Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels (Take 2) - My Big Fat Story

[8pinktink8]

Oh my hunni, reading your post was almost like reading my inner thoughts. Firstly and importantly, you need to learn to trust yourself and love yourself. If there is anyone that will love and trust you unconditionally it's you. This will give you the confidence you need. It's sounds morbid but I look at it as a good thing, but u came into this world alone and you leave this world alone. Make peace with yourself. I had a horrible childhood and got dumped on in just about every single possible way. You long to put your trust in someone an then, get hurt. I found my longing to be loved just pushed people away. You have the love of your mum who is always going to be there for you when you most need. Your boy friend obviously loves you, but it's easy for me to say when I know you probably don't have much confidence in yourself by what you say in your post. I have epilepsy which causes memory loss, but I've tried having an hour a day to do all the important things and clean the house. I write notes and set task alarm on my phone to remind me and this helps greatly. I also agree that achieving the weight loss you require will also help you feel more comfortable. Hope you don't think I'm a freak when I say learn to love and trust yourself, but it's just something that I've learnt to do. My insecurity caused problems over the years with hubby and it got to the point where he was using it to his advantage to hurt me. He's told me often he doesn't love me an wants to leave, but then retracted it, this just made me feel worse. This is why I put my feelings first (apart from my boys) and just rely on me...any thing or any one else who shows genuine love and loyalty are a bonus. You sound like you're doing really well hun with S.W, keep it up, try the sweet cous cous lol and try to have faith in you're self and your boy friend.....here if you need vent xxxxxx

 

[FaithFluro]

Thank you 8pinktink8 for your kind words.

Today went fairly well. I walked down to the doctors which was a mean feat only to find out my notes still haven't arrived after over 3 weeks from my old surgery. I got a taxi back as I really can't climb back up the hill to where I live. I had a nap and the bf set up my computer for me without even waking me up bless him. I went to club where I lost 0.5lb but I was completely happy with that as I'm due on and this week hasn't been the easiest. I also got chosen as the captain of our team for rallying up points at club and I was so shocked and excited to find out I split Slimmer of the Month with another lady. A real achievement and I felt wonderful.

I still had the smile when I got home and made myself couscous with tinned tomatoes, carrots, salad and ham. I only ate half the couscous I made up.

Later tonight I was on Facebook when I noticed that a girl from my group had posted that she was pissed off. When I asked her why she said somebody had not been very kind to her about her weight loss and when I asked who had said such a thing I got a private message saying it was me! Apparently I had not congratulated her enough (even though she had been maintaining and gaining a lot) and at club when our consultant brought in a bear called Will (for Willpower) I suggested to her that she should take it for support which apparently she took offence to. So I'm sitting here reading this that she's put that makes me out to sound like a right cow when I've been sitting with her for the past 3 or so weeks and talking to her off of Facebook....we've shared medical problems and all sorts and I'm just thinking about what an utter failure I am. It doesn't help that my only other 'friend' who I know only online recently decided to get pissy with me for not being on so much and struggling to talk because I've had a lot going on and I'm a bit blocked at the moment. She's been completely off with me and I think I'm being replaced with other people. It's not nice to know you're so easily replaced and that people aren't as bothered over you as you are with them.
I posted a status about how I felt...not mentioning names...and my online friend just posted a status that I'm guessing was in reply saying that she doesn't have to 'prove' that she's anyone's friend and if you don't believe it then it's not her problem. Really heartfelt and just makes me feel so good about how much I mean to people, you know? Not.
All I've ever wanted is a true friend but everyone I know leaves me and replaces me. I'm not very good at social interaction and I have possible borderline personality/Asperger's...I've tried to explain this to people before but they've either not understood or just said it's not an excuse.

Either way I feel like a rotten failure, my supposed good weight loss means very little to me at the moment and I just want to give up with people. I have no idea how my bf puts up with me. I keep wondering how on Earth I haven't killed myself yet. I certainly couldn't at the moment because my mum needs me but the thoughts keep appearing because I just feel like such a failure and like I'm just doomed to keep on failing.

