Mels Diary (Uncovered)

[melarnz]

What a week!! Hubbies nephew is living with us at the moment as he his mum threw him out and had nowhere to go. We took him in to try and straighten him out and since oct has been living in our livingroom. We thought he was doing brilliantly, going to work everyday, paying off his debts and stopped gambling. Then Monday he gets suspended from work for stealing (money out of the till). What s kick in the stomach!

So we have had the hard decision to kick him out or let him stay. As we have 2 girls, we don't want him to be a bad influence but he actually comes across as a really nice kid. Ahhhh

I lost 3lb this week which was great. But because of all the crap really wanted a kebab last night. Hubby and I spent all night debating wether to get one, and by then it was too late anyway lol. I'm soooo glad now we didn't.

I have my dress fitting sat, I'm gonna need all the help I can get!!

Hope everyone else is good xxxx

 

[LadyT]

Well done for you loss especially after a nightmare week for you. Family's, I understand your dilema, my brother has an addiction (no guesses for what it is) anyway I decided with two very impressionable teenages at the time I would cut him out of my life. It was a tough decision to make but for me the right one.

Good luck this week for the dress fitting, dont forget to update us xx

 

[melarnz]

Well, it's the morning of my dress fitting. I'm really worried tbh! I'm scared that if it fits, I'll take my foot off the peddle, and if it doesn't, I'll have a nervous breakdown lol

It's my month end at work monday and won't be able to go to my group. I'm off next week so should be able to go get packs and WI but I love the gals in my group.

My little girl went into the kitchen last night and got some scissors out of the draw and decided to cut her hair. (she's 5) my partner sent me a pic of her as I wasn't home, and I could have cried. She has cut her fringe down to the scalp and the lopped a load of hair off the sides. It's never going to grow back before the wedding. I can't believe she done it, she loves her 'long golden hair'. She was so upset last night after she looked in the mirror, that she couldn't talk through crying. It's a weird feeling being angry but also so desperately sad for her.

Well, I'm working this morning, so best get out of bed

Have a good weekend!

 

[carrieclaus]

today will be great. lots of love xx

 

[LadyT]

Good Luck for the fitting, i'm excited for you.

As for the hair incident, I know how that feels although it wasnt just before a wedding. My son decided to do it when he was about that age, completely out of the blue. I ws one of these mums that liked his hair to be a little longer, even so took his fringe down to the scalp and also chunks out of the side. I hd it cut quite short, which is easier with a boy and he wore a farmer style cap for months lol he used to look funny but loved his new hat luckily. Do you think it could be disguised with flowers or could it be restyled in a certain way. I know its difficult with the fringe, but sides might be salvagable. Kids you got to love them!

 

[DOVES]

Good luck for today

Thanks for sharing I totally get the libido bit defo need to work on that one

Xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[melarnz]

since trying on my dress and it fitting(ish) i have gone on a complete bender. i need to get back to reality....it didnt dit that well!! if i dont get on with this diet, it wont fit. there was a gap at the bottom where the ribbons tuck in. this is because i need to lose about 2/3 inches off my hips. for the dress to look perfect i need to lose another 1 or 2 stone.

so why am i sabotaging myself. i know i am going to be sooo gutted if the dress doesnt fit, or looks awful.

so its back to 100% abstenant, and i heard something on tv last night that really made me think. i was watching a tv programme last night where one of the women was upset over a man (its happened to all of us lol) and she came into work stuffing her face. the guy asked her what was wrong and she wouldnt tell him, the other guy there said 'leave her alone and let her eat her feelings in peace'.....it really hit a cord with me. cos it made me see why i was eating!! its all about feelings with me. so im going to make an extra effort to write in my diary when i feel lonely (hubby has gone onto nights) or deprived or pissed of so that i can express my feelings and not eat them.

i weighed in last week, and i knew it was going to be bad, so i told her i didnt want to know what it was. i was hoping for a super dooper weight loss this week, but as i have been abstenant all day and then binging at night, i doubt that will happen. but i am not going to let the weekend do anymore damage. i weigh in monday night, so lets balance the damage, nip it in the bud and carry on!

 

[carrieclaus]

well done for drawing a line under it. there is a 14 day abstinance thread if you fancy joining to motivate you. xx

 

[LadyT]

Dont be too harsh on yourself, you have come such a long way. Try to focus on how you will be feeling when you fit into that dress and it is absoluteley perfect (I'm sure it looks it now, but maybe just not to you, we are our own worst critics). Keep visulising that picture and imagine the feelings.......you will get there! xx

 

[gingette]

Mel I've got a couple of wee questions for you - what do you want? what is your goal? how are you going to reach your goal?

I'm not judging or anything I'm trying to be helpful. You know that you want to be abstinant and you do have the will power and resolve to make it happen. You've done it before and you can do it again. This is possibly the mentally toughest thing you have done and you need to acknowledge that. Try and break the cycle in the evening. If your hubby is on nights - can you view that as your time instead of time without your OH?

