Hayley's Diary
- Thread starter Halebob
- Start date
Halebob
Full Member
Well after a tragic shitty day yesterday (my friends dad also passed away 
) I had a nice meal to finish it off.
Had a little more than I intended, had some rice as well but not loads as couldn't manage it. My oh finished it instead.
Today, just had my choc shake. I do love them. Gonna go on the exercise bike shortly, just watching the news at the mo about Japan.
Was thinking about whether it was gonna be hard going back on, but I've come to the conclusion that because it wasn't a 'normal' meal, it was a bit special in a nice japanese restaurant, not something I had very often at all, it's easier to start again. Well that's what it seems like anyway. Don't feel like I need to raid the cupboards hunting down food. Had my 1st pack, 3 more to go.
I do need to get back onto my water intake today though, only had 2 litres if that yesterday.
Did do a pee test today and it only shows traces of ketosis, will check again 2moro and see.
Back on it.
Next challenge, next sat have to help make a buffet with my mum for 80 people. Oh give me strength. Will cross that immense bridge when I come to it tho. For now onwards and downwards.
) I had a nice meal to finish it off. Had a little more than I intended, had some rice as well but not loads as couldn't manage it. My oh finished it instead.
Today, just had my choc shake. I do love them. Gonna go on the exercise bike shortly, just watching the news at the mo about Japan.
Was thinking about whether it was gonna be hard going back on, but I've come to the conclusion that because it wasn't a 'normal' meal, it was a bit special in a nice japanese restaurant, not something I had very often at all, it's easier to start again. Well that's what it seems like anyway. Don't feel like I need to raid the cupboards hunting down food. Had my 1st pack, 3 more to go.
I do need to get back onto my water intake today though, only had 2 litres if that yesterday.
Did do a pee test today and it only shows traces of ketosis, will check again 2moro and see.
Back on it.
Next challenge, next sat have to help make a buffet with my mum for 80 people. Oh give me strength. Will cross that immense bridge when I come to it tho. For now onwards and downwards.
Halebob
Full Member
Why oh why do i get these crooked thoughts?????
Why is it always the evening I start thinking about food???
Was fine this morning after my break last night, but at the mo all i can think about is food and I've just had my chilli. My problem is my mind always tells me I want what i can't have. And because I can't have it. i want it. Grrrrrrrr
Just glad that i haven't acted on it. Gonna go for a shower shortly and chill. Then I can have my last shake.
Just getting really bored of this right now. I'd even love to just have a salad, A SALAD!!! I'm not a big lover of salad either.
Having serious thoughts about giving up and eating food again. Not going back to where I was as I'm happy with the progress i'm I'm making and the CBT has helped my way of thinking, but then I will be a failure. I don't want to give in and be weak willed. But it is so hard.
I don't know if it is boredom, and my mind wonders, but I never used to eat out of boredom.
Starting to look at my finances as well and don't know how much longer I can do this for. Only working 1 day a week and the amount of petrol I'm using, my wages only cover LL and fuel. Then I've got my monthly bills as well. Which luckily I had some money in my account to pay them this month. Argh, MOT, car insurance, holiday booked. May have to start going home and get my mum to feed the poor student.
Sorry for being so negative and moaning.
Why is it always the evening I start thinking about food???
Was fine this morning after my break last night, but at the mo all i can think about is food and I've just had my chilli. My problem is my mind always tells me I want what i can't have. And because I can't have it. i want it. Grrrrrrrr
Just glad that i haven't acted on it. Gonna go for a shower shortly and chill. Then I can have my last shake.
Just getting really bored of this right now. I'd even love to just have a salad, A SALAD!!! I'm not a big lover of salad either.
Having serious thoughts about giving up and eating food again. Not going back to where I was as I'm happy with the progress i'm I'm making and the CBT has helped my way of thinking, but then I will be a failure. I don't want to give in and be weak willed. But it is so hard.
I don't know if it is boredom, and my mind wonders, but I never used to eat out of boredom.
Starting to look at my finances as well and don't know how much longer I can do this for. Only working 1 day a week and the amount of petrol I'm using, my wages only cover LL and fuel. Then I've got my monthly bills as well. Which luckily I had some money in my account to pay them this month. Argh, MOT, car insurance, holiday booked. May have to start going home and get my mum to feed the poor student.
Sorry for being so negative and moaning.
LadyT
Tough But Sexy X
Hey chin up my lovely.
