Lynn's Diary - My Big Fat Weight Loss Journey

[Lynn_]

I have had mad urges to eat hot pie today, its almost like an hallucination lol. At the weekend I wanted hubby to buy a proper cornish pasty so that I could have one bite of it, but he didnt want one, and now its all I can think about lol. I think having eased up on food at the weekend im now getting carb withdrawal, not that i ate much carb, but it doesnt need much to set it off.

I had a fruit yoghurt at breakfast at the weekend and really enjoyed it, so on Monday I went to Tesco and had a look at the low fat yoghurts and found that Weight Watchers do a low calorie fromage frais with a layer of fruit in the bottom. I bought myself some and have been having one for breakfast but they are unbearably sweet even though they are only about 54 cals each. So today I went back to Tesco and had another look at some others and found plain low fat fromage frais at 46 cals for 100grms, Total 0% fat greek yoghurt at 52cals for 100 grms, and Philidelphia light in mini pots for 55 cals each minipot, so i will try some of those this week.

I went to work today after all, and it wasnt too bad, I still feel a bit rough though.

 

[ImLosingWeight]

I went to work today after all, and it wasnt too bad, I still feel a bit rough though.

Great work ethic Lynn, work is great for my diet because it distracts me, if I was at home I would be tempted to jump off the beaten track i'm sure! So props to you for going into work even though you weren't feeling good.

Even bigger props for hitting your minitarget :happy036: well done!!

 

[Lynn_]

awww thanks for that! I hate being out of my routine when im trying to lose weight, going to work is a good distraction lol.

Also I hate going sick from work as every winter i can almost guarantee going down with a bad flu, for the past 3 or 4 years ive had really bad flu despite having the jabs and each time im off work for at least 3 weeks, last year it was 4 weeks as i had swine flu, so if im gonna be ill i want to be really really ill before i lose any work time lol. Actually, you could guarantee that i wont get it this year, as it would be too good to be true to lose half a stone without trying lol.

 

[Lynn_]

I dont generally do a food diary as i dont eat a lot anyway and i tend to eat the same thing every day, but it might be useful to record what i do actually eat. Also the food craving i had today was quite worrying, so if i make it a habit of recording what i eat then I will have to own up to anything naughty.

B. Half a WW fromage frais and a fresh fig - probably 100 cals tops, ive decided i really dont like those WW things, too sweet.
L. Apple and a small bowl of cauli and broccoli soup - about 180 cals
D. A small piece of salmon (250), a grilled red pepper (80), a philly minipot (55) and a fresh fig (50)- 435 cals

Several cups of coffee at 20 or 30 cals a cup? say 100 cals in all.

todays total 815 cals

 

[Lynn_]

\Thanks Mary, although i cant help feeling you are just here to advertise a weight loss site

I give up today, I feel too ill to do anything, nevermind get out of bed. Ive just put a call into my doc for some antibiotics as i beleive ive got a chest infection.

Wonder whats on telly, I might watch loads of food programs today as i feel too sick to eat anything lol, normally they make me want to eat the food they are cooking. OHh maybe there will be some Come Dine With Me on, i love those programs haha

 

[Lynn_]

I see Mary has been removed from the site Must be a common issue with people joining just to promote other sites.

Ive been to see my doctor today, i have a chest infection and she has pulled the big guns out to fight it, hooray! Antibiotics steroids and various inhalers, i dare it to stand up to that barrage lol. I should feel a ton better by Monday anyway. Not sure what the steroids are gonna do to my weight or blood sugars, but im only on them for 5 days so im not worried. I cant eat anyway, i feel too sick today, although i did just have a peach with the handful of pills i just swallowed, to stop me feeling worse.

Watched a bit of tv today, but slept on and off as well, and im not sure exactly what it was i was watching, i think i had Supernanny on for a while. I know my son has both seasons of Extras around somewhere on dvd, that would be entertaining for a while. ohh Woll pans! I remember watching a bit of shopping channel tv! I bought a couple of Woll pans years ago, they are fantastic, i think i gave one to my daughter. They had a set of 3 for £200, was very tempted to get them, but couldnt be bothered to get out of bed to find my credit card, anyway what do i need pans for, i dont really cook anymore lol.

