So, day 42 of plan, and have got a little bit waylaid!
Yesterday we had a BBQ and although I stayed low carb I had FOUR sausages and didn’t drink enough water.
Today I had a shake at 10 before leaving for a playdate and was totally fine until 3pm when I couldn’t resist a chocolate brownie despite not being hungry. Kind of talked myself into it as husband and I have day together tomorrow and really wanted to justify having a higher carb lunch out.
Then had a few chocolate truffles when I came home and followed up with a BK and a small easter egg with a few sweets.
I could come up with all manner of excuses including the fact I haven’t lost weight all week and it’s a bit demotivating but realistically I just wanted a break. Feeling a ridiculous amount of guilt now and trying to work out what the root is.
I haven’t ‘binged’ just had a normal amount of Saturday night food, and I know rationally a day or two off doesn’t matter but I think I’m terrified i may not get back on track on Tuesday but on the flip side, I kind of feel like I do still want a nice day (with lunch) tomorrow.
I guess because today wasn’t planned I feel a bit out of control but when I try and be positive I think it’ll be a good reset for my body and it’ll let me prove to myself I can get back on track after a day or two off BUT then I think why do I need to prove that if I’m only doing this diet once more and then staying in control?
So conflicted and feeling on the verge of feeling Ive fucked up but if this time next week I know I got back on track on Tuesday I won’t regret the couple of days off. Trying to remind myself I’m in total control of my own actions and choices and getting back on track on Tuesday is totally within my control, but if that’s true, why did I go off piste today? Aghh.
Can’t change today but I guess I need to work out if I write it off as just a day off and that’s that, or if I take tomorrow too to make it ‘worth’ it. Im just feeling like I don’t have any faith in myself despite this time feeling so different and journalling etc to keep on track. Will I feel I’ve cracked it once I’m back on plan? I really really hope so. I shouldn’t feel so awful for having a day off, but getting on track this time was SO hard I just hope I haven’t wasted that pain and effort.
Arghh. Sad and guilty and frustrated and just aghh.