Should I keep trying and keep hurting or should I just cut myself off, keep to just my bf and family and focus on me?

Oh dear...what a mess I am. Going to go have more of a cry.

 

[DustQueen]

Thank you 8pinktink8 for your kind words.

Today went fairly well. I walked down to the doctors which was a mean feat only to find out my notes still haven't arrived after over 3 weeks from my old surgery. I got a taxi back as I really can't climb back up the hill to where I live. I had a nap and the bf set up my computer for me without even waking me up bless him. I went to club where I lost 0.5lb but I was completely happy with that as I'm due on and this week hasn't been the easiest. I also got chosen as the captain of our team for rallying up points at club and I was so shocked and excited to find out I split Slimmer of the Month with another lady. A real achievement and I felt wonderful.

I still had the smile when I got home and made myself couscous with tinned tomatoes, carrots, salad and ham. I only ate half the couscous I made up.

Later tonight I was on Facebook when I noticed that a girl from my group had posted that she was pissed off. When I asked her why she said somebody had not been very kind to her about her weight loss and when I asked who had said such a thing I got a private message saying it was me! Apparently I had not congratulated her enough (even though she had been maintaining and gaining a lot) and at club when our consultant brought in a bear called Will (for Willpower) I suggested to her that she should take it for support which apparently she took offence to. So I'm sitting here reading this that she's put that makes me out to sound like a right cow when I've been sitting with her for the past 3 or so weeks and talking to her off of Facebook....we've shared medical problems and all sorts and I'm just thinking about what an utter failure I am. It doesn't help that my only other 'friend' who I know only online recently decided to get pissy with me for not being on so much and struggling to talk because I've had a lot going on and I'm a bit blocked at the moment. She's been completely off with me and I think I'm being replaced with other people. It's not nice to know you're so easily replaced and that people aren't as bothered over you as you are with them.
I posted a status about how I felt...not mentioning names...and my online friend just posted a status that I'm guessing was in reply saying that she doesn't have to 'prove' that she's anyone's friend and if you don't believe it then it's not her problem. Really heartfelt and just makes me feel so good about how much I mean to people, you know? Not.
All I've ever wanted is a true friend but everyone I know leaves me and replaces me. I'm not very good at social interaction and I have possible borderline personality/Asperger's...I've tried to explain this to people before but they've either not understood or just said it's not an excuse.

Either way I feel like a rotten failure, my supposed good weight loss means very little to me at the moment and I just want to give up with people. I have no idea how my bf puts up with me. I keep wondering how on Earth I haven't killed myself yet. I certainly couldn't at the moment because my mum needs me but the thoughts keep appearing because I just feel like such a failure and like I'm just doomed to keep on failing.

Should I keep trying and keep hurting or should I just cut myself off, keep to just my bf and family and focus on me?

Oh dear...what a mess I am. Going to go have more of a cry.

Oh FF I'm so sorry I don't know what to say just so sorry that this has happened and I really just wanted to send you a really big hug x I'm here if you need to talk x

 

[FaithFluro]

So today I made the choice that I would try success express. If not just to see bigger numbers again but also to up my intake of superfree this week since last week I was so abysmally poor at even having 1/3.
I counted up what I had yesterday after club and here's what I had:

Luscious Lemon Hi-Fi bar (HEXB)
Half a packet of Ainsley Harriott's Roasted Vegetable Coucous (9 syns) SYNNED
Half a bag of salad with a big slosh of balsamic vinegar SUPERFREE
1/2 tin of plum tomatoes SUPERFREE
1/4 tin of carrots SUPERFREE
A sprinkle of Parmesan cheese (HEXA)
About 70g of Tesco Wafer Thin Honey Roast Ham (FREE)

A grand total of 9 syns for Wednesday.

