I’m back again for the third time

[ladyfelsham]

Oh sweetie I hope you get some rest today, and yes here's to a good day! xx

 

[charlotte_k]

Another bad night in two ways. The same very late night and those bloody crisps again. Tired, headache and disappointment today x

 

[charlotte_k]

Finally I had a better night I still didn’t get to sleep till about 2.30am but it was much better. Shame the postman wouldn’t stop knocking and woke me up though. I had a good day food wise yesterday too. Feeling like today should be ok but I’ve been craving a kebab for a few days. When I’m having a better day we’ll get one. Mmmm chicken shish with extra salad x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Oh so pleased you got some sleep, it really does perk things up.

And have that kebab!

 

[charlotte_k]

Yes it does, I’m feeling a little less weak and not falling asleep as much during the day. The headaches have been better too. I definitely will be getting one in the next few days lol. The OH fancies fish and chips but I find it a bit boring as I don’t have chips or the batter and I have salad which is normally pretty dismal. At least with the kebab the salad is delicious and it’s much healthier without feeling like I’m missing out.

Official weigh in tomorrow and I’m not sure if I’ll have a loss this week. After a crappy week and the scale showing a 6lb gain a few days ago, I’m somehow back down to where I was but who knows what’ll happen in the morning. I think the bad sleep wasn’t helping this week. My cravings were worse, which I couldn’t control and I felt bloated and like I had water retention even before giving in to cravings. Fingers crossed.

Have a good day x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Yes i wouldn't worry too much about what the scales say, you've had a tough week.

Although I may have to report you to the authorities for not eating chips OR batter . Just kidding, obviously - but I can't resist them (now you've got me thinking mmm fish and chips).

 

[charlotte_k]

You’re right, I was so happy just to get back to where I was so I’m not going to stress no matter what the scale says tomorrow.

Now don’t get me wrong, I could and can eat the batter and chips and probably get some extras on the side lol but I know that it would start a bad eating cycle and the amount of grease in it after eating well for a while causes me tummy pain and can set off my IBS. I’ve been on a diet for longer than my adult life and I’ve restricted in front of people and binged alone. So when it comes to eating meals out I’ve missed out on enjoying and trying a variety of foods. Like when we used to go out for a curry I’d never get rice or bread and I’d normally have a dry chicken dish. If I would have eaten well most of the other times then I could have had more relaxed times when spending time with family and friends. Because of my greediness I’ve sort of done myself over. What an idiot lol.

Well if or when I get well enough to do sociable things again it’ll be different this time x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Gosh I love the way you write with such compelling honesty, Charlotte - and for me what stands out is that you've learned such important things from the experiences.

I wouldn't say it's greed - there were good reasons for you eating the way you did then. So - you're changing your habits for the better, and it can only improve xx.

 

[charlotte_k]

Thank you Susie. I’ve had this secret part of my life since I was a child and I’ve just had enough of it. I wasn’t only lying to other people but to myself too. I think being so open is what’s helping me realise what I have learnt and what I need to do to finally lose weight for good and to feel like a normal person x

 

[charlotte_k]

Woohoo! 2lb off somehow I’m well chuffed x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Fab news! Well done Charlotte .

 

[charlotte_k]

Thanks hunny! I was so shocked this morning x

 

[trounoir]

Well done!!

 

[charlotte_k]

Thank you trounoir x

 

[Clareel]

Wow Charlotte, just read your whole diary - so honest and refreshing. Absolutely huge well done on your weight loss so far, I'm sorry your health is not great at the moment but well done to you for making positive changes in spite of that.
Best of luck with your weight loss journey!

 

[charlotte_k]

Thanks lovely. I’m trying to lay it all out there lol. Yeah it’s been hard being so ill for over 4 years and my weight had gotten out of control from a mix of being house bound, lots of medications and eating badly. Best of luck to you too and I’ll be a regular over to your diary x

 

[charlotte_k]

Aarrrgggghhhh! I was feeling so positive yesterday and then I go on a bloody snack attack again at bedtime I’ve got to stop this self sabotage. If it was more measured then I’d be much more comfortable with it but it just gets completely out of control. I’ve got shopping coming today and I’ve got them to get me a load of tins of tuna in water and salad so I’ll be having that as a second meal around 8pm and that should stop my cravings at night and also bump my calories up.

Hope we all have a good day x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Hun don't be upset at yourself, it happens, and the guilt is so counter-productive. I know it's easy for me to say that but you're talking to someone who had a pretty good food day, then ate four slices of toast and marmalade last night!

I've learned that the only way not to do it is to not have the bad stuff in the house in the first place - and I like your tactic of having another light dinner to fill you up x.

 

[charlotte_k]

I find that being hard or disappointed with myself comes really easy to me and that’s something I need to work on. The snacks are for the OH. It is hard having them here but I think he shouldn’t have to miss out because I can’t always control myself. Yeah I think having 2 meals a day will work better for me now I’m not that medication and the worse thing for me to do is to deprive myself and go to bed hungry as that’ll just make the binging worse.

Good news is that the tuna really done the trick. I still had mental cravings last night but I could manage them well. Im still working through the mental challenges that comes with trying to lose weight but I think there’s a little progress so I’m happy with that x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Excellent, glad the tuna helped