Kayleigh's Journey
- Thread starter KayMarie
- Start date
KayMarie
Full Member
I've been spring cleaning all day so that's kept me pretty sane. I felt fine this morning, didn't even run out of bed to get a shake but i think its 'cos i know its Saturday night and id usually be a) out drinking b) out eating or c) snuggled up eating with my other half and watching tv.
Im not doing any of that because im miserable and fed up.
Im not writing any more now 'cos im in a right 'mard LOL
Im not doing any of that because im miserable and fed up.
Im not writing any more now 'cos im in a right 'mard LOL
KayMarie
Full Member
I know I said I'm not writing any more buuuuuuttt, I am. I need to reflect.
Today has been difficult, tearful at times and probably my worst so far, which I am surprised at because I'm not hungry, I didn't wake up hungry or wake up dreading the day ahead, I was dead positive this morning but the emotion took hold of me I think.
I've been awfully snappy all day. I've thrown stuff and whined because I fee,l at times, that I have spoilt my week off and my birthday on Monday because I decided to start LLT this week but Curtis said something that made me think - "It just goes to show how bad things have got with you and food when you feel that you have nothing to do/look forward to without it. That's how much food has dominated you in the past year" and he's RIGHT.
Everything, EVERYTHING revolved around food. I was/am/trying to not be, completely addicted. I mean, I've been putting on weight over the last several years but the last 6 months/year, I have been competing dominated by food. Eating out all the time, not cooking, and I always cooked, getting take always, going to tesco and buy quick food to pick up and eat.... and I always cooked, always, things just got truly completely out of control and I've gained 3 stone in the past 6 months-ish.
Now I'm not saying that realising this has made me feel like - Right, I am totally on this, I'm not gonna whinge because I still feel frustrated at everything but it has made me feel more that I can't just NOT do it, that's not an option because I'll just do what i did before and that's no good.
I just want to feel less frustrated.
Day 5 done.
Today has been difficult, tearful at times and probably my worst so far, which I am surprised at because I'm not hungry, I didn't wake up hungry or wake up dreading the day ahead, I was dead positive this morning but the emotion took hold of me I think.
I've been awfully snappy all day. I've thrown stuff and whined because I fee,l at times, that I have spoilt my week off and my birthday on Monday because I decided to start LLT this week but Curtis said something that made me think - "It just goes to show how bad things have got with you and food when you feel that you have nothing to do/look forward to without it. That's how much food has dominated you in the past year" and he's RIGHT.
Everything, EVERYTHING revolved around food. I was/am/trying to not be, completely addicted. I mean, I've been putting on weight over the last several years but the last 6 months/year, I have been competing dominated by food. Eating out all the time, not cooking, and I always cooked, getting take always, going to tesco and buy quick food to pick up and eat.... and I always cooked, always, things just got truly completely out of control and I've gained 3 stone in the past 6 months-ish.
Now I'm not saying that realising this has made me feel like - Right, I am totally on this, I'm not gonna whinge because I still feel frustrated at everything but it has made me feel more that I can't just NOT do it, that's not an option because I'll just do what i did before and that's no good.
I just want to feel less frustrated.
Day 5 done.
LadyT
Tough But Sexy X
Honestly keep yourself busy and the thoughts will subside, they won't disappear though until you get further into your group sessions. I swear by the CBT is absolutely works just keep an open mind with it! I just started reading the beck diet book I think it would help you as you are at the start of your journey at the moment so it will give you some extra support to help with the crooked thinking!
Once you have a few WI's and see the dress sizes go down you will become stronger and the relationship you once had with food will no longer be a priority, your health and well being along with feeling BL**dy fantastic far outweighs it all!
How you are feeling now is what many if us felt too, there are some amazing people on this forum who offer brilliant advice and have been where you are now and more importantly come out the other side!
Have a great day hun xx
Once you have a few WI's and see the dress sizes go down you will become stronger and the relationship you once had with food will no longer be a priority, your health and well being along with feeling BL**dy fantastic far outweighs it all!
How you are feeling now is what many if us felt too, there are some amazing people on this forum who offer brilliant advice and have been where you are now and more importantly come out the other side!
