Sophie's Slimming World and Cinema critiques!

[Tetris]

Thanks Cheeky! Wasnt too bummed about gaining a pound as it was still a pound off for the week (thurs to thurs) and from mon - mon it was 4lbs off bi weekly weigh ins really keep me sane about gains n stuff as I know I can check again in a few days- even if it is naughty!!

I am up to 45,000 words on my novel now so will blitz the last 5k tomorrow easy- woohoo! So into it now... But it is nowhere near finished still want to hit that target though.

Tonight I am on the cider, had a fry up when I woke up at 2.30pm and otherwise havent eaten today so calories shouldnt be toooo bad. Will probably have 5 ciders throughout the night, strongbows so 8 syns/160cal x5 = 40 syns/800 cal. My fry up had 2 low fat sausages, 3 pieces of bacon with fat removed, scrambled eggs with one yolk and cheese, some jidney beans and fried onions and tomatoes- huuuge! Probably hitting about 1500 cal total with drinking today but my BMR is 1700 and I will be dancing lots, so shouldnt be too bad! I will have another hangover fry up tomorrow then am going to get my novel finished and my bedtime sorted- next week I need to straighten myself out and have a 100% on plan week!
Once NaNoWriMo is over I am going to start mission straighten life out again I have some more editing to do and want to start reading more again too.
Anyway, on bus now and getting all ready to rock out tonight, woohooo! Happy weekend y'all. X

 

[Cheese Thief]

Hey Soph, sorry about the pound but I'm sure you'll get that off easily next week. Sounds like the novel is going great, did you manage to get it finished?

Feel your pain with the crappy sleeping cycle. I have a tendency to fall into the trap of going to bed at 4am and sleeping 'till lunch time. At first it feels great as I love being up late reading when the house is quiet, but after a few days I feel completely out of whack. Plus food wise it's a bit rubbish as like you say there's that tendency to snack rather than cook proper meals, especially when it gets late.

Hope ya had a lovely night out. I tried drinking for the first time in 2 months last night and nearly binged on chocolate (well, stopped myself after 7 All Gold's so I guess you could call it a 'mini' binge!) - you do so well to have so much control when you're drinking, think it'll take me a long time to get to that stage!

 

[Tetris]

Hit my 50k word novel target- woohooo! 50,000 words in about 2 weeks 30K in the past week!!

Hey CT! I'm lucky that I've never been one to mix food and drink really, but this time I got SO DRUNK that when I got home I ate all the leftovers in the fridge in a desperate attempt to sober up! I had two sausages (1.5 syns each) and a bowl of spicy mince beef thing I'd made a few days ago, with quark. It was really good! It did help a bit but I spent all night feeling really sick and even now still feel a bit queasy definitely need to asses how I drink now that I'm nearly a 3rd less of the person I used to be!

Last night was fantastic- the club (Sin City in Camden Town) was an old fave I hadn't been to in ages (18 months or so) but it was brill- they played all the tunes that get people dancing, was SO much better than the past few times at Voodoo! I think I only sat out for two Metallica songs all evening, the rest was great (not a 'talli fan here! lol)

My friend Sol was with G and I and I didn't want him to feel third wheel so wasn't being all over G when dancing. Really funny though- this girl came up to me and was like "That guy really likes you- you should make a move!" ROFL!! I was like "He's my bf, I've been living with him for 2 years but I don't want to make my friend feel awkward!" haha. But then not long after some guy went up to Gerard and said "Go for her, man!" ROFLFLFL SO HILARIOUS!!
I guess because I wasn't sort of grinding on G or snogging his face off (just the odd peck!) that people didn't think we were a couple. Whenever I go to rock clubs I really love the 'community' vibe, dancing around with strangers and passionately singing along together! But some of the guys were getting a bit too close when this happened and G got a bit pissed off at how a couple of them weren't getting the picture when I moved away, so started standing between me and them, lol. Awkward... Apparently one of them (this tall, muscular guy who I must admit was quite good looking- not my type though!) was glaring at G from the bar when he went to the toilet, and giving off this really aggressive vibe that was making G feel uncomfortable. Was feeling a bit sad about this as I didn't realise until after how much it was getting to him :/ I was so out of it and just having a fab time dancing that I didn't really read the signals he was giving off (though I made my point to give G a smooch when I noticed G standing between me and the guy as I got that he was doing it on purpose to ward him off!)
I guess I am not used to that sort of attention as I always used to be the fat girl that guys would mosh along with but not want to get close to lol! But yeah, there were a few guys (funnily, G pointed out, they were the only guys in the whole place who were taller than me and thus G too, who is my height- I guess others felt emasculated by my height) he said that a lot of people were staring at me (I was wearing a colourful get up and there were only about 30 girls there- all of which were otherwise in corsets and looking all gothy, so apparently I 'stood out' as I was the girl in a white polkadot top, red skirt and iridescent tights who knew all the words to Pantera lol!) so yeah... it was interesting, quite a different experience for me, but aside from all that we had a good time and I was chuffed by how much good music was played!

