My Food Diary

[sanicholl]

Cheers hun, I am feeling a lot more positive this afternoon thankfully! I met Jon at lunch and he wants to move back in as he knows he has made a massive mistake - I have told him that I don't want him to move back in as if he couldn't sort it out by talking in the first place then nothing would change if we tried to sort it out living together.

I have said that if he is serious about building up a relationship and trust he has to a, stay where he is and manage his own life himself. b, let me be able to go out on my own on nights out and not give me grief as he has to learn to trust me and c, for him to go out on his own so I can learn to trust him. Its a 2 way street and neither of us trust each other so we will have to learn. Also d, we have to take things slow and court each other again, if there is any sign of jealousy or unfaithfulness on either side then we pull the plug and call it a day. naturally he doesn't want this and is talking about calling his mum to go home to her in england.

He wants me because he doesn't want anyone else to have me. That is rather sad. I'm taking the kids down to see him tonight so hopefully that will make them feel a little better about the whole situation as they are missing him although neither will admit it - well elle is only 22 months so she will only admit to missing food at the moment!!!!

So still confused but at least trying to find a middle ground. I will not take him back into the house as I am not having walking back in and telling me what to do. I am a strong independant woman (I will keep telling myself that) who has her kids to think about!

We shall see what the weekend brings - hopefully some normality with a splash of vodka and diet coke!!!!

 

[bettylollypop]

You sound as though you have a good head on your shoulders and are making sensible descisions, hope you get things sorted, your main priority is for you and kids to be happy be it with jon or be it without him x

 

[weemo]

Hi Shirley, how are things now hun? Hope you are ok xx

 

[sanicholl]

Emotional rollercoaster and a broken nose!!!!

Hey Guys, well after a very unusal weekend that involved just about every emotion possible I am back to normal - I think! (Or is that possible)

Where to start - need to cut it all down or we would be here all day!
Well, on Friday night Jon came to see the kids and ended up staying the night - he slept in a seperate room! Anyway we agreed to give one more go but with him living outside the family home (not literally!!) . We spent the day together on saturday and decided to go out for a few drinks on saturday night. I went home and dropped the kids off at mums and got ready and when I arrived back at the flat there were loads of people there drinking and dancing etc. I felt so out of place and felt that everyone was judging my every move. It didn't help that one guy was a druggie and he used to beat my friends little sister when she was with him. I got really upset and started crying after they left and didn't feel at all happy with the situation.

anyway I had a few to drink before we went out to meet up with them and eventually I settled down and got quite drunk. There was a bit of an undercurrent all night with me, jon and his friends and me and jon had a few words outside because the druggie guy had asked jon if he wanted to buy any drugs so we decided to head back to the flat, his flat mate came too to try and calm me down and when I got into the flat, I fell on the stairs and hit my head on the hand rail breaking my nose!!! Thank god gillian was there otherwise everyone would have thought that Jon had hit me. Well I obviously did myself quite a bit of damage as I don't remember getting to hospital or being x rayed at all!!

I rung my mum and she came the next day and Jon also came to the hospital, I asked him to move back in with me as I didn't want him to be around the people he would have been as he would have been branded a druggie too even though he isn't etc. He has agreed to move back in and took Monday off work to look after me as I wasn't allowed to work or be alone for 24 hours as I had hit my head so hard.

Everything is turned upside down again and now social services are getting involved incase Jon hit me etc. What a mess and I have my brothers wedding in just over a week!! Hopefully my black eyes will have improved by then! My family are not happy with everything that has gone on naturally enough. Jon and my brother are not speaking as my brother asked some people if Jon had hit me or pushed me down the stairs - I can understand why he did this but Jon doesn't as I was in an abusive relationship before and my family did nothing - because they couldn't not because they didn't want to and Jon doesn't really understand that!

Anyway the diet is out of the window and I wil definately have a gain on Friday it would be a miracle if I didn't as I have eaten nothing or eaten loads its not been a normal week at all.

So today I am planning

Breakfast - FF Yogart
Lunch - Veg soup and potato
Dinner - Pasta with left over chicken and beef etc (HEB)

Snacks- Mint Aero - 5 syns
Drinks: Green tea (definately no more alchol for me!:sigh

 

[sanicholl]

So, a new day and pay day at that thank goodness, I am so skint with Jon moving in and out and messing all my hard work on my budget. I will officially be skint again in roughly 10 mins!!!!

