Mich Diary....

[debz32]

Hi everyone and thanks for dropping by!!!

.... the problem is it's made me really grumpy..... I am absolutely fecking sick of not being able to eat like a normal person - the problem is when I do eat I don't eat like a normal person... I ram stuff in and I binge and I eat cr*p and it feels sooo good whilst its going in but then the next day I feel soooo pants.....:cry: :cry: I know I shouldn't look back but I soo want to kick my stupid fat ar£e for not sticking to this diet and for prolonging my agony..... I can't believe I've gained in 3 months over half I'd lost..... I am ashamed, embarressed and guilty that I have put weight back on..... I am starting to cry as I type this..... I promised myself I wouldn't have any 'pity parties'..... I don't deserve them cos I only have myself to blame but today I am feeling cr*p and nothing anyone says or does is gonna stop me feeling like this.....:cry: :cry: :cry:

..... I truly feel my head is well and truley fecked up and the only reason I'm doing CD is because I know that the weight comes of quick and it needs to come off quick....

OK - I'm gone..... please ignore my grumps it's a bad day and I will better tomorrow - I'm a real 'UP' or 'DOWN' girl.... and don't function on an 'even keel' much......

Lots of love

Hiya Mich - so sorry ur having a rubbish time.....

Just wanted to say....you're not alone.. I can sooo relate to everything you've said in your post.....I've put on too over the last few weeks and am soooo cross with myself and have promised myself that I'm gonna start again (again !) tomorrow......

Like you, I'm an 'all or nuthin' girl.....and it sooo cracks me up cos I just wanna be 'normal'......I have MEGA food issues too....and have had CBT and everything for it...but tbh, I think that just made me worse....

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and that loads of us are struggling with the same kinda stuff that you are....I'm sure that hasn't helped much....and I know that we are defo our own worst critics......

Will pop by again tomorrow to see how ur doin'....

lotsa love

Debz
xx

 

[MandyB2]

Hi Honey.. so sorry you're having a bad day.. I really know how you feel.. and as debz has just said.. you are deffinately not alone!!!! I am here for you unconditionally as always.. as is everyone else here.. we know how you feel, been there, done that ,got the t shirts from small to XXL.. we know the deal!!! The main thing is that we keep at it and keep supporting each other.. one day we will get it sorted.. you know i believe that!!! You do to.. that's why youre still here and fighting!!!!
My phone's sorted now so I'll be txting you soon.. we will sort a chat for this week as a priority... we 're in deffinate need of a catch up and a moan fest to make us both feel better!!!!!!!

All my love to you as always.. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :hug99: :grouphugg:

:whoopass: :king:

Just found the new smilies.... they're ace.. just a few random ones here!!!!!!!

xxx

 

[Mich]

Hi Mich - just popped in to catch up on your diary....

You are so witty....how comes everybody else's diary is sooo much more entertaining than mine ??!!! oops - forgot I don't even have one !!!

Always think nobody would be interested in what I'm up to...

Anyway, glad to see that you resisted the choccie at Tesco....and wrapping up a pressie hasn't stopped ME eating it in the past have been known to rip the paper off and stuff it down me.....while no-one's watching, of course

Look forward to hearing more of your exploits soon.....

love

Debz
xx

Thanks for your lovely words and encouragement too Debz.... it's really good to be amongst friends..... and you will make a wicked CDC.... shame you can't come to the WeMitt Meet - be great to meet you..... are you staying over the Saturday night? If so where? Where you flying from/to? PM me if you like.....

Just gonna go and chill and watch some TV with my lovely OH who has kept the kids well away from me today....bless he is a good un

Been 100% today so that's good......

Tomorrow is a whole new day....

Love

 

[Isis]

Oi missus Mich!!!

It's TOTALLY OK to feel bleeding sorry for yourself sometimes and if you want a pity party then I'll def join in. I've been doing the same over on my thread!!!!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hiya you

So sorry you had such a poo time with it all

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

Nothing's gonna make you feel better, but you know what,, it's done sweetheart. You can't change that, all you can do is act now.. nothing more hon, nothing less.. and if you want/need a pity party then damn well have one!! Get it all out of your system.. we're all friends here

Lots of love

Jennie xxxx

 

[Isobel1965]

Hi everyone and thanks for dropping by!!!

