Tinytootz's fresh start diary

[Tinytootz]

Hello ha.

Well, Thursday I behaved myself with my grilled chicken kebab and salad, pinched about 5 chips off OH. Friday was a very stressful day, to the point when I have said to OH I can't take much more!

Last Friday I went bankrupt. Wednesday I had the official phone call from the OR. Thursday I found out my MOT is going to cost me about £300 (which I don't really have). Thursday night/Friday morning OH is showing me a house he wants us to BUY. That's right, BUY. One of these where its a repo, the company pays your deposit and fees, you end up with a 30yr mortgage. Then Friday morning I get breakfast in bed (it was NOT SW friendly), and get told that he is going to propose on Christmas day, and I was to show him what kind of rings I am interested in. Seriously, can I have anything else thrown at me?!?!
So:
bankruptcy is done and dusted now :checkmark:
I've said if he want to buy a house, he can. I am having nothing to do with it due to my bankruptcy :checkmark:
I'm still panicing about the MOT, and have a friend looking at a car for me later :checkmark:
The engagement ring. Well. I have pointed out what I like. Don't think he took it too well when I said I don't mind CZ as an accent stone, but there would be no point in getting me a solitaire CZ as I would be quite annoyed. I'm not a snob, but I don't like the idea of having something pretending to be something it ain't. I would rather a ring with no stone, than with what is essentially a fake diamond. Maybe that makes me a snob. But anyway, I've told him I'm having nothing further to do with it. I'v pointed out what I like, but the whole concept hasn't sunk in, and it is making me stressed out somewhat. How much major change can one little person take in 7 days! It's not that I don't wanna get married, I just haven't had time for the shock to sink in before I was being taken round jewellers.

There's a pizza in the fridge, a muffin on the side, and a microsub thing in the fridge. I must resist.

Oh, and food wise, yesterday was a waste of space. I craved sugar all day in an attempt to calm down.

 

[Tinytootz]

22/10/11

I have eaten:

Bran flakes and milk - HE & HE
Pasta pack
Apple

I intend to eat:

FF yoghurt
Home made jambalaya (turkey, rice, peppers, tomatoes, onions, garlic, stock, chorizo (2.5 syns per 28g, will check recipe in a bit)

I am shoving the pizza in the freezer, ignoring the microsub, and trying to ignore the muffin. But man, I can't take much more. All I need now is some bad news, and I may well end up over the edge!

 

[Tinytootz]

Entire Jambalaya was 14 syns. I ate a 3rd, having the other 3rd for lunch today.

23/10/11

Shredded wheat and milk - He & HE

Leftover jambalaya - 4.5

Not sure on tea yet. Gotta go see the parents at 6pm as they are just back from Thailand, so will either eat there, or do something quick when I get in. Possibly steak and jacket wedges. Who knows!

Currently bidding on a car on ebay. Its at £255 currently my max is £350, but I think I'll get outbid

 

[Tinytootz]

ended up with a takeaway last night - grilled chicken kebab with salad on pitta, and I stole about 6 chips. But I was otherwise a good girl, as I only had half the portion of jambalaya too, so more 2 syns for that.

I won the car - £420. OH finds it funny that I have spent the same amount on another car that it would take to get mine on the road, infact a little bit more as it isn't taxed. But I wanted a smaller engine anyway as my current car is the top tax bracket (ouch) and quite thirsty. And I also pointed out that it wasn't his car, it was mine. And if he wanted to have an opinion it would cost him

I swear I have lost my mind though. I seem to do everything in the space of a few weeks, then do nothing! On the good side, made £177 pure profit on ebay

24/10/11

Bran flakes and milk - He & HE

Leftover Jambalaya - 2.5
Possibly some SW wedges and beans to use up leftovers

Steak, frylighted onions, jacket potato (or jacket wedges) and some veg. Chips for him indoors

 

[Tinytootz]

Tuesday was bad food wise. But I knew it would be.

Lost 1lb this week I think, or 0.5lb. Not sure, will gauge against my ticker. Been ill all day which I am blaming on the sheer amount of crap I shovelled down my throat yesterday. Today I ate

Cereal & milk - HE & HE
Bread roll - 6
Mashed potato
Baked beans
Sausages - 10

Feeling rough, so not expecting to eat much tea.

