I have just posted this on another thread that I subscribe too and thought i'd lay it out here too for prosperity
Talking about perception.-
So many people think that if you are fat its because your lazy! and that all you need to do is stop eating big massive fatty portions of rubbish and eat healthy!!
Dur.......if it was that easy we wouldn't have got fat in the first place.
Getting to the size we are / was is a very personal thing. I've done lots of thinking and soul searching on this. One of my bosses passed a comment last week that made me think deeper. He said 'but you don't eat loads, I just thought that this is how your ment to be' Bless him. in his own way he was trying to be kind and supportive.
I eat alone..... usually in the car where nobody can make me answer for it. I spent years of my childhood being bullied at school and ignored at home. I wonder if I became this size to be noticed!
In life i'm always the one that puts maximum effort into things, sort out stuff that nobody else thinks of, organises the best doo's. The life and the souls of it, but when it comes to thanks and praise i'm usually at the back of the queue and they always run out before they get to me. Its heart breaking. I don't really do the things I do to get anything more then satisfaction out of it, but it would be nice just once to feel appreciated.
How do I react? I eat. I 'treat' myself to a mcdonalds, kfc, pizza, subway to cheer me up. Also when i'm stressed I starve (unintentionally) and then binge.
Here is an example of a recent event - i'm part of a ladies dart team, have been for over 8 years. I'm usually the one that has to step up when the captain and vice are away, do the book, sort the football card, ring in the results ect. When I had my last baby I got a few well wishes on facebook from a few of them but nothing else, even having been rushed back into hospital with a DVT and PEB. When my friend also on the team had her son 6 months later she got cards, presents, vouchers!!! sucks!!! but it gets worse.
I was very ill in September and had to have surgery and then rushed back in with complications, I was seriously ill for weeks. I missed signing on for the current season. Not one of them bothered to get the forms to me to sign up. My own mother is on the team and even she didn't say anything ( 2 years ago i'd signed her up because she was away) !! When I was finally well enough to go to a match the vice actually said ' you cant play, your not signed on, We thought you weren't bothering anymore' FFS!!!!! as a side issue not one of them had bothered with me for the 3 months i'd been ill, even to ask if I was coming out for darts. Flip to another girl on the team that was hospitalised in june for gastroenteritis, I got a message asking for £5 towards her get well flowers and present from the team. Needless to say I never saw any flowers at my hospital bedside!
There are loads of these in my life. they always lead me down a self loathing path, 'why don't they like me? what have I done wrong? why do I get treated like this?' in reality its them not me but I sure as hell cant see it from here at times.
I've just thought of another dart one. One girl is getting married in July and the invites have come out for her hen do. I've responded and paid my money over for the weekend away at the races. NOT one of the others on the team has bothered. Luckily for me I know most of the other girls that are going through other means so i'm happy to share with any of them. Just goes to show, don't it. Anyway Hen has rung me to check that i'm ok with it (nice of her) and to ask how i'm doing and if i'd had my biopsy yet (still nice of her) and to ask me if she should be worried about the weekend? they haven't organised anything horrific for her? because she trusts me to know where the line should be drawn (the real reason for the call). Funny this is coming from the woman that mooned the car behind us at the last wedding I went to!!!
Oh well, I feel that this purge has been very useful
xx
