Thanks for the replies ladies, sorry for disappearing!
I'm doing okay, still on track. Had a tough couple of weeks with lots of mood swings, cravings, emotional upset/frustration regarding the fact that I can no longer comfort eat the way I used to, but I've been tough with myself and really stuck to it. I lost 5lbs the first week, 3lbs the second and 3lbs the third, for a total 11lb loss so far.
If I'm honest, I felt completely and utterly underwhelmed every time I stepped on the scales and saw a small loss. I know we all get there one little step at a time, but I just want it to happen quicker, I don't want to go through all this stress of dieting for the next two years, which I likely will have to do. It sounds pathetic, petulant and whingy and I hate that it makes me feel like this and turns me into this whiny person with this dependency on food. I *know* that food won't fix my problems, I *know* that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, but I have never before felt like I want to just slam my face into a whole chocolate cake like I do right now.
I think perhaps it's just the fact that I can no longer have things that is making me want them more. I know it's all psychological problems, I know I have started and will continue to lose weight if I stick to it and I know that it will make me happier in the long term. I just hate these useless, worthless, whingy feelings, mood swings and all the rest. I feel deprived, which is ridiculous considering I eat more on the diet than I ever did before starting it and I know that for the most part I am actively ENJOYING the diet, I am loving eating fruit and salads and such and I love the fact that syns allows me to have treats like the occasional packet of crisps or butter on my baked potato - I only feel this way when I crave something I can't have, like a Chinese take away with my favourite foods. The stupid thing is I know if I gave in and took a day off from the diet, I wouldn't even enjoy it as much as I imagine I will and I'll feel awful and regret it afterwards because it'll make these three weeks of hard work and determination a waste!!
I've also been angry with myself because I have a horrible habit of eating only free foods and healthy extras throughout the day and saving up all my syns to have "treats" in the evening, like "you've had a good day, so go on, treat yourself!". Most of them time by the evening after dinner it's a) far too late to eat and b) I'm not even hungry, but I eat it anyway because I don't want to feel like I'm depriving myself further!
Despite that, I have stuck to 15 syns or less every day, averaging 10-14.
It's just... frustrating.