So god knows how many syns and calories yesterday, at least 500 extra from the meal I had when I got home (was so drunk/feeling ill that I made G call a cab for the 15 min walk home from the bus stop!) so yeah- 5.5 pints of cider (2 were magners =11 syns each, 3.5 were strongbow = 8 syns each) AND a Jagerbomb because my friend bought me one- oops! I blame that for feeling so sick- mixing AND energy drink- am so sensitive to caffeine!
I wasn't sick though and it wasn't until the bus ride that I even felt crappy, so it didn't ruin the night.

Today I had a red day- big fry up AGAIN, eggs, sausages x3, kidney beans, onions and cheese on the scrambled eggs. Dinner was a bowl of oat cereal (hexB) with some golden syrup.
It's 1am now and I'm off to bed for a normal bedtime hopefully! (we'll see!) and then tomorrow starts my 100% on plan week. No more of this casual stuff! Not expecting a loss on Mon really, but we'll see.
x

 

[traveljody]

Well done on hitting the word target, sounds like you are flying through it now!

Sounds like someone was belle of the ball at the club , it must be nice to have attention again? I won't lie, it's something I am looking forward to, I used to never be short of a suitor or two but these days I am sure people look at hubby and wonder why on earth he is with me. I think losing weight will give me so much more confidence too!

Will be with you for a on plan week and good luck for WI tomorrow!

 

[Tetris]

Hey Jody!
I've been fat my whole life (since 12 or something) so totally not used to the attention- didnt even notice most of it until G pointed it out! But yeah, awkward but kinda fun too hehe!

Couldnt sleep last night, was tossing and turning for hours, until about 4.30am, but set an alarm for 11.30am to shock my system into needing an early night tonight!

On plan Red day today- almost a fast day actually.
_____

Brunch- Sctambled eggs (half yolks) with cheese (MEASURED HexA), onions, peppers and two 100cal sausages with some ketchup (2)

Dinner- lefover (syn free) beef stew, LOADS of carrots in it as G had left them all out of his portion lol! Was more carrots than beef and not a huge portion.

Snacks- 1 meringue nest (2.5)

Syns- 4
______

Dinner was probably around 300 cal as the portion was small and I think bruch was probably 400, so a pretty low cal day! Almost a fast day

I think I was being a bit harsh on myself about last week- apart from the drinking on Fri I dont think I was off plan really, just snacking to replace meals since I didnt want to eat lunch at 9pm and dinner at 1am- but with 5am bed times it was inevitable I'd need food late

Today I did the arm work outs I used to do too they started hurting my bad knee so I stopped doing them, but I really want to tone my bingo wings!!

I didnt get my editing done as planned though spent all day making a photo collage online of pics of G and me in a heart shape for an anniversary present... Took forever- has about 150 pictures in the collage and went through two years of photo folders (and as photographers- there were a LOT) to dig them out. Just got to get it printed now! Anniversary is on the 9th so am glad I got this done. Ordered some star wars chopsticks as part of his bday pressie too- thanks for the tip, Jody

So tomorrow I HAVE to get this editing add on bit done as the 3rd is the deadline. So irrationally stressed about it. Would go for it now but am so exhausted- early night for me!!
But when it is done, I will be deadline free OFFICIALLY for the first time in months and can chill thr f*ck out a bit! That is, until she wants something else changed!

