Lolly's journey to target

So weigh in yesterday was awesome - lost 2.5 lbs and entered the 13 stones :thankyouthankyou:

BUT then went on and had an absolutely shockingly shite eating day - chocolate, bread, cheese, CHINESE FOOD like come on gal get a grip.
So the rest of this week I'm going to do SP and hopefully it will make up for my naughty Wednesday

So far, so good, but it is only half 9 on Thursday ahahha.

Breakfast:
Mandarin
Granny smith apple

Snacks:
Whitworths dried fruit shot (5 syns)
 
I'm pissed off today. Boy left his scales at mine and they're way more accurate than my shitty Salter ones so obviously I've been sneakily weighing myself. Only thing is I think it's kind of getting to be a problem. After I overate on Wednesday I was ~5lbs up on Thursday which I wasn't too annoyed with, figuring a lot of it was water retention from eating a lot of salty foods. But after eating really well yesterday and exercising for an hour and a half I was still 4lbs up today.
Blegh.
I know it's silly to weigh every day and be annoyed by what the scale says but I can't help it.
I want to ask him to take them back to his place but then I also still want them at mine....Dilemma.

Anyway today is another day spent in the library attempting to finish my dissertation o_O

Breakfast:
Pear
Blood orange

Library snacks:
2 mini kinder bites (3 syns)
Lidl animal cookies (5.5 syns)
Lidl mister choc almond and caramel (5 Syns)

I decided to rename my diary because I really don't want my binge eating to define me. It's hard and horrible to deal with, and goes far beyond the usual. But that doesn't mean I have to let it control my every day, I just have to recognise it's something I struggle with and do my best to keep it under control.

Anyway back to food-
Meeting up with a friend later on and we were meant to be going for dinner. I let her know that I was a little stressed about food choices and she's said we can just go for a cuppa at hers. Phew!
 
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Oh man oh man.

So I've had a really shitty Friday/Saturday/Sunday of eating. And I don't mean like 'oh way over syns' shitty I mean I actively went out and bought binge food and ate until my stomach strained and my jaw ached and my eyes stung because I know I'm actively sabotaging myself and I don't really know what to do about it.

Looking for a trigger - maybe it was having some of the 'bad' food in the house in the first place. Maybe it was making plans to go eat. Maybe it was the stress of having my dissertation due in.
Whatever it was I ate probably about 20,000 calories over those three days no word of a lie. So yes, I'm expecting a gain this week. Boy has taken his scales back, which is a blessing and a curse. I crave knowing exactly how much damage I've done but realistically I ask myself 'When has knowing ever helped? Don't you remember the 10s if not 100s of mornings that you've climbed aboard the scale and been annoyed at not dropping every day, and reactively had a terrible day with food? Let go of that abusive relationship.'

So I'm trying again. Which I suppose is all I can do.

Day 1 back on track...Breakfast:
Pear
Granny smith apple
2 eggs

Lunch:
Ham
Cottage cheese
 
My eating went really well today and my head is a little bit more screwed on. Dinner was a yummy pulled chicken stew I had in the freezer.
 
marybobs said:
Its so hard when you have something big on. I stress eat when I had to have assignments etc in.
Click to expand...

Isn't it! I think it's because it's what I've always done. Big coursework/lots of revision? Non-stop junk food feast.
For me, what I need to start doing I think is replace those large amounts of crap food with large amounts of veggies/fruit and remind myself it's ok to stuff myself til I feel full if that's what I need to keep working, I've just got to pick better foods to do it with.
And then after that I can start working on stopping that binge behaviour altogether.

Anyway today's started pretty well too!
Breakfast:
Sweet mini peppers (speed)
2 babybels (6 syns)

Snacks:
Fruit salad
 
Hey lovely -

I don't know why we do it to ourselves... I think once we get that award we so desperately aim for once we have it we do something to sabotage (or at least I do) Nothing I can say but look at how well you are doing and try not to let everything get on top of you (easier said than done I know!)