Today I had what was leftover from my couscous dish and it was only after I had ate that I made the conscious decision I would make this week into a success express week, lol. So here's what I've had today:

Half a packet of Ainsley Harriott's Roasted Vegetable Coucous (9 syns) SYNNED
Half a bag of salad with a big slosh of balsamic vinegar SUPERFREE
1/2 tin of plum tomatoes SUPERFREE
1/4 tin of carrots SUPERFREE
A sprinkle of Parmesan cheese (a VERY small amount as most of it accidently went on the floor and in the cat food!!!) (HEXA)
About 70g of Tesco Wafer Thin Honey Roast Ham (FREE)
About 150g of chicken (FREE)
Boiled rice (FREE)
A couple of spoonfuls of low fat fromage frais (FREE)
A vanilla with chocolate sprinkles and cherry underlayer Mullerlight (FREE)
Another 1/2 tin of carrots (SUPERFREE)
Another 1/4 tin of tomatoes (SUPERFREE)
Onion (SUPERFREE)
Garlic (SUPERFREE)
Strawberries (SUPERFREE)
Skimmed milk (HEXA)
Wholemeal Roll (HEXB)

Again a grand total of 9 syns!
Basically I had my left over couscous dish for breakfast/lunch, a mullerlight milkshake (I TOTALLY recommend these) to keep me going until dinner was ready and then the creamy chicken korma curry from the Curry Heaven book. Unfortunately it wasn't like a normal korma but it was still nice. I have leftovers for tomorrow.
I'm very impressed with myself today. I've probably eaten more superfree today than I did all last week combined, ha. I am hoping for a nice big loss this week.

I booked an appointment to use my groupon voucher for laser hair removal and that's going to be on the 7th for full legs. I'll let you guys know how I get on. Still got to use my voucher for a mani-pedi too, as well as going out to the zoo.

Boyfriend's birthday present is going to be here tomorrow (...or rather today as I'm typing this as 1:23am) and I'm not sure I'm going to be awake and hear the door so he might have to go collect it from the post office, lol! I doubt he'll open it until his birthday next week but who knows. I really hope he likes it. He doesn't read this right now so I'm safe in telling you guys it's a posh bean to cup espresso machine. He's got a coffee maker but it's a bog standard one and I now he likes using the dead expensive (probably around a grand) coffee machine his friend has got. It's not quite that pricey but it's got really good reviews and it's a good one

We also sorted out going to his nan's up in the lake district this weekend. We'll be arriving there Saturday and probably staying until Monday or Tuesday. His nan is going to stay with Rob's parents for the weekend though so the first couple of days the house will be completely ours and I will be able to stay on track. Rob's said he wants to go out to eat but I think it's only to a pub and I should be able to stay on track with success express even with going out.

As you can probably tell I'm a little bit more upbeat today. I explained myself to that girl from group and I was so upset last night I went offline and did not want to speak about it anymore that night. Today she's apologised again and said she's just been stressed because she's been struggling so I'm going to message her and say that it'll be forgotten and stuff. I really don't want to make my meetings awkward as it's such a nice place to be and I really enjoy going.

I also helped my mum out with her website today. She accidently deleted a 27 page long entry and I pasted it back up for her. She's not very computer-savvy but she's had a difficult life and is still having to deal with my estranged father and she wants to get her story out there and hopefully help some other people.
If anyone wants to have a look it's phoebe910.co.uk. She's not amazing at typing as she's half blind and her grammar isn't the best but if you read it you get the point and she does mention stuff about me (Stef) in there. It's no where near finished but it's amazing what she's doing and I'm very proud of her.

Anyway..that's all for tonight folks. Bf got me some more mullerlights an I'm looking forward to experimenting making milkshakes with them. I completely freeze whatever mullelight I'm going to use, pour my daily allowance of skimmed milk in with it into a blender and blend until smooth. If you get a fruit one like strawberry it's the closest to a mcdonald's strawberry milkshake you can get. It's lovely and ice cold and thick like it's been made with icecream
Wish me luck for a superfree tomorrow. Night ya'll.