Im going back to bed.

 

[Healthy2010]

Lynn you last post really made me laugh, aside from obviously feeling bad for you being ill and wishing you a speedy recovery! Super nanny, shopping channel and pans.. Can tell youre bored and not at good at being poorly lol !!!

Seriously though I hope you start to mend for the weekend, i dont feel it was in gods grand plan to have his people poorly at the weekend... thats for work days! Although I do applaud your work ethic, I used to go in to work whatever my condition, now I regret it, as everyone around me treated sick leave as an extra few weeks off every year.... maybe they had a more exciting life than me lol !

At least the pounds will be dropping off you, if there is a silver lining in your illness cloud.. After my boozy night out on Saturday, I might be asking you to send me some of your used tissues so I can inhale your germs and stop me consuming any food next week ... at all!

Have you ever watched Junior masterchef, gosh those kids are good! I like come dine with me, fav food programme is Great British Menu, as I like watching brilliant chefs at work..

You take of yourself xx

 

[Healthy2010]

Ive just had to edit my post about 5 times, I think I have a severe case of needing a new laptop, mine keeps moving the cursor and typing on the wrong lines.. its gone mad! Unless I have it on the wrong setting lol

 

[Lynn_]

Ive just had to edit my post about 5 times, I think I have a severe case of needing a new laptop, mine keeps moving the cursor and typing on the wrong lines.. its gone mad! Unless I have it on the wrong setting lol

My cats play havoc with my pc and laptop, both are on all the time on my desk and they walk over the keyboards and even sleep on them. I then find that they have opened hundreds of internet explorer windows, or reset the display settings, or done something very weird lol.

Just got up to make myself a hot drink as son is nowhere to be seen tonight, so i cant get him to make me one, thought i would write down my food for today, not that there has been a lot

Fresh Fig(50) and mini philly pot(55) this is actually one of the most delicious things i have eaten for a long time (apart from crab pot in Mevagissey at the weekend). I love the creaminess of the phily with the sweeteness of the fig.Tescos currently sell fat juicy fresh Turkish figs and have them on special offer, 2 packs of 4 for £2.50

Peach with my pills 75. I had wonderful peaches when i was in Tunisia, they were ultra sweet intense flavour, almost almondy, best i have ever eaten. Ive bought some apparently ripe and ready to eat premium peaches since ive been home, but nothing has compared to the ones in Tunisia.

Bowl of cauli and broccoli soup with a spoonful of low fat fromage frais - about 140 cals i expect.

3 cups of coffee including the one i have now - maybe 60 cals?

380 cals in total for today, thats more than i actually thought I could get through today given how grotty i feel.

 

[Lynn_]

Hmmmm.....................

Ive just replied to someones thread about them hating being on diets, and its got me thinking.

Ive been overweight all my life, ok well obese then. Why? Why have i been fat all my life. Why is it that have been on numerous diets, all my life, lost weight then put it back on again. I bet if I added up all the weight ive lost since i first started dieting at 21 for my wedding, I bet ive lost something like 20 stone or more, maybe 30 stone. I can go on a diet and lose a stone and half easily, and thats usually the amount i lose before giving up. I bet out of the last 34 years Ive had at least 15 years of losing a stone and half ( i feel as though i go on a diet like that at least once a year, but lets say every other year), then 17 years ago i lost 5 stone and this year so far ive lost 4 stone. There ya go, at least 30 stone ive lost since i was 21.

The reason I guess, is that I go on a 'diet'. Ive never learned the basic mistake that i keep making time after time after time. I lose the weight, i regain it, i lose the weight i regain it. I dont think there has ever been a time in my life when my weight was stable, it was either going up or going down. I dont think there has been a year where i started at a weight and stayed that weight for the whole year.

Why will it be any different this time? Why will my desire to eat food that makes me put on weight change this time? Well obviously the byetta is new, ive never had that before. But what if i stop taking it, what if the doctor takes me off it, then what happens.

