hannahmroman
Member
have you seen how much fat 1lb is - even if you 'only' lose 1 - it's still a lot off your hips/tummy/thighs!
Lots to lose ! Anyone else got lots to lose!
- Thread starter madtaff
- Start date
Surzy
Fat Fund-raising Fanatic
Help needed.
I don't know what to do.
Last night my hubby damaged his car in the snow, he came home in a foul mood and asked if he could take mine.
I panicked and said no, and now he hates me.
I asked him to borrow his mums car and i went to collect the keys for him.
I said no, and it's so hard to even type this, because i've been binging in my car for the last few weeks, the car is full of wrappers and crumbs, I was so ashamed, and worried about being found out.
Now i just feel like i've got no option but to come clean - but I don't know how to tell him. I really don't think he'll understand and he's just going to judge me and hate me even more.
Sorry for offloading but I didn't know who else to talk to
I don't know what to do.
Last night my hubby damaged his car in the snow, he came home in a foul mood and asked if he could take mine.
I panicked and said no, and now he hates me.
I asked him to borrow his mums car and i went to collect the keys for him.
I said no, and it's so hard to even type this, because i've been binging in my car for the last few weeks, the car is full of wrappers and crumbs, I was so ashamed, and worried about being found out.
Now i just feel like i've got no option but to come clean - but I don't know how to tell him. I really don't think he'll understand and he's just going to judge me and hate me even more.
Sorry for offloading but I didn't know who else to talk to
hannahmroman
Member
sounds like rock bottom to me. i've been there, and you need to use this as a turning point. i told myself i had to get a grip, and that's exactly what you need to do at this point. Take the bull by the horns and tell your hubby what has been going on. dont let a bad few weeks turn in to a bad few months and throw away all your hard work.
Roziee
Gold Member
Surzy said:Help needed.
I don't know what to do.
Last night my hubby damaged his car in the snow, he came home in a foul mood and asked if he could take mine.
I panicked and said no, and now he hates me.
I asked him to borrow his mums car and i went to collect the keys for him.
I said no, and it's so hard to even type this, because i've been binging in my car for the last few weeks, the car is full of wrappers and crumbs, I was so ashamed, and worried about being found out.
Now i just feel like i've got no option but to come clean - but I don't know how to tell him. I really don't think he'll understand and he's just going to judge me and hate me even more.
Sorry for offloading but I didn't know who else to talk to
Oh hun ((hugs))
It's okay.. I used to do that so much.
First of all, I'm sure he does not hate you. Mad, angry, annoyed with you, maybe. But hate? I'm sure he isn't ((hugs))
Sit him down and tell him.. No matter how hard it may seem once you start talking to him it will become easier. Tell him that you feel he will be judgemental and you're afraid he will hate you- he is your husband and I know that I would be devastated if my husband thought that I'd hate him- regardless what he had done.
He will be much happier with you to know that there was a reason for you not giving permission to your car. God knows what he may be thinking now and it's not fair on you or him if you keep this to yourself.
Once you have spoken to him about it.. Then we can deal with the binge eating.. We are here to help no matter what.. But please go and speak to your husband.
Lots of love.
Rozie.
ColJack
Gold Member
Ask yourself what's worse, him possibly being judgmental over a slip on your diet, or him wondering what's so bad in the car or what he's done that you won't lend it to him. ?
He may be wondering if you're trying to hide evidence of something much worse like massive credit card bills or hotel receipts from an affair etc.
So you had a slip, nothing at all to be ashamed about.
Sent from my iPod touch using MiniMins
He may be wondering if you're trying to hide evidence of something much worse like massive credit card bills or hotel receipts from an affair etc.
So you had a slip, nothing at all to be ashamed about.
Sent from my iPod touch using MiniMins
dextersmum
Gold Member
Surzy.........sending lots of love - don't feel bad xxxxxx. Listen to all your friends on here, they are all right and you need to see how well you have done Hun. Just look at those before and after pics!!! You are only human xxxxxxx
By the way this little piggy here has put on 1lb and is giving herelf a good ol' kicking!!! (mind you I know that I didn't focus so back to it today with a vengeance!)
By the way this little piggy here has put on 1lb and is giving herelf a good ol' kicking!!! (mind you I know that I didn't focus so back to it today with a vengeance!)