Well it's been a strange weekend..... Friday I was good and in control again and then yesterday it all went 'pete tong' :cry: :break_diet: :break_diet: :break_diet:

As you know it was OH birthday and family came round - normally I'd do party food or sausage batches etc but as it was early afternoon I just put out nibbles (crisps, nuts, doritos etc)..... needless to say I ended head first in them.... This kinda set the pattern for the rest of the day.... I'm terrible for 'well I've ate that may as well carry on...' So before I went to the concert I had some toast...... Went to the concert and had a lovely time..... met up with my sister and her made and they were all drinking beer but I had water and a diet coke (mainly cos I was driving). Came out and my friend and I went on a mission to find a chippy open (she'd not eaten and by this point I was in 'feck it' mode' start again tomorrow.... ). Anyway, couldn't find one open.... friend was almost self-harming as she was starving and desperately wanted chips... (I have to say although I'd have ate them I wasn't bothered one way or the other.... although I did quite fancy a pastie....lol)!! She asked if I'd oven chips but they'd all been used up at tea time so we got back to mine and had toasted cheese sarnies and the left over crisps..... and watched the Dancing on Ice I'd recorded..... so all in all a major carb fest yesterday.... :cry:

Kids had stayed at mum & dad's last night as OH was out with the lads (I was pleased he wasn't too hung over this morning).....so we both got a nice lie in - think I woke around 9.30ish - which is a major lie in for me..... OH asked what did I want for brekkie (I knew what was coming next) - just a glass of water for me as I'm back on packs says me..... oh OK!! Anyway, long story short..... I got out of bed, hopped on scales and my one day carb fest had resulted in a 5lb weight gain...... :cry: :cry: :cry: . Anyway, OH wanted to go to Tesco for a 'full English'.... I told him to go on his own cos I needed to be good.... so he did.... and I picked him up after.... the problem is it's made me really grumpy..... I am absolutely fecking sick of not being able to eat like a normal person - the problem is when I do eat I don't eat like a normal person... I ram stuff in and I binge and I eat cr*p and it feels sooo good whilst its going in but then the next day I feel soooo pants.....:cry: :cry: I know I shouldn't look back but I soo want to kick my stupid fat ar£e for not sticking to this diet and for prolonging my agony..... I can't believe I've gained in 3 months over half I'd lost..... I am ashamed, embarressed and guilty that I have put weight back on..... it cost a huge amount of money for me to start this (was a LLer) and I feel it's all been wasted cos I've learnt absolutely feck all in the last 12 months...... I am starting to cry as I type this..... I promised myself I wouldn't have any 'pity parties'..... I don't deserve them cos I only have myself to blame but today I am feeling cr*p and nothing anyone says or does is gonna stop me feeling like this.....:cry: :cry: :cry: It isn't helping that I am feeling increasingly frustrated with the kids - especially the little two.... they don't listen, they fight, they argue, they ignore me, and I feel they don't have any respect for me or OH...... in fact I don't even feel like I like them very much at the moment..... (of course I love them but they are testing me soooo much..... it doesn't help that I'm on a downer about my weight either.... )

The upside is that so far today I have been good - I have had 2 litres water and a hot choc pack.... it's weird cos I actually really love the packs espec the sweet ones.... I was drinking it thinking....mmmmm this is really good - it's hot, sweet and chocolatey - real comfort food so why can't I stop eating the other stuff tooo..... I truly feel my head is well and truley fecked up and the only reason I'm doing CD is because I know that the weight comes of quick and it needs to come off quick.... I have no clothes that fit only a copule of pieces and they are not suitable for work.... which is another thing - I hope I get one of these two jobs this week.....

Anyway, I'm gonna sign off.... OH is moaning 'are you going to be on the comptuer all afternoon.... ' - I've just said probably because the alternative is to sit and watch a DVD while they eat his birthday chocolate and then I probably won't see the end of the film cos I'll have to make THEM dinner......!!!!

