Sophie's Slimming World and Cinema critiques!

[Cheese Thief]

Hi Tetris, just popping in to subscribe. I can't sleep so I've been up reading your diary and can honestly say you're such an inspiration! I also love movies too so it'll be great to chat with you about them. Have you seen the new Kick Ass movie yet? I'm meant to be seeing it tonight, crossing my fingers as I really loved the first one! x

 

[Tetris]

Hi Cheese Theif- really glad I can inspire you I was new to SW/minis at the start of the year and remember how it felt to see other people's diaries who were doing well- motivated!
Cool that you have some great mini goals for up coming trips!
I loved the first Kick Ass but haven't seen the second yet- my bf has the first on blu-ray so we're going to re-watch it then go for the second one sometime soon (maybe today, even!)
I love films and have an unlimited cineworld pass (which is so awesome!) but haven't used it much this summer; have been busy and missed most of the good summer films while I was on holiday. I'll get back to my mini reviews at some point though!

Haven't tried the choc all bran guys, but am excited since you seem to love it had some of the golden (or something) all bran but 35g seemed pretty measly compared to the amount of puffed wheat you can get for it good idea to have it with yoghurt! :O wasted half a hexA on milk this morning with my puffed wheat.

Don't worry, not dwelling on G's comment, I was laughing at how cheeky he was being

Felt so awesome in my new top yesterday and was shocked to see the pictures- I didn't look obese in any of them :O WHAT?! I mean, I still look pretty chubs in most but in some of them I look kinda normal! Oh-em-gee! Didn't get any of me on the beach sadly but here are a few from other parts of the day:



^ Mini golf. Not sure why I was posing like that but think I was re-enacting something- lol! Interesting to see a side on pic though :O that's G's bum in the air and my friend Dan behind.



^ Playing pool - I look NORMAL!?





^ An AWFUL picture to show you the blasphemy that are my BINGO WINGS!!!! But yeah, now you can see what I am working towards fixing with my work outs skipped yesterday and am calling that a 'rest day' but did day 4 today. Managed 15 second plank!!! :O



^If you block out my face/neck ew-ness, think my body looks almost slim here YAY! I had just been soaked by my best friend Eliza (foreground) throwing water at me.



^Eliza and I; this one is to show my top really annoyingly though it had these vertical wires going down the sides in 4 places that had sharp edges and would cut into me when I sat down, especially around the back of the armpit. Am going to try and cut them out as I don't think it'll ruin the top :/ but I love the top so am pretty nervous! But also the wire got all bent in the car ride and in some photos actually made it look like I had rolls of fat where there wasn't any! So I think I'll remove those wire bits.

So yesterday was SO nice! Played ball games and frisbee on the beach after a picnic (I made SW friendly humus that was SO NICE! Had to individually peel all the friggin chickpeas which took forever though, but made it sooo much smoother than previous attempts. As I had no tahini I used a tablespoon of peanut butter meaning the whole tub of humus was 4.5 syns, but so yum!) we also played mini golf, went to a theme park and on a really awesome rollercoaster that goes upside down reaaaally slowly

Had a kebab for tea so think I had about 23 syns for the day- had a couple of low syn days to save up at the start of the week so had about 25 spare though. Had a bloody +1 this morning AGAIN though :'( but when I looked at the wii chart it said 15st 10lbs which would be 1lb in total- guess I gained 1.5lbs this week or something... Really weird as haven't been over my syns or had as much ice cream as last week *sigh* maybe those carby EE/G days last week set me back as I'm not due on yet... hmm.
Not TOO bothered, just confused! But yeah, I did have about 4 days in a row of EE and Green which stopped working for me a few months ago when I hit that plateaux, so might have been that. Back to Red with a couple of EE/G thrown in!

My Saudi trip has been cancelled but luckily got a pretty neat job filming for this acrobatics company about the same time, will be a lot of editing though but the pay is OK

x

 

[flix]

You look fab!! I absolutely love that top I want one!!

 

[Summer86]

Lovely pics, you are so pretty!

 

[EmmaB]

I think you look awesome in ur pics! The photographer in you is hard on yourself! Lol. Can see why your trying to save the top! Xx

 

[Tetris]

Thanks guys! it is SIZE 14! WOO! I have never worn a size 14 item in my adult life.