Surzy
Fat Fund-raising Fanatic
Thanks for the help folks, it was a frosty night last night and worse than just the temperature.
ColJack - I hadn't thought about it that way - Thank you for the bloke perspective - Oh and I have had the convo before about me losing weight and that am i going to leave him - I feel bad now. that he thinks I might be cheating on him. I'm not, and never would.
Roxee - That's a great idea. I am much better at articulating myself in text than i am in person when it's a very emotive subject.
ColJack - I hadn't thought about it that way - Thank you for the bloke perspective - Oh and I have had the convo before about me losing weight and that am i going to leave him - I feel bad now. that he thinks I might be cheating on him. I'm not, and never would.
Roxee - That's a great idea. I am much better at articulating myself in text than i am in person when it's a very emotive subject.
ILoveCake
8.5st lighter!
Surzy said:
Mine worries about men stealing me too. It may have crossed your hubbies mind. I do get loads more men eyeing me up now. Dh would freak out lol.
I hope you've had that chat. You are only human and this is a long journey. Put the car snacking behind you. You can do this!
Surzy
Fat Fund-raising Fanatic
This is what i've sent him.
I wanted to share it with you to so it's out in the open. It's not just been a few weeks ...
"Hello my love.
I had wanted to talk to you last night but the words just wouldn’t form properly and every time I tried it just upset me even more.
I’m sorry for not letting you borrow the car. But I was ashamed. Not just that it was a mess, which it was, but why it was a mess.
I need to confess something but before I do – I don’t expect you to forgive me for Saturday, because I was a coward, but I hope this goes someway to explain some odd behaviour.
For the last 15 years I have been a binge eater. I sat yesterday and chatted on the phone to a lovely lady called Irene from Westfield Health. She’s a counsellor and works in the department that takes care of eating disorders.
We talked for over an hour and she asked me lots of questions.
About when my weight problems started, when they got worse, what I do when I feel bad and things like that.
She believes that I have Binge Eating Disorder or BED for short. http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Binge-eating/Pages/Introduction.aspx
But for the last 6 weeks that has been turned into a form of Bulimia – where I intentionally make my self sick after a binge and mis-use laxatives.
I do this when I’m unhappy, when I’m upset or stressed.
She asked me a funny question about getting married – as that was a big life change – she asked whether I tried to lose weight for it. And I did try – but all along I was bingeing in secret, where I couldn’t be seen. I would think nothing of buying a multipack of cookies/a massive swiss roll/ a huge family bag of crisps and eating them in minutes. I’d buy them and sit in the car and eat them and try and get rid of the evidence so that no-one suspected. It was like my little secret. It wasn’t because I was afraid of getting married, I wasn’t. I was worried about being looked at – worse photographed, and that those photos would never go away. The reason I’m so dismissive of the wedding photographs is that they genuinely make me die inside. Because every time I look at them it makes me realise what I’ve done to myself, but the vicious cycle is that I get upset about it and I binge.
It started at high school – after years off being bullied for my height I turned to food as comfort. It made me feel better – a family thing I think – all out major events revolve around food LOL
When I found out about my Mum cheating on Dad and the subsequent events that unfolded – I turned to food.
When relationships went wrong – I turned to food.
Kirsty’s death… and the list goes on.
Every major (and minor) trauma in my life I turn to food. And until yesterday I had never really put this together in my own head. I never dared admit it was a problem – I just took it as ‘who I was’ ‘just one of those things I did’ ‘A funny trait’ But it’s not. I understand that it’s a problem now that I need to address.
I am currently feeling stressed and unhappy. I’m in constant pain with my back, and I’m worried about work. Another restructure looms and I know eventually my luck will run out and I will be the one to lose my job.
For the last 6 weeks I have been bingeing uncontrollably. In the car. It’s the only private space I had. To my shame it was full of sweetie wrappers, crisp packets, cookie bags and the bags that sausage rolls come in.
The coats were there to cover up the worst of it so you wouldn’t see it when you looked in. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the upset I caused, for what may have been going through your mind, for lying to you. But I was lying to myself, and everyone else that asked if I was ok.
I have cleaned the car of all crumbs, wrappers and such. And I promised myself yesterday that I will no longer eat in the car. Irene thinks that breaking the association with food/car/security will be one of the hardest things. Aside from telling someone close to me. So the purging – I’ve thrown away all my laxatives and as I see it, if I’m not bingeing I shouldn’t feel the need to make myself sick. But who knows, that maybe harder to break that I’m making out.
