Lizz's "to Inslimity and beyond" diary

[Katycakes]

Aw, hugs Lizz. Try and stay with 810 a while... 1000 won't wave any magic wands, and may make the ravings worse. I suspect the cravings are a kind of wedding backlash, and will ease if you can just stay on track.

The jam sounds great, and the salt-dough i loved doing - used to do it with classes when i taught art! Great laugh. Have fun with the painting!

xxx

 

[Wales]

Hi Lizz, I found that going onto 810 as my longer term option turned me into a "wet lettuce" as well. Once I got the choices and the options my brain turned to mush as I asked it to think about food. Also agree with Katy that there will be a hangover from the wedding. Your body has just been awakened to food, like proper meals and it wants more!!!

Even genuinely happy events like the wedding at the weekend, can be hard work when you are not 100%. You might not notice at the time but they can take a lot out of you. Hope the meds kick in soon for you.

Don't forget how far you have come, how much change you have gone through physically and emotionally. You just need some time to adjust - so whatever you do just stop with the beating yourself up...

Enjoy the jam making tomorrow!

 

[LizzMB]

thanks both!
I know deep down the changing the plans isnt an option at the moment. I know that its about self-control on all the plans and that 810 is no different and i just need to get a grip!

I managed to get through the day yesterday 100% on plan but i'm still an emotional cabbage at the moment....not just diet related though so cant be looking at CD/food for comfort/excuses!

Another 100% day will be had today! I have to make sure that while i lose motivation with everything else, the diet can not be effected! This seems to be the only thing i have any control over at the moment!

will be on later no doubt!

xx

 

[Katycakes]

Oops Lizz just noticed I put 'ravings' not 'cravings' in my last post... I am the one who is raving here!!! Have a good day honey.

xxx

 

[Greeneyes11]

Wow your photos are awesome, and your DD is just sooo cute. I bet she had a great time, and you look wonderfully slim in your dress too...
After I had baby number 7 I had post natal depression and was on prozac, I had tried 2 other anti-depressents before that but they hadn't worked for me, so if you dont start to feel better soon, might be worth going back to Doctors to change your tablets.... Well done on getting back on track with the dieting, hope everything goes well for you today, take care of yourself xx

 

[MissPinky]

...Another 100% day will be had today! I have to make sure that while i lose motivation with everything else, the diet can not be effected! This seems to be the only thing i have any control over at the moment!

Good approach - and success here may well motivate you elsewhere too as time goes on. You're doing excellently well, and you're self aware - which is half the battle won already

 

[Laura Croft]

Emotional cabbage - oh bless you. Hope you are feeling a bit better. I didn't even recognise you from your new photo. You look amazing. x

 

[LizzMB]

morning all!
Well yesterday was the worse day so far on this diet. I have never wanted to eat so much in my life, and i know it was all about comfort which made it even harder to deal with. I managed to stick to my 810 meal of Quorn and cucumber and my 3 shakes, but my back teeth are killing today as i spent most of the day with my teeth gritted yesterday to stop me from stuffing my mouth with food!

I'm still having a lot of problems with 810, its taken me completely out of my comfort zone, which is so ironic considering last week i WANTED to move up...now i cant wait to get to goal to get 810 out the way.
I do see that a lot of this is tied to my emotions...hence i'm craving doughnuts/sweets/chocolate etc rather than simply a need to eat anything.
Last night my DH was at work, and with no "crap" in the house, it did cross my mind to order pizza in as they deliver...but i didnt! Didnt make me feel any better though!

Yesterday was officially worse that my first 3 days on this diet and it amazes me that i got through it! Starting to resent the diet...but again, thats comfort speaking and not my size 10 body!

we went to the cinema yesterday (Orange wednesday), and the adverts before the film....ALL FOOD RELATED!!! Ben and Jerry's, chips, etc you name it, it was on it! I sat with my eyes closed until the film started to avoid seeing it all! lol. Before that, we needed to get some photo's developed at Tesco's, and i ended up crying in the bread section becuase mentally, i'm already so emotionally delicate that its so difficult to dedicate more energy to the diet and keeping me on track...even my DH said he'd never seen me suffer so badly!

So today i'm desperately hoping for a better day...i can no longer blame this phase on the wedding weekend....this is just me v's food demons...and the scales are so close to tipping in their favour that its terrifying me!

2 days until weigh in to see how much damage has been done over the planned weekend off plan!

hope everyone has a better day today that i think i will be having!

xxx

 

[Laura Croft]

Facing that addictive desire is one of the hardest things we need to do and you did it. And the shitty thing that it's when we are actually dealing with the addictive desire that we truly strength our recovery and coping abilities, not before or after so well done you.

Don't know if you have read Eating Less but Gillian talks a lot about that addictive desire and what she says is so true. It's okay to feel the desire, and in fact I don't even try to deny it because I felt like I was denying my thoughts, it's just accepting that because just we feel the desire to eat doesn't mean we need to. You can do this! x

 

[Katycakes]

Hugs Lizz. It's a huge chock when this happens after the relative 'safety' of SS 'eating'... but as Laura says, it is an important part of the journey. (Some of us deal with it better than others, I am not in the best place to advise but I do know what you're struggling with!)

Stay strong... once you settle into 810 you will feel better, get a routine going. Wishing you a successful day... if you're struggling, stay on minis, hon.

xxx

 

[Bess]

Oh Lizz love, we've all been there, I do feel for you. I think it's a shock to the system too, especially when you coped so well on SS. Don't worry, you'll get through this, be kind to yourself though. Hope today wasn't too bad.

