Hmmm...so...I've just read through all this thread of my first CD journey. I felt so amazing when I typed that last post. But what I didn't say was that I had done a pregnancy test the evening before...and despite having the coil fitted, I was pregnant!!! To say I was in shock and completely terrified was somewhat of an understatement. To put it into context, although we had two healthy children at the time, we don't have a very good history with pregnancies and we weren't planning on any more. Back in 2008 we lost our second little boy and when I then got pregnant with twin girls in 2009, they were born extremely prematurely and unfortunately we lost our first little girl too. The idea of a completely unplanned pregnancy was out of the question...especially as it meant I had to give up Cambridge and eat proper food!!! I'll be honest, I didn't ever expect it to end well. The drs said they advised removing the coil, so I just assumed I would miscarry. Then I just assumed that something would go wrong, so I carried on as usual (albeit without doing Cambridge) and neither me or my husband said a word to anyone...for weeks and weeks. Eventually after many scans we told our families following our 20 week scan last xmas eve. But they were sworn to secrecy too...just in case something went wrong. But I am so, so glad to say that all was well and William was born on the 1st of May this year. I didn't cope emotionally very well with the pressure of being pregnant and I ate, and ate and ate. Basically for the past year I lived on carbohydrates and I am ashamed to say that I put on every pound I lost and more. But I know why I did and now that William is 6 months and has finished breastfeeding, I am back with the same determination I felt before, if not more. It felt amazing to be able to look at my body and not be horrified by what I saw in the mirror. And I cannot wait for that same feeling again.
That's not to say I'm not a little daunted by the prospect of Sole source again. I never expected to be back here. However, I know that I am once again in control of my eating habits. I am a sugar addict. I cannot be trusted with the stuff, so the only way I will ever control my weight is for certain foods to be totally off limits. For some people that makes their cravings worse, but for me, I guess, it's very black and white and I can't cope with any shades of grey where food is concerned.
So I'm off to netball in a bit (in my now ridiculously small netball kit!!!) but before I go I am raising a glass of sparkling water to this journey I'm on again. I had a Vegetable Soup for lunch and a chocolate shake just now...and you know what...I quite enjoyed them!
Exciting times.
So...60lbs to go by the end of January....bring it on.