I found it on a sale rack in New Look but when I tried it on I noticed they hadn't put a new price on it- the woman at the changing rooms said that meant it wouldn't be on sale but I remembered seeing another top the same in the rack- went and got that (size 12) and it had £10 marked on it but it had a stain unlike the 14 I tried on... anyway, I took both to the till to show them and ask if the 14 did have a reduction and it was £8!! down from £25.99! WOOP. Wouldn't have even thought to try that on if it weren't for it being on sale- I mainly wear dresses and when I wear skirts I hate that the tops either overlap or need to tuck in; this one was skin tight so where the skirt rested just before my waist seemed to match it. Never wear skirts under my tummy

Erp derp, this is post 666 in my thread so here's a bit of a rant coming...

Had another poke at G yesterday (and today) at how our relationship is a bit sucky. It's mainly the circumstances- living together without him working for over a year, me only doing the odd photography/filming job... Stressful to be together with nothing much to do for 18 months straight, especially since in this time we haven't gotten any closer to being a photography duo as planned, we haven't built the right portfolio together, everything is slow and I feel like since I've met him my career has actually gone downhill. Just before we got together I was on a real high note- working REALLY hard, applying to loads of film jobs (and getting lots of them!) and had a feature film lined up- was really getting there with my freelancing. But then we got together and I sort of paused because I was all in love (though I shot the feature in our first months together as it was planned beforehand, and a feature is a pretty big deal as a DOP 2 years out of film school with not much experience!) but then after things started to droop and I realise more and more these days that when he's moping around like an unsuccessful bum I lose all motivation to apply to film jobs, work on my reel or CV, edit, etc... His lack of ambition/drive is dragging me down. I quite harshly let him know all this and he cried and I felt bad, but it's always like this... I have spent the past year trying to improve myself, set myself goals (I wrote a novel in a month for NaNoWriMo, I've done a dozen or so shoots in the middle east, I've lost 4.5 stone and started exercising for the first time in my life, I've learnt a few dozen recipe's and can now actually COOK when before when I met him I could just about make spaghetti bolognese and was scared to touch chicken...) Anyway, I feel like I've grown up a lot since I've been with him; we first spoke when I was 20 (just about to turn 21) and I'd barely lost my 'teen' and in this past couple of years I've BECOME an 'adult'... And it just feels like he's a teenager now, not knowing what he wants to do in life, not striving for anything, stuck in a endless cycle of block... I know it sucks but it's been 18 months with no progression, I need to whoop his ass into gear or this could remain until we are totally broke. He's been relying on savings from his last job and wasting away 10 years of hard work savings on doing nothing makes me feel sad for him... But he doesn't respond well to pressure at all.

I also had a go at him for not putting much effort into keeping the relationship exciting; we never go on dates (except to the cinema which isn't a date as we do it ALL the time (bi-weekly usually) and always have- it's just like going into a different room to watch TV at this point!) and there is no spontaneity or thrill unless I make it happen. He sucks at spontaneity which I knew from the start, but it is something I crave. He is lovely, patient, has the best intentions of anyone I've ever met, but he needs to put more into this- I'm 23! I need excitement! He's 35 and it's like he's happy to be a retired old couple with no social life, no spice, just routine and blandness *hmph* I have never been in a relationship this long because I get bored and move on, I've warned him that this is happening... This is the first relationship though where the drama is... LACK of drama! Not necessarily lack of actual drama but just... it's so dull and he's dragging me down at this point :/

Anyway, tonight I spiced things up a bit with some weird foreplay including a blindfold and ice (TMI- sorry LOL) and we bonded over that a bit. Sex life has been pretty lack lustre recently. I think really we need to spend time apart (so that we can miss each other instead of just tolerating/me nagging) and also spend quality time having fun together out and about- being in the house together is SO emotionally draining.

Food wise I've had a good couple of low syn Red days to hopefully balance out the bloody gain. I've been pretty depressed about my lack of career progression etc and yesterday I was aching to comfort eat a big chinese take away but resisted and kept to just 3 syns in the end :O had about 25 syns the day before with the beach picnic and kebab so needed to balance it out. Tomorrow I might allow myself an EE day as I have some very rich stew to eat up which needs rice or something to dilute it (over seasoned it a bit) and I am aching for more humus so am going to give it another whirl (peeling the damn chickpeas again as it was THAT good last time) but maybe try to skip out the peanut butter as I don't know how much difference it really made in the end; might try a tsp of olive oil as part of hexB if need be.

