Total Solution No more yo yo-ing!
- Thread starter yoyoagogo
- Start date
Sounds like a great plan you did / are doing. So impressed! Running is just fantastic isn't it? Makes it so much more about how you feel and your fitness other than food and numbers etc
yoyoagogo
Gold Member
Should have been my due date today. I want the world to know how sad I am so no one forgets my baby but at the same time I feel stupid for being this sad about something that was barely there, and was only alive 8 weeks.. Like how can I get this sad over a small blog of cells with little arms and legs and a heart that wasn't beating. I wonder how long her little heart actually beat for before it stopped. I feel like a bad mother that I couldn't protect my child, couldn't keep her alive.
I'm scared I'll never be pregnant again but at the same time I'm scared of trying.. Trying for 4 years nearly destroyed our marriage and it took its toll on me, I feel like I am me again now we are not actively trying ( doesn't stop me hoping and praying each month that my period doesn't come or staring so hard at the pee stick I convince myself I can see two lines)
I don't know what to do with myself right now, at this moment. Hubby is asleep and I am downstairs, staring into space, with silent tears rolling down my cheeks. Checked Facebook and my friends baby was born today, and I don't want to feel like this but I'm so jealous, why not me? Why did all my friends get pregnant and their babies survived? I have been trying so much longer why not me?
And the worse part is there are no answers to these questions, I can't blame anyone, I don't have a direction to blow this bitterness so it gets vented at all pregnant women, at all parents who have children but don't realise how lucky they are.
None of this is fair. I just have to accept, and move forward one day at a time, without my baby. But it's so so hard not to imagine, what if I was in labour right now? Or be angry at the things I am doing in reality (like working and preparing for our event tomorrow) because I should be having my baby, she should have survived, it's our turn.
I'm hindsight I wish we had given ourselves time off this week to grieve, but instead I planned an event, and packed my diary, I feel guilty for that too, like I should have marked the occasion. Spoke to hubby tonight and he hasn't even bought me a bunch of flowers, neither of us has done anything. I feel like we should.
I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm scared I'll never be pregnant again but at the same time I'm scared of trying.. Trying for 4 years nearly destroyed our marriage and it took its toll on me, I feel like I am me again now we are not actively trying ( doesn't stop me hoping and praying each month that my period doesn't come or staring so hard at the pee stick I convince myself I can see two lines)
I don't know what to do with myself right now, at this moment. Hubby is asleep and I am downstairs, staring into space, with silent tears rolling down my cheeks. Checked Facebook and my friends baby was born today, and I don't want to feel like this but I'm so jealous, why not me? Why did all my friends get pregnant and their babies survived? I have been trying so much longer why not me?
And the worse part is there are no answers to these questions, I can't blame anyone, I don't have a direction to blow this bitterness so it gets vented at all pregnant women, at all parents who have children but don't realise how lucky they are.
None of this is fair. I just have to accept, and move forward one day at a time, without my baby. But it's so so hard not to imagine, what if I was in labour right now? Or be angry at the things I am doing in reality (like working and preparing for our event tomorrow) because I should be having my baby, she should have survived, it's our turn.
I'm hindsight I wish we had given ourselves time off this week to grieve, but instead I planned an event, and packed my diary, I feel guilty for that too, like I should have marked the occasion. Spoke to hubby tonight and he hasn't even bought me a bunch of flowers, neither of us has done anything. I feel like we should.
I don't know what to do with myself.
What a heart felt post. Really moving. Did it help you running for the miscarriage charity? You need an outlet where all the emotions and energy you feel can have an outlet. Perhaps getting more involved with a charity like that night help? Or would it just remind you too much?
I really hope you get what you dream for. Do you know the reason you and husband are struggling to conceive / or were. Apologies if you already said.
My love goes out to you xxxxx
I really hope you get what you dream for. Do you know the reason you and husband are struggling to conceive / or were. Apologies if you already said.
My love goes out to you xxxxx
Miss Mac
Gold Member
I have never been in your position and wont pretend to know how you feel.
I am just sorry you do feel so bad.
Maybe you could acknowledge the day just by releasing a simple balloon or lighting a candle, just so you dont feel guilty about planning work and not taking time off like you say!
You have nothing to feel guilty about but if it makes you feel better to do something then do it.
It doesnt have to be a grand gesture.
Xxx
I am just sorry you do feel so bad.
Maybe you could acknowledge the day just by releasing a simple balloon or lighting a candle, just so you dont feel guilty about planning work and not taking time off like you say!
You have nothing to feel guilty about but if it makes you feel better to do something then do it.
It doesnt have to be a grand gesture.
