Morticia's Musings

[Morticia]

Finally time to come here and spew forth my nonsense...

Been busy, busy, busy for the last few weeks. This last week saw week 10 and the introduction of cheese. Started off with wensleydale and cranberries. I was going to take it to work on Thurs with a large salad and some oatcakes. Then I realised I was going to a friends for a get together in the evening and the food I was taking was the cheeseboard. So the adult in me said.....maybe best to wait and have your cheese tonight, because if you have it today, you might want more tonight when you see it again. So was quite pleased with that decision. Just took chicken to work with the salad instead.

The evening was quite good, large buffet of gorgeous food, but again my adult state was in attendance and I made healthy choices and avoided the oily dressings and oily foods. One thing I was not happy with though is I went up for seconds, and maybe thirds, rationalising to myself that it was the healthy option I was choosing. If I'm honest I was fully satisfied before going back up for seconds. When I did a thought record the next morning regarding this, I realised there were some undercurrents (best friend not seen me since I was a size 14, now I'm a size 8-10, and she never even commented) so I think it was the strokes thing....I was feeling a bit deflated about that. Anyway, I seem to have curtailed the all or nothing thinking. I did not get up the next day and give myself a hard time for it, I just recognised it and moved on. No more binge/denial cycle that would have been my usual behaviour pre-LL. Tis all good stuff.

Have been indulging in a bit more cheeses, smoked cheese is a particular favourite at the moment. I seem to be having no problem maintaining my weight with these new additions. Next week bread, which I'm a bit nervous about, but hey I'm going to feel the fear and do it anyway as Susan Jeffers says....

Hope everyone has had/is having a good week.

 

[thin_inside]

:happy096:

You are doing so well and seem to have established your adult self well and truely. Well done. :clap:

xx

 

[slendablenda]

Congratulations morticia

Sounds like you are in control and aware, that's the main thing.
So sorry about your friend - sadly it's not unusual. (as Tom Jones said).
There is NO WAY she didn't notice.
You must be looking good...........

 

[Jezebella]

Wow Morticia, you gorgeous thing you!!!!!! You look exactly as I imagined you would, simply stunning!!! So sorry about your friend, she absolutely noticed !!

Hope you are having a good week.

Jez
xx

 

[Blonde Logic]

Yay!! A face to go with the name! Great to "See" you M - You look FAB!!! Well done on your bravery!
xxx

 

[Morticia]

Aww, thanks for the lovely comments people...you are such a great bunch of folk...

Just a quick catch up as I've still been mega busy. So much so that I've not really read my LL big blue book for weeks. Well since week 8. So it turns out after reading it tonight that I've been doing things wrong...

After week 8, I remember reading that you don't have your trigger food on the 7th day. If you had no problem with any or all of them then you can carry them on. So far so good. Well I wrongly assumed that this was the case in the following weeks too. So I've carried on having oats, porridge every day since week 9. As well as doing the same with cheese, carried it forward into this week because I did not seem to have a problem with it..... How did I get that all so wrong. Just shows how carefully you need to read the books. My LLC is off on holiday this week so no weigh in but my scales at home have me the same for the past few weeks. So it looks like I've not had a problem in that respect with doing it wrong.....just feel like an idiot....:sigh:

 

[Morticia]

Had a quick pop in to LL tonight to pick up packs and get weighed. So much for me doing things wrong....I've lost another 1 1/2 lb......... I went out running at the beginning of the week, maybe that helped.

Had some rye bread today...found it a bit dry, but loved the wholemeal pitta last night... Tomorrow I will try a wholemeal tortilla wrap...oh the choices...

 

[Jezebella]

Hey Gorgeous Girl

Interesting to hear that even though it was accidental you still lost in trigger weeks even though you didn't do it quite by the book. Shows just how sorted you are food wise now Am really looking forward to bread and cheese. How much have you lost in RTM so far? My LLC does not want me to loose any more, though I wouldnt mind another few pounds to see me through triggery weeks. Don't want to piss him off next week, and I really am not intentionally trying to loose weight. What has been your easiest and your hardest weeks so far, and has anything brought on serious cravings?

What plans for the weekend?

Jez
xx

 

[Morticia]

Hi Jez,

Thanks for the encouragement....

I think I've lost 10.5lb in total, though as I keep saying I'm not entirely sure as I missed my last weigh in for developers and the first weigh in for RTM, but I suppose it's all academic which weeks I lost the weight. I was asked tonight by the LL stand in if I was trying to lose weight...no is the answer but I'm not disappointed. I plan to hit the gym to do a bit of muscle building when RTM is over so I reckon I will put on some weight then.

Not sure what my most difficult week has been. If I'm truly honest I have not found any of it hard or difficult. I have learnt things on the way and done a bit of thought records or looking at TA....but that has been benificial not a hardship. In terms of food, I've not had any cravings or any mad impulse to go overboard, but I've always figured that my trigure foods are sugars so I've still to cross that bridge with week twelve coming up. I did feel tired/lethargic after having rice and pasta. I was ok with the other triggers from that week. I won't cut rice and pasta out 100% but will probably always try to have the alternative if there is one. I'm totally in love with oatcakes at the moment, not sure if they are becoming a bit of a trigger/addiction so will need to watch that, though I've not had any today and not felt deprived or whatever we are meant to feel when our triggers are withdrawn.

