My Journey Starts on January 8th

[slendablenda]

Decision time Em

As you say, you are doing this for you.
And you already said you are not too bothered about Christmas.
So why are the awards such a big deal?
As our LLC said to us at the start - there are always goingto be events - birthdays, weddings, celebrations, dinners etc.
Part of this journey is learning how to deal with them. I agree it's a shame this biggy comes right at the start.
If I was in your shoes I would ask the LLC if it would be possible to change my LL time on this occasion. I would go to the Awards. Have my shake before the dinner, just have water/cofee during the dinner and probably tell anyone who asked me that I had an upset stomach, but didn't want to miss the awards.
I probably wouldn't have told people at the start that I was doing LL .
I remember I had a murder dinner party at my house for about 12 people 2 weeks into LL. Only about 2 of them noticed I wasn't eating!
You'll be surprised that people are more interested in themselves that what you are doing!!
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
xxxarty0016:
What will you wear to the awards?

 

[EmVeg]

You know what, I never really thought of getting there and saying I was feeling peeky. .. (also would excuse me leaving early..oops)

I don't know why these awards are such a big deal to me..I think its because I'm very insecure in my job at the moment (HA - what am I not insecure in!). I care too much what people think, I know thats the problem. I know thats why I tend to turn too food...so facing that challenge and addressing that issue in my first week with a plate of food in front of me = failure in my mind. I know it doesn't need to...I just need to see past that.

These past two days I have been ill and sitting on my sofa with my duvet. I've been able to actually stop and think what this means for me and what will I be really looking at other these coming weeks.

The not eating doesn't scare me. Of course the losing weight doesn't scare me. The way I'm going to feel is going to scare me - it's been so easy to bury certain things with layers of blubber and nights sitting and eating. I guess as these layers of blubber disappear I'm scared what might float up from the layers (ugghhh,..nasty thoughts.)

 

[slendablenda]

You are so right Em

The decision to do LL is a big one. It seems to me that most of us who make the decision to start it are ready to address more than (just!) the issue of losing the weight.
That is usually the surface problem, but as you say, we often use the layers to cover up stuff, hide behind and keep others at bay. I know I did.
You have to feel ready to move towards regaining self confidence and self-respect.
It's a wonderful feeling. I'm sure you can do it.
Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.
:girlpower:

 

[EmVeg]

Thank you slendablenda.

I was in a panic and needed a voice of reason... thank you for providing that.

 

[slendablenda]

My pleasure

Don't like to see you SAD.:cry:

 

[louale]

Hi Em,

I think if I was you I would also make out that you are feeling a little under the weather, but really didn't want to miss the night.

I think you should go, as it sounds like it's important to you, but decide what you're going to do/say and then try to forget about it until the day, or else it will keep playing on your mind (saying that because that's what I'm like LOL!)

When I was doing the Cambridge Diet, I kept thinking about how I was going to feel when everyone would be sitting around me eating and what they would think of me, and would they question why I'm not eating etc. To those that asked, I made out I didn't like the first course, so I wouldn't be eating it, the second course I pushed around my plate and nobody noticed I didn't eat anything at all and the 3rd course, well, I was simply too full up to eat it. You can always say that you are on medication (antibiotics or something) if people question why you're not drinking.

Hope you fell better soon.

Louale x

 

[annaphylactic]

Hi Em -

It's tricky having a function/event to go to so early in the diet... I had a 21st birthday party to go to on day three, and the following weekend was a big wedding. Nightmare - I panicked for aaaages about it.

The best thing to do (if you decide you don't want people to know, although to be honest, I told every man and his dog and was amazed at the response, everyone found it so exciting and interesting!!)... is say you're on medication ref drinking, and don't really like juice etc - happy with mineral water.... and as for the eating... two classics are baaad toothache (rub along your jaw every so often for added effect) or say you've been to the dentist the day before/before work and he'd done something and said to avoid chewing/eating for 24 hours or something...

Good luck!!

If I were you, I wouldn't put off starting - you need to strike while the irons hot and the motivation is there.... and starting at the same time as the rest of those in your group is invaluable for starting the journey together - and you'll get one less week of Foundation.

Here if you need me!

A x

 

[EmVeg]

Thank you very much for thw advice.