6 syns today; had half a small cookies 'n cream kit kat after doing day 5 of my arms work out- managed 30 SECOND PLANK! O.M.G! Nearly killed my stomach but felt like such a boss after last week I could just about manage 10 seconds! I'm sure my form wasn't perfect (bum in the air probably) but I definitely felt the burn!
Snacky dinner of cooked chicken thighs (without skin) with pickle, an apple, some carrot sticks and almost a whole punnet of strawberries. Lots of super free!

x

 

[Tetris]

P.S. Made a graph today of my weight loss so that I could see the amount per month- the wii kinda does a chart for me but I can't look at total per month so decided to write down and draw one up for some motivation. Felt a bit sucky to realise that in July I only lost 4lbs but lost 10lbs in June when doing all red in prep for hols- mad! average of about 6-7lbs a month so gives me a rough idea of when I'll get to my first goal; as the first goal isn't going to get me in a size 10 I'm hoping it won't slow down too much, I recon if I try to lose 1.5 stone more than my first goal (which I may decide to do later) that THAT will be harder, so I am thinking I should be at 13st 4lbs by around xmas just in time for the annual extended family boxing day party. None of them will have seen me in two years as last year I was in Dubai for boxing day- that'll be AWESOME that I'm nice and slim, a total slap in the face to them hehe.

ALSO, main reason for P.S- G lifted me today! For about 30 seconds :O he used to be able to shift me off the ground just about for half a second and he was like "Sh*t, this is EASY now!" Haha!

 

[Paulinegin]

Wow Sophie, what an honest post! Feeling your pain, sweetheart, hope OH has listened.

Have a great day!

P x

 

[Summer86]

Relationships are such a swine sometimes aren't they?! My OH and I have never experienced the issues u and G have with careers but I do understand how you feel in terms of feeling stagnant. When I was 21, I'd just finished uni and got a great job, was earning real money and making new friends, I was going on nights out more than when i was at uni and generally having a blast. But I'd been with K for 5 yrs and he still had 2 years left at uni. After a few months I started to feel like life was moving forward and it was awesome but out relationship belonged to that of a two 17 year olds! I nearly chucked it in because everyone and everything around me was progress but that element of life was stuck on replay. I'm glad I didn't though.
I know it's different to what you're going through but similar too.
Do you think he could be a bit depressed? Maybe that's the cause for his lack of drive to push his career?

As for the spontaneity, it's great that you are putting in the effort to switch things up a bit, hopefully it will inspire him to do the same? Not that I think I can advise on matters considering my own sex life but maybe you could try doing something as a couple that makes you both feel sexy? Go to watch some burlesque or maybe go lingerie shopping then try it all on for him? Sorry if that's overstepping the mark a bit!!!

PS sorry for the essay!

 

[Tetris]

Haha that's not overstepping the mark! To be honest, I get nervous about being so open on here but I consider you gals all friends; I've always bestowed more trust through the internet than with friends in person hehe. I actually met G through the internet, I was too shy to meet him but we got.so close through skyping 7hrs a day that eventually I kinda had to! We jumped straight into living together from the moment we met, very intense, skipped all of the exciting stuff at the start where you go on dates and eventually get close because we slept together about 5 minutes after meeting in person

Thanks for the 'essay' Summer- it is really nice to have support. Amazing that you guys have.been together since you were 17- woah!
I don't think he is depressed, I think he is just overwhelmed and a slow at things. He has never known what he wanted to do in life; he got a temporary job out of uni to support himself and he hated it but stayed there 10 years until he met me! He wants to be a photograoher but realistically certain areas are impossible to get work in (wildlife is what he really wants to specialise in, but you basically have to spend a ton of money on equipment/travel to get the pictures then try to sell them- not easy!) we were looking at getting into wedding photography as once you establish your business and get clients coming in it is good money with creative options and we can shoot as a duo... But he just hasnt got what it takes- you need to be fast and be ultra aware to be able to catch the moments- you need to take your picture of them kissing at the alter quickly then leg it to the back of the church to get in front of them as they leave and get photos of them walking, etc. I naturally have this sense of what is going on as I shoot but G's head is up in the clouds, he needs 5 minutes to get his shot right and by that time they have long left. This isnt because he is a beginner because I have trained him this past year really well- he just IS a slow person. He would be suited to general portraiture but it is really hard to stay afloat that way as a duo- to make enough money to support ourselves with a decent income would take shooting 30 clients a month which isnt realistic, we'll get ten if we are lucky. It is a solo job. Anyway, sorry for the waffle. I am very much an extraverted thinker and it takes writing down/talking for me to understand things lol.
We talked about shootimg weddings with him as a sort of assistant photographer to me but *sigh* I don't know. I hate shooting weddings as it is, stressful and not fun. I kinda just want to go into this psychotherapy stuff and leave him with the photography but I feel like he can't do it without me and will drown trying. I hate that pressure.