 

[Tinytootz]

Still feeling pretty flipping rotten. I think it was crappy food combined with wine. Not a lot of wine mind you, but still some wine. Still feel like there is a gremlin in my stomach, which makes me feel yucky, smelly and ick.

Spent most of yesterday crying. I felt awful, but still had this car fiasco to sort. So off I popped to the post office, "yes we can tax your car". Brilliant. Off I popped to the parents, where dad gave me a mini lecture about why I should have MOT'd the old car and all the drama is my own making. So I cried a little bit, then calmed down pretty sharpish, and off we went to get the car. Back to parents, nosy at the car, then mum gets in. More of a nosy at the car, then I was ambushed I tell ya! I stupidly told them that OH is considering buying a house. They are ok with that (but think its a scam) but:
"does he make you happy"
"do you think you will be happy in a few years with him"
"don't you think the whole thing moved too fast"
"we expected much better of you out of life"
"is it because you don't think you can cope as a single person"
"is he good to you"

and so on. I started blarting at being told they expected better of me. I always had a feeling they were disappointed in me, but to hear it kinda stung. I know I am stuck in a dead end low pay job, I know I don't have a house, a wedding ring, a child, or whatever the hell else, but I am trying :cry: I've never really known what I wanted out of life, so I just kinda drifted along.
They don't know about the bankruptcy, that would finish them off, and they can have very little understanding, mainly stemming from dad once being a bank manager. Dad and I butt heads a lot. He has to be so precise with everything, and has to be right all the time, and takes delight in things going wrong for others, as he can then either lecture, or come to the rescue, that kinda shizzle. I shouted at him yesterday, as I was fed up of repeating myself over and over again as he was being so nit picky. I was even getting the blame for the car bloke giving a few details wrong, talk about shooting the messenger!

So anyway, bleary eyed, off I pop to the post office to tax the car. Hand over the various paperwork - *beep* - sorry, we can't tax your car as the reminder letter was used to SORN it. Do you have the V5? No. Well sorry, we can't so anything about that. So back in the illegal car I get, drive back to the parents, where I just have a mini wobbler. Dad wasn't in at this point, so I was just fed up of the entire thing, wanting my money back, wanting rid of the car. Dad came in, and looked over the paperwork - the same paperwork he has been looking at for days, but he was looking at it like it was a new shiny thing - nothing had changed on it in the past 3 hours! Ring the DVLA AGAIN. No, nothing we can do about it sorry. So I went home (had to get a lift), calmed down, and rang the man I bought it off. Explained it to him, apologised, explained it wasn't his fault or my fault, but was there any chance I could borrow my car back till Sunday (I part ex'd it in), and he agreed. So later this afternoon, I am taking my new car back, swapping it for my old car, then taking it from there till Sunday, upon which I will be car-less probably till mid December. Plus side? I can save some pennies for a new stereo and car tax. Bad side? It means buses everywhere, or borrowing mums car when I can, and paying to insure a car I can't drive.

So yeah, that was my crappy day. It really wasn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things, but I just couldn't cope awfully well it seems. I guess it just kinda felt like one thing was followed by another, then another, and I felt sorry for myself.

Out tonight seeing Steve-O. Not really looking forward to it, but hey ho, its a night out of the house so can't grumble too much! So food is gonna be lord knows!

Cereal and milk - HE & HE

Jacket wedges
Muller light

Possibly a couple of vodkas and diet coke. Not sure as I don't know what is actually going on tonight. Probably a takeaway on the way home, we shall see.

Sorry for the long, self pitying rant.

 

[Tinytootz]

Thursday evening I had 2 vodkas and diet coke, and a cheeseburger from McDonalds.

Friday I had chicken breast, bacon, cheese (HE), peas and chips. Tea was a kids burger king meal. Not a great day food wise AGAIN.

