fresh start

[patches1]

Right then am up early to for the first time in ages to actually go on my wii fit for an hour or so. Planning my usualy weetabix fruit and yog brekkie as to be honest not much in- and i quite like the taste I felt compelled to try this as everyone (might be a slightly exagerating) seems to have this in class. Bought lots of lovely stuff yesterday M&s had a 3 for £10 offer on fish so I have calamari, salmon and smoked salmon. Just need to get some more apples, stawb and raaspb etc. also want to have another go at a roulade so have my fat free fromage frais to use.
Today I have to nip into work as I have been in charge of someones leaving collection, am off to a village fete, have a ticket to see I think it's called Meeks cutoff (something like that) I'm leaving home at 10.30 tonight as I'm taking part in a 10k walk for a local hospice.
So now i'm off hope everyone has a really good day today xxx

 

[patches1]

oops feel a bit ashamed that is was 27 days since I had last used my wii- shame on me i have no excuses except being lazy and used to giving up on things! So an hour done planning on doing more tomorrow I am an active person (repeat after me) I will use my wii on a regular basis.

 

[lovetosew]

Right then am up early to for the first time in ages to actually go on my wii fit for an hour or so. Planning my usualy weetabix fruit and yog brekkie as to be honest not much in- and i quite like the taste I felt compelled to try this as everyone (might be a slightly exagerating) seems to have this in class. Bought lots of lovely stuff yesterday M&s had a 3 for £10 offer on fish so I have calamari, salmon and smoked salmon. Just need to get some more apples, stawb and raaspb etc. also want to have another go at a roulade so have my fat free fromage frais to use.
Today I have to nip into work as I have been in charge of someones leaving collection, am off to a village fete, have a ticket to see I think it's called Meeks cutoff (something like that) I'm leaving home at 10.30 tonight as I'm taking part in a 10k walk for a local hospice.
So now i'm off hope everyone has a really good day today xxx

sounds like you have a fun and busy weekend planned, have a great time and I hope you and everyone else raise lots of money on the walk, what a great cause xxx

 

[patches1]

Have just finished making a stawberry roulade for the mens final tomorrow- must try more recipes as it smells good (might just try a slice today!)
All it is is 4 large eggs seperated the egg whites are whisked into peaks and the egg yolks mixed with vanilla essence, sweetener and 1/2 tub of fromage frais with the rest of the tub being used for the filling with sweetener and stawberries. I just wanted to have something nice.
We popped out to the fete already and it's one of the cake with tea things but although i picked something to be honest i looked at it and thought I can have this but I don't want it. Did have a large brekkie before I went out just had the fruit and yoghurt followed by ham and eggs. So when I came back I had 2 Alpen lite bars and my bbybels so that's all my HE for today. If I hadn't gone to Sainsbury's I wouldn't have picked up the Alpen bars on offer - it's just they don't last (well not with me anyway) and i've had a banana will be walking into town in a little while to see this film- although it's nice weather I've prebooked ages ago and then i'm walking from home to where the 10k walk starts from.

 

[patches1]

okay so had some pick n mix at the cinema hadn't eaten before i went and they had these 100g bags by the tills on the plus no i didn't feel compelled to eat the lot I left the choclate ones around a dozen sweets left so i'm saying 10 syns was no way worth it and i'm probably being conservative but i'm going to have such a good day tomorrow i've decided! When i got home (still hungry) had chicken slices wrapped around gherkins and now am having 1/2 portion of fruit couscous with the calamari from m&s now too full to eat it all so i'll allow 4 syns have only had a little of the dressing of soy and other things. I know i'm probably kidding myself but it stops at this point. When I first started I used to get a bag of pick n mix on a weekly basis- but i should see my reward as becoming a person who is happy and healthy and doesn't treat herelf to food that makes her feel guilty.
Right rant over- got the week off so will make sure i have lots of super speedies to hand off to chester for 2 days on Monday and then to visit an uncle for a day have decided to go to weigh in this week as although i've got it booked for holiday i'll probably be here Wednesday and i want to get back to the point i was at a few short weeks ago xx

 

[patches1]

Well back from my midnight walk completed my 10km in 1hr 40mins not bad considering i was quite a way down when we started- it was interesting to see my pace compared with others. When they announced with door we would be leaving from loads of people headed over there but I just walked it at my own pace and wound up passing most people (I know it wasn't a race but i do love to walk) it's good to see my training paid off (between jan and until a few wks ago i was walking 8 to 10 miles and in may i walked a marathon) and i've been trying to walk to and from work when i can be bothered 2 miles each way. i can't wait to do it again next year I could see people powering ahead and I must have had 5-6 stones on them but i'm pleased i've done it for such a fantastic cause and it was a wonderful atmosphere- not sure i'm going to be able to sleep any time soon as i feel so high!! xxxxx

 

[lovetosew]

Well back from my midnight walk completed my 10km in 1hr 40mins not bad considering i was quite a way down when we started- it was interesting to see my pace compared with others. When they announced with door we would be leaving from loads of people headed over there but I just walked it at my own pace and wound up passing most people (I know it wasn't a race but i do love to walk) it's good to see my training paid off (between jan and until a few wks ago i was walking 8 to 10 miles and in may i walked a marathon) and i've been trying to walk to and from work when i can be bothered 2 miles each way. i can't wait to do it again next year I could see people powering ahead and I must have had 5-6 stones on them but i'm pleased i've done it for such a fantastic cause and it was a wonderful atmosphere- not sure i'm going to be able to sleep any time soon as i feel so high!! xxxxx

wow! well done, you must feel fantabulous xxx

 