I need to get Callum some new school shoes, Elle some shoes for the wedding, and a handbag and facinator for me!! Also need to return the dress I bought for the wedding as it is now too big. It will do however if I can't find anything else and time is not on my side at all!

Things are still rough with me and Jon and had a tough night last night as tried to talk things over, I have no idea what to do for the best. I think I am doing the right thing by Jon and the kids keeping Jon away from bad influence as at the moment he is not in the right state of mind to be given temptation ie. drugs, drink etc as who knows what could happen however I am not sure if I can cope with the constant rollercoaster of emotion. I have no idea where I stand from one minute to the next. Jons mum is heading over tomorrow to collect Callum as he is staying with her for a few days ahead of us travelling over for the wedding so that is going to be hard, I'm not sure if I can stand talking to her about it all and make sense of it all - I am also worried that I will not want to hear what she says as she doesn't want Jon and I to be together anymore. At least she goes back on Saturday!!!

So today and food well, I am trying to eat more as I am sure that my half SW half starvation diet has put weight on me!! I feel so bloated but just don't want to eat and don't really feel hungry.
Anyway, today I am having:

Breakfast: FF Yogart
Lunch: Left over pasta with chicken and beef etc HEB
Dinner: Chips, quorn sausages and eggs or veg - can't decide!

Snacks: Mint aero - 5 syns

 

[weemo]

OMG Shirley, I can't believe you broke your nose ((((hugs)))). Gosh I hope everything works out for you, I am sure you are so confused and that the diet is the last thing on your mind. When I'm upset I can't eat either but try to hun and keep your strength up. I really hope you start to feel better soon xx

 

[weemo]

Hope you are managing to have a nice weekend Shirley xx

 

[sanicholl]

Hey Guys, well its Monday morning all over again and thankfully I'm at work!! Which means I haven't had an eventful weekend - yeah!!!

Things are slowly getting back to normal, Jons mum came on Friday and went back with Callum on Saturday morning, I spoke to her about what has been happening and she gave me some good advise which I am grateful for. On the other hand my parents sat me down yesterday, after ignoring my phone calls and texts for the good part of a week and said that they are considering disowning me. How wonderful! I am rather disturbed at this as I am not proud of falling over and hitting my head or that Jon walked out but they were not intensional actions on my part. Mum and Dad are blaming me for everything and are annoyed that people in Jons work are talking about it. According to Jon they are talking about someone else this morning so we are old news already.

With everything that has happened over the years I'm not sure that I need my mum and dad anymore, they have never really gave me any great support and stood in my way when I wanted to move to England to get away from my abusive ex. I knew I had to move otherwise I would have got back with him and the cycle would have continued. It was the best move I ever made and I do wish that we had never moved back to be nearer to my family.

I am now facing a choice of whether to move away from them again as I know Jon wants to go away and has for a while and I don't particularly want my family to judge my every action instead of helping.

Anyway, on a happier note - this diary is so depressing for anyone to read, my brothers wedding is next friday. My eyes are nearly back to a normal colour and I got my dress in a smaller size - size 12 what a miracle that my boobs managed to fit in!!! I have ordered my bag and facinator and elle just needs some new shoes to go with her dress and a tie for Jon.

We are heading off for the ferry tomorrow night just after midnight and arrive in scotland just after 6am so we should be at Jons nanas for lunch time. I'm not looking forward to the next few days of getting ready and then doing all that driving with lack of sleep but it will be worth it in the end. I'm so looking forward to seeing callum be page boy and i'm doing a reading in the church - nerves will be setting in especially as I am not drinking!

So for today I am planning to eat:

Breakfast: FF yogart
Lunch: Left over chow Mein - 4 syns - HEB
Dinner: Chilli and Lemon chicken - SW magazine recipe with jacket potato - HEB

Drinks: green tea, 1 glass of rose wine - 5 syns

Snacks: Very Large Slab of Mint Aero Cheesecake with Fresh Cream - a million Syns!!!!! (so nice but now feel slightly sick!)

Fingers crossed that I manage to eat everything as I am still not wanting to eat much and feel a bit sick when I do. I just have to remember that with everthing going on I need to eat otherwise I won't have enough energy to do everything i need to before we go!!