Sexually; HE is very satisfied, but I am not. I am creative about things and know how to surprise and excite him but he always uses the same moves and it bores me.
I would be happier if we could go out and him take me places. I definitely enjoy sex more after I've threatened to leave him as his desperation is the only time he is passionate. I also enjoy it more when we have had a really bonding experience, which needs to happen bi weekly if we are going to balance out being at home...

 

[Cheese Thief]

Oh Sophie hun, what a pickle. I can completely relate to you on the career front. I left uni in 2008 with a 2:1 in my Law degree thinking I had the world at my feet, and since then for a long time thing's didn't take off. I worked as a legal assistant trying to get my foot in the door but it always seemed someone with family connections and a 2:2 would be the lucky one to progress onto a solicitors training contract, while I was left doing the filing! In the end I was 2 1/2 years out of uni and doing an admin job I could have got at 16, with the money you'd associate with it!

Luckily I've always been a keen writer and quite by chance was asked to do some copy writing work. I haven't looked back since and currently work as a freelance copywriter. Of course as you know from freelancing yourself some months are less money than others, but it's a job I really enjoy and one I feel quite lucky to have. Then I went and fell in love and now 2 years on I want a family of my own, but although OH earns a decent wage, without any possibility of maternity pay it's impossible at the moment. So here I am, at 27 applying to university for the second time to study Radiography, so I can finally get into a career which will give me the financial stability to settle down, buy a house and have kids. It's a right old faff!

Sorry for going through my life story, but you seem like someone who can relate to it. It seems like in the past leaving university was pretty much a guarantee of a decent job and career for life, but now it's so uncertain. You seem so motivated though, I'm sure you'll get there with your career, especially with all the wonderful achievements you've had already! BTW, I'm going to have to check out that national novel writing month, it sounds fab!

I'm sorry about the trouble you're having with your relationship, it's so crappy when you're not getting on with your partner. I guess at times my fella Chris has probably felt like you have, it's no fun being broke on the months there's not much work around that's for sure! At 35 he's all about ready to settle down and buy a house and stuff, so I guess I'm the one holding him back, and although he'd never say it, I do feel this way at times. It's great though that you can be open and honest with your partner about what you really want and why you're not happy. It sounds like he could be depressed, it really knocks the self esteem being out of work, especially when he's older and a guy. I know that shouldn't matter these days, but male pride and all that!

Just remember that in the end it's what makes you happy that's important. It's all too easy to sacrifice everything for someone, but remember it's a partnership and he needs to give a little too.

 

[Tetris]

Thanks for the reply Cheese Theif!

Really great to hear your story too. I can't imagine how sucky it must have been to work a crummy admin job after getting a law degree...! I didn't go down the degree path myself (massive regrets, the year after I decided not to go the prices trebled!) as I went to art school and then film school, so I don't have a degree to rely on to get even the basic jobs (seems like graduates are settling for bar jobs and stuff so I'd probably even struggle to get one of those! ha... :/) and I REALLY wanted to go into psychotherapy but felt like I couldn't because I didn't have a degree- it was so exciting to hear that my friend is doing a diploma which qualifies her as a psychotherapist- the course is only one 8hr lecture a month with LOTS of home studying but it costs £3k for 3 years (she is doing hynotherapy also which is an extra year) and then she is qualified! I really want to do that! But we REALLY want to go travelling first (once you enroll if you miss one lecture you can no longer get a distinction apparently :S) and before I go travelling I really want to get to target so I can be lugging around less weight and look awesome in pictures D hehe) so now it's kinda like... Waiting 6 months+ to lose the rest of my target weight, THEN travel (if we aren't broke by then), THEN enrol... Apparently quite flexible with enrolling times as you can do it several different times of the year, but still- seems so far off right now and the idea of 6 months dedicated to weight loss with no other progression in my life is... arghh frustrating! I don't really want to push to lose weight faster (i.e. by doing mad amounts of exercise or whatever) because I want to lose it at a rate my body can adjust to- I want my skin to keep the elasticity and not get saggy (am exfoliating my whole body 3 times a week in the shower, regularly moisturising my fattiest areas so that the skin can keep hydrated etc) and I don't want the weight to pile back on once I've hit target which I have heard is more likely to happen if you are losing weight fast. So yeah- feel at a bit of a standstill really! Need some projects to keep myself aiming high and engaged in the next 6 months. Kinda scared to even look into these psychotherapy courses incase I get so excited/desperate that I want to do it right away... Silly, I know...

