Take 100 (Sander's new diary)

[Dukanista]

Ditto, Sid. I love meat, fish, dairy and veg, and dukan works for me because I can have as much of that as I want (well, there's that pesky dairy restriction, but it's still pretty generous!). And I can quite happily live without bread, pasta, rice and alcohol most of the time. It's just about finding a plan that is close enough to your natural eating habits, I guess.

 

[sididd]

It's just about finding a plan that is close enough to your natural eating habits, I guess.

You've hit the nail on the head xxx

 

[Sander23]

Yesterday's PP day went ok. We didn't hike - we had a heat wave and it just wasn't safe to go hiking. Instead I used the workout machines - I got up to 9 minutes on the rowing machine and 10 minutes on the elliptical. It is hard for me to celebrate that because I used to do an hour on the elliptical with no problem and then finish up with 20 minutes on the rower. This time its 3 minutes workout, 5 minutes rest, 3 minutes workout. Oh well, that's what happens when you turn into a hermit and refuse to do anything but feel sorry for yourself and stuff yourself with comfort food. I really have to own this so I don't do it again. If you need a timeout from life, take it, but give yourself a limit. I didn't do that, I just said "until I feel better" well that hasn't happened yet, but being a mollusk isn't making it better either! OK - stop yelling at yourself Sander

Today is a PV day. So far I have had a omelette with ham, onions, tomatoes, and peppers, a yogurt, and a cup of cottage cheese. For dinner we are having chicken salad.

My tummy is giving me fits today - I am having high-speed transit Which is making me kind of grumpy.

Challenges:
Grumpy, low motivation, stomach ache.

 

[Maintainer]

Sounds like the cabbage is still repeating on you! Your husband certainly does make some valid points. I'm not good at recognising hunger still, and eat by the clock rather than from listening to my body...

 

[sarafvrm]

Fitness goes very quickly but is regained quickly too, you'll be back where you were before you know it but don't overdo it so much that you get injured.

Sander, I don't think I was around when you did this before but I'm enjoying getting to know you through your diary this time, and learning from your evident experience. Keep up the good work and your spirits will be helped to lift too. Best wishes

 

[Sander23]

Heehee - you are probably right about the cabbage Jo
And you are right on the head for me about recognizing hunger. For me, every emotion is translated into hunger, happiness, sadness, boredom, frustration, anger - they all translate into - I'M HUNGRY
But the hunger isn't for food - I try to shut up the I'M HUNGRY voice with food and drink, and it spirals out of control. I am trying to figure out what I actually need in response to those emotions and to differentiate between physical hunger and emotional hunger. For the emotional hunger instead of food I need to find what will actually fill that hole that is craving something; sometimes I need a friend to talk to, sometime I need a hug, sometimes I need exercise, sometimes I need laughter. Yesterday the voice was incredibly loud, so I ate quite a bit of Dukan food and couldn't figure out what was missing that I was hungry for. Thinking back on it, it could be a little precursor of the empty nest - my son is almost grown and he went away on his first self-planned trip with his friends this weekend - I am probably missing him, but not wanting to admit it because I don't want to get in the way of his life. Typing this is bringing tears to my eyes, so I think I probably nailed it - but I don't have a solution....

 

[Julie 316]

Oh bless you xx

My boy is only 12 and he is growing up WAY too quick!!

I don't have any answers I'm afraid, just a sympathetic ear and a cyber hug :bighug:

 

[sididd]

Awwwww I'm an empty nester to, and it takes some getting used to. Its hard when they no longer 'need' you xxx

 

[chinababe]

Awwwww I'm an empty nester to, and it takes some getting used to. Its hard when they no longer 'need' you xxx

You're right Sid, it's so hard & even harder to take a step back & let them make their own discoveries & mistakes. I see my son once a week but still really miss him.

 

[Maintainer]

Gosh you could well be right... there are quite a few Mums on here with similar situations.

It's true that I don't wait until I'm truly hungry before eating. Partly (I tell myself) for fear of what that might lead to my putting away... but, in reality, it's HUNGER pure and simple that I'm afraid of. A cognitive therapy book I bought deals with this early on in the book (else I'd not know it did as I never got past chapter 2 as I started bingeing again worrying about it!). It advises skipping lunch one day... and becoming reacquainted with HUNGER... and not be able to get at any food because you're at work or whatever. And yes the panicky feelings will come through... and yes, we will survive perfectly well until dinner time. And it will (apparently) make us see that hunger isn't a problem in itself. (aaaaah...!! Just the thought!)

