Starlights Diary - and so this horrible year continues

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Oct 21st - Its looking like a busy week

Another night shift week over, what a week its been. We do 7 nights night shift in a row, its torture, at least with the new shift pattern itll only be 3 or 4 at a time which has to be good. Mind you I do like lying in bed all day with a clear concience lol

Had a good 100% day yesterday. Got a busy few days, out at some point every day til Sunday, and all of it involving food. Friday Im out for lunch AND dinner!! Its my nieces 3rd birthday on Friday so we're having a family do on Friday night - a joint one for us both lol and Ive been invited to one of my friends for lunch on Friday. He got married last year and I havent seen his wife since the wedding or been in their new house. I work totally different shifts to them so its a miracle weve all got a day off. Hes dying for me to see their new house so I couldnt really say no. I was going to go for a coffee but they got a new dining room table yesterday lol and Ive been invited for lunch now. Cant control what I eat at Martys but I can hopefully do damage limitation at dinner. Im going to another friends for dinner on Thurs but she always asks what I want lol So Ill opt for something like spag bol which is free. Debs is always on a diet too so shes lovely and encouraging. Saturday a few friends are coming to mums for dinner - yes you Jen ;) but thatll be Chinese so no problem :bliss:

Now there that Ive actually written it all out, its not going to be as bad diet wise as I thought.

Its been a stressful night so Im off to bed... just as everyone elses day starts - MAGIC ;)
 
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Ahhhh so there you are!!!! Hellllooooooo xxxx

Well done on 1.5lbs, great news considering.....

Don't worry about your birthday week, but get focussed as soon as you can once the celebrations are all over xxxx
 
Oct 23rd - Happy Birthday Ciara

Its been a funny day or so. Been feeling a bit down, its my birthday on Saturday and Im acutely aware my dad isnt here. To be honest Im not really looking forward to it. Last year was so special with it being my 40th. We had a family meal out tonight, its Ciaras 3rd birthday so we went to the Bear Factory and then Frankie & Bennys (sorry Jen) for dinner. There were 7 of us, and to make matters worse they put us at a table for 8 so we sat the whole meal looking at an empty seat :cry:

Ive had a few tears already tonight. It sounds a really small thing but Im dreading getting a birthday card from my mum tomorrow, its the first one from 'Mum' not 'Mum and Dad'

Still I suppose it gets another 'first' out the way. Someone please tell me this gets easier - PLEASE!!
 
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i'm sure it does Sandy xxx things just take time. Your dad played a massive part in your life and feelings don't just go.

Hugs for tomorrow xx
 
It does get easier. This was my 3rd birthday this year since mam died but I still felt lost without her card. You remember the past years when your loved ones could share the day with you

You never forget but it does get easier

:cry:
 
I'll give you an extra big cuddle tonight angel...although there didn't have to be an empty seat at Frankies...you know you could have invited someone else along..someone you know LOVES Frankies....you know...whatever! lol :)
 
Oct 25th - All in all, a very nice birthday x

Well Ive had a lovely weekend, better than I expected to be honest.

I got some lovely presents :) and got treated to a rather unexpected but beautiful champagne lunch at one of my favourite hotels. Completely out of the blue but well you know me and champagne ;)

Last night I had dinner at my mums, she'd invited round a friend of ours, Wendy and ofcourse Jen. We had a great night. Lots of chatting, a lovely meal, and the X Factor. I got THE most gorgeous photo frame from Jen, it has my name on it along the top and an inscription along the bottom referring to an ongoing joke we have between us :) Its gorgeous, and definitely one of my favourite pressies. Ill need to get a nice photo of the 2 of us to put in it.

I didnt get all my cards, due to the postal striike :rolleyes: but some arrived. Thank you Gemma, yours arrived well in advance, it was so thoughtful of you to send one at all, let alone to send it so early :)

The one card which was hard to get was the one from my mum. Its the first card Ive had from her and not from her and dad. Ive missed him so much this weekend but hes not been far from our thoughts.

All in all, its been a good weekend.

Thanks for all the lovely birthday message here and on FB, and by text.... its so much appreciated :) xx
 
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Starlight said:
Well Ive had a lovely weekend, better than I expected to be honest.

I got some lovely presents :) and got treated to a rather unexpected but beautiful champagne lunch at one of my favourite hotels. Completely out of the blue but well you know me and champagne ;)

Last night I had dinner at my mums, she'd invited round a friend of ours, Wendy and ofcourse Jen. We had a great night. Lots of chatting, a lovely meal, and the X Factor. I got THE most gorgeous photo frame from Jen, it has my name on it along the top and an inscription along the bottom referring to an ongoing joke we have between us :) Its gorgeous, and definitely one of my favourite pressies. Ill need to get a nice photo of the 2 of us to put in it.

