Is it me being selfish & unreasonable...long rant be warned

[Fatty_no_more]

Totally agree jaylou I hate that I work which is why I kill myself doing nights just so I don't miss out. When he's at school
Full time I plan to go back full time nights and sleep whilst he's at school. Ahhhhhh money. Would be lovely lol. When do they go to school pmsl. X

 

[Jennyonaplate]

Have you thought about some sort of counselling or a mediator. Your husband might listen more if someone else is telling him that he's being selfish and unreasonable. I rather suspect that if you said anything a lot of what you say would be dismissed as nagging or whining. Not saying this is what all men do, but if he's staying in bed for so long then he might be trying to avoid any conflict or confrontation. Hearing the effect his actions are having told to him by someone unbiased to the situation might make him realise what he's doing, and missing out on himself.

 

[fillymum]

It looks like all the advice is pretty unanimous . He is being selfish.

I think too, that you must feel lonely because with his schedule you are rarely together with or without the children.

Ask him if it is possible for him to work out a timetable that is the same as that of a day worker but in reverse if you know what I mean. i.e. 8 hours at work, 8 hours travelling and leisure time and maximum 8 hours sleeping. It is very achievable and should not represent a problem. At least that way you will have your husbands company and your children will know their father.

lots of love and hugs BB xxxxxxx

 

[jigglymum]

at the risk of being unpopular i think you both need to appreciate your situation.
you have been blessed with 2 children and you get to look after them all day, yes its tiring and stressful but anything worth having is worth working for, i agree with what some one else said "he didn't want to be a husband and a dad then he shouldn't have been one" but that works both ways, if you didn't want to be a mum.........

i work perm nights and have 3 children (i was a single parent with 2 at one point). most of the people i work with have a good reason for doing permanent nights (as apposed to roll on shift) i do nights so i can do the morning school run and tea time / bed time etc. (Also my eldest daughter is severely mentally and physically handicapped so i can go to her appointments with out stressing about time off.) child care is usually a big factor or enhancement so they can have extra money to support a none working partner.

you need to talk, which i know is hard! its such an emotional time for you but don't let it build up in to a row. my grandma always said "the louder a wife shouts the deffer her husband becomes". this probably means you are going to have to be the bigger person and remain calm while he sulks at being "told off". you may find he feels a little excluded, or he is unhappy that you get to spend so much time with the kids.
you have a man who loved you enough to marry you, get a home with you made babies with you and works the most unsociable hours to provide for you and let you spend time with your children. you have been given the gift of children that millions of woman don't get, you get to spend all day with them, that millions of mums don't get.
he has a woman who loves him, who agreed to marry him, who made him babes, keeps them loved and cared for, there are as many men who want to be a dad that cant, there are millions of dads that don't get to see their children.

i hope you take this as its meant, with thought and care and the hope that everything turns out well for you and your family.
xxx

 

[*EB*]

hope the talk with your H goes well BB - good luck xxx

 

[big bear]

You are all so lovely & great advice, thanks so much I've taken on board what you've said & we are going to have a chat later, thanks again XX

 

[MommyNOriana]

If ur comfortable with it, let us all know how things go. Good bad or otherwise. No one is here to judge u. And all this anxiety affects weight loss. Take care love. This stuff is hard.

 

[*EB*]

If ur comfortable with it, let us all know how things go. Good bad or otherwise. No one is here to judge u. And all this anxiety affects weight loss. Take care love. This stuff is hard.

Good point - we can give you some more advice and support BB - i am always here if you want to PM me xxx

 

[funcurls]

As a regular worker of night shifts (and our nights are 12.5 hours long and intense in the nature of the work) I tend to get about 6-7 hours if I'm back the next night, or 4 hours if I'm not back the next night so that I can sleep that night! I don't have children but a large number of people in work do, and I know for a fact that they have less sleep than I do and just get on with it!! I am shocked that he sleeps for so long!! Sounds like you've got an awful lot of pressure on you, and if it's led to you feeling so fed up and exhausted surely he should be doing his utmost to support you!! I don't buy his argument that he is the 'only one working' as being a mum is a full time job in itself, which presumably is the exact reason WHY you aren't working!! Yes I agree with everyone- you need to have very big words with him and lay all your feelings about it down on the table!! Good luck, I really feel for you XXX

 

[mumtheshopper]

My hubbie worked away when the kids were this age. Exactly 2 years apart they are, and he worked away from Monday, coming back on Saturday lunchtime usually. It's hard doing it all yourself, though I really had no choice. What I resented is that he felt, and told me, that Sunday was his day off. He didn't see why he should spend it looking after the kids. I never expected any help with house, cleaning, washing, bathing the kids, or any of the hard stuff. Just spend some time with them so I could catch up on sleep, or even the washing!!! He went down the pub, came in, ate his dinner, went to bed, and went back to work Monday until next weekend. Eventually, we separated. This is ebcause I sat and simmered, rather than argued my point. I resented, until all love and respect was gone. Maybe, it would ahve ended up no differently, but do wish now I ahdn't opted for the quiet life. There was more to it than that. Apparently, I got boreing when I had kids. Didn't want to party any more. Mmmmm. Wonder why. But the point I'm trying to make, is talk, talk and talk some more. Not shout and nag, but tell him how you are feeling. Tell him, it's ahrd. Also, wake up on Sunday, get dressed. Arrange to meet a friend. Wake him up and tell him it's up to him because you're going out. Leave him to it. Might make him realise it's not that easy. Rewarding but hard. I did that, it diud hrlp, but by that time it was already too late.

Good luck

 

[funcurls]

My hubbie worked away when the kids were this age. Exactly 2 years apart they are, and he worked away from Monday, coming back on Saturday lunchtime usually. It's hard doing it all yourself, though I really had no choice. What I resented is that he felt, and told me, that Sunday was his day off. He didn't see why he should spend it looking after the kids. I never expected any help with house, cleaning, washing, bathing the kids, or any of the hard stuff. Just spend some time with them so I could catch up on sleep, or even the washing!!! He went down the pub, came in, ate his dinner, went to bed, and went back to work Monday until next weekend. Eventually, we separated. This is ebcause I sat and simmered, rather than argued my point. I resented, until all love and respect was gone. Maybe, it would ahve ended up no differently, but do wish now I ahdn't opted for the quiet life. There was more to it than that. Apparently, I got boreing when I had kids. Didn't want to party any more. Mmmmm. Wonder why. But the point I'm trying to make, is talk, talk and talk some more. Not shout and nag, but tell him how you are feeling. Tell him, it's ahrd. Also, wake up on Sunday, get dressed. Arrange to meet a friend. Wake him up and tell him it's up to him because you're going out. Leave him to it. Might make him realise it's not that easy. Rewarding but hard. I did that, it diud hrlp, but by that time it was already too late.

Good luck

Very well said Mumtheshopper- sorry you had to go through all that!! It's so frustrating when (some) men don't appreciate what we women do and the work it involves (and I haven't even got children!!) I know there are many situations where it's the women not appreciating the men, but I think it's more common the first way around!!X