Raquel's daily diary.......my new life starts here!

Hi all, felt a lot better yesterday. I am getting slightly concerned that my eating is becoming very un1000 cal plan. And I am very careless at the moment. The number on the scales this morning was just not what I was wanting to see and I know its from the bad choices I have been making. It is honestly like I have learned nothing from cd and it worries me that I am gonna put all back on and I dont want to do that. I do not know what to do right now at all :( do I stay on 1000 but make a more determined effort to stick to it? Do I go to 810? Or ss? I know I am meant to be maintaining and not losing but all I am doing is putting on weight right now
 
Have decided to maybe go back to 810 - I know my cdc is going to say my issue is not with the food but with my image and the scales. I do know that I have major issues to overcome with my self confidence and body image, but at the same time I do not want to go back to the size I was b4 cd.

I just do not know what to do really.....any help!??
 
Oh hun, it gets tough on cd sometimes. When I was on 810 (started on 810), I got to a point where I decided that's it i'm gonna do ss for a while until I realised my bmi was too low to do it. When I saw my cdc she pretty much insisted I move up to 1000. I told her i was afraid that if i wanted then to go back to 810 that i wouldn't be able and didn't really want to bounce around the plans anayway. She told me that I wouldn't ever be going back to 810 and only moving up the plans. My point is maybe you should move to the next plan up. Maybe this is your body saying I want more now. I feel so much better on 1000 and I was totally an 810 queen, thinking i'd stay there till goal and not wanting to move.

Hope you're ok, you're doing so well xxx
 
aussieraquel said:
Have decided to maybe go back to 810 - I know my cdc is going to say my issue is not with the food but with my image and the scales. I do know that I have major issues to overcome with my self confidence and body image, but at the same time I do not want to go back to the size I was b4 cd.

I just do not know what to do really.....any help!??
Click to expand...

Aussie, I think we are writing each others diaries lol. I phoned my original CDC Mandy last night and cried HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP down the phone. Like you, I feel like I havent learned a bl**dy thing from CD. When I was 100% I thought I would never go back to putting junk in my mouth and polluting my newly-found healthy body. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am seeing her on Monday and going to SS for a couple of weeks to get rid of this last 10lbs or so and THEN try and work up the plan. Perhaps it will be easier once I am at goal rather than using the plan up to get to goal. I don't know. I am just scared that the rest of my life will be this way if I don't get a grip. I hope that whatever you do decide to do you will be able to slay that monster that is telling you to eat crap. Have a good day today!!!
xx
 
Sunshine Singer said:
Oh hun, it gets tough on cd sometimes. When I was on 810 (started on 810), I got to a point where I decided that's it i'm gonna do ss for a while until I realised my bmi was too low to do it. When I saw my cdc she pretty much insisted I move up to 1000. I told her i was afraid that if i wanted then to go back to 810 that i wouldn't be able and didn't really want to bounce around the plans anayway. She told me that I wouldn't ever be going back to 810 and only moving up the plans. My point is maybe you should move to the next plan up. Maybe this is your body saying I want more now. I feel so much better on 1000 and I was totally an 810 queen, thinking i'd stay there till goal and not wanting to move.

Hope you're ok, you're doing so well xxx
Click to expand...

Hi Sunshine, problem is I am not ready to move up the plans cos I want to lose more and in my head it makes me feel like a complete failure cos I am not at goal, actually now after checking a peek at the scales are further away than my ticker shows :(

Chelsea Lou said:
Aussie, I think we are writing each others diaries lol. I phoned my original CDC Mandy last night and cried HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP down the phone. Like you, I feel like I havent learned a bl**dy thing from CD. When I was 100% I thought I would never go back to putting junk in my mouth and polluting my newly-found healthy body. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am seeing her on Monday and going to SS for a couple of weeks to get rid of this last 10lbs or so and THEN try and work up the plan. Perhaps it will be easier once I am at goal rather than using the plan up to get to goal. I don't know. I am just scared that the rest of my life will be this way if I don't get a grip. I hope that whatever you do decide to do you will be able to slay that monster that is telling you to eat crap. Have a good day today!!!
xx
Click to expand...
I know Lorrayne, I never thought I would go back either! I messaged my cdc this mornng to tell her my thoughts, so hopefully we will have a big chat about it this arvo.

I thought the same thing - easier at goal, bnut how do I get there.

I seem to think in my head everything will improve once I get to goal,. and I associate goal with happiness, I';m really not wuite sure how realistic that is.

But what I do know is that I am not happy now!

Hopefully will get this sorted out......not really my weight I need to sort out though, but my head and the issues I have with food and eating and self image
 
aussieraquel said:
......not really my weight I need to sort out though, but my head and the issues I have with food and eating and self image
Click to expand...

oh Racquel this is so very very true and i am so glad you know this too...! loads of reading on the subject is slowly helping me...you will get there hun!

Have a fab day!

xx
 
Dont really know what to add, but didn't want to read and run.... hopefully you will have a good chat with your CDC this afternoon and get something sorted that you are happy with.... your BMI is way below 25, so you are a healthy weight, is there a particular reason you want to lose more weight? Is it just that you feel you have failed if you dont get to goal? Take care hun...
 
Thanks for the messages. I spent am hour and a half with my cdc today. Basically I am gonna stay on 1000 with the aim not to think about the diet but my emotions and attitudes towards myself and my body and food too of course. I am so grateful for my cdc, she is just brill and put up with me crying for most of our long session today. I need to forget about my weight and the scales and focus on what is important, me! On a happier note, I got my nose pierced today, something I have been wanting to do for years. I actually said I would do it when I got to goal, but today thought why then, and got it done. Still reading 'eating less' I am really identifying with this book! Anyway, off scrapbooking all day tomorrow, have a lovely sunday everyone.
 