OK - I'm gone..... please ignore my grumps it's a bad day and I will better tomorrow - I'm a real 'UP' or 'DOWN' girl.... and don't function on an 'even keel' much......

:whoopass: :king: :read: :hug99: :vibes: :queen: :cupid: :help2: :crazy: :grouphugg: :coffee: :giveup: :clap: :gimi: :giggle: :bliss: :fyi: :wow: :ignore: :drool: :wavey: :raincloud: :devilangel: :thinking2: siholog: :thankyou: rincess: :superwoman: atback: :nightf: :silly: :needhug: :sick:

I am loving the new smilies and this is in honour of 'ERIC' - Isobel you know who I mean......LOL

Lots of love

LOL thanks for those, darling - I'll show them to Eric - they'll make him smile!

Hun - you KNOW that I know exactly where you're coming from on the carb fest front!!!

The longer I do this diet and my CDC stuff, the more I truly believe that if your head is not in the right place, then you just can't stick to SS. You then feel guilty, low and depressed and thus turn to more junky stuff to blot it all out.

Guilt and shame are such negative emotions, they can do you no good whatsoever. They just make you search for a chippy!

You HAVE to look at the positives in order to calm yourself down (and I mean the general 'you' here, not just YOU - it's mee toooooo!) and try to be kind to yourself so you don't feel like a failure.

You've still lost half of the weight you lost before. You haven't put it all back on, so something's working.

If you give yourself permission to eat doing CD1000, or 790, then that's fine. And then everyday when you can SS, is a bonus. It sometimes takes babysteps to get back into the zone, darling, as you know.

I have no idea how I've managed to persuade myself to get back on that fecking wagon - apart from booking to go to Dublin, that is. I've wanted to lose the weight I've regain for the last 6 months, and have beaten myself up about it loads (far too much) - but I honestly think I had to wait until the switch clicked to 'on' in my head.

My first week was hell - but now I'm not really even thinking about it - just like the first time!

You will get there, but puh-lease stop thinking that you're rubbish - cos you're not. Only human.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Oh Mich I could be reading my diary!!! God how many times have i done this too .... and Friday was another BLIP!

Glad you are back on track .... with you all the way girl - you can, we can, do this!!!!!

 

[Mich]

Hi Guys!

Firstly thank you all for taking the time out to read my moans and groans of yesterday and to reply... it is really comforting to know that I am not alone on this crazy journey..... so a big :grouphugg: :thankyou: too.....!!


Well today was official weigh in day as I started last Monday..... I lost 4lbs..... this of course would have been more had I not succumbed to the evil carb but it's still 4lbs in the right direction and I am feeling determined and focused today..... I have done it before and I can do it again..... The mad thing about this diet is I actually like the taste of the shakes alas I also like the taste of crappy carbs too......

I had a nice evening last night just sat a snuggled up with OH to watch telly...... he is soooo lovely..... I'm such a beetch sometimes and he just takes it all It was 14 years yesterday since our first date..... and he really is the best thing that ever happened in my life...... He just supports me and the kids 100% and would do anything to make me happy..... I am one lucky girl I do know that....

I had a couple of lovely PM's from people on here (you know who you are ) and a text from Mandy...... she so gets where I'm coming from (as do alot of you I hasten to add)..... which is reassuring cos I reckon my mum thinks I'm a basket case.....!!! Which I probably am.....

I have spent this morning ironing and in the process managed to glug around 3litres of water..... Just had my first shake - hot banana (love it)..... and I'm going to have shower and wash my hair now........

Hope your all having a good day.......

Lots of love

 

[debz32]

Hi Guys!

Firstly thank you all for taking the time out to read my moans and groans of yesterday and to reply... it is really comforting to know that I am not alone on this crazy journey..... so a big :grouphugg: :thankyou: too.....!!


Well today was official weigh in day as I started last Monday..... I lost 4lbs..... this of course would have been more had I not succumbed to the evil carb but it's still 4lbs in the right direction and I am feeling determined and focused today..... I have done it before and I can do it again..... The mad thing about this diet is I actually like the taste of the shakes alas I also like the taste of crappy carbs too......