This forum is amazing

 

[Sander23]

Thanks everyone
Son came home and I was so much happier! Although he did forget to get off the train and I had to drive another 60 miles to get him at the next stop - sigh.... This was pretty funny because when he's taken the train up to the city before he has been a "minor" so they kept an eye on him, but he never needed reminding. This time he was an "adult" so he was on his own and missed the stop. The conductor gave him and his friend quite a dressing down!

One of our elderly friends brought a cake over to share after dinner, and I didn't have the heart to refuse, so I had a small piece of cake with them and chatted about the governments, heath care, pensions, and Syria. That really started up my sweet tooth so I had Dukan pudding and a couple of servings of roast beef after they left DH thought I should have been done eating for the day (since it was after 9 PM), but I told him, no, not this time. I needed to have some more food to keep from going into binge mode. So he let me be. I checked the scale this morning and stayed the same - so I am counting it as a success!

 

[Sander23]

Thoughts regarding the fear of hunger:
That is a big issue. When I am not on Dukan physical hunger make me feel horrid - I get light headed, achy, there is this strange pain at the back of my palate, my hands shake, my stomach convulses - really not pleasant. I will normally eat every couple of hours to prevent that happening. But when I am on Dukan, I don't get near as many of those feelings. About all that happens is my stomach gets growly. So I think my intense hunger is more of a sugar withdrawal than a hunger. I have been checked for diabetes, hypo- and hyper- glycemia, and thyroid issues. I have none of those. When I stay on the Dukan plan, I can go longer without eating.

 

[Pjamber]

I try not to eat after nine at night, too. There's not much research that supports it though. On Dukan, I eat when I'm hungry, because there's so many foods that you don't have to feel bad about eating. Instead of going into a binge mode, it makes sense to eat what you can, when you're hungry! Last night, I had some sugar free, fat free ice cream that I had been wanting all day. I don't know if I was hungry or not, but my mind told me that I was because I wanted some. This morning, I STILL had a loss. And I got to eat some ice cream! Good job on reading yourself and knowing when to curb your binges beforehand. I'm impressed that you can read yourself so well! Fantastic job!

 

[Sander23]

OK - This is more a cautionary tale than a diary entry - but here goes.

I have majorly screwed up my body through this weight regain and its going to take a lot more work than expected to fix it. Remember I was complaining about the leaden jello legs - it turns out that my veins are collapsing because I am in the early stages of vein disease. Which is directly related to the weight issue. When I regained I was depressed - I stayed home all the time. I barely walked from my bed to my desk. I moved my work space downstairs because I couldn't take going up and down the stairs multiple times and instead of doing what I needed I would just crawl in bed and sleep another two hours. My days were wake up, eat, nap, work , eat, nap, work, eat, nap, work. By stopping the stairs I was able to cut down the need to nap. So as a I gained weight, my muscles atrophied. Now that I am on the upside of the depression and trying to be active again, I am damaging my veins and joints. So today I start water fitness instead. According to the doctor exercising in water will take the stress of my veins and allow me to rebuild strength and fitness without hurting myself anymore.
So words of caution to all, no matter what keep up the walking part of Dukan even if you give up on everything else!

 

[Dukanista]

That's really tough, sander, just when you want to start exercising again, you find that it's having a negative effect.

Sounds like you have a smart doctor, though, and I'm sure the water exercise will get your body back the way it should be. Good luck Cxx

 

[Julie 316]

Keep going Sander .... you are one tough cookie! xx

 

[Pjamber]

Sander,
Keep at it! I watched Extreme Weight Loss this morning and the guy that was on it was about 450 lbs when he started his year and had a really bad knee. While working out he hurt the OTHER knee too! They talk a lot about what exercises he could do in the episode and he got into swimming, rowing, and biking. It sounds like your doctor is a very smart man to tell you your options of other healthy exercises. I hope you're still thinking positively about it, too. This is just another hurtle you will jump right over. Pool workouts are fun! I was swimming last weekend and working on kicking - wow, I didn't know I had those muscles!