Do we put too much pressure on ourselves working to targets and minigoals, are they, in the long term, a bad idea? My latest minigoal for instance, lose 5lb by end of September. What if i dont make it? will i feel like i have failed? Should i be putting that pressure on myself?

Realistically my target weight should be what i weigh today. I have clothes that fit me and i look pretty good. Then if i lose weight next week i should reduce my target weight to that level. But that then gives me nothing to aim for long term, but am i then slipping back into the bad old ways that have seen me pile the weight on over and over, not reaching my ultimate goal makes me depressed and then i overeat to make me feel better.

I know this is rambling, and probably wont make sense to anyone but me, maybe its my fluey cold talking, maybe im just hallucinating haha

 

[Healthy2010]

Lynn,

That's certainly thought provoking and I think weight loss inevitably gets us questioning things. I really can't profess to have any answers to those questions as I've never been on a diet before, and cared enough about myself to make the changes. However, the fact you are questioning all this and it's the second time you have lost a lot of weight makes it different any other time. I think whilst it's clear in your pictures you look fantastic and nobody would think you needed to lose anything at all, if you have set yourself a goal that is truly where you feel you want to be. How long it takes you to get there doesn't really matter, it's about the achievement and fulfilling what you have determined is your goal. I read yesterday in a jillian michaels book a statistic that said something like only 1:5 women who diet keep the weight off and those that do are the ones that have reached their goal. As in our minds we deem ourselves failures if we give up before the finish line and our minds turn back to the start.

So maybe you have to complete your journey, and then decide on a weight range your comfortable in and that will become your mini target each week or month. Then every week when you stay within your range you are a winner again and again. This is how many of my slim friends manage their weight, they say that they still eat treats and meals but they balance out the next few days. It sounds so simple, but the more I think about it, it can only really work if you're comfortable in your weight range and there is enough of a wish to maintain the status quo. So maybe an element of accepting yourself and feeling good about all that you've achieved will keep you there.

I know what you mean though, I often think when I reach my goal then what? Is the sky more blue, will the birds sing a different song or will I wake up a different weight and just as insecure. But I always come back to the same thing, I think we all have our very own rainbow, we have moments of clarity that are scary, when we see what we want and then it it disappears, but it's up to us to conquer whatever is stopping us from reaching the rainbow and stepping past it to reach our pot of gold. Maybe we just have to open our eyes to see what we want and just go for it, don't look back and when we have it treasure it.

But then my head is in the clouds, and away with the fairies or it was, now Im starting to feel life has so much to offer, we just have to know when to grab on with both hands and not let go. Every pound of my weightloss will be staying off, it's life of death to me as a life with so much weight is no life at all. Lynn, you have overcome such struggles to get where you are, incredible sickness, eating tiny amounts etc you've nearly done the struggling bit, and you now have to see the amazing thing you have given yourself every time you look in the mirror and hang on to it.

You're a beautiful woman with a lovely figure, and you deserve so much to feel special and good about yourself every day and if that comes from the sense of achieving your goal, then the fight to the finish is worth it. When you get there, I'm sure this time you won't look back. X

 

[Lynn_]

Hi Healthy, thanks for your reply to my ramblings and thank you so much for the lovely things you said about me.

In a way im envious of you because, of the 2 of us, you are more likely to reach your goal and stay there, because this is your first time. You havnt had the crushing failure, the constant yoyo dieting. You have made yourself a life plan really, and i can see that determination in you to get there and conquer the weight issue once and for all.

At this moment in time, i can put my hand on my heart and say 'this is it, this is my time, I will beat this and i will stay at a good healthy weight' But I also know that I have been here before and i know how reckless and stupid i can be.

As for the stats, im surprised that its as many as 1 in 5 that lose weight and keep it off. I personally know of only one person that has done that, and i know many many people that do the constant diet gain diet thing over and over.

Also, there is something else I know. However hard it seems on a day to day basis, losing weight is easy. We know how to do it, we know what to do and when we keep to the plan the weight will come off, its pretty simple really. It may not come off in the amounts we would like and it may stick occasionally but Losing weight IS easy. Look at how many times ive done it, im an expert! The hard thing, the REALLY hard thing is keeping it off. And i think its hard because if we dont hit our goals we give up and feel like we have failed. But the truth is, whatever artificial goal we set ourselves, to lose any amount of weight is a success, but we lose sight of that. (When i say we, i mean dieters in general).