Also, we REALLY want to get another cat or a dog even! But we don't want to travel while it's young and miss a few months of the most fun part of it being young and playful, so that's kinda on hold too... grrr... Everything pivots around losing this last 2.5 stone, which when I look at the little graph of weight loss I made yesterday looks like at this rate will take until around January 2014. That is a good time of year to travel to the places we want to go to though at least get away from cold England.

As for the relationship- Gerard is definitely down about the work stuff but I know him well enough to know he isn't depressed. I'm depressed! lol, I've suffered depression chronically since I hit my teens. He is just confused and unsure- he likes to research the hell out of things before he takes action (i.e. when buying things- spent about 6 months complaining about his old camera on shoots until he'd researched enough to buy the one I told him was best for what he wanted lol) and it's like he's on his laptop all day researching how these companies run their photography stuff- details instead of the big picture. The big picture is- he doesn't know WHAT kind of photography he wants to specialise in, and currently just doing all kinds means our portfolio is too scattered and not strong enough in each area to reel people in. *sigh* I really am finding the creative industry so draining on my passion for it now that I would rather do it as a side thing/hobby and go into psychotherapy. I can't wait to learn about it and help people with more knowledge than I currently have. I will still have a year or two of freelancing as a photographer/filmmaker while I study...
Anyway, working out what we're going to do with G is the main thing; he hasn't progressed enough as a photographer to be a professional really. It is mean but... I understood things more and worked harder and grew more as a 15 year old photographer when I was first doing photoshoots, than he has learn't in this past year as a 35 year old. He just lacks the intuition with it. He can take an awesome photo but doesn't know why it is good or how to improve it in the edit- it's like it's all fluke and he needs to learn how to process his images properly if he's going to grow as a photographer.

Must be really hard wanting a family and having to put it off because of finances sad as this'll sound, I kinda felt like when I was ready to have kids I'd just sort of make G get his old sort of office job back to support the family, but thinking about it he'd probably be pretty unhappy about that and I'd be depressed as hell stuck nursing a child with no career! I love photographing children though so I'd probably make that my new thing build up a portfolio of baby pictures... OK, baby is not going to solve my problems! Time to move on LOL! Definitely not mentally fit enough to be a mother yet.

Copywriting must be such a cool job! but yeah, freelancing sucks really... When I'm lacking motivation I just don't look for jobs and it becomes a spiral of depression from lack of work and financial struggles. It would be like freelancing as a psychotherapist too, though once I had clients coming in it would be steady work as most clients have weekly sessions for years. When I was younger I was seeing my psycho therapist twice a week for 50 minute sessions at £75 a pop! And he ALWAYS had someone in before me and someone directly after too; there were weeks he wasn't around because he was travelling, etc... I think it is quite a nice lifestyle to live by and I think I'd find it really rewarding too, particularly working with young adults, teenagers and children. Feel excited talking about this! I don't want it to just be another idea I give up on though :/ I am SO flakey with stuff in that sense, I just never thought this would be an option as I assumed I'd need an MA to get qualifications... It kinda seems perfect, really- cheap, not many classes (so can continue current work as freelancer) and available without a degree starting several times throughout the year- also stuff that I REALLY want to learn about, topics that excite me... then the lifestyle of the job means I can pursue creative ventures on the side as the schedule fits around my chosen hours, I can take breaks for trips when I want, I can be rewarded by helping people... It sounds perfect really. I help a lot of my close friends in a therapist sort of way and I gain a lot from being able to help them, I really enjoy it... Often get that way with strangers too, I met my best friend Eliza at a party and that night was 'therapist' to her and we've been really good friends since.

