back control. I don't know which is worse, but it does not produce a happy mindset.
Im stressed, incredibly confused and a little down. I wish I was the type of person to just pick myself up and make my goals happen. Instead im just a misery!
I havnt been on because iv been feeling sorry for myself! 1 day binging (hate that word but thats what it is) turned into 3 and here we are. My TOM also arrived last night so I guess I could use that as an excuse, but in all honesty, no excuse is really valid in this, my find won and took over, and now its a COMPLETE mess and I feel I will never even get through the day healthily, let alone reach my goals.
Im also having dreams about my ex every night, not nasty dreams, dreams where he is still with me, I still have my best friend and we are happy...it's even harder. Waking up and realising that not only am I single, have been for a YEAR and can't get over it, but im unhealthy again and I can't gain back control. I don't know which is worse, but it does not produce a happy mindset.
Im stressed, incredibly confused and a little down. I wish I was the type of person to just pick myself up and make my goals happen. Instead im just a misery!
floss
Full Member
What a bloody horrible week. Back and forth to london to move out...emotional wreck over here. Food is off the charts...I don't know why I gain weight so quick but its back and its hideous...and going for a family birthday meal tomorrow night. No idea where to go from here. Pity party over here!
BerryBerry
Silver Member
Ohh dear hope you are ok I have gained in the last couple of months also.
Just need something to snap into place to make us refocus, I think hopefully as the weather gets better it will be easier to eat health, light and fresh and to invisage summer clothes as an incentive! You can do it xx we have the same final target of 8st 7 which seems nigh on impossible to me right now, but we can only try and we could get there by August even if we go slowly!
I have gained in the last couple of months also.Just need something to snap into place to make us refocus, I think hopefully as the weather gets better it will be easier to eat health, light and fresh and to invisage summer clothes as an incentive! You can do it xx we have the same final target of 8st 7 which seems nigh on impossible to me right now, but we can only try and we could get there by August even if we go slowly!
floss
Full Member
Well bloody hell my head is well and truly hung in shame!
That two weeks of eating pure s***t went quick! WHY does it go so quick when im being an idiot?!
Ofcourse I convinced myself calorie counting was all wrong...decided on 5 different diets befor deciding I would try body building (WTF) and now here I am back again! Two weeks later with atleast half a stone back on my backside if not more! I feel like I am as wide as I am tall...although I have literally indulged EVERY possible craving I could ever have had and became addicted to chocolate rice crispie bites (OMG) so it's no wonder! Iv had enough. Iv also had a gym membership for a week and I havnt even been in the building!
My life is a little more settled now and things are looking up...and I am pretty much free monday-friday to do what I please so I am going to go and freaking LIVE in that gym for 3 months and come out the otherside just in time for the last month of summer...plus my friends birthday holiday AND my birthday AND my holiday! Im going to stop eating stupid calories like 10 ice lollies a day and start eating lots and lots of protein and just BLOODY DO IT!!! Food is back to 1200 from tomorrow. Exercise starts monday. I will stay ATLEAST 10 feet away from any set of scales at all times and I will weigh after 12 weeks. CHALLENGEEEEE.....ready steady GO!
That two weeks of eating pure s***t went quick! WHY does it go so quick when im being an idiot?!
Ofcourse I convinced myself calorie counting was all wrong...decided on 5 different diets befor deciding I would try body building (WTF) and now here I am back again! Two weeks later with atleast half a stone back on my backside if not more! I feel like I am as wide as I am tall...although I have literally indulged EVERY possible craving I could ever have had and became addicted to chocolate rice crispie bites (OMG) so it's no wonder! Iv had enough. Iv also had a gym membership for a week and I havnt even been in the building!
My life is a little more settled now and things are looking up...and I am pretty much free monday-friday to do what I please so I am going to go and freaking LIVE in that gym for 3 months and come out the otherside just in time for the last month of summer...plus my friends birthday holiday AND my birthday AND my holiday! Im going to stop eating stupid calories like 10 ice lollies a day and start eating lots and lots of protein and just BLOODY DO IT!!! Food is back to 1200 from tomorrow. Exercise starts monday. I will stay ATLEAST 10 feet away from any set of scales at all times and I will weigh after 12 weeks. CHALLENGEEEEE.....ready steady GO!
floss
Full Member
I have binge eating disorder.
I have known this for a long time but iv tried my hardest to pretend it isnt me. Last night I realised that I will never lose weight unless I tackle this first. I don't know how to eat, I eat nothing all day so I can binge in the evenings. I never understood why I always get ill and then I read something "people with BED are prone to illness due to lack of nutrients"....I always plan on eating all the fruit and veg...but then I finish the day with crap food...this goes on for weeks. I never quite realised how few fruit and veg I eat because of this...and I love fruit and veg!
I have booked an appointment with my doctor to get some form of help/referral to try and really get past this. And I have started what I will call my "recovery" today...3 meals a day of normal foods. I will be limiting calories as I want to lose weight but none of the silly rules I put around myself before this. I have also always had a secret dream of running a marathon but have never given myself the chance to train for one and really believe I can do it because I made the exercise about losing weight...would revert back to bad eating and stop running. Evenings are the hardest time for me so I think I will start running at the gym then very slowly build it up. Even writing this I feel anxious and absolutely terrified but I really think I have to do this to move forward.
Today:
Porridge & cuppa
Brown bread salad sandwich, apple, walkers lites & cuppa
Quorn sausages, beans, veggies
Cups of tea, options hot choc before bed
I work primarily friday, sat, sunday so apart from errands etc im pretty free during the week. As I sit here, iv had my breakfast and besides a few emails/orders and walking the dog I don't have much planned so I think I may do an exercise dvd. I don't want to overdo it though, I guess I just take it one day at a time. The biggest thing which is going to be SO hard is not doing this for weight loss. It HAS to be about eating properly and normally and not binging or It wont work.
Aaaagh scary stuff but im excited to be finally addressing this and not waking up every day hating the day before and dreading the day ahead!
I have known this for a long time but iv tried my hardest to pretend it isnt me. Last night I realised that I will never lose weight unless I tackle this first. I don't know how to eat, I eat nothing all day so I can binge in the evenings. I never understood why I always get ill and then I read something "people with BED are prone to illness due to lack of nutrients"....I always plan on eating all the fruit and veg...but then I finish the day with crap food...this goes on for weeks. I never quite realised how few fruit and veg I eat because of this...and I love fruit and veg!
I have booked an appointment with my doctor to get some form of help/referral to try and really get past this. And I have started what I will call my "recovery" today...3 meals a day of normal foods. I will be limiting calories as I want to lose weight but none of the silly rules I put around myself before this. I have also always had a secret dream of running a marathon but have never given myself the chance to train for one and really believe I can do it because I made the exercise about losing weight...would revert back to bad eating and stop running. Evenings are the hardest time for me so I think I will start running at the gym then very slowly build it up. Even writing this I feel anxious and absolutely terrified but I really think I have to do this to move forward.
Today:
Porridge & cuppa
Brown bread salad sandwich, apple, walkers lites & cuppa
Quorn sausages, beans, veggies
Cups of tea, options hot choc before bed
I work primarily friday, sat, sunday so apart from errands etc im pretty free during the week. As I sit here, iv had my breakfast and besides a few emails/orders and walking the dog I don't have much planned so I think I may do an exercise dvd. I don't want to overdo it though, I guess I just take it one day at a time. The biggest thing which is going to be SO hard is not doing this for weight loss. It HAS to be about eating properly and normally and not binging or It wont work.
Aaaagh scary stuff but im excited to be finally addressing this and not waking up every day hating the day before and dreading the day ahead!