 

[Wales]

Hope today was a better for you Lizz. Just remember that this is longer journey than yesterday or today, and not phoning out for pizza was a great achievement and you should feel stronger for it. I avoided a 2 bar kit kat at work today, it was winking at me all afternoon (even when I put it in a cupboard) and you know what I felt great. Then I came home and had a slice of OHs garlic bread that was worse than the kit kat would have been! Ups and downs, this is life after the comfort of SS.

As Bess says, be kind to yourself x

 

[Katycakes]

Wise words, Wales! Hope today is good to you Lizz...

xxx

 

[LizzMB]

hi all! today's not been AS bad, but still another bad day.
I'm just really not enjoying 810 at the moment!
I hate the portion sizes...they astonish me! And i'm already bored of the food i'm eating as funds are tight enough as it is with the CD packs, so buying the food as well is a strain so its getting very repeatitive!
Sorry i keep being all doom and gloom at the moment!
I'm proud of myself for managing to not give in, but i know tomorrow's weigh in isnt going to be a good one becuase of the wedding last weekend, so that's going to demotivate me even though i know logic tells me i have to accept that it had a good time and the "gain" was worth it! EEEK! I dont see any gain as being worth it now i think about it...but that's not realistic so i keep plodding on hoping that i learn lessons along the way.
I know i cant have everything i WANT, but at the moment i worry that its getting so obsessive that its just making me worse!

I've already done 4l of water today and that isnt including the endless cups of peppermint tea (i love the stuff!!!!) so i know my water intake is top notch so hoping that is helping!

I appreciate all your kind and encouraging words....that, and the fear of gaining on the scales is all thats stopping me from totally derailing right now! So huge huges to you all!

Going to have a read of everyones diarys now!

xx

 

[Laura Croft]

Do you think it's 810 that's the issue or eating off plan on the weekend? Maybe the whole getting back into ketosis thing didn't help??

I didn't find the portions that unbearable on 810 but so many people do so clearly my head hadn't adjusted I kept the veggie portion to the right size which I think helped. Try also to think of the food right now as just another soup/shake. It's not exactly delicious but you are doing so good by sticking to the plan still. Keep going Lizz!

Ps. Although I'm a big water drinking, I found 4 litres too much on 810 unless I was exercising. Cutting down a bit really helped me feel better (abt 3 litres) and also probably made it easier to eat too.

 

[LizzMB]

Do you think it's 810 that's the issue or eating off plan on the weekend? Maybe the whole getting back into ketosis thing didn't help??

I think it could be a bit of both to be honest!
Eating off plan was nice, but it made me feel rough as i ate too much as the lunch was 3 courses and i had stomach cramps for the next 12 hours!
I do genuinely enjoy the shakes & porridge so dont mind that....its just having the food in the equation now that has since caused problems.
I also think that becuase i FINALLY have a healthy BMI, that mentally it felt like i'd done it....i'd achieved everything there was...and i forgot that tehre was a minor detail of 7lbs to get me to goal! lol
so now i'm having to retrain my brain a bit to get my focus back on "goal" and not just on "healthy"!

Its frustrating though as we're going to Disneyland next weekend and i hoped to be on a higher plan by then so i could make the most of the half board cost we have paid....but now it looks like i wont be there so it will feel like ANOTHER blip! Just want to get it over and done with now so i can achieve what i set out to do in April!

x

 

[Laura Croft]

It's so common for people to get wobbly in that last stone. I think I remember KD even giving it a term. Hang in there - if nothing else take from my experience that deciding to go on your own before you get to goal can be totally hazardous. Please keep doing what you are doing - it will be worth it. x

 

[LizzMB]

thanks laura!
The silly thing is that i fully intend to stick to it. I know that i could have taken the easier option and gone back to SS (tut tut) to combat the gains but i didnt want to fall into that mindset so i have stuck to 810!
Its difficult but i'm a determined little bugger! lol but i'm also very impatient! lol

I managed to get through yesterday without any off plan eating. It was another difficult day and i ended up on a well known sweetie website filling up my basket with yummy sweets, and then closed it down without ordering anything! Odd? YES! Necessary? YES YES YES! It oddly occupied me and got me through the evening!

Today i have weigh in (in an hour to be exact) and i;m terrified!!! I think i say all the time about having a deep fear of gaining on the scales now, so im so scared that i will have put on 5lbs from the weekend!
Prozac still dont seem to be doing too much....have the doctors next week before i go back to work (BOO!) and might see about getting either a different tablet or an increased dose as i still have so many body issues that make me miserable! This is why 810 is zapping all my energy, im spending all my time worrying about looking fat and ugly!

Need a good wind to blow away this black cloud!

I'll let you all know how i get on at weigh in.....fingers crossed for me please though!

xx

 

[Wales]

Good luck with the weigh in Lizz, and well done with yesterday being to plan, great achievement.

Bums that the prozac hasn't kicked in yet, hope the docs can help next week.

You are doing and have done great, and I have no doubt you will continue to do great things. Can't help with the wind though, you wouldn't want the one that comes from this house!!!

Hugs and fingers crossed for your weigh in x

 

[Katycakes]

Lizz, good luck with weigh-in... bet it is much better than you fear!

Agree you should talk to docs again about the meds, a higher dose or different tab may give much better results... and don't forget to look in that mirror and tell yourself how far you have come, how well you are doing, how much you have achieved. You are in control, taking charge of your life and steering it in the direction you want to go. Time to be less hard on yourself and be proud for all you have done so far!

xxx