Sorry if this offend.s

 

[melarnz]

It doesn't offend at all.

I think the problem is that I 'need' to fit in the dress, but I 'want' to eat. The thing is, oonce the wedding is here and I am on the beach and in my dress, I know I'm going to be desperately sad if I feel uncomfortable. So I am trying to find distractions now, which to be honest with 2 kids, amjob and a uni degree on the go shouldn't be too difficult.

Tbh - I just really want this section of my life to be over. The stress is doing my head in!!

 

[melarnz]

Good and bad day! I haven't eaten ..... Good!! But I only had 3 packs.... Bad.

It wasn't my intention and usually im counting down the minutes fir the next one. But my sis came over to help with an application form for a job she wants to apply for (4 he's later) it's 10.30 pm and I just want to go to bed. So I had my 3rd pack just now and I'm going to bed

Back to plan tomorrow. I gave planned a trip to my friends house tomorrow evening to show her all the wedding gumpf I have bought so that will keep me on track, then as hubby has been on nights I think an early night is in order!

So tomorrow is all planned for, I have my new little shaker and am ready to rock and role

 

[Gembritney]

glad u have are ok and well done on planning ahead! x

 

[Flabberghasted]

I've read your thread from start to finish toinght and so much resonates with me. I hate being fat. It is miserable and it constantly invades my thoughts. It's the first thing that enters my head when I wake in the morning and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep. I hate how I look and I don't want to be intimate with my husband because I feel ugly and fat, how can anyone find me attractive or desireable when I hate myself.

I'm on week 9 of LL and I've lost 32 lbs. I've still got another 35 to go and I'm still fat but LL has changed my outlook. I'm still obsessed about my weight but I feel so much more positive, just taking action, doing LL means I am doing something, I am makng things better. Sticking to it is hard and unlike my first time round I do cheat some days but I'm careful about how I cheat. I eat ham or chicken and if I have some protein I omit a foodpack or two. I know it's cheating and not ideal but I stay in ketosis and I still lose weight. If you're struggling with abstinence try cheating sensibly because when you knock yourself out of ketosis you make it so hard for yourself. You have such great motivation. And you can do this!! Good luck. X

 

[melarnz]

Soooo tired. What an awful nights sleep!!

Every person in my house woke me up and I only got about 4 hours sleep in the end.

Priority today is to stay awake. I am demanding a nap today!

 

[melarnz]

hi Girls

Thank you so much for commenting on my diary. It is a relief to know there are others out there that want me to succeed.

I have just read gingettes diary from start to finish and i made me realise that i am completely stuck in a rut. im lazy, do not take the opportunity to walk and excersise when i can and need to take more control over what it going on around me rather than feeling sorry for myself all the time for being tired, busy or stressed.

so no more talk of the old me.

i am going to set myself some new achievable short term targets to aim towards and try and be much more positinve about being on plan rather than feel deprived because im not eating....its only food! it will all be there when i get back to a healthier way of life.

SO

todays plan is

- make new targets
- have a tidy up
- take a WALK to the supermarket
- take the girls for a walk and play to blackpark
- catch up on the studying i have been putting off for 4 weeks (eek)

go mel, go mel

weigh in tomorrow - whatever will be, will be -and then downwards to getting into my wedding dress comfortably

 

[melarnz]

This Weeks Mission

- do an extra bit of activity once a day
- update my diary daily
- catch up with my uni reading
- balance any crooked thinking with positive thoughts

 

[welshkaz39]

Fab plans and all achievable mel, i was talking to my LLC yesterday about the same kinda feelings you have really and she said basically i cant do it for you or id be a millionaire but LL will work for you no ifs or buts, and she said the 1 woman that is flying losing weight in our group only ups her activity by 40 steps a day a tiny tiny ammount but its an extra 1000 steps a month, but you dont notice it as its only another trip to the sink for water or for a pee lol where as right an extra 500 steps a day and by day 3 ive failed miserably so little and often i guess is the way, have a fab day and enjoy some you time to relax away from wedding and foody thoughts i know how tuff it is i got married in cyprus 2 years ago and you wake up thinking and go to bed thinking weddings but i look back now and realise that most things would have happened so much easier if i didnt stress so bad over them .... Bridezilla lol

 

[LadyT]

Loving this new Mel, where's she been hiding! lol xx

 

[melarnz]

Hey kaz

You have just given me an idea! As I go for a wee a million times a day at work, and have to go down a flight of stairs to get there - every time I go for a pee I'm gonna make myself go up and down twice before and after going! I may look a bit weird, but it should make s difference running up and down the stairs 3 times instead of once!

And thanks tbs - I'm gonna try and keep this one lol