New Beginning... Magiclove's Diary

[River]

So sorry mags, must be really hard for you at the moment. You need your family the most for support so its good your sisters coming to see you. Im going to stay with my mum for a bit of a boost next week and for my birthday.

My partner and i have had a talk like SB because all we ever did was argue and hate each other 99% of the day, things are alot better now and its a relief to be honest as it was really breaking me. Although i do wish he was a bit more supportive but cant force him to be something hes not i guess or maybe im asking to much of him.

Good job on loosing 4lbs hun !!:mermaid: You watch now youll be batting them off with a stick!! x

 

[MagdaX]

Wow! It's been a while since i updated my diary...
Well, first of all I had my weigh in tonight and I lost 5lbs!! I was very positively surprised as it's my totm which always used to affect my losses a lot as I suffer from A LOT of water retention. On top of that I wasn't drinking as much water as normally because I was out all day most days and I was scared I won't be able to go to the loo when I have to. Still, despite all of that -5 pounds! Result! I now have 5lbs left to losing 2 stone!
I truly feel i'm in the zone now. Last week shoul have been the toughest so far with all that shh.. with my OH and my sister's visit (going out every night, etc) but I found it surpisingly easy. I never once have been tempted to lapse. I happily sat several dinner nights sipping on water or coffee. I even took them (my sis came with 2 of her friends) to my favourite restaurant and ordered my favourite meal for my sister and was absolutely fine, I almost enjoyed just looking at food and smelling the aromas.
This was the first time I properly went out since starting the program and I have thoroughly enjoyed myself

When it comes to my love life, at the moment it would be the most accurate to say that I just don't know what's going to happen. It's been a couple of tough, emotionally draining days and my head is all over the place at the moment. Time will tell I guess...

Other than that, I had an AMAZING time with my sister. We so needed some quality time together as we don't get to see each other often enough (she lives in another country).
I am planning to get her a plane ticket to London for my birthday in December so we can celebrate it together for the first time in many many years!
Should be fun

 

[nutty me]

Hi Magiclove, fantastic weight loss. Well done.

Nutty

 

[kathryn B]

Hi Mags
Wondered where you had gone!! Glad you have had a great time with your sister and well done on your great loss xxx

 

[MagdaX]

Thank you girls! Feels good!

 

[slendablenda]

Hi Magic
So glad you had a great time with your sister and you are obviously feeling good.
Best wishes with the love life.

 

[yoyo-ohno]

Great to see you back on the forum ... you are doing FAB ... go Mags
yoyo
xx

 

[MagdaX]

Thanks YoYo!
I'm feeling a bit shitty today. I think I'm coming down with a cold after spending last weekend getting soaked in the London rain
I'm not sure how to help myself kick this cold out of my system. I'm scared of taking Vit C or any other medicines in case it kicks me out of ketosis but on the other hand I know if I don't do something about it I will get proper ill.
Must do some research on that..

 

[MagdaX]

I'm having a rough week
I'm full of cold and I can't take any time off which doesn't make it easier.
Apart from the cold I feel ok, just REALLY don't feel like eating anything (I mean the packs of course).
I stupidly bought 5 packs of chilli on Monday and now I'm stuck with this horrible mud like looking paste.. No thanks. I'll have a cup of tea instead and have an early night..

 

[MagdaX]

Hi everyone.
I haven't updated my diary for a while but it's been just so hectic in my world!
When it rains it pours I can tell you that for sure!
I'm still ill but feeling much much better after getting day and night nurse.
Work has been crazy this week. Everyone is sick so even though I'm sick myself I can't take any time off (life of a retail manager) and it's been so full on with Christmas business meetings (yes! Already!).
I've also been told a new role of product trainer has become available. I think I'm going to apply because it's something I've always enjoyed doing. My problem at the moment is that I have completely lost my self confidence. I don't know why but I've convinced myself that I'm not good enough. I just stopped believing in myself which is just so not like me. I'm usually very confident and self assured. I thought that maybe losing some weight will help me get my confidence back up but I think weirdly it's making it worse! I've been getting lots of compliments lately. People have been telling me how great I look and how much weight I lost. And instead of embracing it and enjoying the attention, I hate it! It makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward. What's wrong with me??!!
My collegue told me yesterday that I don't take compliments very well and I guess she must be right. I just don't know why as it never used to be the case before!

