Helens Diary

[Helen]

Not keen on the latte but I am used to coffee with two sugars so I will try the recipe again in a couple of weeks when my tastebuds have had time to change a bit. Tried Hannahs recipe with chocolate foodpack on Thursday but due to the cold I couldn't taste it so will try that one again!

So, have had my 4 foodpacks and three litres of water and haven't had any problems at all today despite doing a bit of cooking tonight - one of my favourite meals but one that I can cook in batches and freeze for 'the others' in the house so well worth it.

Feeling really positive today.

 

[sexychick]

Hi Helen hope your getting over your cold,you sound so positive Hun,good luck on your journey it will be worth it!
Sexy xx

 

[Clarabow]

Just caught up with ur diary Helen. Admire your insight and preparation for coming back to lighter life. It's my second time round and feel in a far better place this time with things.

Wish you all the best fir the journey xx

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[Helen]

Thanks for your comments!

Last night and today has been very lazy - found an old rerun on TV of biggest loser UK from 2006, half of the episodes were yesterday and the other half were today so have had a biggest loser marathon!

Other than that rhe most exciting thing today is that I had my first bar! It was OK but would actually have been happy having a shake instead. First time I did lighterlife I existed almost entirely on chocolate shakes with cranberry bars, this time I prefer the vanilla and think that I will mostly vanilla shakes next week, with an odd strawberry thrown in for variety!

I think my diary is going to be very boring!

 

[Clarabow]

Here's hoping your diary is boring lol no challenges and an easy ride down the weight loss. Lazy couple of days for me also. Fell into a series of books and have moved little apart from walking the dog. Bliss!

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[Helen]

lol Clara, you have a very good point there and one that I hadn't thought of - I do so hope that you are right!

What books are you reading? I am desperate for some new reading matter!

 

[Catthin]

Hi Helen
just read your diary and thought your preperation was really great you sound really positive and focussed.
Good luck on your weight loss jpurney
Cathy

 

[Clarabow]

I am a real bookaholic. Mostly I read fantasy fiction like Tolkien only newere writers. Robin Hobb and Terry Pratchett are two of my faves. Pratchett is good for a laugh. Also love the crime and horror stuff. Love Patricia Cornwell, Martina Cole, Dean Koontz, Stephen King, Laurel K Hamilton. I could go on, and on and on. RE reading a Raymond E Feist series at the mo, tune out bliss.

Hope you find something to read soon, as it drives me mad when I dont have one x

 

[Helen]

Never heard of Robin Hodd (nearly typed Hood!) but have read a lot of Terry Pratchett. Don't like horror (I am far too wimpy!) but I do like crime and recently went through a phase of reading Henning Mankell which my sister-in-law got me into. Might re-read the Charlaine Harris 'Grave' series, very poor grammar especially in the first one but once you have got over that the story line is very good and something a bit unusual. Previously to the aforementioned I recently worked my way back through the Anne McCaffrey dragonriders of Pern books, which I enjoyed thoroughly.

DH was at work today so had a lie-in then popped to Asda for a bit of food shopping and a pair of jeans for my daughter. I am surprised how much better I feel already on the diet, did the shopping with no back ache at all - a week ago walking anywhere was killing my back. I am sure that it can't all be psychological.

As we had the house to ourselves we then indulged and watched three of our favourite films, The Last Mimzy, Nims Island and Spiderwick. It was a nice chilled day accompanied by 3 shakes, 1 bar and a lot of water! I am hoping that I find a bar that I actually like as so far I have tried the peanut and nut crunch ones and have not really liked them much. My daughter said she hated me being on lighterlife because she couldnt share her food with me, she wanted to give me a piece of her wispa bar. I pointed out that eating bits of food along the way is partly what caused the problem in the first place!

Back to work tomorrow (boo) so had better go to bed now.

 

[Helen]

Robin Hobb I mean!

 

[Clarabow]

If you liked the dragon riders one you should like Robin Hobb she has done three series one about dragons , one about assassins not as dark as it sounds. And one about magic. Griping yarns all of them adventure with love story and good characters. Knocked ann mc into a tinned hat for me x

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[Helen]

Ooh excellent, will have a look at those then. Its always good to find a new author.

I am really struggling today, I am so desperate to eat something, its just going round in my head. I have turned down cakes at work for someones birthday and I think that maybe makes me think that I should reward myself with something else. I am trying to focus on the reasons for needing to diet but at the same time a little voice is saying I could have a little bit of this or that and not come out of ketosis. Another voice is asking me why I am bothering - I have used almost all of my packs so I could just call tomorrow and say I am still ill and not bother going back. Its driving me mad!