It sounds like you have a great CDC Rachel.

I think that you are doing really well on maintenance, it's a lot harder than SS (for me anyway) because it the part of the diet where you have to really face your demons and you are doing it. You have had a fantastic weight loss overall, well done.

Jan
 
Thanks jan, I know this sounds weird but I imagine everything will be better when I get to goal. That all my troubles will disappear! I am coming to realise that that magic number on the scales will not bring me happiness. Only I can do that. The only thing that is so hard to work out is why I am like this, what caused it. That I do not know and that is what is holding me back. The reason I do want to continue to my goal is I want tone up more and just lose some of the extra eat I am carrying round middle, boobs and back. But I know of course that wont be achievable right now. Anyway, I am on a train to my scrapbooking day, this is my 'me' time, and I love it ! I will check in during the day.
 
I just want to add that after reading my message it makes me seem like I have a crap life. But that is not true. I have a lovely boyfriend who I have been with for 6 half yrs, I am living im london teaching and seeing the world by travelling. I feel very blessed. But like every person I do have issues, issues that hold me back from being a happier person. Just felt I had to add.
 
Reading the thread didn't make me think you had a crap life at all - and I'm glad that you don't :)

My weight seems to be moving down to my middle it's really weird. I bent over this morning while I was drying myself after a shower and made the mistake of looking down, my tummy was not only extra chubby but wrinkly as well. Luckily I found it funny (which is probably due to the support I've had on here this morning).
 
Good evening everyone. I had a lovely day scrapbooking today, was nice to forget bout my troubles and do something fun for me. Food wise I made sure I was extra organised and took all my food with me. Breakfast coffee and froz tetra. Lunch- oats and a few raspberries. Arvo- tuna salad and coffee. Bout to have dinner, cous cous, tuna and spinach. Dessert- shake. Really good food day but not enough water. Feel better emotionally, though feeling a bit lost cos my any has been gone since friday and wont be back til wed. He is running with bulls im spain. Anyway, hope everyone had good weekend, xox.
 
Hi Raquel, had to call in and say hi... am on my travels still but have a net connection tonight. I wanted to say that i think you have done the right thing, staying on 1000... the hard work now is sorting out your head and happiness, and that is the same for MOST of us here! I know it is for me. And I agree with JS, your thread never makes it seem that you have a bad life... the opposite, really. I think a lot of us on minis have mad-busy lives, are probably what you would call high-achievers, and also very hard on ourselves, perfectionists maybe. That is me for sure. And if any part of my life falls short of the goals I have set... arghhh!!!

I very nearly drove myself right off the edge with this attitude last autumn, and Cd has helped me to regain some control and calm down a bit to get things in perspective. There is still a long way to go though.

I just wanted to say, over the last week, your food choices have been great, you ARE doing 1000 now the way it should be done and I am so glad. Stay with it honey. And big hugs, because you have come a long, long way in more ways than one! Be proud.

xxx
 
Thanks katy, those issues of perfection and self confidence are the ones that are holding me back at the moment I think. I am just so obsessed with getting to goal that its like I cant handle the pressure and eat, same if I get stressed at work. But while eating I never link the 2 and think this is why I am eating. Anyway, planned every meal except dinner, I have tutoring tonight so I am hoping what I have planned will keep me satisfied. Breakfast- coffee and shake. Lunch- 150 cal of strawberry, raspberry. Arvo- salad with 1/2 tuna. Then maybe I shake if I need. Dinner will be either rice or couscous with 1/2 tuna and some spinach. Then fruit. I am having meals towards latter half of day cos that is normally when I wouke binge and eat what I shouldnt. Have a good tuesday.
 
hi Racquel, glad you made the decision to stay with 1000,i had a few wobbly times at the start of maintenance and kept waning to go back to earlier steps...it drove me nuts!! but i've finally accepted that I needed to move and so far, i haven't looked back. Your menu's are looking great, you are doing well give yourself some credit hun!

Have a fab day

x
 
Raquel, glad you decided to stay on 1000, we really need to get our heads around eating again, but I must admit it is very tempting to go back to our comfort blanket of only CD sachets, makes life to much easier, but unfortunately we cannot stay there forever, and we just need to make the right choices. I ate out on Sunday and had a lamb burger, probably not the wisest of choices, but I knew that if I ate it I would put weight on which I was happy with, I am looking forward to always having this positive thinking as at other times when I dont lose weight my mind immediately thinks I should go back to SS for a few days.... but I guess I would end up in exactly the same place once I went back to eating... You seem to have had some really good food choice days.. oh yes, I also do scrapbooking, although that has taken a bit of a back seat at the moment whilst I make cards, I do love making mini albums though, going to make one of the 4 Killers concerts I have been to when I get the time...
 
Hope your Tuesday has been a fab one Raquel.

xxx
 
Yeah I love scrapping GreenEyes, very obsessed I must say. I use to teach it on weekends and work in my local store too.

Day so far has been ok, work has been stressful

Have not had all that I should have and made some silly choices, nuts, some choc. But I am feeling ok about it at the moment.

I ordered 4 books from amazon this morning, I am hoping that I find some answers in them, to my thoughts regarding food and my body.

2 are by Gillian Roth, who had brilliant reviews. Cant remember the other two.


Umm....so followed day sorta to plan

Breakfast - cd shake
Lunch - museli and a lil strawb and black berry
Arvo - nuts and small bit of choc.
Dinner - small - very small portion of tuna and salad. (Did not feel like more after picking)

Anyway, best be off...thanks for checking in Katy - so happy to see you back!
 
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