Incidentally, there's a cheese joke at the back of this week's Waitrose Weekend freebie newspaper! Nothing like as good as yours though, in fact so poor I'm not even going to share it here xx
I wasn't gone you guys! Just catching up on all your diaries before rudely barging in and posting an update of my own! My intention was just to have a quick skim but I started on Trudy's and saw mention of the tummy op so had to go back and see what all that was all about and basically it's taken me 3 days to catch up!!!
Off to post there and then will keep catching up with you all.
One thing hasn't changed. You are all as lovely and supportive as ever.
Haha, ok you guys! I'm still reading through all your diaries and getting back into the swing of things but I guess I should just give a quick update too.
First, I can only apologise for my absence. If I had meant to disappear I would have said goodbye, but I didn’t mean to – I just didn’t log on for one day, then two days then suddenly it was a week and I felt ‘gosh, I should really sit and write a proper entry on minimins’ but then it was two weeks and I started to feel a bit guilty and then it was on my to do list for ages and I always meant to come back and say hi but then I felt I’d left it too long and everyone would think I was awful and....well, that’s what happened really.
But I’ve been thinking of you all loads this last year and a few weeks ago I snuck back and had a little ‘stalk’ to see how things were going. And then Pauline sent me a message, completely coincidentally and when I went to my private messages there was one from Caro too so that brought me creeping back to say hello again!
I did write a bit of an epic 'return' post but it's so long, I'm doing an condensed version too. Lord help anyone who carries on reading after that - don't say you've not been warned.
So the condensed version is:
I didn't ever really manage Dukan maintenance
A bit of weight has crept back on but nothing too horrendous
I still believe Dukan is essentially the right idea (low carb, low fat) but I want to find a less restrictive way of eating where I'm so in control, nothing is actually banned
I still haven't cracked the emotional side of eating - that's all I'm really interested in now as I think it's the key to maintaining long, long term
That's it! Now go away and do something more interesting than reading the long post below!!
Ok, here's the super long post I wrote when I first came back on here. Apologies in advance!
In terms of diet news, well, I can’t say I ever got anywhere with the official Dukan maintenance programme! As ever, the concept of moderation eluded me. Saying that, I did carry on losing weight right into December when I got as low as 8 stone 2 lbs, which seemed to make people worry about me even though I was not even at the low end of my BMI band.
But since then it’s crept on a bit and I’m now just under 9 stone. This is fine really, it’s not nearly as bad as it was last year but I definitely feel better when I weigh 8 ½ . (If these numbers seem low, don’t forget I’m a total short arse!) The big thing for me, more than actually losing weight, is resolving the issues I have with food. I still strive for that state where food is simply enjoyable fuel. I want to be able to eat when I’m hungry, choose food that makes me feel good but that I also enjoy and then stop eating when I’m full. It sounds so simple and I’m astounded that after all these years, it’s still a problem for me. I mean, my 19 month old nephew can stop eating when he’s full and he can’t even talk yet! What on earth can be so hard??
So if it’s ok with you guys, I’m going to stick around and check in occasionally (but probably not obsessively) as I try to lose a few pounds but more importantly, try to establish some truly sustainable eating habits so I maintain my weight and start to feel relaxed around food and in control of my eating habits. I'm just exhausted with the constant battle I have in my head about food and the guilt I feel when I overeat.
I know that Dukan works for rapid weight loss but I actually don’t think I want to be as strict as Dukan maintenance for my whole life. (And why is that doing a single PP day in a week, every week, is 10 times harder than doing several during a week while you’re losing?? Am going to study all you amazing maintainers very hard to see how you’re making it work. You are all incredible, quite frankly.)
I’ve also been dabbling with the 5:2 fast diet lately. Well, not dabbling, I’ve been doing it properly. It’s interesting in that I’ve learnt that hunger is totally fine, but the weight loss has been unbearably slow. About ½ a pound a week. Compared to Dukan that’s rubbish! But what I like is that on the days I’m not fasting, I can eat what I like and I’m using this to try to establish healthy eating habits. Psychologically, being told you can eat whatever you want, 5 days a week is interesting. Initially I was like ‘woohoo, bring me the chocolate! And the cheese! And the crisps!’ But then I slowly realised that the crap stuff was making me feel REALLY crap and eating too food much was feeling more horrible than usual.
So the idea is that knowing that I can eat whatever I want will remove the urge to actually do it, if that makes sense. The problem I had with Dukan maintenance was that the weekly ‘celebration’ meal became such a big deal that I wanted to eat EVERYTHING for it. Despite getting full relatively quickly, I was forcing myself to keep eating as I knew it would be another week before I could have it again. That is so not a healthy way of thinking, obviously, which is why Dukan maintenance didn’t really work for me. (Again, intrigued to find out more about how successful maintainers are managing it.)
But with 5:2, if I can remove the feeling of certain foods being a ‘reward’ or being ‘special treats’, because I know I can have them all the time, then I’m hoping I will find it easier to make healthy choices, knowing that should I want to, I can have the ‘treats’ in the 5 non-fast days. So far it’s working 'ish', although I’m probably eating more treats than I strictly should and have had a few days of eating until I feel ill....am hoping I’ll naturally readjust as many people who do this seem to eventually eat less after an initial period of going crazy.
I’m also really focussing on letting myself get hungry before I eat (I can easily graze pretty much continuously throughout the day without realising or particularly enjoying the food) and, then the big one: stopping once I’m full. This proves so tricky that I’ve taken to using a timer. Once I start to get full, I set the timer for anywhere between 30 mins and 3 hours or whatever. That somehow breaks the psychological trap that was letting me to eat mindlessly, often for hours at a time, with no regard to whether or not I'm even hungry. Bit strange maybe, but when I do it, it works. (The problems start when I'm in 'what the heck, I just want to eat everything' mode and when that happens, the timer ain't getting a look in.)
I’m wary however that I have always found losing weight the easy part and maintaining the loss far, far harder. I worry that I’ve become a bit addicted to the instant reward of seeing the numbers on the scales drop, which is very pleasing but obviously can’t go on forever. (!!) Well, it can if I keep regaining the losing I guess, but that's not what I mean! So I need to re-train myself to feel the same reward for the scales staying the same. In fact, more than that, I need to re-train myself so that I’m not feeling good because the scales have stayed the same, but because I had a day where I ate good, nourishing food when I was hungry and stopped when I was full. Sounds so easy....why is it oh so hard?!?!? I mean, why do I see eating too much as a reward, when actually it makes me feel horrible? It's a punishment, not a reward but why doesn't my brain realise that? Eating well and stopping before I'm full feels good so I need to make that the reward. Any ideas how?! Basically, I want to be free of the weird control food has on me. I want to be relaxed around food and in control and I don't want food or my weight to dominate my thoughts any more. I want to view food in the way a naturally thin person does - enjoyable fuel. Nothing more, nothing less. All advice is so very welcome...I know we're many of us battling the same issues! In fact, I wrote this post before I started reading everyone else's diaries, thinking it was a dreadful confession, but I've actually realised that most of us are struggling in exactly the same way, albeit with different food triggers, different quantities of food eaten and different amounts of time to get back on the bus. (When did the Dukan bus thing start by the way?! You lot are hilarious!)
Oh lawks, look at that long post. Guess I haven’t changed in that respect huh?!? Let’s think of it as a word a day since I last checked in and call it quits, ok?
Lovely to be back you guys - bear with me as I catch up with you all!