Food is looking good for today, whats on the menu for the rest of the day? xx
 
Hi there....
Found you by accident really but have enjoyed reading your epic weight loss journey, so please may I subscribe ??
I have in the past lost 5 stone plus, but having a little extra here and there have put it all ( and more) back on !!!!
Then the 1st week of January ( after I'd eaten me Crimbo goodies) decided to rejoin Slimming World, where after 8 weeks I find myself having lost 2 stone.... I can certainly understand the binge days I still do myself but then think.... Come on Paul get that Slimming World head back on, and I'm good, so keep up the fantastic work you've done so far, you've come such a long way so be proud of yourself, catch you soon hopefully xx
 
I know exactly. I had exams a few months back and I literally ate about 7,000+ calories in a sitting. Just picking at food aj wasn't even hungry for. So now when I'm studying I get punnet of grapes or berries and snack on them. Its so hard to break that pattern. But you are doing fantastic
 
I MAINTAINED. Praise the weight loss Lord, this is truly a miracle. Now I just want ONE WEEK on track. Not going to shoot for SP, not going to worry about being very low syn (in fact, I'm going to try to eat all my syns) and if I feel the need to eat LOTS I'm going to do it with veggies and fruit. Come on Lol, you can do this.

Sazmajig said:
Hey lovely -

I don't know why we do it to ourselves... I think once we get that award we so desperately aim for once we have it we do something to sabotage (or at least I do) Nothing I can say but look at how well you are doing and try not to let everything get on top of you (easier said than done I know!)

Food is looking good for today, whats on the menu for the rest of the day? xx
Click to expand...


Definitely! I am a terrible one for self-sabotage. I think it comes from a place of poor self esteem; I feel I don't deserve to be doing as well as I am which leads to self-destructive behaviour. It sounds dramatic but I really believe my issues with self-harm now manifest themselves in my relationship with food as well.
For example, I still occasionally punish myself after binges by taking a large amount of laxatives. I know that calories have been absorbed already but the physical pain is meant to act as a deterrent to stop me

My food for the rest of the day was good! I had a mugshot for lunch and pasta with salad for dinner. Late night snack of peanut butter didn't exactly help me along but I was craving it and I didn't binge - yay!
xx

Scooter-boy said:
Hi there....
Found you by accident really but have enjoyed reading your epic weight loss journey, so please may I subscribe ??
I have in the past lost 5 stone plus, but having a little extra here and there have put it all ( and more) back on !!!!
Then the 1st week of January ( after I'd eaten me Crimbo goodies) decided to rejoin Slimming World, where after 8 weeks I find myself having lost 2 stone.... I can certainly understand the binge days I still do myself but then think.... Come on Paul get that Slimming World head back on, and I'm good, so keep up the fantastic work you've done so far, you've come such a long way so be proud of yourself, catch you soon hopefully xx
Click to expand...

Of course you may! Thank you :D I completely am in the same boat with considerable weight loss in the past. It's so frustrating! Occasionally I find myself wistfully looking back at old pictures and wishing I could go back in time but need to stop that. All it's really taught me is that the methods I've used in the past haven't been sustainable haha. Need to get my head round this whole 'healthy habits for life' part and stop trying to race to the finish.

2 stone already?! That's amazing, well done you!! Hope we both continue to be bad-ass at this whole weight loss gig :D xx

marybobs said:
I know exactly. I had exams a few months back and I literally ate about 7,000+ calories in a sitting. Just picking at food aj wasn't even hungry for. So now when I'm studying I get punnet of grapes or berries and snack on them. Its so hard to break that pattern. But you are doing fantastic
Click to expand...

That's such a good plan! I've literally eaten a kilo of carrots today (stomach, what even are you? i swear there's meant to be a limit to how much I can stuff inside you haha) but you know that's a whole lot better than a bag of donuts, a pint of ice cream and a multipack of crisps. We can do this!! We just gotta keep making good choices.


Today's food so far
Breakfast:
Fruit salad (speed and free)

Lunch:
Tesco large fish sushi selection (4.5 syns)
Smoked trout

Snacks:
1 KILOGRAM of carrots like whutttt i'm the world's hungriest person today
Granny smith apple

UPDATE: Still ravenous, wondering whether I have a tapeworm...

More snacks:
Cup of raspberries
1 tbsp peanut butter (5 syns)
1 tsp rasberry jam (1/2 syn)
 
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It's really refreshing to hear someone with the same issues! I never realised what I was doing but it definitely sabotage, as though I loose weight then have to 'prove' it must be a fluke! I've been 11.7-12.1 for about a year now, up down up down and would really like yo get below 11. I find your insight great reading, thanks!
 
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