 

[gracielou09]

Hi hun,

Weigh it up hun. How bad would you feel if you gave up and lapsed?? it would be worse than what your feeling now - wouldnt it? How disappointed would you be? Would you get back on track straight away or would that be that?

You have the power to do this, just think to yourself "I can do this, crooked thought are not going to scupper me"

You really can do it huni, just get to your first weigh in tomorrow and if you still feel like you do make an 'adult' decision.

Re-read your first ever post in your diary xxxxxx

 

[Julz]

Hi helen, sorry to hear you are struggling, treat yourself to a hot bubble bath n read, I light candles toi, very siothing and takes the focus off food.
I found the toffe nut bar lovely and the fudge. Last week, i didn't finish it all at work and forgot I had left a bit in the foil (I take them out of wrappers for work, no questions or pressure on me!), anyway when I emptied my bag I found the last bit in the foil, well what a treat with a cuppa! Unexpected, lovely!
Good luck on your journey
Jx

 

[LadyT]

Hey Helen,m the lovely ladies have given you sound advice, you can and will do this, imagie how it will feel tomorrow when you get on the scales and they have gone down again. The food isnt going anywhere it will still be there when you reach your goal xx

 

[Helen]

Hi Ladies

Thanks for your kind words and support. I am pleased to announce that I have stayed abstinent and the demons have now stopped whispering over my shoulder. I have had my foodpacks and water and am pleased that I resisted temptation.

I have a friend here now so wont stop but just wanted to thank you all for your support.

Lots of love

 

[Clarabow]

Can relate to the desparation that you feel on occasion wanting food. It can be all consuming on times. Find it worse when I am not busy. If you ignore it, it will pass. My counsellor says it's an opportunity to strengthen the power of positive choice. The more we exercise that the stronger the resistance will be. Sometimes I am ahead of the game sometimes not lol

Stick with it, it's so anoying when you lapse x

 

[gracielou09]

Well done for resisting ...show you that you can do it and you have the strength

Good luck with WI huni

xxxxxx

 

[Helen]

On reflection, I think my problem yesterday was that I had just come home from work. I am used to walking in and having a 'little something' to tide me over until teatime, a treat for getting through the day. Yesterday was my first day at work since starting back on LL and I was unprepared for this moment.

Lady T 'The food isn't going anywhere and will still be there when you finish LL' is a comment that resounds with me. I have a famine mentality - must eat it now because I don't know when it will be there again. This stems from my childhood - growing up always hungry (we all were it wasn't just me being greedy), once i started work and had some money I would buy food to keep under the bed to 'top up' after my tea. It seemed like a sensible idea at the time, I just wish I had realised the problems I was creating for myself down the line. Almost 30 years later and I am mentally still doing this- not under the bed anymore I am pleased to say - but using the kitchen as a mental stash if you understand what I mean. something that I still need to work on Logically I know that I will not starve but somehow cant translate this into my thick brain.

Clara I like your LLC's comment a lot - I was thinking this morning that the next time I want to lapse I must remember this time and remember that resisting didn't kill me, I got over it and feel better for it!

Gracielou, if I caved in then that would be that. Last year I went out for my mum's 70th birthday, (week 8 of LL) I made an 'Adult' decision I thought that I would eat steak and salad and did that (with a few chips thrown in) I didn't come out of ketosis and dealt with the whole thing very well. Until the next morning when the demons were speaking - if you ate that then you can get away with eating this - and so on. As a result I nibbled my way through the next 2 months of LL before giving it up with a complete feeling of failure. I know that if I cave in then its not usually what I am eating that does the damage but its what happens to my head as a result of it.

I have had the scales by the front door meaning to hide them in the car boot for a while but last night I thought I would take them upstairs and weigh myself for motivation. Something in them must have shifted slightly when I was moving them because as soon as I stood on them there was a massive cracking sound (I am not THAT heavy!) and they informed me that I had lost about 24lb since I last weighed a couple of weeks ago! Well I know that they are broken now for sure, although seeing 16stone something was actually quite motivating as it won't be long before I see that for real

Got my first weigh in tonight and its a lovely evening to be driving over to a nice little market town, wish me luck!

Thanks again to you all for your support, it helped a lot last night x

 

[gracielou09]

Loved your post huni. Good luck tonight. Cant wait to hear about it xxx