Ok, I need to stop faffing and look at these courses online already

 

[Cheese Thief]

Hey hun, the psychotherapy course sounds so good. Bet it's a really interesting job and I can already tell from reading your diary that you'd be great at talking to people and understanding their issues. Travelling sounds like loads of fun too, I can understand you wanting to wait until you've lost the last bit of your weight, it'll be a great reward for reaching goal.

These next 6 months don't have to be spent hanging about waiting, you could always try and get some work experience or something that will help you on your course. I know the Samaritans are always looking for telephone volunteers so I guess that kind of thing could be relevant for you. Just don't pressure yourself to lose the last bit of weight too quickly, you've done amazingly so far and are clearly going to get to your goal. Maybe just try upping the superfree portion of your meals and see how that goes? I've tried the whole biggest loser style exercise regime to get the weight of ASAP, but in the long run it's just not maintainable for me and I've always fallen off the wagon. I know 6 months seems like a long time now, but in reality it's nothing and it'll fly by I promise you!

It must be hard if you can see that your partner really hasn't got the talent for professional photography, especially as he really wants to do it. I guess all you can do is be positive and give him pointers, but in the end if he isn't going to learn, how long before he realises he's not up to the mark? Plus, would he take it the wrong way if you were totally honest with him? It very much depends on how he responds to criticism and feedback I guess. The last thing you want to do is knock his confidence, but at the same I really think instead of encouragement honesty is sometimes the best policy.

My situation is more of a pain than anything, I guess I just feel like that Law degree was a total waste of time. Money isn't the only reason I'm putting off kids for now. I also want to lose my weight at last, own my own home and get into a stable career first. I know loads of people have kids before they have all that, but I'd still be having them in my early 30's, so it's not all that bad. Would be nice if my career and stuff was all sorted, but I'm actually really looking forward to going back to uni again and I'm determined to enjoy myself more than last time too. For a start I wont have any weight related hang up's holding me back hopefully!

I'm sure you'll find a solution to your situation, you strike me as a really bright and talented person, just maybe in a bit of a rut with things. Once the weight is gone and you've been travelling you'll be able to get started with your course and then it's like a whole new chapter for you. Hope you enjoyed looking at the courses and finding out some more about it.

 

[Tetris]

Hi! Can't read your post at the sec Cheese Theif as am in the car and get a bit nauseas looking at the screen too long, but look forward to catching up later.

On way to G's bro's bday lunch at a turkish place- (slugging along m25) no idea what to order! Last time I was thrown into a random restaurant situation with his family I had something packed with coconut milk which turned out to be horrifically synful, ick!
Yesterday despite feeling ridiculously craving filled and snacky I ended up only having 3 syns snacked on fruit and didnt even have dinner except a bowl of wheatabix at like 1am

Weighed in this morn as have been paranoid about the 2lbs of gain- lost it and an extra pound yay, PHEW! Guess I need to stagger the carby days as 4 in a row must have bloated me. Had 3 low syn red days to balance out the extra picnic syns and save for today.

Am wearing my new top again today managed to take the vertical wiring out and it is SO much more comfy now and doesnt look different, phew.

 

[Summer86]

Glad you managed to save the top! And well done on the extra lb off!! Great going x

The psychotherapy course sounds really interesting, you could use it to work in so many different situations and who knows where else it could take you.
Travelling sounds awesome, I wish in some ways I'd travelled after uni but I guess that's the downside to being in such a settled relationship so young. I could do it now of course but I'm also thinking about when the right time to start a family would be.

It sucks that G isn't picking the photography up too well, I imagine wedding photography would be an amazing career, and I know only too well how much it costs to hire one so you'd definitely make some decent cash!!

 

[Jodieboo]

Hello chicky!! Sorry i've not been around much at the minute, lots of drama going on with the home life lol

Those pics are fab!! Well done hun!!

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Just caught up on all your posts!

Wish I could offer some advice over the G situation. It sounds very frustrating for you It does seem like your relationship happened VERY quickly and then has just kinda stayed the same.

Great news about the weight loss and your estimated time of arrival at goal Sounds like you've got an awful lot to think about at the moment.

Where would you like to go travelling?

Hope you're having a nice weekend and the restaurant wasn't too bad.

Oh! And you looked amazing in the photo's xx

 

[Tetris]

Thanks everyone for such awesome messages your support makes me feel really loved. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

G is tired so have to make this uber quick, will reply to the individual posts tomorrow.