I hope this goes someway to explaining my odd behaviour. I can’t imagine what you were thinking. Please don’t judge me. I feel bad enough as it is. I may occasionally fail. And I’ll need your help.
I love you xxx"
I wanted to share it with you to so it's out in the open. It's not just been a few weeks ...
"Hello my love.
I had wanted to talk to you last night but the words just wouldn’t form properly and every time I tried it just upset me even more.
I’m sorry for not letting you borrow the car. But I was ashamed. Not just that it was a mess, which it was, but why it was a mess.
I need to confess something but before I do – I don’t expect you to forgive me for Saturday, because I was a coward, but I hope this goes someway to explain some odd behaviour.
For the last 15 years I have been a binge eater. I sat yesterday and chatted on the phone to a lovely lady called Irene from Westfield Health. She’s a counsellor and works in the department that takes care of eating disorders.
We talked for over an hour and she asked me lots of questions.
About when my weight problems started, when they got worse, what I do when I feel bad and things like that.
She believes that I have Binge Eating Disorder or BED for short. http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Binge-eating/Pages/Introduction.aspx
But for the last 6 weeks that has been turned into a form of Bulimia – where I intentionally make my self sick after a binge and mis-use laxatives.
I do this when I’m unhappy, when I’m upset or stressed.
She asked me a funny question about getting married – as that was a big life change – she asked whether I tried to lose weight for it. And I did try – but all along I was bingeing in secret, where I couldn’t be seen. I would think nothing of buying a multipack of cookies/a massive swiss roll/ a huge family bag of crisps and eating them in minutes. I’d buy them and sit in the car and eat them and try and get rid of the evidence so that no-one suspected. It was like my little secret. It wasn’t because I was afraid of getting married, I wasn’t. I was worried about being looked at – worse photographed, and that those photos would never go away. The reason I’m so dismissive of the wedding photographs is that they genuinely make me die inside. Because every time I look at them it makes me realise what I’ve done to myself, but the vicious cycle is that I get upset about it and I binge.
It started at high school – after years off being bullied for my height I turned to food as comfort. It made me feel better – a family thing I think – all out major events revolve around food LOL
When I found out about my Mum cheating on Dad and the subsequent events that unfolded – I turned to food.
When relationships went wrong – I turned to food.
Kirsty’s death… and the list goes on.
Every major (and minor) trauma in my life I turn to food. And until yesterday I had never really put this together in my own head. I never dared admit it was a problem – I just took it as ‘who I was’ ‘just one of those things I did’ ‘A funny trait’ But it’s not. I understand that it’s a problem now that I need to address.
I am currently feeling stressed and unhappy. I’m in constant pain with my back, and I’m worried about work. Another restructure looms and I know eventually my luck will run out and I will be the one to lose my job.
For the last 6 weeks I have been bingeing uncontrollably. In the car. It’s the only private space I had. To my shame it was full of sweetie wrappers, crisp packets, cookie bags and the bags that sausage rolls come in.
The coats were there to cover up the worst of it so you wouldn’t see it when you looked in. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the upset I caused, for what may have been going through your mind, for lying to you. But I was lying to myself, and everyone else that asked if I was ok.
I have cleaned the car of all crumbs, wrappers and such. And I promised myself yesterday that I will no longer eat in the car. Irene thinks that breaking the association with food/car/security will be one of the hardest things. Aside from telling someone close to me. So the purging – I’ve thrown away all my laxatives and as I see it, if I’m not bingeing I shouldn’t feel the need to make myself sick. But who knows, that maybe harder to break that I’m making out.
I hope this goes someway to explaining my odd behaviour. I can’t imagine what you were thinking. Please don’t judge me. I feel bad enough as it is. I may occasionally fail. And I’ll need your help.
I love you xxx"
chelemad
Full Member
hi guys, can I possibly join this thread? I'm joining SW tomorrow night but know I weigh in the 18st bracket so need no want to lose 7.5 / 8st . I have read through previous comments and can clearly see what motiviation and support you give each other and would like to be apart of that if possible? @ Surzy I do the exact same, when my OH is working nights I binge and hide the evidence to me its a case of 'if no one sees me eat it then I haven't' I'm going to google BED and have a read as reading your text to OH could have in fact has been me all over and and this is a cycle I too need to stop!! Good luck all with WI and well done on all the losses.