 

[Tetris]

+1 again today *sigh*! Guess from the booze and not being as careful with plan... But hoped a low cal day yest would help! So that's +2 for the week- dang!
Might be period is coming early, since last one was a week and a half late and sometimes it plays up, but I really doubt it to be honest just shows what happens when I am not a control freak with what I eat :/
Was going to go for a bento box (not the buffet) at the sushi place but woke up too late really, lunch deal ends at 3pm. Probably for the better *sigh* was realling craving a treat though... Havent been as strict on plan but havent really treated myself much either (OK the booze on Fri and Chinese early last week ) but still... Have been doing all red days otherwise. Maybe I will have some rice today or something.

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Hey matey!

How're you doing?

Like you I've been overweight since I was very young and never really got any attention - not positive attention anyway! Think it's why it took me and the ex so long to get together because we both didn't see that we liked each other lol. I never, ever notice attention from guys. People often point it out, but I think because I never had good attention I never expect people to be looking at me like that. It's very odd, it really is!
But you should totally take the ego boost And I'm not at all surprised you were getting attention!!
Good on G for standing up for you, but not being aggressive. Some guys are absolutely ridiculous with this sort of thing and get so jealous. But he sounds like a good 'un

Good luck with the sleeping petter change. I find it really difficult to get up at a decent time if I have no reason to - if that makes sense? It's so difficult!

Rubbish about another 1lb on, but you'll sort it out. Definitely measure Hex's
I always get really hungry if I drink, no matter how little. But I am a total lightweight as well lol! Always have been, but worse in recent years.xx

 

[traveljody]

My hubby NEVER gets jealous at all, he thinks it's flattering and amusing if people start eying me up! I ALWAYS notice girls flirting with him when we go out, I know at least 2 girls at the company office were trying to ask him out when we got together too! It doesn't help that he stays slender whatever he eats and even though he is 34, he looks about 27, alright for some eh?

Chin up on the weight hun, I keep trying not to worry about it but then worrying about it. I can't work out if I am down on last week and if I am not then why the hell not? I have 100% been on plan this week so we will see what tomorrow brings!

Enjoy the rice, although I don't think that constitutes a 'treat'

 

[Tetris]

Haha rice is a treat for me as I mainly do red days!
Felt quite down yesterday from an accumulation of things and had another self provoked figt with G, except this time I exploded and just started screaming at the top of my voice and smashed thr tv remote against the desk really hard so that it went flying. I just lost it. G legged it and I told him to stay out.
I realised that I became quite a hermit when we got together- just before we met I was in a really motivated place and had my career finally on track, but as soon as we got together I just didnt want to do anything but be with him. I dropped all of the progress I had made and didnt make what Icould have of the situation when I was shooting the feature film- I could have networked so well! I turned down two other features after as I wanted to be with Gerard and not working!
So I realise that after 2 years of barely having a life, not leaving the house much or seeing friends much, I have recently started recovering some of my old social life back and G is getting upset about me 'looking for intimacy from friends' instead of him! He's like "I want to spend time with you!!" but we've been stuck in the house together for two frigging years!!!
These recent projects have been so never ending and taxing, I really had to put my life on hold to meet deadlines so he has been twiddling his thumbs waiting for me to finish so we cab do stuff together- but the way I see it, I have been stuck in the house with him while I edit and I need a breather and to be with friends! I get that he wants to go out and do stuff with me but I hate that he is suddenly getting upset now that I am getting a life together again. I feel so trapped. I've discussed it all with him and he is going to let me do what I want but be sad about it basically. It just sucks, I feel like this relationship is so unhealthy as it is.
Anyway, might do a Paris trip next week as a post anniversary treat to have some bonding time off together. This week I have social plans EVERY day, without him (except sister's bday on Thurs). I am emotionally and mentally exhausted from 4 intense deadlines, conflict at home, physically exhausted from sleeping issues... Sigh. I came off of these over the counter pills (5htp) which combat depression, anxiety, insomnia and as a bonus also curbed my appetite. After 8 great weeks on them I had to take a break and I have really struggled to sleep again as I was before. I literally am wide awake in bed at 4am even if I wake up early I'm lucky my schedule doesnt call for early mornings!!
Anyway, I have been off them two weeks and think I can probably start them up again.