Saw extended family (dad's side- grandma and aunts) today for the first time all year apart from a breif encounter in May (where I was wearing baggy horizontal stripes) - they'd of course all heard I was on a diet by now but they were all GUSHING about how great I looked! Felt so good didn't fail this (unlike them!) and they were so supportive. Was really glad to have missed them and not spoken to them about it in the early months as it would have been all lectures- this time they were on about how diets were great but you always put it back on, yada yada, but I really don't feel like that will happen- I'm happy with what I'm eating

Feel SO AWESOME as it's the first attention I've really had from my weight loss and they were like "Bloody hell, you're wasting away!" etc, ahhh so happy.

There is a big outer extended family do next week but I kinda want to hold off until the boxing day one when I'm at/nearly at target just to shock the hell out of them all LOL

Anyway, really was a huge boost to my self esteem; felt like they were looking at me like I was normal instead of a failure for once (literally- that's what they're like! You're fat- you fail! Even though they all are... :/ have had their pity eyes at me my whole life, finally the awe eyes )

Actually, Grandma was like "You're so beautiful! You always were beautiful but..." and trailed off, I finished off "... just less beautiful" and my dad burst out laughing LOL

OK G is getting grumpy so better go, will reply properly to you all in the morning! x

 

[Tetris]

Samaritans is a good idea! I think I'd enjoy helping people over the phone too... Might look into that thanks for the idea Cheese Theif!
I definitely don't want to push myself now to speed up the weight loss as I'll struggle more when I have less to lose. My first target is 13st4lbs but that's the absolute minimum to lose to get into 'normal' BMI- will probably want another stone or so off after that which will be harder, and would prefer to be able to up the superfree/tighten the reins then. At the moment I can't complain- I lost 4lbs the week before last and 3lbs the week before that so it's still going well! Trying to not get too obsessive after the random gain last week but am glad that is off again now diiiid kinda weigh myself every day until it went LOL bad Sophie!

G definitely DOES have the talent for professional photography, he's just not there yet and it is taking AGES for him to get up to scratch :/ I know he'll never be able to work fast paced stuff like weddings but he definitely has the skills to be a portrait photographer, etc. He takes really beautiful photos but he slips up in really obvious ways that he should be noticing while shooting by now! Small things to do with framing, not noticing things in the background that are ruining the shot, having the ISO too low and thus a slower shutter so the picture when zoomed in on isn't as crisp as it could be because the subject is moving, etc. I'm just like "Dude!? This is stuff I learnt the week I got a camera when I was 15!" - he's kinda just away with the fairies or focused on one tiny detail and doesn't look at the big picture, thus missing all the other details. He will get there eventually but every time I go through pictures at him I find myself being really critical because his role in this company is an extention of me- the business I've worked towards since I was 15- and I am very critical of my own photos. It gets him down that I criticise his errors in the photographs but I can't stand sugar coating it- he's not a baby, he's been photographing for years and trying to work as a professional for a year with me, I can smile and thumbs up everything anymore... but I need to be less aggressive about it when I point out his mistakes as I know it isn't motivating for him :/ again feels like I am the parent and he the baby. I agree that honesty is best with these situations but I definitely have knocked his confidence. The worst part though is just how he stares at a picture for ages and doesn't know how to better it in editing when there are plenty of things that could be improved on; his work flow with editing is painfully slow (hours per image) and his lack of motivation to work on our photography facebook page (the hub of our business since our website isn't finished- another slow progress) really sucks. I feel like I am constantly editing video when I'm not shooting, emailing clients, sorting stuff out... I've left him to run the MUCH less demanding photography admin and he's letting it run dry! He keeps saying "But when I do something on the facebook page you tell me it's wrong..." but it's like he has really little intuition as to how to attract people to our page and stuff :/ makes comments about torturing our models during the shoot in these uncomfortable situations which is obviously not what someone who's keen to have a shoot is going to want to hear, or a bride looking for a wedding photographer LOL!