Saturday him indoors made me English muffins with scrambled eggs for breakfast. Bless him, but I really wish he hadn't Then I had mug shot, raspberries, melon, a few blueberries, and Muller light. Tea is gonna be jacket potato wedges with some kinda fish I can't remember, tapila or something! Will have mine with a large salad too (lettuce, tomatoes, spring onion and gerkins)

So yeah, not been the best food wise. Sunday I am planning on trying diet coke chicken, but with pork (diced pork, onions, peppers, diet coke, and whatever else), which I will do with SW egg fried rice, and Monday we shall be having kievs as his nan bought him another two packs, and I seriously have no room for them in the freezer what so ever. Will serve with jacket potato and beans I think. Tuesday he cooks (eeek), Wednesday I will do cottage pie me thinks with carrot/potato topping.

 

[Tinytootz]

Oh, and lunch tomorrow I am having leftover sausage casserole in an attempt to get my freezers more empty, and I'm not sure on Monday yet.

 

[Tinytootz]

The fish was pretty rank! Tilapia. Had a really soggy consistancy, so the cats got it. So ended up with SW jacket wedges and salad. And him indoors made me a hot chocolate. Bless him, but at 5 syns a pop....

30/10/11

Bran flakes and milk - HE & HE

Sausage casserole (I think) with perhaps some SW roast potatoes

Diet coke pork with SW egg fried rice

 

[Tinytootz]

tea went in the bin. The pork smelt funky, so I thought I best chuck it - I hate wasting food! So tonight is kievs, jacket potato and beans, and tomorrow I am gonna do shepherds pie me thinks.

 

[Tinytootz]

So yeah, Kievs Sunday night, Shepherds pie and veg Monday, OH cooking Tuesday, might do steak and chips Wednesday night, takeaway Thursday, something quick Friday - I have so many things I want to cook, but so little time! Also got cooked chicken I want to make into a pie with bacon and leeks, Chicken breasts, sausages, beef stewing steak........

 

[Tinytootz]

31/10/11

Shredded wheat and milk - HE & HE

Pasta pack
Apple
Square galaxy - 1

Home made shepherds pie (lean lamb mince, carrots, oxo, herbs, potatoes)
Leeks (swirl philly extra light - 2?)
3 yorkshires - 4

And I think that's it. Not at all optimistic about WI tomorrow. Expecting STS or gain. Ho hum

 

[Tinytootz]

Ho hum, its 7am and I am just waiting to weigh myself. Technically working till 8am, so I will WI after that. Just been sat, thinking. I really need to either get on with SW, or forget it. At the minute, I am half arsing it, then getting disappointed when I don't lose. Of course I won't lose if I don't stick to plan! SO maybe this is my week to shine, my week to try and be a good lass. Today I will be having cereal and milk, leftover shepherds pie, and tea is an OH concoction - Ribs, chicken fillets, and probably fries. No, not smashing. So to balance it out, I am only having diet coke to drink when out tonight, in an attempt to balance they syns (saving myself 13) and to save some pennies (£4 rather than £10). It's a new week. Also got spare time after I feed the birds till when I go and look at this new house, so I WILL crack out the exercise bike, and do that whilst gawping at Jeremy Kyle. Hey, even if I do 10 minutes, its 10 minutes more than I did yesterday on the bike! Saying that, I did do a fair bit of walking yesterday, probably around 45 minutes - to the vets with chester, back without chester. To the repair shop, freeview box on back, repair shop shut for lunch (who does that anymore?!), so down to the vets to get chester, bring chester back, off to repair shop, back home. I say fair bit, none of it was meandering, I was on a mission each time, head down, powering on, no window shopping for moi!

OH christmas pretty much done. Got him a stocking which I will fill with bits and bobs, but otherwise, I think I have him nailed. So far dad has a book, mum has nothing, and my brother has 3 DVDs. My brother and I are considering going 1/2 on dual National Trust for the 'rents, £66 I think for the both, which ain't too bad, £33 each, £16.50 per parent each Dads retired so he may well use it, not too sure about mum, but from when I have used them before, other females could use her card, like myself or dads aunt who he often takes out.

Still not broke it to mum that I won't be there Christmas day. She said she doesn't mind if I wasn't there, but she isn't convincing me! It will be my first Christmas not at home for dinner in 27 years

But I'm glad I have already done the bulk of the Christmas shopping, means less money stress for moi, as I'm skint!

 

[Tinytootz]

Half a pound on this week. Oh poo. So no wine for me last night, did have some naughty food, and did do 10 mins on the exercise bike at 12mph, go me.........But man, bike seats hurt! So I did 2 miles yesterday, gonna try and do 2 today, or maybe even 3. Oooh, get me.

