Lots of anxiety dreams every night since last Thursday and been awake at 3am or earlier every night, last night pillows were everywhere so must have been tossing and turning like crazy. Have taken three Kalms one a night tonight instead of two to try and get a solid night sleep, fingers crossed. I was on trazodone for 4 years for insomnia and slept really well problem is I felt like a zombie in the mornings, in the end felt like they were numbing me too much, quit it in February and had really bad rebound insomnia for a while , now it's up and down but I do find the kalms help usually, but the last couple of nights not so much. I am not sure why I am so anxious but I think it's to do with the news at the weekend which was shocking and because I feel a bit out of control at the moment, indulging bad habits, comfort spending money (I don't have), comfort eating, self soothing that has the opposite effect, why do I do it? It's like an addiction...it's like self harm without a razor blade, you know it's wrong/stupid but can't stop yourself, you get temporary relief then you feel ashamed, angry, weak, like you let yourself down, again..
I have been off sick the last two days, yesterday I did nothing but today I did a ton of ironing and a lot of washing plus made various calls for dentist, cat injections, hair etc, washed my make-up brushes, etc so feel I was fairly productive! But emotionally been very up and down, tearful easily out of nowhere, dark thoughts but totm any day so I guess that's why...
Yesterday I was starving all day but also nauseous all day, today slightly less of both. Diet has not been good.
Reading this back makes me realise my frame of mind has become very negative and I need to stop that immediately and start being positive again asap ..!!!