Summer- wedding photographers charge a FORTUNE I know, but mainly because the editing load/post stuff is insane! Most wedding photographers limit themselves to shooting less than 15 weddings a year because they need weeks to process all of the images; so one wedding is essentially their salary for the month. The meetings before hand and discussions take ages too, I can understand why it's so expensive! A lot of them actually have to turn clients down because they haven't got time to take on more weddings, thus they can raise the price! It would be a great field to get into as it's something that will never die off- people have camera phones for snaps of their kids, less people want professionals to take portraits for the walls now, but people will always want their wedding photographed by a pro, and will always fork out for it! But yeah... The work is tough and means a LOT of time at home in front of a screen, not a fun life style :/

Cheese - I think the way you are approaching your work/family order is definitely the right way! Secure a career first- can you imagine what a nightmare it would be to have kids and THEN have to study for 3 years before getting a job? If you have your career sorted first you get maternity leave and then have a job waiting for after (G's sister has a baby and is aching to get back to work after 9 months of barely leaving the house and going coo-coo)
30's is a great time to have kids anyway- no turning back once you have them so now is the time to have fun, go out dancing, go travelling, be with friends!
I really want kids one day soon and keep going through bouts of "I WANT THEM NOW, TOO BORED!" and LOL that would be awful for me, I'd get so depressed looking after a new born at this point. I really REALLY love kids though so eventually definitely want them not until I'm 1000% more emotionally and financially stable.
Sorry if that came across as bossy :S didn't mean it to! Obviously you'll have thought tonnes about all of this stuff, I'm just thinking out loud really...

I did a little research on the psychotherapy course and got really baffled; the place my friend is studying isn't accredited by the BACP (or something like that) and there are theories that in the next few years anyone without an accredited diploma won't be qualified to run a private psychotherapy practise. I was also looking into art therapy but it seems you need a BA for that... but not for psychotherapy? What?
All a bit overwhelming, so much to look into. If I don't opt for the one my friend is at then the others might only start in a couple of weeks :/ dunno. Don't think I should rush into this like I did film school- it was about this time of year and I found one on a random site and ended up applying and going there without looking at any others and it was a crap one- brand new that year pretending it had been going ages because the headmaster had worked at another famous school... Not making that mistake again but don't really want to wait a whole year :'(
Dang- I also nearly did that with art school! I applied in July, went for an exam in the Netherlands (the school was there!) and got my acceptance letter in August- the course started 30th of Aug so I was rushing around trying to MOVE country in a couple of weeks! Then realised I was crazy and only doing it to distract myself from my schizophrenia laced depression and gave in. Stayed at home, worked REALLY hard at film stuff, got my reel and CV done, had two jobs in Paris and landed the feature- then met G and slumped again! This is a vicious cycle!

Cheeky - Definitely happened quickly and momentum/honeymoon period died after a few months of constant company living together. We met in December 2011 and by May 2012 (he quit his job end of March and I finished the feature then too) I was depressed again and getting bitter too much time alone with nothing happening, really draining and has been so since.
The restaurant was good actually- I had grilled chicken skewer with rice and salad- perfect! Not oily either, pretty low syn. But then I had a glass of red, a scoop of icecream, a small slice of chocolate birthday cake and I also had a starter of goats cheese which I wasn't aware came with a sort of breadcrum crust (G had most of the crust but I still had about a third of it ) so it added up to about 30 syns in the end I think! Yesterday at dads though I watched them all eat sponge cake, chips and dip (I demolished most of a bag of carrot sticks with the odd dip of humous but not much!) a box of lindt and oreo cornetto things (fjowrefijofiejoifjowijeo3ife!!!) and all I had was one lindt truffle yay me! Felt like showing off my incredible resistance skills to the family, could tell my aunts were impressed. Was starving too! Got home at 10.30pm and had my wheatabix and banana.

Traveling wise I'm very interested in Thailand, which Gerard is too. He really wants to go to Japan, China, Singapore- basically most of East Asia! I only recently started to be interested in Japan really wasn't fussed about it before. A couple of my friends just moved to the North of Japan too...
I'd like to go to India and Africa more so though, but kinda happy going anywhere south America would be awesome too- he's interested in that also! I don't know, just take me anywhere plz! F*cking hate London, ugh!
I think I proved to myself that I can manage being on my feet all day though- in Sweden I had this bug that made me REALLY exhausted and I thought it was just me being lazy until it shifted towards the end- in Florida we were having 12 hour days on our feet and I was fine energy wise! Backpack would kill me though, my camera gear weighs more than the standard backpack alone :|

Jodie - Sorry I haven't been on your diary either! I'm so crap and keeping up with everyone :/ spend 5 hours writing these mamoth posts ^ then run out of steam! Selfish or wut, sorry guys :/

 

[Tetris]

No-one read that post ^ it is insanely long, I get a mind frazzle just looking at it

On a shorter note, I'm 4lbs off of my 5 STONE AWARD. Boom!