I've also been trying to sort things out with the man. He's been begging me to give him a second chance and we've been talking about stuff a lot lately. At the moment I simply don't know what to do. I'm so confused and my head is all over the place. I figured that at the moment if I can't make a decision, I'm simply not going to make one. I need to focus on different things at the moment.
Being on LL opened a whole load of old wounds and I'm having to go through the process of healing them and getting my head in the right place.
Surprisingly food is not even on my agenda at the moment. I couldn't care less about it in fact.
I eat my packs because I have to but the whole feeding business is nor here nor there for me at the moment.
Not sure if it's a good or a bad thing..

Sorry I'm going on a bit but it feels good to put my thoughts on 'psper'.
Hope everyone is doing ok though

 

[yoyo-ohno]

Hi Mags,
Glad your cold is finally shifting a bit but blimey you've got a lot on your plate at the minute! No wonder you don't know which way to turn
I know you don't need any advice so I won't even try to give any!
You ARE a strong & confident & beautiful woman - just keep repeating this to yourself & as you say, there's no reason to rush into any decisions. Take your time to make the right choices
My LLC has told us that a lot of people come onto LL thinking it is just another diet but so many people make major live changes as they go through the programme - i suppose its becasue we don't have food to hide behind & we have to tackle our real feelings.
Anyway, sending you a virtual hug :hug99:
yoyo
xx

 

[MagdaX]

Thank you so much YoYo!
I don't know. I'm just so emotional at the moment. It's as if I'm going through some sort of breakdown or something. It's not necessarily a bad thing but I wish I could talk about this with my LLC and the group but so far we haven't even had one proper meeting! Every week the group changes and each time we're having to go through the same stage of introducing ourselves etc. It's week 5 ffs!! I feel I'm not getting much of those meetings at all!
Maybe I should consider changing my LLC...
I have my WI tomorrow evening but I convinced myself I haven't lost anything because I've been ill (there goes my lack of confidence again!)
I have stuck to the program 100% although I struggle with the packs at the moment. I literally have to force myself to have them. Talking about going from one extreme to the other...

I can see you're doing amazing though YoYo! Well done girl. You have become the strong one now!

 

[Spanglymum]

I don't have any words of wisdom, Mags, but just wanted to offer my support. Sounds like you've been having a really difficult time of it. Well done on sticking with the packs through it all. I do think your LLC is messing you about. Is there an alternative near you? Our group was closed from week three so no one new can join and we can all get to know and trust one another. Really important, the trust part, as LL is so much about emotions and psychology. Really hope your group either stabilises or you get a new LLC. hang in there! Xx

 

[MagdaX]

Thanks hun xx
Let's see what tomorrow's meeting will be like..

 

[lucy4loop]

Just wanted to say Hi Mags, I hope you feel on a bit more of an even keel soon xxxx

 

[MagdaX]

Thanks Lucy. I'm a soldier. I'll be fine
What doesn't kill you...

 

[lucy4loop]

What doesn't kill you...

Too right

 

[slendablenda]

Hi Mags,
It's a shame you aren't getting the support from your LLC and group just when you could do with it. That's the idea, the counselling, CBT/TA is supposed to be an integral part of the programme because as you say, old wounds are opened up as well as current issues and we have a lot to deal with as well as adjusting to the weight loss. Isn't it strange that the losing weight almost becomes a byproduct of doing LL?
Sounds like a change of job might be a good idea for you right now.
Hang on in there girl. I know you are strong and a survivor, but we all need some support sometime. Perhaps see if there's another LLC
who might offer more.

 

[MagdaX]

Thanks SB! I will get there. Somehow...
Yes I totally agree.. losing weight is secondary to everything else that surfaces during the LL journey. It's so much more complex than just getting smaller. It's far more apparent to me this time round (which makes me think I am now truly ready to change my life) and I think the counselling part is going to be crucial for me. Hence why if the situation with my group doesn't improve, I'm going to have to shop around.
Let's see what tonight's meeting is going to be like..

I finally have 2 days off so I'm in bed trying to recover from that nasty cold that doesn't seem to want to go away.
I have a lot of housework to do though as the house is a mess (beauty of having a boy housemate )
I don't think I know how to take it easy anymore lol

The man is begging me to meet up with him to 'talk' today as well and I'm battling with myself whether I should do it or not.
I'm not sure if I'm in the right frame of mind at the moment to deal with that but on the other hand I need to see him and resolve this situation once and for all...

Aaaaanyway!
Weigh In tonight! Wish me luck everyone!

 

[lucy4loop]

Good luck Mags, for today and tonight x