Spam, oh spam
Sat in the cupboard imitating ham
Some people prefer their granary with jam
but I like you with butter and HP sauce
I can't find the tin-opener and now I'm cross
Here's some peanut butter I'll have it with cheese
but the toaster is broken and I'm at a loss
Oh sod it, I'll open some tuna instead
but the tin-opener's still awol and so is the bread!