Xxx
Mere
Mere's Diary
That is a very sad post and I really feel for you. I agree with Miss Mac mark the date with a simple gesture. Hopefully you will go on to have a beautiful healthy baby. I had a miscarriage between my first and second so I know how devastating it can be. Acknowledge that you are still in mourning for what should have been. I hope writing that post has helped you. My thoughts are with you. xxx
yoyoagogo
Gold Member
Week 23 weigh in
Start weight - 12st 3
Week 1 - 11 stone 9
Week 2 - 11 stone 5
Week 3 - 11 stone 4.5
Week 4 - 11 stone 3.5
Week 5 - 11 stone 2
Week 6 - 10 stone 13.3
Week 7 - 10 stone 12.9
Week 8 - on holiday
Week 9 - 10 stone 12.8
Week 10 - 10 stone 9.5
Week 11 - 10 stone 10.7
Week 12 - 10 stone 7.9
Week 13 - 10 stone 9.6
Week 14 - 10 stone 7.4
Week 15 - 10 stone 7.2
Week 16 - 10 stone 5.5
Week 17 - 10 stone 5.3
Week 18 - 10 stone 6.8
Week 19 - 10 stone 3.7
Week 20 - 10 stone 2.2
Week 21 - 10 stone 3.7
Week 22 - 10 stone 3
Week 23 - 10 stone 1.9
A pound off this week! Happy with that seeing as I don't feel like I've dieted at all and I haven't run as I've been poorly.. Thought I would put on weight if anything!
Plus sober October starts today too!
Start weight - 12st 3
Week 1 - 11 stone 9
Week 2 - 11 stone 5
Week 3 - 11 stone 4.5
Week 4 - 11 stone 3.5
Week 5 - 11 stone 2
Week 6 - 10 stone 13.3
Week 7 - 10 stone 12.9
Week 8 - on holiday
Week 9 - 10 stone 12.8
Week 10 - 10 stone 9.5
Week 11 - 10 stone 10.7
Week 12 - 10 stone 7.9
Week 13 - 10 stone 9.6
Week 14 - 10 stone 7.4
Week 15 - 10 stone 7.2
Week 16 - 10 stone 5.5
Week 17 - 10 stone 5.3
Week 18 - 10 stone 6.8
Week 19 - 10 stone 3.7
Week 20 - 10 stone 2.2
Week 21 - 10 stone 3.7
Week 22 - 10 stone 3
Week 23 - 10 stone 1.9
A pound off this week! Happy with that seeing as I don't feel like I've dieted at all and I haven't run as I've been poorly.. Thought I would put on weight if anything!
Plus sober October starts today too!
yoyoagogo
Gold Member
Thank you so much Lara, Miss Mac and Mere for your support - you were a great comfort to me yesterday.,
Feeling better today about everything, and at the end of the day last night I was a little sad it was all over as I've had the date in my head since our little bean died.
New chapter starts today. Starting with a month off the booze - sober October for Macmillan cancer charity.
The event we ran last night went really well so I'm pleased with that.
Had a little lie in this morning but I do have a lot to get through today and then I'm working at the nursery tomorrow and Friday - there's not enough hours in the week at the moment!
My 15k race is on Sunday and I've not run for 10 days now
still not feeling well either so I really hope I can get a run or two in before the race - and I hope I feel better soon too! Don't want to risk running with my chesty cough.
Hope everyone else is ok?
Feeling better today about everything, and at the end of the day last night I was a little sad it was all over as I've had the date in my head since our little bean died.
New chapter starts today. Starting with a month off the booze - sober October for Macmillan cancer charity.
The event we ran last night went really well so I'm pleased with that.
Had a little lie in this morning but I do have a lot to get through today and then I'm working at the nursery tomorrow and Friday - there's not enough hours in the week at the moment!
My 15k race is on Sunday and I've not run for 10 days now
still not feeling well either so I really hope I can get a run or two in before the race - and I hope I feel better soon too! Don't want to risk running with my chesty cough. Hope everyone else is ok?
yoyoagogo
Gold Member
Awesome result. And hopefully long term you can eat that way and maintain
Here's hoping!
x-Katie-x
Gold Member
Oh sweetheart I really wish that I had logged on and seen this xxx You're right in that it is so unfair but don't ever feel stupid for loving and missing your baby, that is perfectly natural and it's the wonderful mother part of you that makes you feel the way you do xx
I second that.
And also thank you for being so open with us with these thoughts and feelings xx
yoyoagogo
Gold Member
Hi Lara - thank you
Yes it really helped - I entered the run very shortly after my miscarriage as it gave me something to aim for a take my mind off it.
There's no reason we are struggling to conceive - all tests have come back normal so it's a mystery.
yoyoagogo
Gold Member
Thank you miss mac - our hospital is holding a memorial for parents with angel babies soon so we'll go to that to mark her passing.
