Halebob
Full Member
Well hi there. Just want to put my thoughts down in a diary. so your welcome to read and gain an insight in to me.
Well. I was always a 'fat' child but it never really bothered me. I ate what my mum made, it wasn't all crap as my mum is quite health conscious, but it wasn't all rabbit food. A varied diet you might say. When I left school I lost some weight and looking back now I looked pretty good. Though at the time I still thought I was fat.
Met my oh 7 and half years ago and slowly over about 4 years I put on about 4 stone. Grew unhappy so I joined ww. Started off really well, then a month into it, my nan died unexpectedly. Fell off the wagon for a little while. Eventualy lost 2 stone, then moved to Australia to work for a bit. Put on a stone. Came home after 8 months, went back to ww and lost that stone. But could never get into the swing of things again. Then joined sw. Lost half a stone. Got bored. Then decided to tackle it myself. Healthy eating, the gym and I lost half a stone. I started off well, but i was lucky to lose a few pound a week. The going was slow and I lost my motivation. I couldn't see the end. The skinny, happy me.
I'm going on holiday in May to New York and want to have the body I crave. I have been unhappy with my weight for as long as I can remember. It has started to affect my relationship because of my lack of body confidence. I hate myself basically. So I decided that i wanted to try something where I had to have more discipline, other diets are too east to fall off the wagon for me, and where I could lose what I want in a short space.
When i told my oh and his mum. They both just focused on me not eating and that it will affect their eating out life. It's oh's mum's bday next month and she was complaining that she wanted to go for a meal. I said i won't go but she started sulking and saying that i can eat for just one night. I can understand as it's her 60th and she wants me there, but they just don't get it. I thought his mum would as she is overweight and done diets in the past. I had a strop and apologised (sarcastically) for inconveniencing them and for doing something to make me happy. Argh
I started lighter life on thurs. I'm on day 3 and still alive, so can't all be bad.
Day 1, had to work a night shift, prob not the best day to start, but I did and it actually wasn't too bad. Spaced my packs out sensibly and I actually had to force myself to have the last one. There were lots of sweets and chocolate at work, and I didn't eat one. Before, I wouldn't have resisted. Even if I wasn't at all hungry. Did get a headache but U tjhink that was down to forgetting my glasses. Triumph day 1.
Day 2. Spent most of the day in bed due to the night shift. Got up at 2 and had my 1st pack of the day. Felt a bit hungry so had the 2nd 2 hours later. Didn't do anything all day as felt tired. 3rd pack 4 hours after 2nd. Had to make sure I had last one as didn't feel hungry. No side effects today.
Day 2. Well what can I say. I have really struggled today. Really don't like the porridge either. Yuck. Anyway, myself, oh and friends always go to our local on a sun and chat and play pool. I never drink as I'm usually driving. But it usually ends up with us all going out for food. Today, I made sure I had a soup before we went out (i find them more filling) and I took a shake out with me for later on. Started to feel hungry not long after i got there and all i could think about was food. Some of my friends (the male ones) can't understand why I am doing it. They just don't get it. Then that was the topic of conversation for a while. Then they decided that we were all going out on sat night. Now I want to go, but the place that we go to, I don't like when i'm sober. I get bored. But we'll see. Had my shake. Felt a bit better, but still couldn't stop thinking about food, and struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When we left my oh was questioning some things, like will i go straight back into my old habits when i finish. At the moment I am thinking the same. I'm sick of feeling this way, and all of the clothes that I love not fitting me. I have a few select choices at the mo, that I feel half comfortable in.
Felt a bit shitty and wanted to cry. I don't live with my oh so when I got home after dropping him off, I felt ok. In my own environment, where I have better control over myself. Overall i have had a very hard day. But I will persevere. I just want to get to Thurs weigh in cause I think that when i see what I have lost it will spur me on and give me such a boost that I will be able to carry on.