 

[bettylollypop]

Hi hun, hope things are going a bit better for you now . My wee boy was page boy recently too and i was so proud and so will you be xx

 

[sanicholl]

Thanks Betty, I am getting really excited, he has a lovely waistcoat and cavate etc to wear and he is so pleased with himself! I can't wait to see my little girl at the after party too as she loves dancing and begs up to put music on so she can dance (she 22 months and shares her dads love with music - we have to have a stereo in every room, me I like quiet as I never get any!!):crazy:

I'm trying not to think too much about the driving I'll have to do - 5 hours from Stanraer to Harrogate on Wednesday morning but I'm sure all will be ok. x

 

[weemo]

Have a lovely time at the wedding Shirley ~ it will do you all the world of good. Looking forward to see the photos when you get back. Look after yourself and ENJOY the wedding xx

 

[sanicholl]

Morning Everyone

Thanks Weemo, tried to rep you but I need to spread it around!!

Things are going ok at home, still nervous about getting some sleep before we travel to the port etc, its an hours drive to the port, then wait for an hour etc to board and then 2hours 50 on the ferry and 5 hours drive to get to harrogate! I'm gonna be bushed by the time we get there. I'll just try and take it easy when I get home, i've already made tea and I'm heading home at lunch to pack so hopefully by the time I am in through the door at 6.30 I will just have to tidy a bit and get to bed for 8!!!!

I'm trying to get organised with appointments for my hair and nails for Thursday/Friday so hopefully I will be organised by the time I get there and not trying to make last minute appointments!

Food wise today:

Breakfast: FF yogart
Lunch : No idea yet!
Dinner: Shepherds Pie with extra veg

Snacks: FF yogart
Drinks: Glass of wine - help knock me out at 8!! Green tea and mint tea!

Syns: 5

The next week the diet will be truely out of the window so we shall see what damage has been done staying with Nana and the wedding - somehow I don't I will be 9st 8 when I get back though!!!!

I hope everyone has a great bank holiday weekend and i'll see you all again on the 2nd Sept!!!

 

[sanicholl]

Afternoon Guys, Well, I am back!!!! It has been a really busy week filled with lots of bread - I think nearly every meal had bread in it somewhere!

Its not all bad though as I fitted into my dress for the wedding and it looked great. The wedding was wonderful and we all had a great day - there was no tension between my mum, dad and I so that was great. I did have a drink though but only a few glasses of wine as I volunteered to look after my niece over night and get up with her in the morning - I had no thought she would be up at 6.30 but I had my kids there too so we were all ok and well entertained.

Jon and I had a shaky start to the week as we were both nervous about tension at the wedding but once it was over things were so much better. We got home last night at 11.30pm so am still very tired today - I cried for 2 hours on the drive up to the ferry - no recommended as i was the one driving as I didn't want to go home. I think we will be biting the bullet and moving back to England in the next year as I now know how unsettled I am at home in NI but we will have to sort a lot of things out first and plan and SAVE!!!!

I hope you had a great weekend Weemo, congratulations on your loss this week. Its not long until you are on your hols - lucky moo!!:jelous:

I am not looking forward to hopping on the scales on Friday - they will be showing a gain however I am not sure how severe!!! (I ate a lot of bread, sausages and drank quite a bit of rose!). I am going to have to work really hard to get to target for Elles birthday - 30th October and then mantain to christmas..... We will have to see!

Anyway todays menu is: (Red Day)

Breakfast: FF Yogart
Lunch: 2 morrisons healthy choices sausages in a sandwich HEB (Free on red sausages!!)
Dinner: Corned Beef Stew 3.5 syns

Snacks: Mint Aero - 5 syns
Drinks: Coffee made with milk HEa, Green tea and peppermint tea

Total Syns : 8.5

 

[weemo]

Glad you had a lovely time at the wedding Shirley, I hope the break away has helped. Just draw a line under it and start again, you have done really well so far. Any photos? xx

 

[sanicholl]

A little less tired!

Thank you Mary, the wedding was just what we needed to get our heads cleared. Jon and I still have a long way to go but hopefully we will manage to sort it out. We need to sit down with someone so we are thinking of contacting relate for some help but that will probally not happen for a few weeks yet as we could do with sorting some things first.

I haven't spoken to my mum and dad since I have come back and I think it may be better to leave things as they are for the moment - at arms length and let time do some healing.

