Thanks hun....but that wasn't my official weigh-in day. That was the day before when I weighed 10st 11.5!
I've done strict alternates all week - sometimes crept slightly over my DD allowances, but not by more than 50 calories. I've tried to eat bigger, more nutritious meals on UDs with less emphasis on snacking, but to be honest it's been a battle and I'm beginning to think it always will be
I have this contant push-pull inside my head - one minute I'm thinking "Have it if you want it! it's an UD, not everybody counts everything on an UD...other people have wine and take-aways, and all you want is a Yorkie/ice cream/slice of cake/portion of chips"
And then if I do have it, about half an hour later I'll be thinking "well you ate it, you'd better work out the calories and record it"
I know that people do have days when they eat far more than 2000 calories, and I know that some people don't even count at all on UDs, but personally I seem to be obsessed with sticking to 2000, and so I'm constantly doing calculations in my head to work out what I can fit into my calories for the day!
It's not so bad during the daytime as I tend to eat the same things, but in the evenings I get quite obsessive about it. Say I've got 500 calories left, I can spend a good hour deciding what combination of cake, chocolate and other treats I can fit in to best make use of the calories I've got left!
Not exactly an intuitive or natural way of life is it?
And then I think I should be more kind to myself...this is all new to me - I've never tried to eat like a "normal" person...I've been losing or gaining huge chunks of weight for all of my adult life so it's not going to come easily to me, and food is still such a novelty to me - especially the notion of food without regret/guilt. In fact, I was staring at the food in Sainsbury's the other day when I realised that I have no idea what any of the full-fat ready meals taste like, because I've always been on a diet!
My fella thinks that I should come up with some meal plans, so that I have less thinking to do in the week when I come to do my shopping and cook my tea. The only problem is that it's been so long since I ate proper food that I've forgotten what kinds of things I like to eat when I'm not bingeing or starving! Weird hey?
I'm hoping that in time, I'll get into a routine and get a little list together of meals I enjoy and want to cook again. I'm also hoping that in time I'll be able to eat more intuitively on my UDs - say 250 cals for brekkie, 400 for lunch, 600-700 for tea, and then allow myself fruit/yoghurt snacks in the day and ONE desert/chocolate based treat in the evening that I don't necessarily weigh or measure (takes all the fun out of cake when you have to weigh it first!!)
So to sum up the week, I've been on a bit of a downer really - the scales jumped up again to 10st 10lbs mid-week, so I felt like I've been getting nowhere really. And last night I had a bit of a mini-binge - syrup sponge with ice cream, a Yorkie and half a lindt chocolate bar! Obviously me being me, it was all recorded on MFP and I ended the day on roughly 2500 cals so not too disastrous really.
Feeling like a glutton for punishment I got on the scales this morning and was actually pleasantly surprised with what I saw, but I'll weigh in officially tomorrow as it's a DD today. Knowing my body, I'll probably be heavier tomorrow though as I seem to be gaining after DDs! If so, I'll take today as my official WI, just cos I can
Well I guess I should think about getting up - not sure whether I'll see my fella today because of the snow, so I might get my wellies out, go into town and get some ingedients to make some meals that I can freeze and eat during the week.
Sorry for the long rambly post, you must all think I'm completely nuts...and I'd probably agree, but writing things down does help...and I know I'll look back on this in a few weeks and see a difference in the way I'm thinking.
Hope everyone is safe in these snowy conditions! x