I had a email from my LLC saying she might put the start date back anyway.. which means I would miss meeting one. BUT i'm not worried about it as much - I'm going to stop thinking about it until the day, and if I have started it will be a case of seeing whether I want to tell them or not. I won't know how i'll feel until I get there.. its all part of the journey.

Plus, because of all this I've realised one more issue within myself - which relates to food. My lord, it's amazing how many lightbulbs are shining brightly in front of my face at the moment that have been dim in a cupboard since I was 8!

 

[EmVeg]

This is mostly O/T, and I apologise for this pity party.

Firstly, I still haven't heard from my LLC since sending my forms back, and I'm getting a little frustated about that..it's hard waiting a couple of months to start, but waiting a month to hear if you can start in a couple of months is frustrating!

But, the reason why I'm posting is a little more personal - and I'm posting it here because I only have one person outside in the real world I can talk to and I just need to vent.... or to say what I'm feeling.

One of the massive reasons for doing LL for me is to help adjust how bad I feel about myself (even though I realise it isn't a miracle worked) - there are various reasons and events the have given me my low self-esteem and general self hatred...

But recently I have come to realise the my OH, my fiance, is making me feel like s*** constantly without meaning to. And we're in real trouble becasue of it. He doesn't help how I feel - in fact his general rejection of me, it really is killing me. I am so very unhappy at the moment. I don't feel loved. I feel like I have a friend - but even then its one that can't even talk to me properly.

He helps me hate myself.

 

[vintella]

hi em
sorry to hear your having such a tough time at the minute. i too suffer with low self esteem and it has been negatively impacting my relationship for years now. what i decided to do was to focus on myself, making myself as well as i can- hence starting ll but also starting some exercise and generally trying to make my life go in the direction i want. when i stopped and thought about my relationship objectively i realised that it must be really hard for my oh as well, how do you show love to someone who dosent love themselves? he use to compliment me but i would just brush him off so eventually he stopped and what do i do? blame him
by making the tough decision of starting ll you are clearly ready for change (i bet your oh is proud even if he hasnt said)
just a small word of warning changing your weight wont instantly change your self esteem it will take more work than that but the sessions do help and i have found certain exercises we do are relevant in other areas of your life other than food including my relationship.
sending you some hugs
ella
x

 

[louale]

Hi Em,

Awww, so sorry that you are feeling sad at the moment.

Think you should talk to your OH, maybe he doesn't realise what his words/how he makes you feel!

There are many books that will help to boost your self esteem, you'll be surprised how many of us feel this way, but might be worth having a look around the book shops, I've found a few that really helped.

Hope you start feeling a little better soon, you have a new chapter of your life to look forward to.

Louale x

 

[bekimo]

Bump!

B x

 

[somewhere_inside_is_me]

One of the massive reasons for doing LL for me is to help adjust how bad I feel about myself (even though I realise it isn't a miracle worked) - there are various reasons and events the have given me my low self-esteem and general self hatred...

But recently I have come to realise the my OH, my fiance, is making me feel like s*** constantly without meaning to. And we're in real trouble becasue of it. He doesn't help how I feel - in fact his general rejection of me, it really is killing me. I am so very unhappy at the moment. I don't feel loved. I feel like I have a friend - but even then its one that can't even talk to me properly.

He helps me hate myself.

{{hugs}} You know, I could've written that. Sometimes it is the person closest to you that does the most harm. And sometimes that's exactly why we're with them, like an addiction or a craving for something to which one is allergic.
Obviously the relationship as it stands is not going to help you on your weightloss journey - is there any way you can tackle with your OH how you feel? Is there a pattern in your choice of partners or in this relationship specifically, perhaps when you initiate change, for example?
In the end, I'm sure that you want to lose weight primarily for YOU. I guess part of our LL journey will be recognising patterns of behaviour and finding better ways to act/react.
We're here for you, even if your OH isn't, so keep communicating.
S. x

 

[EmVeg]

Thank you all for the replies.

With my OH one of his main things is he doesn't like talking. I've sat him down and tried to talk to him but he is silent with a few grunts. It takes so much effort to get a half-arsed response from him.

The one thing we did agree on is there is no point in the relationship if one of us is desperatly unhappy - so hence forth begins the 6 months to save the relationship.

The saddest thing is, I don't hold out much hope of him changing. He isn't malicious, he's just so laid back.