Have a great day hun xx
UmmZakaria
Full Member
Awww you're doing sooo well! I had a similar experience when the hunger stopped and the emotions kicked in. I think hunger is an easier thing to cope with and combat than the emotions of wanting to eat. I found the first couple of weeks emotionally exhausting and I completely emphathise with the way you're feeling. When we go into abstinence we have a LOT of time on our hands and I found that quite liberating but it also gave me far too much time to sit and reflect. I think the emotions you're feeling are completely normal and probably really healthy too - what's the point in bottling them up. I spent the first two weeks mourning food, I wanted to eat it, I missed it and was also scared about the fact that I wouldn't be able to eat again in the same way as I had been doing (crooked thinking or what eh?). You have resisted temptation and you're a trooper for doing so. Roll with it and you will suddenly realise that you haven't thought about food and that you've had a positive day. I, like Lady T, also completely understand your feelings when you say you're angry with yourself for getting big in the first place. Try to put a positive spin on it, you're getting small now and putting yourself first. This is something that many people don't have the time or inclination to do and I feel that it is really important to take stock for a while and make yourself number 1.
With regards to the dreams I didn't have these with LL but I am Muslim which means that once a year we have to fast for a month (no eating or drinking during daylight). I have been fasting for about 7 years now and every year I spend all night having vivid dreams that I have eaten something and wake up in a panic. I still have dreams now that I've had a glass of wine and wake up feeling all confused. I think that it's quite common for ex-smokers to have dreams of smoking too. Must be our heads sorting themselves out whilst we rest.
Chin up and give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for doing so well so far. It does get easier I promise you and once you start getting weekly weight loss you will feel great xxxx
With regards to the dreams I didn't have these with LL but I am Muslim which means that once a year we have to fast for a month (no eating or drinking during daylight). I have been fasting for about 7 years now and every year I spend all night having vivid dreams that I have eaten something and wake up in a panic. I still have dreams now that I've had a glass of wine and wake up feeling all confused. I think that it's quite common for ex-smokers to have dreams of smoking too. Must be our heads sorting themselves out whilst we rest.
Chin up and give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for doing so well so far. It does get easier I promise you and once you start getting weekly weight loss you will feel great xxxx
KayMarie
Full Member
Thanks T and Zakaria, you both helped me understand better 
Well today is my 24th birthday and also my first weigh in. I've felt pretty grim all day to be honest, still questioning doing it but I've stuck to it 100% and will for the next week. Over lost 11.7lb in my first week, which is bwill but after the week I've had i do actually feel like I've earned every ounce and it didn't make me think like 'oh well thats made me feel like the last week was totally worth it's, which Im surprised at because i really hoped it would :| hopefully that will come once i get used to it and my mood lifts.
I did have a nut fudge bar tonight - my birthday treat and loved it!!
Happy birthday to me
Well today is my 24th birthday and also my first weigh in. I've felt pretty grim all day to be honest, still questioning doing it but I've stuck to it 100% and will for the next week. Over lost 11.7lb in my first week, which is bwill but after the week I've had i do actually feel like I've earned every ounce and it didn't make me think like 'oh well thats made me feel like the last week was totally worth it's, which Im surprised at because i really hoped it would :| hopefully that will come once i get used to it and my mood lifts.
I did have a nut fudge bar tonight - my birthday treat and loved it!!
Happy birthday to me
KayMarie
Full Member
*food talk*
Ok, so I've been rock bottom yesterday and today. I've gone over and over conversation about should i carry on, stop, can i carry on!?? With mum, friends and Curtis. Its come down to this, Im now sat with a bag of snack food in front of me, some of my far stuff and am just looking at it, apprehensive about.eating it and apprehensive about continuing in this diet and just.don't know what to do.....
Ok, so I've been rock bottom yesterday and today. I've gone over and over conversation about should i carry on, stop, can i carry on!?? With mum, friends and Curtis. Its come down to this, Im now sat with a bag of snack food in front of me, some of my far stuff and am just looking at it, apprehensive about.eating it and apprehensive about continuing in this diet and just.don't know what to do.....