Well i have written a lot, so I will stop now. Never really opened up like this to anyone. Just glad that we are all in, or were in the same situation and can empathise with each other. Here's to a better day tomorrow, though the 13 hour day at uni may be a tough test. Let's wait and see. Will check back soon. Thanks for reading.
x
Well. I was always a 'fat' child but it never really bothered me. I ate what my mum made, it wasn't all crap as my mum is quite health conscious, but it wasn't all rabbit food. A varied diet you might say. When I left school I lost some weight and looking back now I looked pretty good. Though at the time I still thought I was fat.
Met my oh 7 and half years ago and slowly over about 4 years I put on about 4 stone. Grew unhappy so I joined ww. Started off really well, then a month into it, my nan died unexpectedly. Fell off the wagon for a little while. Eventualy lost 2 stone, then moved to Australia to work for a bit. Put on a stone. Came home after 8 months, went back to ww and lost that stone. But could never get into the swing of things again. Then joined sw. Lost half a stone. Got bored. Then decided to tackle it myself. Healthy eating, the gym and I lost half a stone. I started off well, but i was lucky to lose a few pound a week. The going was slow and I lost my motivation. I couldn't see the end. The skinny, happy me.
I'm going on holiday in May to New York and want to have the body I crave. I have been unhappy with my weight for as long as I can remember. It has started to affect my relationship because of my lack of body confidence. I hate myself basically. So I decided that i wanted to try something where I had to have more discipline, other diets are too east to fall off the wagon for me, and where I could lose what I want in a short space.
When i told my oh and his mum. They both just focused on me not eating and that it will affect their eating out life. It's oh's mum's bday next month and she was complaining that she wanted to go for a meal. I said i won't go but she started sulking and saying that i can eat for just one night. I can understand as it's her 60th and she wants me there, but they just don't get it. I thought his mum would as she is overweight and done diets in the past. I had a strop and apologised (sarcastically) for inconveniencing them and for doing something to make me happy. Argh
I started lighter life on thurs. I'm on day 3 and still alive, so can't all be bad.
Day 1, had to work a night shift, prob not the best day to start, but I did and it actually wasn't too bad. Spaced my packs out sensibly and I actually had to force myself to have the last one. There were lots of sweets and chocolate at work, and I didn't eat one. Before, I wouldn't have resisted. Even if I wasn't at all hungry. Did get a headache but U tjhink that was down to forgetting my glasses. Triumph day 1.
Day 2. Spent most of the day in bed due to the night shift. Got up at 2 and had my 1st pack of the day. Felt a bit hungry so had the 2nd 2 hours later. Didn't do anything all day as felt tired. 3rd pack 4 hours after 2nd. Had to make sure I had last one as didn't feel hungry. No side effects today.
Day 2. Well what can I say. I have really struggled today. Really don't like the porridge either. Yuck. Anyway, myself, oh and friends always go to our local on a sun and chat and play pool. I never drink as I'm usually driving. But it usually ends up with us all going out for food. Today, I made sure I had a soup before we went out (i find them more filling) and I took a shake out with me for later on. Started to feel hungry not long after i got there and all i could think about was food. Some of my friends (the male ones) can't understand why I am doing it. They just don't get it. Then that was the topic of conversation for a while. Then they decided that we were all going out on sat night. Now I want to go, but the place that we go to, I don't like when i'm sober. I get bored. But we'll see. Had my shake. Felt a bit better, but still couldn't stop thinking about food, and struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When we left my oh was questioning some things, like will i go straight back into my old habits when i finish. At the moment I am thinking the same. I'm sick of feeling this way, and all of the clothes that I love not fitting me. I have a few select choices at the mo, that I feel half comfortable in.
Felt a bit shitty and wanted to cry. I don't live with my oh so when I got home after dropping him off, I felt ok. In my own environment, where I have better control over myself. Overall i have had a very hard day. But I will persevere. I just want to get to Thurs weigh in cause I think that when i see what I have lost it will spur me on and give me such a boost that I will be able to carry on.
Well i have written a lot, so I will stop now. Never really opened up like this to anyone. Just glad that we are all in, or were in the same situation and can empathise with each other. Here's to a better day tomorrow, though the 13 hour day at uni may be a tough test. Let's wait and see. Will check back soon. Thanks for reading.
x
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