Here's to getting the old me back!

Got into work today and completely forgot I had suggested a working lunch today. I managed fine though - I was just upfront about being on a diet (didn't say which one) and said I'd be happy to treat my colleagues to lunch although I'd be having black coffee and mineral water. Went really well! (Apart from me asking for no lemon or lime in my water glass, them bringing it with lemon, me sending it back... them taking the lemon out and giving the same glass back to me. I drank from the bottle instead lol.)

Am now having my belated soup!
 
Well done for resisting. It looks like you are in the right frame of mind to go all the way. I have family coming over from overseas at the end of the month and as much as I'm looking forward to it I'm also dreading having to explain myself why I don't eat... (sigh)
 
Do you have to explain? Or can you just tell them that you won't be eating and you have your own reasons but don't want to explain? It's difficult though, isn't it? It's very early days for me but already I can see how many social situations revolve around food or drink... and not offending hosts, or refusing invitations, or allowing other people to feel uncomfortable...

Not sure if that made any sense written down but it made sense in my head!

A good day today though I had to force myself to go out after putting the girls to bed and have my swim. Am very glad I did.

WI tomorrow night and I'm really not looking forward to it at all after the last one, even though I've stuck to the plan 100%. Hey ho.
 
Yes I'm going to have to explain myself as it my family and they don't know anything about it and will quite frankly find it difficult to understand as they're all skinny lol

I'll stick to it and will not listen to what they have to say because I'm doing this for me and want to ve able to stick with my choice.
 
YAY! Well done! Don't listen to that brain of yours. If you follow the plan you WILl lose.
Though in case - sometimes it doesn't show on the scales because the body will want to retain water in the fat cells as a protection mechanism. You will always be losing fat cells at a fairly even pattern because the energy intake is always the same, but it may rebel and get confused, so some weeks the losses might be very minimal (like 0.5lb!). Never worry. You're doing well.
xx
 
Last couple of days have been strange. For some reason I've been feeling really angry and irritable. I've managed not to take it out on anyone, but have realised that a LOT of my eating stems from unexpressed anger. I sooooooo wanted to eat something! But I didn't (hurrah).

I remember when I lost significant weight about ten years ago that part of what motivated me was a kind of "I'll show them!" angry mentality. I channelled lots of negative energy into a positive outcome. Seems that the LL plan is bringing up similar feelings again.

So what was I angry about? Some negative stuff about me at work, not being able to eat the beautiful fish pie I'd made for my family, my husband's multiple sclerosis, being fat, previous family issues/unresolved grief, being tired... yadda yadda yadda.

Interestingly though, the anger has now subsided! AND I DIDN'T BREAK THE DIET!

When I feel angry it's almost like I'm scared of being overwhelmed by it and so I retreat into food... but this time I just acknowledged it and moved on. Weird.

Hope I can do that next time, and I hope LL gives me some safe space to find out and deal with whatever it is that I'm really angry about.
 
Have been completely fine up til now, haven't had "cravings" for anything at all but for some reason this evening I'm really craving a glass of wine! I thought I'd go swimming to get over it but turns out the new pool shuts early at the weekend :doh:. So now having a cup of green tea and trying to think serene and calming thoughts, rather than I WANT A GLASS OF WINE! (Makes me sound like such a lush I know - but it's Saturday! waaaah!)
 
Hehe - got over yesterday's blip. Today has been much better - partly because I insisted DH let me sleep this morning until I woke up naturally rather than waking me at some ungodly hour - usually around 5:30am - which makes me quite tetchy! I slept! Til 7:30! Bliss! So a much more positive day. One thing about LL is I'm doing so much... I have so much more time! I'm getting really into photography again, and have lots of plans for drawings and paintings I want to do. Also made it to the gym today (hurrah!). It was brilliant! I'd forgotten how much of a buzz it is! Yay!

Then this evening was a bit harder. Mum came round and she stayed for dinner - I'd made some really nice food. Quite difficult to cook without tasting it, or licking the spoon. That was tough, but I did it! Really excited about this diet. I think I can do it!
 
Just been thinking about body size and perception. When I was in my teens my mum told me I was fat because I got to ten stone and a lady should never be in double figures. Promptly put me on a diet. I look back at photos and it makes me sad because I was a lovely shape and completely unselfconscious. Then for various reasons (not my mum's fault!) I got very good at dieting and became anorexic. Oh the irony given my current size! I would eat one granny smith apple and one shape yoghurt a day and thought I was HuGELY fat at 6.5 stone.