Yesterday food was good- green day in the end:
_____

B- Apple, kiwi

L- uncle bens mexican bean rice (2.5) with fried onions, green pepper, shredded bacon (hexB1), black beans and HexA cheese (have been measuring my cheese again- though I think if anything I was under-doing it before from fear! Heh... Not with milk though!)

D- bowl of gluten free puffed rice cereal (only ingredient: rice) with blue diamond almond milk (hexA2) and golden syrup (went mad so 5)
____

No snacks yest :O nice. Rice is so filling!

Today I will be having another ricey EE day as going out with friend and will probably go to my fave chinatown japanese place for a cheap dinner. Only got 5hrs sleep so will probably end up eating to cover tiredness (aparently not getting enough sleep releases the same chemical that makes us feel hungry- I have noticed that I feel sick when tired in the same way I do when fanmished :/ damn!)

Did the re-editing last night, didnt take long but just as I was about to rejoice in completion the client says "I want to put a paragraph of text at the start... Give me some time to tfigure out what and get it proof read." fkkffhdhdk!! I just want it to be OVER. I finished this damn project in time for the deadline on the 18th Nov and it is STILL dragging on as she wants stuff added...! I just want to send my invoice already- am broke!
On the plus side, british gas reimbursed me 220 for over charging me for gas this year... But still want to take 119 out a month for our two bed maisonette with awful double glazing. So they took that out straight after the reimbursig- why?! Lol. So yeah, 100 quid to play around with now, not so in the red anymore.
G keeps saying to put bills ij his name but I am scared to as I am forever questioning (or attempting) leaving him these days

 

[Tetris]

P.s. Jody- G eats whatever and stays the same weight too! Except pre SW when I fed him huge portions and he got a bit flabby! But now that he is back to toast and oven pizzas he has lost it again LOL alright for some eh?!??
He is nearly 36 and looks 25- ridiculous! People are always shocked to hear he is 13 years older than me as we look the same age!

Cheeky- G did deal with the club thing very well. My friend was like "I'd have hit the guy!" but this guy was like half a foot taller than us and muscular so that wouldnt have ended well

 

[Bettyboop23]

sorry to hear about the gain hope it all evens out this week thinkin I am gonna make a weight loss chart like you did it sounds like great motivation!

 

[Tetris]

Was really nice to get out with my friend today! We had some shisha in camden, went to wagamamas then he thrashed me at pool in a pub that played rock music (woohoo!)
Really nice to get a breather from G and the flat, feel a bit more energized now despite onlyb5hrs sleep- hope that helps me settle sleep pattern too as I slept from 4.30am-9.30am when the doorbell woke us.

EE today:
_____
Breakfast - apple, potato pancake (potato, carrot, onion, extra virgin olive oil for hexB, 2 eggs) plus ketchup (2)

Lunch- spicy chicken, vegetable and rice dish at Wagamamas plus a miso soup. The main dish only needs oil synned I think but I know miso is like 5 syns too (tiny portion though!) so will call that 10 or so syns. Was yum but not as yum as what we had planned- didnt end up going to chinatown though.

Dinner- 4 pieces of packet sushi (3 syns?) and a fruit salad box at the cinema
_____

Tomorrow am seeing a good friend I havent seen for ages and going to a carol service, then to the NaNoWriMo wrap party which is fairly close by to the carol thing. Should be good! Not sure how food will play while out but hopefully something light like a subway salad as WI on Thurs.

