I’m back again for the third time

[charlotte_k]

Urgh, I had a slip last night. Why do I do this to myself? I didn’t even enjoy it. I feel like a dirty addict that can’t control themselves. The OH kept asking if I was ok and giving me loads of support all day. He said if you feel like eating you should come in my room and wake me or sleep in here. And what did I do? Stuff my face. I feel so ashamed. Maybe this is part of my steps to recovery. I slept for a few hours and then he could hear I was up and messaging me support and telling me how proud he was of me and I didn't tell him, what a horrible thing to do. After a while of stress and anxiety I grabbed the food and went in and told him. He was disappointed but we talked it through, why did you eat, why didn’t you come in here? He said he would have been proud if I came in to stop eating. It would make him feel like the support is working. I think that’s my next step. I tell him when I’m thinking about food but not when I’m going to binge.

That’s the next step. Take the support that’s there and beat it. I’ve never had support for food before as it was all in secret. I need to train my brain to not fixate on the food, the love and support is there and I can do this.

Hope everyone is safe and well x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Sweetie a big step is forgiving yourself, and not beat yourself up - no one needs the guilt that comes with a binge!

And you are right - accept the spport of your OH and really embrace it. I know during my illness period these last few months, I didn't tell a lot of friends because I didn't want to appear whingeing or take up their time with negative things - and a few of them, when they found out, went ballistic at me - because friends and loved ones are there to support us when things aren't going so well. It has been a difficult lesson for me to learn, that they won't love me any less just because I'm not always my usual upbeat self.

So when you feel the food calling next time, why not pootle through to see your OH, or message him, and ask if he fancies a chat, or watching a movie, or even read to each other - something a bit different? Involve him in your battles - because it very much sounds to me as if he wants to help you, which is such a wonderful thing, He won't love you less because you're reaching out, in fact it will be the opposite! xxx

 

[charlotte_k]

Well...I well and truly lost control of my eating from December. I went all the way back up to 19st11lb My health is the pits so no change there but I’m back and have had to resort to excess food being taken out of the house, with a weeks worth being brought over every Wednesday. I’m going to jump into some challenges now and catch up soon.

Hope you’re all well x

 

[purpleorc]

Charlotte Ladyfelsham has given such excellent advice. Reaching out for help takes great strength realising we cant do this weight loss on our own. We all have bumps along the road.we just have to brush this off and carry onwards and downwards.

 

[ladyfelsham]

Welcome back Charlotte, it's good to see you, and to hear that you're grabbing hold of the eating, I've often thought that just having what i need for the week in the house would be good, so I'm sure you'll rock it.

Try to focus on the positives - you've gained a bit - but you're not back to where you were. Just look at your stats, they are inspiring - especially with all the health issues you have.

Big hugs xxx

 

[charlotte_k]

Thanks guys. I’ve just had a look and I’ve got 10lb to get back to my lowest weight last year so not too bad. Food addiction is no joke, I think I could have eaten myself to death if it wasn’t for the help and support of my OT and you guys. The amount I can put away is sickening, literally sometimes. I’ve got a new smart scale and I’ve given some family and friends the details to give me extra motivation and it’s definitely helping. One of them sends me well done today and positive messages so it’s really good. I’ve upped my antidepressant again so that should help with the ocd a bit x

 

[purpleorc]

I know from first hand I was a psychiatric nurse how difficult mental health issues can be. But so hard if you are addicted to food it is everywhere. But you have got things under control after a hiccup in the road. This has taken great strength. To turn things around. You have done tremendously well on your weight loss. I hope I can do as well as you.

 

[charlotte_k]

Thank you hun x

 

[Halley]

Hi Charlotte,

I’m new here and have just read through your story. I am a complete food addict too but am still trying and hoping that I can learn to manage the addiction.

Well done on coming back x

 

[charlotte_k]

Hi Halley! Wow what a great loss! I’ll look at your posts when I’m feeling better. It’s so hard isn’t it. I’m housebound so I don’t see food everywhere so having a weeks worth of food is really helping me. I hope you have love and support in your life, that’s the key x

 

[charlotte_k]

I’m struggling so bad with thinking about food. It just won’t stop. I’m not sleeping well and the thoughts of what I would order in the shopping if I could makes sleeping even harder. I can’t even have my bank cards otherwise I’d order takeaway every day. I’ve been hovering around the same stone of weight for so long and I’m so fed up. I get to about this weight then I lose my head and I’m back up again. Without being able to order myself is making it physically easier but the thoughts are getting much worse.

I really needed to rant. Sorry guys. I hope you’re all well x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Rant away hun! And good to hear from you, but sorry to hear that you are struggling with food thoughts - have you considered speaking to a CBT specialist about it? A friend of mine (large lady, always had issues with food) tried it and said it has changed her life - and her attitude towards food xx

 

[charlotte_k]

I need therapy and cbt but being housebound makes it difficult plus I’m not even well enough to talk for a whole session if they could do it on zoom or something life is just so tough right now, I’m not even well enough to spend time with my OH and it breaks my heart x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Oh Charlotte love that's awful - what about this for an idea? I do CBT sessions with a guy called Ian McGill, as part of my Keto Fitness Club membership - but he does see people on their own, and I'd be happy to explain to him that you don't feel well enough for a whole session, so maybe just a quick chat to start with? He's very nice, very empathetic - and completely gets food addiction issues - lost something like 6 stone himself.

This is his website - https://onyourmarks.solutions/?fbclid=IwAR3lLFYG0nKOED3muxcBW9a8li9HtM0BiwB0XAM9Ft7uTYfql9aGvf51i48

I don't know how much it costs but if you're feeling so low and unhappy, then maybe even one session will be worth it? Let me know if you'd like me to speak to him xxx

 

[charlotte_k]

Thank you love, I’ll need to improve a little first but I guess there’s no harm in seeing if it’s something he could do and how much it is? X

 

[ladyfelsham]

Wouldn't hurt to just ask the question - I'll ask him in a private message, just the bare bones and see what he says, so you're not committed to anything in any way xx

 

[charlotte_k]

Thank you so much! What a superstar. I find it hard to ask for help x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Morning Charlotte - I heard straight back from Ian this morning - he said: "I can talk with the lady on zoom no problems, let her know I can do something next week to suit her. Meanwhile point her to my YouTube channel. Just type in Ian McGill and there are lots of videos on how are thinking can overwhelm us. I can do a free 30 minute consultation for her can't hurt might help and go from there."

So you could have a look at the videos first maybe, and then drop him an email? [email protected] - you can say you're Susie's friend off Minimims.

I know this first step is huge and very scary, but I honestly wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think you would get some benefits from speaking to Ian.

Anyway, over to you hun xxx

 

[charlotte_k]

 

[AliGal]

Great to know Ian has a youtube channel. I shall be watching some over the weekend. I must sort out the money to join KetoFitnessClub so I can join you on the loive calls with him and KFC.