So what have you found the most challenging so far?....I'm not seeing much evidence of you having problems though...

Plans for the weekend, well I'm going for lunch with a bunch of friends that I do a class with tomorrow. Then travelling through to Edinburgh for a meeting with a lovely dressmaker who we are having dinner with. She is going to make a fabulous dress for me that I've wanted made for years. I always promised myself that if I lost weight I would get it done...so I'm all excited about that.

What about you, you going to relax this weekend?

 

[Minerva]

Morticia.. I'm truly impressed with the air of calm you are expressing. I guess maybe that's what it takes to be successful at this whole RTM - life eating thing, not to over-think it. Go with the flow, but being aware of potential consequences of one's own actions. Reading your blog really does bring forward this sense of calmness in any given situation - nothing is worth worrying about too much because it truly isn't the end of the world; because any mishap can be amended in the long-term. Perhaps we all concentrate a little too much on our immediate circumstances and lose sight of the bigger picture.

I don't know... reading your thoughts does leave me inspired. But word of caution - be weary of the Oatcake! It has been known to be a trigger for many because they are so tasty. My boyfriend still refuses to buy them because he knows he will want to eat the whole pack. Same with Carr's Table Waters. ... What is it about that satisfying dry floury taste that is so addictive?

Apart from that, good luck with Week 12 - but I honestly think you'll be absolutely fine. It's just not getting into the 'habit' of having to have a snack when it's not essential. I think keep those sugary snacky foods for get togethers, parties, occasions when that treat is welcome! The key is not becoming complacent and having it 'just because'.

 

[Morticia]

Aww Min, thanks for the lovely comments. I think you're right re the oatcakes so I've given them a miss for a few days.

Now for food. I've not had many eating out challenges. Moreso because I've been mega assertive either by saying I want to go to a fish restaurant and then making sure no oil/bread/dressing comes with my meal and therefore no temptation. Yesterday was a little bit more of a challenge. Went out to lunch with a bunch of friends. Last time I went out I just had coffee and my bar while they all ate, and that was fine. I was really looking forward to the meal yesterday and did indeed enjoy it, though the choices on the menu left me with not much to choose from. For starters I had chicken skewars with honey dressing, So I avoided as much of the dressing as possible and just had 3 skewars...so far so good. The mains choices were, roasted vegetable tart, stovies, mince and tatties, haggis and neeps, caesar salad and fishcakes with spinach and cream dressing with deep fried leeks...:O I went for the fishcake with no dressing and no leeks...I think I made the best out of a tricky situation and made the fishcake last me ages...

In the evening I was going for dinner to someones house I've only just met. I did not want to say about being on a diet or watching what I was eating. I know my LLC says that maybe that's not me acting in the adult ego state...but I would feel rude saying to someone I hardly know that I cannot eat what they have spent hours making as I'm watching what I'm eating...especially as I'm sure she would look at me and think yeh....some sort of body dysmorphia going on there...:O

So I did have some of the gorgeous meal which was roasted lamb with roasted carrot, celeriac, parsnips and figs......I avoided the bread and only had 2 slice of lamb. No alcohol either...not that I wanted any, but I did try a tiny portion of pear and berry crumble which I'm sure was made with loads of sugar. Interestingly that would have been the first taste of sugar I will have had in the last 6 months. Given that I've always thought sugar will be my trigger food, I did not feel anything after eating it other than yum that was tasty. No great urge to have more or to binge with anything else when I got home. In fact I just had a black coffee when I got home.. Not sure how many calories the meal would have been in total. However, I just keep reminding myself that one meal does not make 4 stones go back on. So again today no big deal beating myself up about what I ate. I actually do feel that I made all adult decisions in the circumstances. Also went out for a good run this morning which I think is the kind of behaviour a thin person would do, realising they had eaten a bit more and one way to deal with it would be to exercise. I like to keep asking myself...what do thin people do in this situation and that helps.

Hope everyone has had a good weekend....

 

[slendablenda]

Well done Morticia

Adult choices and sounds like you had a good time.
I've got news for you - you ARE a thin person !!!!

 

[Jezebella]

Wow Morticia, you are such an inspiration to me, you managed so well in some difficult circumstances. I hope I get to your level of calm about this whole RTM thing Great the sugar didn't have a massive effect on you. Perhaps it is no longer the trigger you thought it was??? Bread has always been my thing so waiting to see how that goes. Seriously though hun, so very impressed with you , you are a grown up skinny thing ;P

Big Hugs

Jez
xx

 

[Morticia]

Aww, thanks ladies, you say the nicest things. I really do mean this when I say you have all been an inspiration to me. Your enthusiasm for food has been infectious and I've been constantly enthralled by your food choices and been encouraged to try things I've never had before. I'm sure if I had not found this forum I would have gone back to some of the same processed foods I had eaten before....love you all...