The financial side of LL cn be very trying for people, only you can decided if you can continue, but like you said you have learnt something from the plan already which is good news. You are close to being able to do LLL if you wanted too rather than total, is that something worth considering. I am now thinking about it,noit sure why as I am coping ok with total now I have set my head straight this week. However I do feel like I could at least do things with my family that involve food at the minute I feel like its work and home!
Evenings are difficult and so are weekends foir many of us. Baths, pampering, reading a book, go for a walk, take up knitting lol the list is endless to distract the mind.
Keepo up the good work hun, doing great so far! xx
The financial side of LL cn be very trying for people, only you can decided if you can continue, but like you said you have learnt something from the plan already which is good news. You are close to being able to do LLL if you wanted too rather than total, is that something worth considering. I am now thinking about it,noit sure why as I am coping ok with total now I have set my head straight this week. However I do feel like I could at least do things with my family that involve food at the minute I feel like its work and home!
Evenings are difficult and so are weekends foir many of us. Baths, pampering, reading a book, go for a walk, take up knitting lol the list is endless to distract the mind.
Keepo up the good work hun, doing great so far! xx
dizzy34
Full Member
Hey, well done on your weight loss. I could really identify with some of the things you were saying in your diary. It must be hard financially when you are studying and only working one day. I work full time in a job thats quite well paid and i dont find it easy. I hope you manage to work it out. Like TBS said, can you not try LLL.xx
Gembritney
Silver Member
Sorry ur feeling unhappy halebob. I know once u have that image and desire of a certain food in ur head its very difficult to get rid of them!
U done really well with ur meal out.... i would have carried on eating once id got home.... u know ur limits so give urself a pat on the back... and well done for being 100 today xxxx
U done really well with ur meal out.... i would have carried on eating once id got home.... u know ur limits so give urself a pat on the back... and well done for being 100 today xxxx
Halebob
Full Member
Thank you all for you comments and motivational speeches. I can always rely on you all for helping me think more clearly. Suppose that's why i like to moan.
Today is a new day and I'm feeling refreshed.
I am proud of what I have achieved and the fact that I didn't listen to that little devil in my head show's progress and strength. In the past i get one little thought in my head and that's it, I eat it. I can persuade myself very easily.
Off to pub to play pool today. Will take my frustration out on the balls. LOL.
I am only doing this up to Easter anyway because of the things I have going on, going to Scotland, my oh and my birthday's are only a few days apart so got lots going on that weekend, going to New york then 6 days after that off to Japan for 3 weeks. So realisticly only got another 5 weeks. Just want to get off as much as I can till then, then focus on loosing the rest and maintaining my new ways of thinking.
Always gonna obsess over food but as long as I can stay healthy, happy and slim I can cope with that.
Come on Dragon Pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEHE also. Gonna be really sneaky. The jeans i bought last weekend are starting to get a bit loose now and what i might do is go and try the 14's on and exchange them. hehe. Naughty, naughty. What??? only had them a week. No point in paying out another £25. i am a poor student after all.
Today is a new day and I'm feeling refreshed.
I am proud of what I have achieved and the fact that I didn't listen to that little devil in my head show's progress and strength. In the past i get one little thought in my head and that's it, I eat it. I can persuade myself very easily.
Off to pub to play pool today. Will take my frustration out on the balls. LOL.
I am only doing this up to Easter anyway because of the things I have going on, going to Scotland, my oh and my birthday's are only a few days apart so got lots going on that weekend, going to New york then 6 days after that off to Japan for 3 weeks. So realisticly only got another 5 weeks. Just want to get off as much as I can till then, then focus on loosing the rest and maintaining my new ways of thinking.
Always gonna obsess over food but as long as I can stay healthy, happy and slim I can cope with that.
Come on Dragon Pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEHE also. Gonna be really sneaky. The jeans i bought last weekend are starting to get a bit loose now and what i might do is go and try the 14's on and exchange them. hehe. Naughty, naughty. What??? only had them a week. No point in paying out another £25. i am a poor student after all.
Halebob
Full Member
Advisory: Do not leave unsupervised
Well that didn't go well now did it?????
Been fine all day. Dropped my oh half off back home (we don't live together. I split my time between his and home) to go home myself, and get the thought of food in my head.
Really wanted KFC. So I went and had it.
I listened to that devil in my head and well and truly F****D up.
I need to be supervised at all times. I only did it cause I was on my own. Not told anyone but you guys on here. Not good this secret eating.
The reality wasn't as good as the thought of it. Though I have a little bit more peace and quiet in my head. Though now, it's the disappointed side of me telling myself off.
I must use this as a learning curve and next time I feel like cheating, I need to remember this moment and how I feel.
