Hello All!
I am here to waffle... I have felt quite emotional today... I read through the new WW mag that was delivered yesterday and all I did was cry.... I have felt like this all day
1. I hate my stupid job
2. I hate my stupid life
3. I hate being alone - I want a boyfriend/ a husband/ a house/ some kids... but firstly I want the dates and the fun times
4. I hate being fat
And most ridiculously - I feel like the only good thing is FOOD!!
I am sick of getting up every day to walk to work... then work for 8 - 12 hours ... then home/ eat/ gym in any order.. then sleep and do it all over again...
Then the weekend is spent either on call or just dreading being back at work....
I want to teach... I really do... I am just afraid... afraid it wont be what I expect.... afraid I wont be able to do it... afraid I will spend that money and wont ever get a job.....
I need to at least try!! I am scared too of handing in my notice.. of working two months somewhere I am hated (I have done that once already this year!).... I am scared of how my parents and more importantly my sister will respond as they are all against it...
But really today... I just feel alone... I feel sick of the monotony of my life... I genuinely felt like food was the only good thing.. that is ridiculous!!! I want life to be more than this...
Then just this evening I have been thinking about where I could have been by now if I was as committed to this as others... I have been on a diet since I was 11!! I once got to goal and since then have never stopped putting weight on... I really want this time to be it... I started a year ago and lost about 2 stone 7 by July and then since then I have been losing and gaining the same stone.... I want to break back into the 16s .... I want to keep going.... I want to get there.... what is stopping me?? Only me! That is the scariest thing... only me!
Anyways... back to the same old thing tomorrow... I am going to walk to work... and then do the military boot camp.. then maybe do a class at the gym... then eat and bed... I will do this.... I have until September... I want to start my course slimmer... and maybe there I will meet a nice fella?!
So back to it in the morning
another good week and another good loss and less feeling sorry for myself.. xxxx