HannahNewton
Loves to post
KayMarie said:
Well done!!
Keep that strength and bottle it!!
I often say this is the easiest and most difficult diet. Easy because if you stick to it you get fast consistent results and don't have to think about food.
Difficult for the same reasons and because we have to break SO many food habits, behaviours, associations and desires.
The group work will help you with this, so do stick with it. You have got past the hardest part.
yay! Happy Belated Birthday!! xx
KayMarie
Full Member
Absolutely, i just need to try and turn my thoughts around. What ive done tonight is quite mental but i have got some omfort from doing it. I suppose I felt trapped in a away, going out and getting the food and having it there is strangely comforting because i'm choosing not to eat it, as opposed to feeling like i had no choice before I think?
Wow, that's pretty f****d up
LadyT
Tough But Sexy X
I understand where you are coming from but honestly this can be a trying diet at times. You dont need to throw any extra tests in to the equation you will eventually lapse under the pressure! Now is the time to make things as easy as possible fir yourself until you lose the first bit of weight!
Well done for resisting! Xx
Well done for resisting! Xx
KayMarie
Full Member
Thanks Lady T - To be honest, I've had a minor hiccup but i do feel that it's totally out of my system now and I was straight back on my shakes today!
I'm back at work tommorow which I think will help massively and I'm just gonna take it shake by shake, if I continue to feel the way I have been then thats the end for me i'm afraid, as hard a decision that will be because I do want to lose the weight but I can not be this low, I just can't function properly! Looking forward to getting back to work to help with stability and keep me distracted!!
I'm back at work tommorow which I think will help massively and I'm just gonna take it shake by shake, if I continue to feel the way I have been then thats the end for me i'm afraid, as hard a decision that will be because I do want to lose the weight but I can not be this low, I just can't function properly! Looking forward to getting back to work to help with stability and keep me distracted!!
KayMarie
Full Member
Well, I was back to work today, 1-9pm. Had a shake at 10:30, then 2:30, then I;'ve just had my soup and a shake straight after because i couldn;t handle just the soup. I thought work would help and it does to a certain extent but the kitchen here is always busy with staff and service users all cooking yummy food, plus another nurse is leaving today and brought in loads of cakes. I just can't stand it. I just want to eat. I'm also sick of being whiney.
Stick with it! I find the soups are not enough for me, so generally have shakes, chilli or shepherds pie. I have not told anyone at work that I on LLT, so take the shepherds pie/chilli in a tupperware bowl, just add the water and microwave for 1 minute. I sometimes have a mushroom soup, but follow it up with a 750ml bottle of water, that fills me up. When the others in the office are eating their scrummy smelly food, I go for a walk.
I use the water flavourings at work as well as home, adding it to a 750ml water bottle ( I use a little hot water to melt the powder first), then try and have 2 between packs.
It must be hard working shifts, but the hunger/food thoughts etc get easier if you can stick to 4 packs a day roughly every 4 hours. This has an impact on your brain as well to expect 'food' before you get hungry.
It's not always a walk in the park, there seem to be challenges everywhere, but the effort and group work will help.
Jx
I use the water flavourings at work as well as home, adding it to a 750ml water bottle ( I use a little hot water to melt the powder first), then try and have 2 between packs.
It must be hard working shifts, but the hunger/food thoughts etc get easier if you can stick to 4 packs a day roughly every 4 hours. This has an impact on your brain as well to expect 'food' before you get hungry.
It's not always a walk in the park, there seem to be challenges everywhere, but the effort and group work will help.
Jx
Catthin
Silver Member
Hi KayMarie
well done on your loss so far.Stick with it and you will feel better soon.I went through the feeling low and torturing myself with shall I shant I.Keep fighting the negative thoughts drink lots of water,tea,broth and you will get through this phase.
Just keep thinking of where you want to be and each day is a day closer.
Cathy
well done on your loss so far.Stick with it and you will feel better soon.I went through the feeling low and torturing myself with shall I shant I.Keep fighting the negative thoughts drink lots of water,tea,broth and you will get through this phase.
Just keep thinking of where you want to be and each day is a day closer.
Cathy
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