Did a mad dash of a food shop after the cinema where we saw Gravity- quite gripping!! For once Sandra B didnt drive me mad. How crazy toned/muscular are her legs?! OMG.
We had ten mins (before shop closed) to do a food shop to use 4 quid off of 30 quid spend voucher (sorry, pound sign goes weird when typing on phone lol). fridge has been so bare! Was really stressy as I was knackered from a long day and our items didnt come to 30 so I had to go get more, then G stupidly scanned another vouher first so it no longer came to 30 AGAIN and I had to run around finding other bits while the shop people yelled at me that the store had closed :/ ended up gettig loads off though as I FOUND a 3.75 off voucher AND double nectar points voucher by the self check out area- we spent 23 pounds but it should have been nearly 40- sweet! Got some random nice bits in the mad grabs at the end includig two huge pineapples for a quid each and nice salad leaves etc- cool am going to make spicy fajita chicken tomorrow to have with quark and salad methinks.
X

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Oh mate things sound really rough It must be very frustrating to be working really hard and he's not doing much of anything. I know this keeps coming up and it seems you're just going round and round in circles and it must be incredibly difficult to deal with.
What are you gonna do?

I think you're right not to put bills in his name. It would cause massive complications if he wasn't around any more, for whatever reason!

Hopefully the week of being busy without G tagging along will do you some good. I really can't imagine what it must be like to spend all day, every day with someone. It must be such a horrible strain. I really do feel for you matey.xx

 

[Tetris]

Not sure what to do really as it is exhausting getting so angry and seeing no change. I know he is trying but just... It has been 18 months of this :/
He really wants to take me to Paris next week so I think that might be nice and bonding. Time away from him today helped but he is pretty down that I havent had much time for him recently with work and stuff and that I am now booked up every day until Sunday.
I want to make it work but it is feeling less and less fixable really...

Sadly I am coming to he point where my savings (from Dubai shoots last xmas) have run out and my small projects havent kept me afloat really. Bills are costig me around 250 a month and I do apend a fair vit on my lifestyle and bits but have tried to cut down recently :/ G has always said "I want to share my money with you" etc and it is getting close to the point where I might have to take hin up on that but I am scared to get trapped in further and have no way to escape due to finances. It sucks because I am really struggling with film work, I am putting a LOT of effort into it (editing particularly) and just not keeping myself afloat with it. The Dubai company just arent as busy this year should be doing a shoot in Jan for them but last year I had like a dozen shoots over winter... other filmmakers who work for then with me said that they seem to be in a bit of a drought for work. Damnit!

Anyway, crunch point soon so will probably start looking at getting a proper non freelance job in the new year- my first! *cries*

 

[asmallertasha]

Hi Sophie! I was having a good proper read of your diary and had to laugh when you said noone would expect you to know all the words to Pantera! I always used to get a kick out of the fact that noone would ever think that about me too! Love a bit of Cemetary Gates and the likes! I love breaking a stereotype! Loving your diary, def going to be a more avid poster here if that's okay! x

 

[traveljody]

Hmmm, do you think your weightloss has changed you as a person; your outlook and confidence? It sounds like it might have and maybe that's a big factor in your relationship at the moment. Relationship struggles seem to be quite common when one person loses a significant amount of weight. Do you think you need to put a timeframe on it and if things aren't better by then, consider your options? I spent over 5 years with my ex, who was a bully, a liar and a manipulator and it almost literally made me crazy, I went from being the sort of person you wouldn't dare mess with, to a scared, quiet little girl and it's frightening how you can be worn down like that. I think you sound too feisty for that but the constant arguing is still horrid!

I really hope work picks up soon too, must be difficult not knowing where you stand with it all. My job bored me senseless most of the time, it's never what I wanted to do but it pays for my lifestyle and the only things I do want to do aren't possible really, I missed that boat unfortunately!

 

[Tetris]

Hey asmallertasha! Great to have you here avid posters are always welcome, just brace yourself for bi weekly epic long posts though I guess if you backtracked a bit you get that already!
Love singing along to Pantera/Slayer etc in my girly outfits, always get weird looks!