Jons mum took some lovely photos before we left for the wedding which I am waiting for her to forward so I can pop on here - any of the photos I took are all of the bridal party etc with one of me and jon but only head shots so no good for seeing the dress!! As soon as I get the photos I shall pop them on here for you to have a gander at!

As for food for today, I shall be having:

Breakfast: FF Yogart
Lunch: Jacket Potato with Cheese
Dinner: pork chow mein and chicken balls - 5 syns for the batter

Snacks: 1 small piece of chocolate - 4 syns
1 milkyway - 4 syns(I need to double check this!)

Drinks: Peppermint Tea, Green Tea, Diet coke

Fingers crossed for tomorrow WI, So not looking forward to it especially as I am going to buy my own scales for home I'm hoping they will weigh lighter!!!!!

 

[mommyB]

hello, i've just started Sw and am getting to know everyone. You certainly have had a lot going on, and i hope they become settled for you real soon. A friend of ours found relate really useful,so i hope you do to.

Good luck for WI tomorrow-i am a friday weigher too, AND i was away last weekend as well so i'm not expecting a great result either.

 

[weemo]

Good luck for your WI today Shirley, hope it's good news!xx

 

[sanicholl]

I think it may be a naughty night!!

Morning guys!

Thank you Weemo, good luck yourself and for mommy B!

I haven't WI yet as I forgot to buy scales last night in Tesco!! I got distracted by the half price ben and jerrys - Naughty I know!!! I have promised myself that I will pop into argos and get a new set this evening so I can WI so I will probally let you guys know this evening or on monday!

Well, yesterday didn't quite go to plan and I had a milkyway in Tesco - I was starving and had given up the will to live as still really tired and Jon bought us a chinese for tea so I had chicken balls with a pork chow mein - I ask for no oil on mine and they thankfully oblige! I think this evening will be a drifting off plan as well as we have ben and jerrys ice cream in the freezer that is calling to me!! So the plan is to have a few days off plan and then be extra good next week now that the pressure is off!

So for today I will be having:

Breakfast: FF Yogart, Apple
Lunch: Cashew nut beef with rice (from last night!!)
Dinner: spagetti bolognaise made with tomatoes, tinned tomatoes, peppers, garlic, onion, cellery and lean lamb.

This will be most likely followed by Ben and jerrys ice cream lots of syns but sooo nice

As you can see I am totally off plan! By Monday I will be being good again and hopefully not have done too much damage!!!

 

[weemo]

Hi Shirley, did you have a good weekend? Hope you did! xx

 

[sanicholl]

Extra Easy - Am I going this right??

Morning Guys, well I had a ok weekend, lots of cleaning and cooking!! I hate going away as you always have extra to do when you get back!!

I am trying Extra Easy this week so I will need some help as I am convinced that I'm not doing it right!!

I started yesterday and had:

Breakfast: 2 x toast with sliced tomato HEB

Lunch: Roast duck (no skin), baby potatoes, roast potatoes(made with fry light), roasted carrrots, brocolli and shallots followed by banana and custard pudding from an old sw mag 3 syns (I had 2!)

Dinner: Duck pasta! (made with pasta, duck, 1/2 tin chopped tomatoes, cellery, sm pepper, sugar snap peas).

Snacks: none
Drinks: tea and 1 becks - 5 syns

Total syns: 8

For today I am going to try Extra Easy again and have:

Breakfast: Apple and FF yogart

Lunch: Supernoodles - 3.5 syns (not low fat supernoodles) followed by an apple -

Dinner: Shepherds Pie with extra veg (Jon hates lots of veg in it) so will have, carrots, peas, cellery, brocolli, peppers and onion. HEA for cheese followed by banana yogart pudding 1.5 syns

Snacks: 2 toast with tomato for supper

Drinks: Tea
Total syns 5 syns

I hope I am doing this right! It really doesn't feel like a diet so I'm not so sure!

As for the old WI, I didn't manage to get buying any scales so was round at mums this morning and WI there - 2lb loss. I am so shocked as I am so bloated and am tight in my jeans etc -I was so sure I had put on (especially as I had that date with ben and jerrys!! I managed the whole tub - oh dear!)

Obviously someone is helping me out!! I think it will be a different story on Friday so I will be extra good until then!