 

[Maintainer]

Oh sander I am so sorry to hear about your health troubles. Your doctor does indeed sound as if he's on top of things and in advising you to take a different form of exercise in what you say are the "early stages" of the disease will hopefully help prevent things worsening.
How funny re your son's missing his stop! I did that once on the way home from work. So into my book was I that I glanced up at a stop to see how many remained until home and I'd gone way past! (If I could remember which book had held my concentration so intently, I'd read it again!!)
Keep smiling. You sound such an incredibly strong person, and I love the sound of your husband too, playing devil's advocate! x

 

[Sander23]

Thanks everyone - I wish I was as strong as I sound - but I am trying My DH is incredibly strong and I have been learning from him for a long time. Through our whole relationship he has encouraged me to take ownership and responsibility for the choices I make in my life. Which is annoying because I want to be told what to do. I'm really good at doing what I'm told, not so good at free will But that is why I married him, he continually let me make my own choices and supported them. When I would come to him for advice he would help me sort through my thoughts, but not tell me what he thought I should do. Coming from a family where the "MAN" gave all the orders, made all the decisions, and severely punished any missteps this was an eye opening experience and still is. It continues to surprise me how much my childhood still impacts my life. I have worked through it so many times, but it comes back and has to be worked through again from a different perspective. I think this is one of the traps I fell into when my folks died last year I didn't do the work - I just retreated. My first thought was "I'm finally free." the next one was "I don't know what to do now." the next one was "there is nobody left that really cares about me." And then the next 6 months turn into a fog.
My logical mind knows that my husband and son love me and care about me and would do anything for me. We have a great little family. But they are also very well-adjusted, self-sufficient, well-integrated, and pretty darn happy. They don't want to know the minutiae of my day or share theirs - the day went by, it was good, I did stuff (a,b,c), so-and-so was annoying, so-and-so was really interesting, the end - what's for dinner? My folks wanted minute-by-minute accounts and reflections. My mom would talk to me for 2 - 3 hours a day every day to find out everything I was doing, feeling, thinking and then give me her opinions on what I could be doing better and commiserate on things I couldn't fix. My dad would listen through all of this and then tell me everything that I should do to fix everything. I seldom took any of their advice, but it was part of my life. Now, all that stuff is stuck inside - I share part of it here, but most of it is rattling around in my brain. I am thankful that I did not inculcate my son with the same methodology - I let him keep his innermost thoughts to himself and am satisfied by his sharing what he does about his life.

OK - that was quite a tangent. I went to my water fitness class last night and it was very enjoyable. I could feel the muscles working but it didn't hurt in a bad way - just the normal sort of discomfort you get when you use a muscle that you haven't used for a while. But when I got out of the pool - oh did it hurt to have the full weight of my body on my frame again! I think I may need to move into a pool When I was chatting with the other ladies in the class, one of them happens to be a psycho-therapist. She says she has treated many people dealing with similar issues and I am seriously considering scheduling some appts. with her. My last therapist I didn't appreciate at all, so I decided against further therapy, but that was 12 years ago and I have changed a bit since then. I am not sure if I want a therapist that I will also see in fitness class, but I really liked her and felt at ease chatting with her....

Food:
Yesterday was a PV day, did well although I did have two beet slices which my DH called me on (Hey, you said beets weren't on the list!) - I replied, they aren't but I love beets and it keeps me from sliding into other worse choices to give myself a tiny treat. (I need that little rebellion I think)

B: Omelette with peppers, tomatoes, onions, and turkey bacon
L: Pork roast, green beans, yogurt
S: Two low fat organic hot dogs (while watching sons football game - his team is sponsored by Organic Valley, so concessions are super healthy)
D: Steak, shrimp, green salad (with two beet slices ), cucumbers, tomatoes, cabbage, and vinaigrette

Todays food (PP)
B: Omelette + yogurt
L: Two turkey burgers
D: Dukan meatballs with cream sauce (milk, sour cream, salt, pepper, paprika, nutmeg, dried chives, with a little bit of cornstarch roué for thickening)

Challenges:
Motivation starting to wane, fatigue

Response:
Go to fat club, minimins, and get to bed a bit earlier Focus on the short tem goal - 10% loss = 24 lbs - 5% loss = 12 lbs. In one more week I should be at 5% - that will be great! At 10% I should start to feel better in my joints. Reducing the pain should be a good motivation...

 

[Pjamber]

It just continually sounds like your home life is exactly what you need to be a healthy individual - both emotionally and physically - especially because of how you were raised.
Congrats on the water work-out and maybe the therapist can tell you of another therapist to go to? This way you wouldn't have to see your therapist at class and this one could just be a friend!
In my Dukan book, beets are OK - unless you are at a plateau and then you have to give them up until you get through that. But, they are soo good!