Jody- weight loss has of course changed my confidence a lot but We have been having some of the issues I bring up since about 6 months before I even started losing weight have been fed up half the time for 18 months noe, but half the time it's OK too. Cant imagine what you must have gone through with your bullying lying ex! G is SO nice to me, he has never done anythibg intentionally wrong and that makes me feel awful, but cant deny my feelings of nusance in the relationship because he is a good person. On the surface it should work but looking deeper we are holding one another back and if anything I am becoming the bully I hate myself for it but it isnt me at all, it is my borderline getting out of control *sigh*

 

[Tetris]

Another busy day- nothing like months of being indoors editing/writing followed by a few long days out to feel absolutely exhausted! I am just not spending enough time in my PJs this week LOL.
Went to a carol service in some big cathedral in London bridge. It wasnt a choir as my friend thought be WE had to sing. Not fun as it was the blah hyms and too high pitched! But they gave us free mince pies and mulled wine- DAMNIT! The mince pie was homemade and HUGE and SO GOOD but probably like 25 syns or something- massive! And the mulled wine was a generously big cup and I drank it without even realising I was drinking it really (too busy in cinvi to pay attention to it or enjoy it- stupid!) so yeah, felt pretty crap about that.
Lunch beforehand had been a syn free mexican chicken + veg sort of meddly with black beans, salad and quark. I figured to erase the damage of the mince pie/mulled wine I'd skip on dinner- since it was pretty filling and at like 7pm.
After we went to a pub (I had lots of water) and then walked and talked along the thames side and found another pub. Eventually I left them to go to this NaNoWriMo 'thank goodness it's over' party which kinda sucked- writers are all socially awkward and I tried talking to about ten people before I got exhausted by mundane repeated conversations about everyone's novels/how many words they managed/etc and left. I didnt really want to talk about my novel either but it was the obvious icebreaker of the night to ask "what did you write about?". One guy in a group convo was reallg quiet and then when asked he went into some massive synopsis with tonnes of detail for about ten minutes- completely oblivious of how bored the whole grouo were obviously looking- ahhh! I only lasted about an hour before I had totally maxed out my ability to extravert and left.
I walked along southwark (walked a LOT today- at least an hour and a half) looked at what few xmas markets were still open, mainly food sadly- resisted all the crepes, sweets, etc despite really wanting something as I had a stale taste in my mouth from hours of just drinking water after the mulled wine. But then when I got to waterloo station I caved- they had a Wasabi sushi stand!!! Ughh my vice in life! So I got a BIG box of sushi for £6.95 (SO much nicer and better value than supermarket stuff!) and ate about half of it- decidig to force myself to stop and leave the rest for post WI tomorrow. I also made myself walk back from the tube (uphill 15 mins) as punnishment, instead of being lazy and getting the bus as usual. I need to do this more often- would save 2.80 every time I went out! So damn lazy :/
So yeah- not like a deadly syns day and could have been way worse (definitely wanted another free huge mince pie- they and sushi are my two major food vices!!) but pretty darn crap for a pre-WI attempt at a good day why the hell has it gotten harder recently? I used to be so focused and control freak about things but I have been wanting to comfort eat loads recently

Tomorrow is my sister Lola's 8th birthday (thought she was already 8- woops!) so inevitably will pop a few naughties in my mouth... But food wise they are doing jacket spuds so that should be OK!

I really really really want more sushi. More than what looms in the fridge! Damnit!! Lol!
I slept awfully again last night despite followig 5hrs sleep and a busy busy day before- my sleeping has sucked! I'm going back on my 5htp sleeping/depression pills tonight, 3 week break should have been enough.

 

[Tetris]

Spent an hour in bed dreading WI. I realised it has been AGES since I did a poop :/ I remember hinking on Monday for my half WI that I hadn't done one in 2 or 3 days so it has been nearly a week now since I've been!

Needless to say- expected another gain. Half a pound ish on today which means I am up about 3lbs in total now from the past week and a half. Feeling pretty sad about this have been a bit better with food/syns this week but no red days. Will be re-weighing as soon as I poo took some sennokot lst night to help thingd out so hopefully can re-weigh in the morn if I go today!
Feeling quite low about this and my sleepig pattern trying so hard but it is all late nights and early mornings at the mo. I just cant fall asleep early even if I get up at 9.30am like yest! Forgot to take the sleep tablets last night but will tonight!!

 

[jma2013]

Hello here to subscribe and reading through a few of the posts you have done brilliant so far your stats are very impressive and well done on achieving so many of your mini goals

Look forward to following your progess