Thanks my lovelies for your kind words x
Week 5 - Day 1
Arghhhh the day started so well with me telling myself 'today is going to be a good day'. Hmmm how wrong was I!?! Not in a diet sense, but boy crooked thoughts about all sorts of things! Dont know what is wrong with me.
I spent 7 hours driving today from one meeting to another(that isnt typical, today was an exception) anyway I tend to drive with no music because it allows me time to think! Dangerous, well it was today!
I started thinking about last nights class, but got so annoyed (hope I dont offend anyone, it isnt intentional) I was thinking about people at the group saying they had different events to go to and had already planned to fail that week! What!!!! I just cant get my head round it, I have had something on every week but not swayed at all. Anyway ended up telling myself to concentrate on my journey and leave others too it! Why do I find it hard to smile and say its ok to do that, does anyone else have the same problems or is it just me being silly?
I also spent a lot of time trying to figure out is 140lb is a drop to far, realistically I was that weight when my daughter was tiny, so about 19yrs ago, but I was a child myself at that stage. In my head I was thinking youngsters are supposed to be small, seriously where did that come from!?! If I decide to add more weight to my goal will I consider myself a failure and accuse myself of looking for an easy way out. Goodness knows. I want to be a size 12 but I dont really know what weight that will be so it is hard to set a target, when i first joined LL i told my LLC that I wanted to be 11st 11 (no idea where that came from lol) but she looked at me as if to say is that it! Hello, thats still a loss of 4 stone for me!
I was also thinking about my holiday, I am going with a group of girls and guys we are all friends so it will be such a laugh! We are all 30 something (think I am the oldest at 40!) but behave like children, its embarrassing lol I asked them to plan the holiday in August thinking I would be in RTM, but now I am not so sure because it could take me that long to lose the 60lb I still have to go to the dreaded 10st. I can handle the odd social occasion weekly being on LL but not the full week of them being slaughtered and me being miserble, you know that feeling when everyone else is drunk and you're not.
My thoughts then moved onto my love life, er what love life!
Works also been a nightmare recently too, I love what I do, but (isnt there always a but) we are restructuring so I have had to go through aspirations, that in itself isnt an issue, however deciding where I want to be was hard. I made a decision that I thought was right and then today....BAM! I phone my boss and completeley change my mind. I just need all of these things going on to settle down, I hate it when everything is mixed up makes me feel empty inside.
The only thing I feel in control of at the moment is my diet, but if I get that right the rest will fall into place.
Spent the remainder of my drive saying affirmations to myself to help boost my mood. Seems to have worked so onwards on downwards as some of you might say LOL
Sorry for the rant, better out than in
.......and breathe! I feel better now! xx