Trying to make a difference

oh and - shock horror - I've put my scales away!!!! I'm already having panic attacks at the idea of them not being there but I am NOT getting them out ... at least until tomorrow!

I'll do you a deal - for every day that you stick to the diet I will leave my scales in the cupboard and fight my weighing myself addiction so now you HAVE to stick to it for the good of my sanity :)
 
HahAHAHAHAHAHA! thats a deal! no scales no cheating! i just felt like cheating but read your post and its stopped me! i was trying to convince myself that you shouldnt start on a weekend day! hahaha! anyway shake is now in hand instead of a aero mint ball! thanks for your support it does help! and you just to say you may be 38 and her 24 but men love an older woman hahaha take it from me, i am 36 and my partner is 18! only joking he is 32! good for you to tell her how you felt though, its not fair to mess you about. still not heard from any of mine! thet must all be away! hahah i just put on facebook "if i moved to oz would anyone notice"! xxxxxxxx
 
ooo - I just had mix-a-mousse with a mint choc shake and it tasted just like aero! So there you go - you can have the same taste without the calories ;)

Oh it got better - she text me this morning and said yes she should have sorted it and had taken me for granted and apologised and said she's there today if I want a cuppa. Well a) how about you coming here and b) I've already told you I'm busy!! Anyway - that side of it is fine. I'd stopped being so irritated. Right up until the point that she texts me to say the boyfriend's mum had said to her this morning "so we'll see you Monday for dinner then" - so she tells me that she'll be at theirs in the evening but maybe if I want to pop over for a cup of tea or maybe we could do lunch. Well first she's knows I'm doing CD again and having done Lighter Life she knows better than anyone that I won't be doing lunch right now. Secondly the whole point of seeing her this weekend was because she wanted me to meet the boyfriend not because I'm throwing a hissy fit that I won't see her. And thirdly obviously her and the boyfriend are around on Monday then so she could have done bbq or similar and clearly it is just that I'm not important enough for her to commit to something but the boyfriend's mum asks and instant commitment!! I've bitten my fingers off to stop me replying because she seriously doesn't get it.

I won't tell you what my birthday was like - all I asked for from her and her mum was to make an effort, spend the afternoon with me and cook sunday roast as its the one thing I never do living on my own and I miss it. They owed me money and I even waived that to pay for the food if they needed to. It ended up with me at theirs 7pm that evening, with takeaway pizza which I effectively paid for, a packet of pot pourri in a cracked box which I think was the apology for mucking up again and me sat in their front room on my own watching X Factor (I think) while they were both off in other rooms sorting out washing or surfing the internet. I don't think they fully understand why I was so upset about it - it wasn't as if I asked them to make that much of an effort and it was too much.

The stupid thing is I know they DO appreciate me and if I ever needed them they'd be there like a shot (I think!) but its always the other way round and when it comes down to it I've had enough of being taken for granted. Nothing will change because I love them both dearly but I just won't ever rely on them again and I won't make any arrangements with her any more. I spent years where it p'd me off, then it started to irritate me - this time was pretty much the final chance and I'm quite simply done and over it. Reliable Miffy just started putting herself first.

I ended up spending the afternoon with another friend of mine instead and had great fun so I was never worried about things getting cancelled as I have plenty of other things to do - its the lack of consideration in letting me know what is happening and the lack of effort to stick to it that drives me nuts. I DO actually have a life!!!

And I'm glad I came here and read that you stuck to the shakes - I've been having a dodgy afternoon myself so its now made me feel all guilty even considering falling off the wagon for a day hahahahaha Haribos are seriously calling to me today though! But I will be strong and resist the evil power of the Haribos. I'm also really scared about the not weighing myself until official weigh in Thursday as well - I don't dare fall of the wagon because I won't even know what damage it has done!! hahahahaha

So I would normally have weighed myself at least 5 times today - once this morning and 4 times when I've used the toilet - and you would have cheated with an aero thingy. I think we are both doing incredibly well - positively angelic today lol
 
good morning and here goes another day! all ok yesterday but its hard! last night shift for a week and a half tonight so fingers crossed! its just france i am worried about, just got to be strong, but you know what mothers are like! how was your evening did you manage to keep those evil haribo at bay? re your friend and god daughter, they sound like they need a reality check! cant believe how they have treated you especially on your birthday! i would be livid! but like you dont say anything and it all builds up inside untill you explode one day! i still not heard a thing from my friends this weekend, we all have kids so its not like we couldnt all do somethinf , but im fed up asking! i know they are all goini out next weekend when im in france , only from facebook! oh well! anyway onwards and upwards! have a good day.xxx
 
don't worry about the spelling and typing - certainly doesn't worry me lol

Well I had a very busy day cleaning the rest of my house (did upstairs yesterday) and did a HUGE pile of ironing. It's tipping down with rain here and it was actually quite nice to get it all sorted and out the way and my house is all sparkly now. Then I spent some time on me and did the full exfoliation thing in the shower and actually spent the time to dry my hair properly so its also all shiny and sparkly :)

When that was all done I popped to the local pet store at the garden centre and picked up a new filter for my fish tank and brought home a nice new fancy goldfish - all shiny white with a bright orange/red cap on its head. He's now swimming around in the tank all happy with the 2 fantails and the black bug eye. I decided he was kind of my treat for reaching my first goal and losing the 7lbs already and sticking to the diet all week. So I've called him Cambridge - or Cam for short :D