My goal is 11st 5lb, a totally arbitrary figure that i just grabbed out of my head. I got that figure because i started at 17st 5lb and it just felt like a nice round figure to lose a total of 6st. Oh yeah, also it puts me just within normal BMI, so maybe its not so arbitrary after all lol.

If i were able to be totally sensible i would say, ok ive lost 4st, lets just see if i can maintain that for a couple months before i try to lose anything else. It would be a good plan, i would have to learn how much i could eat just to maintain. Ive never ever been able to maintain a stable weight. But of course im not patient enough for that, i want to steam right ahead and hit that magic number ive set myself, and i want to do it by the end of the year. Also im controlled by the drugs im on to a large extent, but actually i think that applies to me much less now. It was the nausea initially that was making me lose weight, and im pretty much over that now, even on the higher dose.

Maybe thats what this is all about, im unconciously panicking that the byetta isnt controlling me as much as it was, im the one in charge now. And i cant be trusted to take the control lol.

 

[Lynn_]

Hubby got back from Wales at 1pm today, i didnt go to work, but i am starting to feel a lot better now, We went to Nirvana spa until about 5pm, then went to see my sister Sally who lives quite near the spa.

Then when we left there we went to the Beefeater in Reading so that i could have their delicious Paprika Chicken Salad, really enjoyed that. After that we went into Thatcham and spent a couple of hours in a pub with son Richard and his wife Liz, so was a really nice evening.

Food today
B. Fig and philly - 105 cals
D. Paprika Chicken Salad, their normal chicken salad is 291 calories but the parika chicken comes with a BBQ flavour dressing so im geussing maybe 200 cals tops for the dressing, so say 500 cals
3 cups of coffee - 60. I only drank soda water when i was out, so nothing for that.

Todays calories a mere 665 cals, and im pretty full!

 

[Lynn_]

Woot!!! 13.1.5 this morning for my weekly weigh in. Ive lost 4.5lb this week and we went away for the weekend last weekend! Only half a pound from losing 60lb total now, and only 2.5lb from being in the 12'st's.

Ive lost all this weight and STILL losing an average of at least 3lb a week according to my spreadsheet. In fact despite all the ups and downs and the little weight i put on in Tunisia, my average weekly weight loss (and i excluded my first 2 weeks from the figures) has never dropped below 3lb.

My spreadsheet prediction is that i should hit target by 20th Nov, which would be amazing if it happens, but the closer i get to goal im sure the weight loss will slow down. It would be wonderful if i could do it by then, but im still setting my sights on the end of the year.

 

[Lynn_]

Food today

B. Total 0% greek yoghurt 170gr pot 90 cals, fresh fig 50 cals - total 140 cals
L.
D.

Coffees at 20 each, 3

 

[*Shanny*]

Lynn amazing weight loss I have read your and it has really perked me up this morning. To start CC 100% well done and keep up the hard work. It will not be long until the scales will drop down to the 12 stone bracket.
Enjoy your weekend x

 

[Lynn_]

Hi Shanny, thanks for the kind comments

I went into town this morning to Matalan, bought the size 14 trousers for my work suit, they do actually go on and do up without any issue, but there is a slight 'knicker' line so I wont be wearing for them for a couple of weeks i guess, but i have the 16's to see me through. Also bought 2 gorgeous silky tops, a pink one which is pleated in the front, and a very pretty pale gold silky one that had beads and sequins round the neck, so thats a 'going out' one, both tops were size 16, which is really wonderful as Im always much bigger on top due to my generous boobs lol.

Went to see my daughter after shopping, she still hasnt been to see her doctor which is very naughty of her, but i was amazed to see that she had lost weight! a stone since coming back from Tunisia! I was so happy for her. We had a chat about her weight when we were on holiday but i did not want to sound judgemental or preaching, god knows i know how hard it is to get in the right frame of mind to lose weight, so im so glad that she has taken it on board.

