Funny Farm's Diary

[FunnyFarm]

I'm just embarrassed to buy my own. I don't want them thinking "you don't need those to know you're fat, love". I have persuaded my boyfriend to go and pick me some up tomorrow.

Not sure what goal to have for next week though! Maybe just to walk a bit faster on my morning walk, set the day up with a bit of an endorphin boost.

 

[FunnyFarm]

I got scales. I'm so depressed!

I'm just under what I was when I started Lighter Life 4 years ago, and I've put on over 2 stone in 4 months. I must've been at the biggest weight in my life before starting Exante. It means that even 12 weeks isn't going to be enough.

I just feel so despondent and angry with myself. Why go through all this when I'm clearly incapable of keeping it off? I've proved all those people right who say 'you just put it all back on again'.

 

[*bridezilla*]

I got scales. I'm so depressed!

I'm just under what I was when I started Lighter Life 4 years ago, and I've put on over 2 stone in 4 months. I must've been at the biggest weight in my life before starting Exante. It means that even 12 weeks isn't going to be enough.

I just feel so despondent and angry with myself. Why go through all this when I'm clearly incapable of keeping it off? I've proved all those people right who say 'you just put it all back on again'.

Oh hun, don't beat yourself up about it. Just think what you've lost and draw a line under the past.

In a way, its good to see that you now know how easy it is to put it back on...I know I have. I did CD a few years ago and put it back on and more. I now know how hard it is to lose and will never let myself go like that again...hopefully in time you will feel the same.

Chin up and carry on with your journey...you know you can do it...you did it before!! X

 

[notsoskinnymarge]

But you haven't put it on for good have you ?
You are trying again !
At least you now know what you need to do eh ?
Go for twelve weeks, then see were you are
The exercise will help too, not only with the losses, but with keeping your head in the zone

 

[FunnyFarm]

I think because I kept it off for 2 years without trying, I assumed I had cracked it.

I spent the last 6 months trying to dig myself out of a financial hole, and really piled weight on in that time. I think it was because I was working 60 + hours in a sedentary job, I was eating junk food both to give me the energy to stay awake and some pleasure. Once I'd started comfort eating again, I lost the plot.

I'd eaten pretty badly before, but in reasonable quantities. I'd order a takeaway a lot, but it would last 3 meals. I rarely ate crisps and chocolate, not because I was trying but because I didn't crave it. I'd eat them if they were there, but didn't go put of my way to. That turned into buying a can of Pringles and a big bar of chocolate, and eating it all in one sitting even though I felt sick.

Hopefully this is my reminder not to get complacent. Plus it's not as bad as I feared. I weighed myself another 5 times, each of those was 3lb less than the first. My boyfriend weighs half a stone more on those, so the first weigh in could be as much as 10lbs over.

Anyway, I can't change the past. I can either learn from it, or be doomed to repeat it. I'm going to choose to learn from it.

Weigh in day will probably be Monday for me, it's a good start to the week! I'll take my weight tomorrow morning as the start, and track my progress from there. Obviously I won't have big losses because it's actually week 3, but I never really had big first week losses anyway.

Goal for next week, keep up with the pre work walking, and go a little bit faster.

 

[notsoskinnymarge]

I know I have always struggled with my weight. And I know I always will. Maybe not to the degree that I have in the past few years, but I know I will always have to work at it for the rest of my life. FACT !!
I think once I got my head around that, it let me worry about other stuff.
Well done on sorting out your finances... another thing that can be a mega worry, and trigger point. And other thing to worry over eh ?
You are still trying Funny Farm, and you still want to exercise, so its all good

 

[FunnyFarm]

Taking this morning's weight as my start point. Might make a ticker if I can bring myself to admit it.

 

[FunnyFarm]

That'll be a challenge!

 

[FunnyFarm]

The 8 days is just my exercise ticker, it's actually been 19 on the diet. Saying that it's still much easier than thinking or feeling positive.

It's been really good for me to break bad habits. I went out last night, drank water instead of cider, didn't go to the drive thru on the way home, and had just as nice a time as when I did that stuff.

Was shattered when I got up to walk the dog today, but it was still less of a struggle than last week when I wasn't so tired. I think I'm starting to realise it makes the day much easier if I've started it with a walk.

