gonna try again

[macabar]

Thanks Katie, I hope I can keep my energy and focus and not be tempted today.... I will have to make excuses and rush off before lunch.
So got lots done yesterday. Have discovered The Killing on bbc i-player and watch that in the evening, it's pretty engrossing.
236.6 - quite a loss! So thirsty though.
Got in , C had cooked bread and molasses beans, and bought yummy ham hock terrice, the smell was divine. I had a taste of the beans and a bite of terrine but not going to kick myself as the terrine was protein. Today nothing though - I hope

 

[macabar]

got through day 4! but I know it will be a while before it's routine so can't expect it to be easy all of a sudden. My drinking buddy is away for 10 days so that gives me a chance to get stronger before temptation in that form arises.
236 anyway- though the scales are fluctuating
more tv last night, none of my reading, with a big meeting on friday

Thinking that my longterm diet will be low GI and I'd better start researching. Good taichi session yesterday- all about feeling the body. I think I get so out of touch with myself when I'm unhappy, like I can't connect to my body at all. Paradoxical as I stuff it with food.

 

[macabar]

my kinda dress!


stopped buying carrot clothes years ago though
great for bike riding lol at 400£ lol

anyway I'm getting ahead of myself I don't deserve an expensive present yet
----------
took parcels to the post weighing 11 pounds - quite an annoying burden

 

[macabar]

I felt dangerously unmotivated yesterdayafternoon. I'm happy that at least I'm getting my body moving anyway.
On the bad side I ate I think 4 and a half packs in the end which is not going to help as they are quite high in carbs.
scale fluctuated by 2 pounds this morning hmmmm. so will wait for tomorrow

 

[macabar]

Everytime I look at this horrible letter I have to reply to, my brain veers off towards the kitchen, in fact I nibbled a bit of cheese and an olive, it doesn't help, just makes it worse. strange how rich and exciting food is in the world, the whole world experienced through the taste buds. So many lurking goblins and gobbldygook to get straight in my mind if I want to beat this binge thing. 3 l water already and still 2 difficult letters that have to be done today.
Procrastination is a real issue for me.
At home near fridge, add confrontation, even written = :fear:

want a little loss tomorrow
or big

 

[macabar]

I hope today is not going to be my day4 nightmare, I feel extremely grumpy

On a mission to banish self-hatred

 

[macabar]

Got through yesterday more or less hung in there, I'm going to give it to myself as a pass. Worked at the desk at home and that's the worst food trigger for me.


going to edit my signature but here's week one for future reference:
Day 1- :whoopass:- 2 litres - 1.5 hr
Day 2-:ashamed0005: - 2.5 litres - .5 hr
Day 1-100%:character00238: - 3 l- 3 hrs
Day 2 100%:happy036: - 3l - 4 hrs
Day 3-100% :character00238:- 2.5 l - 5 hrs
Day 4-100% :character00238:- 2.5 - 2.5 hrs
Day 5- 120% :nono: 3.5l - 4 hrs activity
Day6 - 120%:nono: 4.5 l 1 hr activity
Day 7 - 100% 4 l, activated bike and tried

 

[macabar]

I feel great today! The effects are starting to kick in, I can sleep all night, I'm doing housework willingly, I'm starting to be able to ignore food.

 

[SandraB]

Glad that you're feeling a lot better. It sounds like you've had an awful lot to cope with of late, I hope that by getting to grips with your weight it helps with some of your other issues. I've been bullied before too, only a couple of years back actually and I didn't actually realise that it was happening at first....I haven't met the two women concerned for about 18 months but I'd like to think that I'm strong enough now to fight back......

Good luck, Spring is in the air and the world looks a whole better through sunglasses!

 

[macabar]

Thanks SandraB, yes spring does put a whole new slant on everything.

The bullying was weird, I couldn't believe it either. It was probably a bit of fun for him, but it did affect me.

 

[Leluna]

cmon macabar you're doin great keep it up and try distract yourself when you feel the need to slip... x

 

[macabar]

Thanks Leluna! I will update later. Ooo inventing distractions- that's the secret lol

 

[macabar]

Well I'm doing allright today. I haven't weighed, but I did have a bit of a slip-up yesterday. Just chicken and wine but..... I will definitely weigh myself tomorrow as that's the slippery slope for me, going into denial and not acknowledging the effects.
I do feel a strange feeling, emptiness not hunger. Maybe this could become a good feeling.
Not sure what to do this evening to distract myself from the rest of that chicken and wine - go down and make him indoors eat it up! I don't think he'd be too pleased as the amount he wants to eat is the same as what he needs.....
Aargh food.....

 

[macabar]

234 - getting there, only 94 pounds to go! seems ludicrous - if I can get to my previous low point of 170 that would be amazing. which is only 64 pounds away. Or, get to tomorrow morning.

 

[macabar]

Got in last night head done in by paint fumes and OH all happy with a bottle of wine and celebration healthy snacks for his work victory.... so I went along with that and it was a lot of fun and really glad for him. Never mind, I'm back on it today afloat many litres but it will have slowed me down.
:sigh:
But the general trend is downwards away from the obsession with food, turned towards the future and recovery. Today wasn't much good quite unhappy. Must not be distracted - have to keep my eye on the ball.
It's also the written work again I really have to figure out how to just do it.

 

[macabar]

236.6 want to banish these 230s

 

[fatgirlslim74]

You are doing really well darling!

We all have pressures, but you have to fight them. The emptyness I feel(hunger) I have taken as feeling great and clean.

 

[macabar]

Well I am hoping to get there, to that positive reading of feeling empty. I had it before and it just made me feel stronger and stronger!
The nice thing about ketosis is feeling satisfied after the minimum of food.
Yeah I caved into my pressures yesterday and you're right it is a question of actively fighting to stay on the right track. Thanks for your support.

 

[macabar]

232.8 today- have a function today but will try to find protein and play around with most of it on my plate on the principle that no one cares what other people eat.
Really want to shrink those 230s to nothing.

 

[Cham Pers]

Good luck Macabar you can do it!