Thanks Michele x
Thanks Michele x
dextersmum
Gold Member
Surzy - I agree with Michele and know this you are NOT alone! I can wholly understand because I have been there and the guilt and upset is terrible. You may find that your husband knows because bulimia is difficult to hide - my hubby found out and he was soooo upset it made me think twice about what I was doing to myself. Still had episodes when I would binge/purge when he wasn't around but it didn't help me lose weight and was more a self harm/low self esteem/stress thing with me. I am glad you are talking to a counsellor and of course we're all here for you xxxxxx
Will not stop overnight but you will get there (big hugs)
Will not stop overnight but you will get there (big hugs)
dextersmum
Gold Member
Thank you Hun - she is my baby girl xxxxx is your profile pic a staffie?? Love all animals and I have to walk coco lots which helps me get my exercise!
chelemad
Full Member
No she's an English Bull Terrier and like you she's my baby girl too, she's nearly 8, we've had her nearly 2yrs after rescuing her from being in kennels for over 18mths, just cant understand why no one wanted her they missed out on one heck of a furbaby IMO
!! I love all animals too, my mum has an King Charles and my sister has a horse Have decided that me and Cassie will be going for decent walks once I join SW and as the nights are getting lighter there is NO excuse for laziness lol Michele x
dextersmum
Gold Member
She is soooo gorgeous and I bet she can't believe her luck finding her new mummy!! Is she spoilt.....on the bed/settee??
Surzy
Fat Fund-raising Fanatic
I've had a reply ...
"Ello
Dont worry.... I still love you like mad!
Ive known for a long time you stuff yourself in the car..... so much evidence you cant hide it!
As Ive kept telling you for the last seven years.... I dont mind what size you are..... which is why Ive never said anything about your not so secret consumption.
What annoyed me most was the mess in the car. NOT the cause of the mess. ...that Ive asked many times for you to look after it. ....because I paid £7000 to give my wife to be a Christmas present she really wanted. Im from a working class background, even though I earn a good income, £7000 is still a lot of money to me..... which is the bit that annoys me. Having said all that, I know now why it was so bad.
I didnt know about you were making yourself sick or on laxative..... but that would explain the exponential increase in our use of toilet roll!!!! ....I noticed that alright!
Is this anything I can help with at all??
I know this mail doesnt say much.... but thats because (we both know) Im pants with the written word! ....and what I write could so easily be misinterpreted.... because Im pants!
Love you lots.
Gotta go try n fix my car now"
Ok. Bloke reply. Don't really know how to feel about that. He doesn't care about what I was doing - but cared more that I messed up the car he bought me? Feels a bit materialistic. But I'm not going to read into it - as he admits he's not great at articulating himself (he's from Yorkshire and his family don't really display any feelings towards each other)
LOL @ loo roll
"Ello
Dont worry.... I still love you like mad!
Ive known for a long time you stuff yourself in the car..... so much evidence you cant hide it!
As Ive kept telling you for the last seven years.... I dont mind what size you are..... which is why Ive never said anything about your not so secret consumption.
What annoyed me most was the mess in the car. NOT the cause of the mess. ...that Ive asked many times for you to look after it. ....because I paid £7000 to give my wife to be a Christmas present she really wanted. Im from a working class background, even though I earn a good income, £7000 is still a lot of money to me..... which is the bit that annoys me. Having said all that, I know now why it was so bad.
I didnt know about you were making yourself sick or on laxative..... but that would explain the exponential increase in our use of toilet roll!!!! ....I noticed that alright!
Is this anything I can help with at all??
I know this mail doesnt say much.... but thats because (we both know) Im pants with the written word! ....and what I write could so easily be misinterpreted.... because Im pants!
Love you lots.
Gotta go try n fix my car now"
Ok. Bloke reply. Don't really know how to feel about that. He doesn't care about what I was doing - but cared more that I messed up the car he bought me? Feels a bit materialistic. But I'm not going to read into it - as he admits he's not great at articulating himself (he's from Yorkshire and his family don't really display any feelings towards each other)
LOL @ loo roll
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