I had to go to the office yesterday for my appraisal, I walked in (about 40 minutes) but managed to give myself terrible blisters, so I had to get a taxi back. Shame really, I'd have preferred the exercise, but I could barely walk. Stupid shoes.

 

[FunnyFarm]

Next time!

Had my ultimate exante moment earlier. Boyfriend had been drinking cold, I was on water and in a bad mood. He went to kiss me, I said "I can't kiss you, you've for sugar on your lips....and you're a &@£%". Amused myself quite a bit.

Today has been hard, had a row on the Cambridge Diet Facebook page too. Why do people feel the need to criticise others? These diets are hard, extra obstacles are an unnecessary cruelty, I think.

Ah well. Bed time I think. Start a new day tomorrow!

 

[FunnyFarm]

Do you know what's made me angry today? People disapproving of the diet due to 'concern'. Where was their concern when we were putting the weight on? Why is it rude to tell us that we gained weight but perfectly fine to criticise us for trying to lose it?

Maybe there is a part of them that likes us being overweight, keeps us in our place. That's very cynical I know, I'm just in quite a bad mood right now.

 

[Supersmileyme]

I find it's usually people who have weight to lose themselves that feel it's ok to criticise my vlcd mission. I guess they feel they should be dieting, but haven't got the focus or will power to actually do it, and therefore don't want us to succeed and leave them wishing they'd actually bothered!

 

[FunnyFarm]

That's very true actually! That's my biggest regret about putting weight back on, it almost proves them right. They won't understand that managing weight is a process, and there will be ups and downs along the way. I bet if the last few years had been reversed, and I'd been big when I was thinner, and thinner when I was big, it would be 'proof' that the diet didn't work. Being thin more than being big is also 'proof' that it doesn't work.

Doesn't it just make you want to slap people in the face?

 

[Supersmileyme]

Yes, it does!
Alot of us have had to go through the initial vlcd loss, then put it back on cycle before we realise that next time, when we've lost the weight, we have to work doubly hard to keep it off. But, the thing is, we're here and doing it and we will make it work for us, the diet saboteurs haven't even started!

 

[FunnyFarm]

That's a much healthier way of looking at it!

I haven't told many people. The ones who do know have been told not to lecture me about it no matter what they might think, and have, for the most part, been supportive.

My boyfriend has been great, and he wasn't a fan at first. Just shows you can still be supportive if it isn't what you would choose, you just need to keep your unsolicited advice to yourself!

 

[Lois]

Good morning FunnyFarm, totally agree that the less people that know you're on a diet (especially a vlcd) the less hassle you get.
If anyone asks me how I'm losing weight, I just say I'm eating normal just smaller portions. Keeps them happy and I don't get stressed out fighting my corner!

My husband, sons and best friend know I'm doing Exante, the support I get from them and the good people on this forum is support enough imo. xx

 

[Supersmileyme]

I would not tell people, but if I tell them I'm doing sensible eating I can't easily get out of going out for dinner etc. My main diet saboteur is my Surrogate mum who I love spending time with, and who loves feeding me up. Don't get me wrong, I do get out of it, but I have to fess up to the vlcd or she thinks there's something wrong!

 

[FunnyFarm]

I'm out tonight, and I've had to borrow my boyfriend's car so I can justify not drinking! I think I'll be happy to tell people once I'm in the swing of things more, but it's not even been three weeks yet and I don't have the energy to constantly defend my choices.

I had one friend who used to tell me to eat something daily, and then tell me everything she was eating so that I'd cave. I could've really done without that! I think she's cottoned on to the fact that I'm serious now though.

Been for my smear today, and was looking over the nurses shoulder at my file. My BMI is in big red letters as some kind of warning. They took my weight when I joined them a year ago, and it's 25.25. Considering I was a 32H bust at the time, cut me a little slack on the 0.25! Still, I'm very much looking forward to getting back to that.

 

[FunnyFarm]

I've come in from being out with some friends, am starving. My boyfriend came over so I could use his car (excuse not to drink) and when I came home he'd made himself my favourite food and my whole flat reeks of it. :-(

 

[FunnyFarm]

I nearly cried and he felt awful, he suffered enough!

He'd washed it all up and opened windows so I think he expected that to have been enough.

Poor guy wasn't prepared for a starving, tired emotional woman coming through the door!