Out to dinner again this evening. Another great fish restaurant. Had parsnip and apple soup to start...yum. The restaurant give you the choice to have a small bowl or a large bowl. To be honest I've usually always had the small bowl as it's more than enough for a starter and I did the same tonight. I just wish more places did that, i used to have a large starter in places and then was a bit full for mains but always crammed them in just because I had ordered them. We need a culture change with this...lol. For mains I had a lovely fillet of hake with turnip mash and mange tout....another yum. No dessert and just black coffee to finish.

Nearly time to start week 12 (Thursday) and feeling quite excited about it. I've had a bit of my son's birthday cake in the freezer to have a small slice when I'm allowed....going to make a big occasion of eating it.....but will only defrost one slice so I can't just have another bit...

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[Jezebella]

Wow Morticia, can't believe you are starting week 12, please promise me to keep on posting us with updates once week 12 is done. I would really miss them and you Tell me how good cake is when you have some. Out of interest, did you carry on eating the triggers you wern't supposed to or did you stop them? I find it interesting that they allow us things from week 8 that are triggers (if they dont affect us) right through to the end, but not anything from the other weeks. Still there must be a reason, which will no doubt come clear closer to the time. Are you still loosing or have you stabilised. Also approx how many cals are you having a day?

Jez
xx

 

[Morticia]

Hi Jez,

I don't intend to disappear, will probably still be here posting forth my nonsense for a long time to come. It feels like home now. I also plan to still go to my weekly class for a while unless there is something else I have to go to. I think I will feel a bit lost at first so will need the security of here and the class until I feel a bit more confident.

I just carried on having the trigger foods. I kind of reasoned that it had not affected my weight loss or my control so did not see any point in suddenly cutting them out again. And to be honest I had loads of cheese to get through... I still seem to be losing weight, another 1LB today off. I'm sure it will even out in the weeks to come when I try maintaining on my own so I'm not too fussed about it. I will get fussed if I start to look scrawny...I'm sure someone will tell me (in fact Jez go look at my facial pic in my album and let me know if I'm scrawny...I don't think so) My BMI is still healthy at 21.5. What your BMI Jez? as you're the same height as me but I'm sure your weight is lower and you're not scrawny...

Just realised I've not answered the calorie question. I'm not totally sure. I stopped counting when I went away for the weekend in September and could not remeber what I had eaten...

 

[Jezebella]

Hun you look great, and not scrawny at all - just bloody damn fantastic!!!!! Have so decided I am going to treat myself to some bits from the fairy goth mother soon!!! I look at my face and think it is a bit scrawny now, as I have also lost about 9lbs since RTM started, will post some new pics this weekend. Was planning to take some last weekend, but nose was still all red and rudolph like after the cold.

Jez
xx

 

[Blonde Logic]

You are doing so well M. Well done. It must feel wonderful to you to be in control!!

Just a word of warning about sugar - it was not a trigger for me either. At first. But the more and more it was introduced, and I am talking now - a year later - I am finding once you have a bit of it, you crave it like crazy following days! Scary really. I had a major sugar battle the last couple of weeks. Got it under contgrol now, but it was pretty shocking the pull it had - worse then carbs really! Or a very near draw anyway.

We are all different, but just be aware! It has a very loud voice!

Keep up the good work girl!
xx

 

[Minerva]

I agree with BL... Sugar - on a rare occasion does nothing pretty much. You won't suddenly go crazy for it... it's having it a few days in a row that does the nasty... It's really addictive!

 

[Morticia]

Thanks Bl and Min for your input re sugar. I think I'm preparing myself for the worst and if it's not as bad then that's a bonus... I've bought some green and blacks chocolate to have a small square tomorrow as week 12 starts. The big blue books says green and blacks is slightly better due to it's high cocoa content. We shall see what kind of effect it has on me. Not planning to eat any until I'm home from work, and I do intend to just stick to one square. Will be interesting to see if I follow through.

Jez, getting back to the calorie question. I decided to take a note again on FF for a day or so. Yesterday I consumed approx 1200 cals. The same again today though I went running today and worked off just short of 200 cals. According to the new LL book we get at the end of RTM the "how to" book, I will need to consume 1900 or below each day to maintain my weight. At the moment it's hard to really get above the 1200 or thereabouts basically due to how much my diet/tastes have changed. I really don't want to eat anything high in fat content, it just turns my stomach to think about it. I've always had a fairly healthy diet but added in the rubbish. So with taking out the rubbish I'm back to a healthy diet. Something to ponder is that I've always been happy to cut back on my mealtime calories in order to fit in snacks when I've been on a conventional diet. This is something I don't want to go back to.....tis all a bit of a minefield but I'm sure after week 12 I will know where I stand with these tricky sugar foods.

Night night folks, hope you all have a good Thursday.