Ooh my parcel has arrived! It's 2 solar powered mole and vole repellers.
If these don't work, it will be the old fashioned traps in the ground for them..... Hmmm... wonder if you can eat them....
very sorry for leaving you in spud's 'tender care' in my absence, i'll take him away now and force him into sorting an erection out for me, out in the garden. perhaps that'll sap his energies a bit!