GothGoddess
Time to start again!
HPSaucy said:Second time lucky of posting this, sorry its so long, my head has got a lot going on in it!
Went to see the Cognitive Hypnotherapist again on Friday, we were supposed to be working on emotional eating/binging, we had a chat and she tried something on me but she says it seems like I'm only wanting to lose weight as I feel I "should" not because I actually want to, everything was "should" and I couldn't visualise myself slimmer, one of the reasons I'm battling against the slimpods as it says to imagine you at your goal.. I couldn't. I have trouble imagining anything including holidays, our wedding, etc. she said I've got a protection in place, to stop me getting hurt, I think things aren't going to happen, that's why when I set myself challenges, lose weight for blah blah blah it doesn't happen.
Jackie (the hypnotherapist.. Have you noticed all the best people are called Jackie?!) said we'd try timeline again instead as that seemed to work for me last week. We saw the time I was a size 12 and only just turned 18 and got told to lose weight before I could join BA and going on my first diet even though I wasn't that big, occasions when I've been upset by people and then we got to a point when I started crying, it was so emotional, I was a little girl and felt like I couldn't meet my grandparents and aunts approval and that they didn't love me but I was actually skinny then and not fat.
We worked on me now going back to that little girl and telling her whatever I felt she should know. It was really emotional.
Rather than focusing on weightloss I need to focus more on people accepting me as I am rather than thinking everyone is judging me. This is a big obstical. She asked if I was actually unhappy with my weight and I said no! I said I have a great life so we're working on that and then allow my body to lose weight if it wants rather than that being my main objective.
I felt totally relaxed with Jackie, her voice really put me at ease, even more so than Trevor's, maybe I'm more perceptible to female voices.
She is going to record me something especially for me rather then general recording and see how that works, and then touch base in a few weeks to see how I'm getting on.
After the session Jackie told me it was really strange but she felt I was mirror imaging her daughter! Almost every point was the same. Her daughter went to Trevor and it turns out it was actually her Mum (Jackie) that had caused the emotional problems when she was actually just trying to be nice, telling her to be careful what she ate etc to avoid getting high cholesterol etc.
Her daughter has now turned her life around, lost 2 1/2stone, is really fit, come off cholesterol tablets and has a better relationship with her mum.
I really felt so brilliant coming out of there, emotional but like something has changed.
I went out that night with work (ended up in the Thames but that's another story!), felt really relaxed, didn't feel I had to get pissed, did drink a fair amount but didn't feel drunk. Avoided coke as really don't like that anymore so didn't know what to drink, had vodka and lemonade so not very SW as can't get diet lemonade in pubs, couple of glasses of wine and some cocktails but no hangover the next day and no tummy problems, I swear the coke used to cause a lot of that.
Yesterday afternoon was spent cooking meals for this week and then this morning went to the gym, did 5K on the bike & just 2K on cross trainer, then used weights, bumped into a Personal Trainer who helped me with exercises to build up the strength in my left leg. Felt so good afterwards and still do.
I feel really happy at the moment x
Wonderful to hear this Helen you are making some great progress... You are right about the Jackie thing, I don't know what Kev and I would do without 'our' Jackie... xx