Then I left home and gained a LOT of weight at university very quickly, partly because I was having fun with all my friends. Got up to about where I am now for a few years... Got very into feminism, and decided I loved my curves. Then suddenly decided to get healthy and lost weight again... Loasd of gym and swimming and walking and got down to 10.5 stone - probably my perfect weight. I LOVED IT! That is probably the only time in my life, for about three years, wherr my body image and reality actually matched.

Slowly gained some weight, took a little off, maintained quite well. Then had my first baby. Very very traumatic birth with lots of horrible physical consequences for me. After she was born I went back to a size 14 without trying... But then ended up on antidepressants and started to gain it back, drinking and eating far too much and not getting any exercise. Then baby number two, repeat... Change of jobs three times in six years and I've got bigger and bigger.

The weird thing js though, because of my husband and also Gok's attitude on the tv I've been quite ok with my size - but it's perception again, because I think I look ok and then I see a photo and realize how big I really am. And anyway, this isn't just about size it's about running up the stairs or playing football in the garden or riding a bike again.

Just some thoughts.
 
At the end of the day size is relative. It's all about the size that makes YOU happy and healthy. I will never be skinny. And I don't want to. I'll be happy in mid 12's which for some people is huge.
It's easy to get too excited about losing weight and losing touch with the reality.
I always say that your body will let you know when it's happy. Treat it well and it will pay you back :)
 
Nothing to do with the diet (or is it?). I suddenly had this burst of positive energy last week. At work I sit in an open plan area but also have my own office which I share for meetings with the rest of the team. I've never put any pictures up in there... have always felt diffident about putting my stamp on it even though I'm head of department. Anyway, went a bit mad last week and have bought some beautiful pictures and some lovely desk accessories. Just makes me smile. They're not up yet but just doing this makes me feel happy.

I got a little plant for my open-plan desk - not a real one because we have very little daylight in the office - and it makes me smile every time I make a phonecall. Why didn't I do this before? I've been here a whole year!
 
Spanglymum said:
Nothing to do with the diet (or is it?). I suddenly had this burst of positive energy last week. At work I sit in an open plan area but also have my own office which I share for meetings with the rest of the team. I've never put any pictures up in there... have always felt diffident about putting my stamp on it even though I'm head of department. Anyway, went a bit mad last week and have bought some beautiful pictures and some lovely desk accessories. Just makes me smile. They're not up yet but just doing this makes me feel happy.

I got a little plant for my open-plan desk - not a real one because we have very little daylight in the office - and it makes me smile every time I make a phonecall. Why didn't I do this before? I've been here a whole year!
Click to expand...

Maybe now your feeling more confident in yourself, your feeling more confident to put your stamp on your space and show people who you are and express your personality, instead of hiding away?!
(This is my attempt at being a psychologist so could be completely wrong!)

Embrace the positive energy! It's all good :)

And in response to your earlier post, your comment:
'The weird thing js though, because of my husband and also Gok's attitude on the tv I've been quite ok with my size - but it's perception again, because I think I look ok and then I see a photo and realize how big I really am.'
Really hit home with me. So often I told myself that I was happy the way I was, but then I would crop myself out of photos and hide myself away. It'll take a while to accept that I don't need to do that anymore!
xxxx
 
Amazing! I was just in the kitchen at work, mixing up my mushroom soup when a colleague asks me "ooh, what's that you've got then?" I didn't say anything about it being Lighter Life, just said "mushroom soup" and he was all "ooh, lovely!" etc etc. Hehe. Wonder what the response would have been if I'd said it was a diet foodpack?! LOL

In a buoyant mood today, despite having a nightmare getting in to work this morning with the tube strike. Fell asleep on the train in. Not sure why I'm so sleepy. I don't feel tired as such - but seem to fall asleep at any given opportunity.

Wearing some size 18 trousers today that have been too tight for ages :). Guess I was in major denial about the size I really was!

Have to go away overnight for work on Wednesday. My hosts were really sweet, saying they'd take me for dinner on Wednesday evening but I've declined and been upfront about being on a diet and am happy with my soup. They were very nice about it. Yay!
 
Well, my hosts have been lovely, offering me lunch and sandwiches etc and then when I reminded them about the diet they brought me a kettle! Yay!
 
Been so positive all day, now feeling low. Probably just tired so I'll go to bed in a minute. Just surprised, staying in this hotel, and seeing myself in the mirror as if for the first time. Like I didn't realise quite how big I'd actually got. I was so happy to have lost my first stone but it hit me tonight how far I still have to go.

No sure if that makes sense...
 
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