I didnt get all my cards, due to the postal striike :rolleyes: but some arrived. Thank you Gemma, yours arrived well in advance, it was so thoughtful of you to send one at all, let alone to send it so early :)

The one card which was hard to get was the one from my mum. Its the first card Ive had from her and not from her and dad. Ive missed him so much this weekend but hes not been far from our thoughts.

All in all, its been a good weekend.

Thanks for all the lovely birthday message here and on FB, and by text.... its so much appreciated :) xx
Click to expand...

Sounds like a lovely birthday Sandy, especially with the champagne treat :D:D:D
 
The first Christmas after my dad died was very difficult. It was the first time I'd had to choose a Christmas card with mum on it and not mum and dad. So hard and upsetting

Glad yesterday went well

Irene xx
 
Starlight said:
Well Ive had a lovely weekend, better than I expected to be honest.

I got some lovely presents :) and got treated to a rather unexpected but beautiful champagne lunch at one of my favourite hotels. Completely out of the blue but well you know me and champagne ;)

Last night I had dinner at my mums, she'd invited round a friend of ours, Wendy and ofcourse Jen. We had a great night. Lots of chatting, a lovely meal, and the X Factor. I got THE most gorgeous photo frame from Jen, it has my name on it along the top and an inscription along the bottom referring to an ongoing joke we have between us :) Its gorgeous, and definitely one of my favourite pressies. Ill need to get a nice photo of the 2 of us to put in it.

I didnt get all my cards, due to the postal striike :rolleyes: but some arrived. Thank you Gemma, yours arrived well in advance, it was so thoughtful of you to send one at all, let alone to send it so early :)

The one card which was hard to get was the one from my mum. Its the first card Ive had from her and not from her and dad. Ive missed him so much this weekend but hes not been far from our thoughts.

All in all, its been a good weekend.

Thanks for all the lovely birthday message here and on FB, and by text.... its so much appreciated :) xx
Click to expand...

Your birthday sounded lovely.

Your mention of your dad put a lump in my throat. I never knew him, but I think he'd be pleased as punch you had such a lovely day. Bless him. :hug99:
 
found your new diary. Belated birthday wishes.

I still find it hard to recieve a card from just "mum" and not mum and dad (its been 9 years!!) Its easier but I have always felt a piece missing without my dad.


xxxxxxxxxxxx
 
November 5th - So much for the regular updates lol

I dont seem to have done so well with updates have I :rolleyes:

Last week was a quiet one, was off work sick Wed/Thur, had a horrendous migraine on Wed and was so doped with painkillers I slept most of Thurs. I was off the weekend which was nice. Had dinner with a friend on Friday night, it was lovely. Most of the time when Im seeing friends I end up travelling but this time I was on home territory and we ended up at a lovely Chinese Restaurant just near my flat. Had a great evening.

The rest of the weekend was quite quiet. No wi on Monday as was on earlies and Im up at 0530. I decided on Monday evening that enoughs enough and quite honestly SW bores the pants off me lol Im eating the same stuff day in, day out and having too many 'off days' because my weakness is snacks in the evening. I just missed the variety of food on WW. Sometimes, particularly at work, I need the convenience of take away food, be it sandwiches or McDs or even just a microwave meal. When Im eating out Id rather go somewhere where I can actually know the points in my meal than guessing whats free whats not etc. Anyway, long story boring, as of Tuesday I went back to WW :bliss: I went shopping on Wed for WW stuff and to be honest it was quite sad how excited I got at the stuff I was buying lol

My excitement didnt quite last long though as Monday night I had a REALLY bad night. When I went to bed, every time I closed my eyes I could see my dad with that horrible big oxygen mask on that he was wearing in the days before he died. When that image went I ended up reliving the whole weekend. I just couldnt get it out my head. So at 0130, I got up, packed a bag and drove (in my pjs :rolleyes:) to my mums. Phoned her at 0150 to tell her I was 5 mins away. She got up, we chatted, I did a LOT of crying. I actually got quite angry at things, not with my dad, Id never get angry with my dad for leaving us, I know its not what he wanted, and that he fought hard to stay, but angry with the injustice of it, angry at what Ive lost and what my mums going through. I actually went to a spiritualist last month - which was absolutely amazing, but that needs a post all to itself. I finally got to bed at 0330, totally worn out, not good when my alarm was going off at 0530 for work :(

I had a day off today and did absolutely nothing, its been great. Im late shift all weekend so I expect itll be busy with firework calls, I hate this, people expect us to stop the fireworks and get seriously pissed off when we call back and say 'Sorry theres nothing we can do'

Off on Sunday though, so meeting Jen and Rosie for lunch before dinner at mums. Ok I better post this before people lose the will to live lol
 
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