On a positive note I went on exercise bike for 30 mins this morn. Though don't think that quite makes up for it.
Just hope it is out of my system and I can get back on track. I wanna shift some more weight before I have to stop anyway.
Humph
Well that didn't go well now did it?????
Been fine all day. Dropped my oh half off back home (we don't live together. I split my time between his and home) to go home myself, and get the thought of food in my head.
Really wanted KFC. So I went and had it.
I listened to that devil in my head and well and truly F****D up.
I need to be supervised at all times. I only did it cause I was on my own. Not told anyone but you guys on here. Not good this secret eating.
The reality wasn't as good as the thought of it. Though I have a little bit more peace and quiet in my head. Though now, it's the disappointed side of me telling myself off.
I must use this as a learning curve and next time I feel like cheating, I need to remember this moment and how I feel.
On a positive note I went on exercise bike for 30 mins this morn. Though don't think that quite makes up for it.
Just hope it is out of my system and I can get back on track. I wanna shift some more weight before I have to stop anyway.
Humph
Halebob...
I know exactly how u feel! I gave in to my stupid voices and had a takeaway tonight... On my own! Then ran down to the bins with the rubbish and sprayed loads of air freshener and lit scented candles. Talk about secret eating!!! I live with my female flatmate and she would never judge me for eating... So why hide it???
I know why I done it... I had some sugar free jelly last night and this lunch time (thought I'd found a magic secret saviour!! Minimum calories, minimum carbs, tastes gooooddd) but when I took a ketosis test today I was out!! Then I realised sugar free jelly has citric acid in it.... So I thought I'd already screwed up so why not eat a full meal... Even started to cook a basic chicken breast... Then I thought may as well go the whole hog... So I ordered a pizza hut... And starter!!!! Why????
It was such a stupid thing to do, doubt I will have lost any weight on tuesday! Infact I've probably gained weight as I'm only in week two and will have put my 4lbs of glucose back on!!
The only positive thing is that the voices have now shut-up and I feel like I can be 100% abstinent (dunno how long that feeling will last tho)
Why do we do this to ourselves??
I really hope the CBT works for me this time! My food issues are out of control...
We should put our evil food thoughts down here before we give in... Easier said than done tho eh??
I know exactly how u feel! I gave in to my stupid voices and had a takeaway tonight... On my own! Then ran down to the bins with the rubbish and sprayed loads of air freshener and lit scented candles. Talk about secret eating!!! I live with my female flatmate and she would never judge me for eating... So why hide it???
I know why I done it... I had some sugar free jelly last night and this lunch time (thought I'd found a magic secret saviour!! Minimum calories, minimum carbs, tastes gooooddd) but when I took a ketosis test today I was out!! Then I realised sugar free jelly has citric acid in it.... So I thought I'd already screwed up so why not eat a full meal... Even started to cook a basic chicken breast... Then I thought may as well go the whole hog... So I ordered a pizza hut... And starter!!!! Why????
It was such a stupid thing to do, doubt I will have lost any weight on tuesday! Infact I've probably gained weight as I'm only in week two and will have put my 4lbs of glucose back on!!
The only positive thing is that the voices have now shut-up and I feel like I can be 100% abstinent (dunno how long that feeling will last tho)
Why do we do this to ourselves??
I really hope the CBT works for me this time! My food issues are out of control...
We should put our evil food thoughts down here before we give in... Easier said than done tho eh??
Halebob
Full Member
Right there with ya sister. Oh our little sneeky ways.
My voice has shut up as well, just feel disappointed. And really bloody thirsty. All that naughty food.
Gonna go get some water.
Nite x
Gembritney
Silver Member
ahhhh ladies.... its done now so dont beat ya selves up.... like ya sed u have got it out ya systems now and will use whats happened as a learning experience!! hope tomorrow is a great day for ya x
Thanks guys! I'm feeling much more positive today... and very tired! At 2am my tummy decided it didn't like pizza hut, was on the toilet in agony until 3.30am! If the thought of that happening again doesn't stop me eating then nothing will!!
Today is a new day... A better day!! Onwards and downwards as u guys say!!
Xx
Today is a new day... A better day!! Onwards and downwards as u guys say!!
Xx
Wow! Even after my blow out on Sunday night I still lost 2lb this week. I'm def not gonna cheat like that again but it's good to know that even after having a meal u don't put on 3stone!!
I'm def taking this journey to my final destination; even if I sometimes get lost or if I chose to take the scenic route for a while!! Xx
I'm def taking this journey to my final destination; even if I sometimes get lost or if I chose to take the scenic route for a while!! Xx