2/11/11 - Greeeeen (so I can snack if need be on free foods)

2x WM toast with cheese and jam and low fat spread (out of milk ) - HE & HE, 0.5 and 3 (we have no toaster, it died so I have to lightly butter each side, then cook on the flat top, otherwise it just burns)

Jacket wedges (I think) with some extra light mayo - 1
Leeks

Muller light

Pasta bake - pasta, 70g cooked chicken - HE, 25g chorizo - 4, passata, cherry tomatoes, onions, 50g philly light - 4, grated cheese - HE
Salad (lettuce, spring onion, gerkins)

Not tooooo bad really I suppose. I was gonna do fish and jacket potatoes, but I totally forgot to get potatoes when I nipped to the shop, and really didn't wanna go back!

 

[Tinytootz]

Pasta bake was bloomin yummy! Oh ate half, I ate about 2/3rds of the other half, so I'll have the rest for lunch. Due to this, the syns will be slightly less, but I did have a yoghurty dessert thingy afterwards, so basically I did my 15 today, maybe a touch more.

 

[Tinytootz]

3/11/11

I was gonna go red today, but got leftover pasta bake for lunch, so can't really So its either gonna be EE or Green, depending on what I choose for tea.
* going EE

Bran flakes - HE
Milk - HE

Leftover pasta bake - 2 syns
Lettuce
Apple

Frozen raspberries and Muller light
Thorntons chocolate - 3.5

Tea is takeaway. Either Chicken and spinach curry with boiled rice (if EE) or grilled chicken kebab with salad (HE + HE + 6 if green, 6 if EE for pitta)

 

[Tinytootz]

Called the estate agent person, we ain't getting the house OH wages are too low, the owner won't drop the price, I can't be named on it, so its a no. I cried a little, but then I cried a little when dad accidently bashed me in the mouth with a cabinet - its a cry a little day it seems!
In many ways I am relieved we aren't getting the house. But then also a little bummed, as I blame myself for it. If I hadn't of gone bankrupt, I could have put my name on it, then we would have got it. But then if I hadn't of gone bankrupt, they would take the house off me eventually as I couldn't pay the debts. Feel bad for OH, he was very keen on the idea. Just hope he doesn't blame me

 

[sarah83]

Sorry been a while since I've posted... What a rubbish virtual friend I am!

Firstly sorry to hear about the house... But things happen for a reason and once the economy is in a better place I'm sure he'll be able to secure a mortgage in his name. Don't feel bad about the bankruptcy, you put a lot of thought into it and it was the right thing for you to do, regardless of anything else, and I'm sure he'll support you in that.

Secondly congrats on the upcoming engagement... As long as that's definitely what you want. I only say that because of the questions you've had yourself about the relationship previously... You just don't want to be rushing into things if you're not sure.
If you are sure then it's great news and definitely something to celebrate, with a fab time to do it! We also had a planned engagement, for valentines rather than Xmas though.

Hope you're doing ok xx

 

[Tinytootz]

Don't worry, you have enough on your hands with a bundle of cuteness, and I don't mind rambling on to myself
The engagement thing is an odd one. It's a case of I'm ready to be engaged to him, but I don't see us being married for a bit yet. He has certainly sorted out his behaviour, we have far less spats, and any that we do have, I refuse to take part in! I'm not excited about it, more nervous of my mum and friends reactions as I've told nobody in 'real life'. Sometimes I wonder if he is the one, other days I'm 100% sure. I've found someone i click with, someone who treats me like a princess, someone who calls me beautiful every single day, and someone who makes me laugh. He can be infuriating and impossible at times, but nobody is perfect, not even me
I dunno, I guess you could spend your life looking for the perfect one, so I might stick with the one which makes me happy....

And well done for getting back on the wagon, looking good so far!

 

[sarah83]

Thing is you don't have to rush into marriage even if you do get engaged. We waited 3 years and I know some people wait a lot longer. Plus it's so much fun planning your wedding I think it's good to have the time to plan it properly! Oh and to save up of course!

And at the end of the day it's your decision and people have to accept that - your parents know you're serious about him, you do live with him after all, so they shouldn't be that surprised