I had a nice evening last night just sat a snuggled up with OH to watch telly...... he is soooo lovely..... I'm such a beetch sometimes and he just takes it all It was 14 years yesterday since our first date..... and he really is the best thing that ever happened in my life...... He just supports me and the kids 100% and would do anything to make me happy..... I am one lucky girl I do know that....

I had a couple of lovely PM's from people on here (you know who you are ) and a text from Mandy...... she so gets where I'm coming from (as do alot of you I hasten to add)..... which is reassuring cos I reckon my mum thinks I'm a basket case.....!!! Which I probably am.....

I have spent this morning ironing and in the process managed to glug around 3litres of water..... Just had my first shake - hot banana (love it)..... and I'm going to have shower and wash my hair now........

Hope your all having a good day.......

Lots of love

Hiya hun - just popped by to say helloooooo

Glad ur feeling brighter today....and well done on 4lbs off !

onwards and downwards.....

love

Debz
xx

 

[Isobel1965]

So glad you're feeling better, darling!!!

You go, girl!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS And 4lbs is fab!!!!!!!!!

 

[Lottie-kins]

Hi hun,

Just found your diary and thought I'd say hi. I'm just sneaking a few mins in my lunch so i haven't read you properly, but will try to later. Well done on your fresh start and the 4lbs last week. Chip Chip Chipping away!!

C xx

 

[Mich]

Hiya hun - just popped by to say helloooooo

Glad ur feeling brighter today....and well done on 4lbs off !

onwards and downwards.....

love

Debz
xx

Thanks Debz..... feeling positive.... I can't let this beat me......:whoopass: (I love this smilie - it's my fav....!!!)

Got your PM will reply later......

Love

 

[pandora]

Hi Mich,
well done on 4 lbs, a good start in the right direction.
less said about the carb fest the better, but why oh why is it the carbs we allways turn to,i'm exactly the same.
here's to a fab week.
xx

 

[Mich]

Hi Mich,
well done on 4 lbs, a good start in the right direction.
less said about the carb fest the better, but why oh why is it the carbs we allways turn to,i'm exactly the same.
here's to a fab week.
xx

Thanks hunny - am feeling brighter and stronger as the day goes on..... I'll be like....:superwoman: by bedtime.....fingers crossed....LOL!!!!!

Thing is with me even if I wasn't dieting I should avoid carbs as I've PCOS which means carbs are not good

Hope your having a good day...... Notice I've changed my ticker to a mini BHam Meet target....... it may be a little ambitious to loost 24lbs in 25 days but aim high is my new motto....

Love

 

[DQ]

Got my fingers crossed for you honey - I would cheer but I have no voice so you'll have to settle for a silent cheerleader!!

 

[cazmaz_irl]

Thanks hunny - am feeling brighter and stronger as the day goes on..... I'll be like....:superwoman: by bedtime.....fingers crossed....LOL!!!!!

Thing is with me even if I wasn't dieting I should avoid carbs as I've PCOS which means carbs are not good

Hope your having a good day...... Notice I've changed my ticker to a mini BHam Meet target....... it may be a little ambitious to loost 24lbs in 25 days but aim high is my new motto....

Love

Hiya Mich, hope your having a good day today, i know all about the carb cravings I've got PCOS tooo, best thing is to stay off them completely, get past 3-4 goods days on CD and don't look back...

 

[nce1]

Hi Mich
nice to see your feeling so much better today

 

[Mich]

Hi hun,

Just found your diary and thought I'd say hi. I'm just sneaking a few mins in my lunch so i haven't read you properly, but will try to later. Well done on your fresh start and the 4lbs last week. Chip Chip Chipping away!!

C xx

hi hun!

Could have been better but had my carb fest on saturday so that put paid to a mega loss - gonna try harder this week see if I can loose more next week!

Hope your doing OK - catch up soon.

Love

 

[Mich]

Got my fingers crossed for you honey - I would cheer but I have no voice so you'll have to settle for a silent cheerleader!!

Thanks DQ so sorry to hear your so poorly - wishing you a speedy recovery....

Love

 

[Mich]

Hi Mich
nice to see your feeling so much better today

Thanks Mandie - doing OK - today has been a good day and hopefully tomorrow will be better again!

Love