[patches1]

Is it possible to wake up feeling fitter!! Well am feeling very pleased after this mornings very early excersions!! Have have had a alpen lite bar and I also had one at the 5km point so that's one of the HE taken care of- for brunchie I have had raspberries, blueberries, grapes and a nectarine with activia yog. Have also had a fish stick and some carrot sticks and am writing this watching the mens final.
Feel like today the motivation has come back better late than never and i need to keep focused got some more fruity couscous leftover and salmon fillets- have currently misplaced my new meals in minutes bks as i had decided to make the smoken salmon stuffed with it was creme fraiche or something we had it in class it was yum. but i'm going to search on here and find something to do with it- will also be having some more of my roulade today not planning on using many syns (famous last words!)

 

[patches1]

well had the salmon, couscous and salad for dinner in total i've used all my 15 today have had another 2 alpen lite bars (note to self don't buy multipacks!) finished off the roulade another 4 syns and with the walk had some sugar free sweets going by the cals i should have it covered with 5.
well the plan for tomorrow is to take my apples think about snacks not to go too long without a drink and enjoy myself and not self sabotage myself.
i'm a few lbs off the weight i reached on ww and i felt so different looking at myself now i wonder why i couldn't focus myself to go on. i think i had such a low opinion of myself that i wasn't eating right on ww i don't think i ever really thought about really achieving this for life. it's taken quite a bit of work but i think the difference is now i may take me a few false starts but i am going to lose the weight. because i want to- easy to say the words sometimes not as easy to mean them, i wanted to start sw as part of other changes i was making ie valuing myself not listening to that voice in my head that i was worthless and i couldn't really see a happy future and i have started to voice my opinion more and say no (well most of the time but hey much better than i was).

 

[patches1]

Right then just off to have my healthy breakfast pack what snacks i can and to have a great time xx

 

[patches1]

well I'm back have been on plan for the last couple of days- feeling really awful this morning have already been ill so might have toast or something later

 

[patches1]

Found chester really tricky as we kept stopping for drinks up until lunch time I was syn free had a jacket pot beans and salad- but toasted sandwich from debenhams, crunichie, quavers and large glass of wine in the evening. The next day the damage was done wth M&s cookies 6 syns had 5 but apart from that ot too bad!!

 

[patches1]

well so far have had 2 activia yogs and have a jacket pot in the oven- feel very ugg today can't wait to feel better tomorrow and start again with the exercise.

 

[lovetosew]

fingers crossed you feel better in the morning xx

 

[patches1]

well feeling better today but have managed plenty of liquids and activia yogs- haven't felt like much. Have been to the shop and bought some gammon and mushy peas- yum comfort food. Off to have my hair done later and got a couple of magazines to read it's strange I was down the sweeties isle today and aside from packet of curly wurlies (for everyone) and trust me when i want to 'medicate' myself with chocolate i go all out! I was like it's not worth it (still probab not feeling 100% but before would have used it as an excuse).
I think I'm so used to buying crap that i have to get something- if that makes sense I'd get what i felt would satisfy me make me feel better. But although i have lost just under 2 stones I have so much further to go my clothes are now comfortable yes i probably should have been 1 or 2 sizes higher - i think after my good couple of results i've slightly lost my way I'm only a few lbs off my lightest weight (when i lost with ww but it had been many years since i'd been that weight before) and last time around this point i lost all my motivation.

It didn't help that I was suffering with very low self esteem and anxiety attacks- the result being I treated other people far better than i was and as a consquence i suffered (this as a grown adult!) but i've put a lot of hard work in looking at the causes and challenging and changing my own behaviour so i do feel better about myself.
That is why having my hair done and having beauty treatments are important to me as for so long i didn't think i was worth it (that put a lump in my throat just writing that).
I don't know if there was any point in writing this but I suppose I'm heading into unknown territory. As much as i detest my rolls of fat my large wardrobe of which i only wear a fraction, being the largest person in most situations I've become accustomed to being this size to not having/ doing anything because of how i've felt about myself.
Have just realised that might be the most pathetic thing i've written but uncomfortably true to me xx

 

[patches1]

Well on the plus side I feel mush better for releasing this bout of typed diarrhoea!! Off to mke myself presentable xx

 

[lovetosew]

((((((hugs)))))) that's what is great about having a diary on here, you can let it all out and know that no one is going to judge you and probably people will understand exactly where you are coming from xx

 

[patches1]

I don't think there is anywhere that I could be as honest- have also added some targets to my signature- feeling like I'm on my way at the mo xx

 

[patches1]

really shouldn't go shopping on an empty stomach! Only had a pot of tea and diet pepsi whilst out have now hod some veg coucous leftover pesto pasta, chicken and gherkins and a bag of rice cake things 5 syns so used 10 so far today on not very much!! Oh well time to get organised...

 

[lovetosew]

really shouldn't go shopping on an empty stomach! Only had a pot of tea and diet pepsi whilst out have now hod some veg coucous leftover pesto pasta, chicken and gherkins and a bag of rice cake things 5 syns so used 10 so far today on not very much!! Oh well time to get organised...

mmm gherkins, nom