She said she would like to do Cambridge Diet but its too expensive. I saw on the Exante website yesterday that they do 4 weeks meal replacements for £100, which i believe is a lot cheaper than CD, so we decided to order a months supply and split it between us so that we can both try it for 2 weeks to see what its like. I quite like the idea of doing this, ive been on vlcd for too long now, 4 months. Although i feel absolutely fine, I know im not getting all my nutritional needs, but i understand these meal replacements are nutritionally complete, so it might do me good to go on them for a while. Anyway 2 weeks wont hurt and it will be interesting to see how i respond to it weight loss wise, although I dont really expect to lose more than i am currently to be honest. Besides, it will be good to do something that helps support my daughter with her weight loss quest.

 

[*Shanny*]

Hi Lynn yes Exante is cheaper than CD at the moment VCLD diets is the best in my eyes. lol

Good luck you will be fine im sure,x

 

[Lynn_]

I hit 12.13 this morning, but was not the best way to get there lol.

Ive been on the higher dose Byetta since Thursday, and was very surprised to have had no side effects. Yesterday morning I had the injection, ate a yoghurt and a fig, then was busy in and out all day. BY 6.30pm i was not the least bit hungry, but was due the next jab and had eaten such a small amount all day. So had the jab and put my dinner on to cook. Felt very very sick within 20 minutes, could not eat anything so went to bed. About an hour later I was vomiting and in severe pain in my back and stomach, so hubby ended up calling a doctor. I actually ended up at the hospital in a terrible state, I had had an acute reaction to the Byetta. Im home again now, and feel exhausted, the doctor at the hopsital has given me a prescription to go back on the lower dose byetta again, but i did think they would tell me to come off it, but they didnt seem to know much about it anyway. Ill go back and talk to my doctor this week, and make a decsion from there.

Anyway, yayy for being in the 12 stones, but i wouldnt recommend the method lol.

 

[Lynn_]

Felt very washed out and exhausted all day today. Went into town to drop off my prescription, and Boots actually had the byetta 5mg in stock which is a first, they have always had to order it before. I gave myself a day off it today though, so havnt had any injections today.

Whilst i was at Boots I had to pop into Matalan again, bought another silky top in a pale grey and a 3/4 length sleeve stripy top with a cowl neck that is really pretty, also bought 2 pairs of ankle boots from Brantano, really smart little boots with 3 inch heels. Im loving wearing heels again after all this time! They will look good with my jeans or my work suit.

Took a suitcase of clothes round to my daughter that I cleared out of my wardrobe again, lots of work clothes that will fit her very soon, and a few more casual items.

This afternoon hubby and I went to Nirvana, I had to make myself go, the thought of staying in bed was very tempting, but it was so wonderful to get into their big warm jacuzzi pool and just relax, then i went and laid down on the hot beds and fell asleep for nearly an hour, Had a proper swim then another half hour in the jacuzzi and left just before 6.30.

Made myself an interesting meal this evening. I saw someone mention quark on one of the threads so when i was in Tesco yesterday i bought a 250gr tub of it to try. Its amazingly low in calories, 250grs is about 180 cals, but pretty tasteless on its own. I drained a can of tuna for about 130 cals, mixed it with the quark and added a little chopped onion and some chilli flakes and salt and pepper. Just like that it was really nice, but i wanted something warm, so i put about half the resulting mix ( it made an absolute load of the mix for a total of about 330 cals) into 2 halves of a red pepper topped it with some sliced tomato and grilled it. I ate one of the halves but found it a bit rich with the pepper so left the other half, but a bit later i picked out the tuna mix from the pepper when it had cooled down, it had firmed up quite a lot, a bit like sausage consistency and was really delicious as it was. So tommorow i will bake the other half on its own and have it like that.

Food today
B. 170grm total 0% greek yoghurt and a fresh fig - 140 cals
L. Yesterdays grilled salmon and pepper that i didnt eat then - 320 cals
D. Baked tuna and quark with half a pepper - 210 cals and a fresh fig - 50 cals

3 cups of coffee for 60 cals

total cals today - 780 calories