Its amazing what I'll do to distract myself from getting the scales out of the cupboard to weight myself hahahahaha Other than the little corner of cheese I had earlier when I really needed something with some flavour I've managed to stick to the diet without any problem - spending the whole of today not knowing what I weigh is killing me!!!!! I am now determined NOT to get the scales out until Thursday morning and my official weigh in because the level of panic I'm feeling not having them there to check is definitely not normal lol

This evening I will be having smoked haddock with some steamed brocolli and courgette and peas. Actually really looking forward to it as it'll have quite a bit of flavour and missing chewing today - also going to treat myself to a chocolate orange mix-a-mousse for pudding.

I have discovered that weekends are my hardest time - I seriously struggled yesterday and had to keep myself busy today to be able to stick to it. I do know that boredom is my downfall and I snack when I have nothing else to do - now all I've got to do is work out how to beat it. The booklet the CDC gave me suggest going for a walk or having a shower. Well if I went for a walk today I would get wet enough that I'd effectively be doing both at once and there really are only so many showers I can take a day :8855:

As for your friends - if I were you I'd say stuff 'em and you and your kids go and have an awesome time somewhere on your own. You'll enjoy it more and their kids will then just be jealous when they hear about it ;)
 
hmmm - just read that back - I seem to be on a shiny sparkly kick this weekend lol
 
so I go on Facebook this evening and there's a comment from her friend about looking forward to seeing her later - I'm kind of incredulous by this stage.

So I have decided that actually I don't need to rely on my friends to go and do things and I'm going to take my own advice - if the weather is nice tomorrow I do need to do stuff in the garden so will do that and then maybe take myself off somewhere to do some photography.

And if the weather is not so nice I'm going to take myself on a train up to London and go see the Irvine Penn photography exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery and then go and see some of the other stuff in there and the National Gallery that I didn't look at last time I dragged my parents there for an Annie Leibowitz exhibition for my birthday.

And if I don't do that tomorrow I think I might very well go and do that next Sunday for a few hours - I get so bored on Sunday's so its time I started filling them with things to do.

Yes it would be nice to have some company but its time I stopped hiding myself away waiting for everyone else to make things happen and I'm going to go and start living my life myself.

This diet appears to be having a major impact on how much I intend to change my life this time and I think I like it :)
 
good for you, you dont need them to have a good time! me neither! found out a few of mine went out to london, i wasnt asked cos i am on a diet! any way who cares! loving the fish name! how funny is that! you semm a coll independant woman who knows what she wants! its great! its sunny here at the moment, im in surrey! where are you? i have just got up from my night shift gonna have a shake now, yummy! and gonna pack for france. taking my little angle out later! haha,she is more like the devil! but cute so gets away with it! have a good shiny day.xx:eek:
 
i agree, this diet really is life changing! it makes you reasses your life and priorities, and you soon discover who your real friends are.

keep going, you are doing fab!
 
Thanks :) I did do CD last year but I didn't get the same mental change then - although I guess the change mentally may have started back then and is now just coming out. I'm with you on finding out who your friends are too - I never noticed until I did this last time how many friends actually saboutage me losing weight even if its with the best intentions. My best friend takes the view that its not her place to be judging whether this is a good diet for me or not and if its my choice she'll help me as much as she can - she won't even eat in front of me even though I keep telling her its fine. Other friends I see tell me how its not a good diet and its not healthy and blah blah blah and then try and get me to eat snacks and treats with them on the basis that "one won't hurt". Oh yes it will!

I'm down in Sussex just outside Tunbridge Wells. I got up this morning and although it was fairly sunny at the same time it wasn't great weather so I decided stuff the garden and jumped on a train. Halfway up to town it started raining so I definitely made the right decision - but it was soooooo cold! Shot straight to the Irvine Penn exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery and it was really interesting to see the photos - I've got into photography the last 18 months so it gave me some new ideas etc. Mooched around the rest of the gallery for a little bit then went down to the bookshop and picked myself up a couple of books. Then I went and sat in Trafalgar Square to drink my choclate tetra brick and took a few photos - by then I was frozen and it was starting to rain again. I was going to run up to Covent Garden and sit somewhere for a cuppa while doing some more photography or just people watching but it was too cold and damp to sit outside and the smell of food inside would have driven me insane - I'm having a serious struggle today! So I started walking up there anyway, went past Subway and my brain went hmmmm tuna melt on honey oat wheat .... and I decided my willpower was NOT going to be strong enough to withstand Covent Garden and got on the next train home instead hahahahahaha I was back by just before 3pm and I'm now curled up on the sofa in my jeans, t-shirt, thick sweatshirt and my uggs on my feet as slippers because I feel like a block of ice! I just watched a load of hail come down outside - then the suns out - then it rains. So damn cold today though - and craving food like crazy. I've decided the safest place for me is to curl up under a blanket to warm up and not leave my house - there is no food in my house so its safe here lol

So why didn't your friends tell you they were going and give you the option over whether you went or stuck to your diet? I'm sure they did it because they thought they were being supportive but it would have been nice if they'd have at least told you. Just keep in mind that at least you didn't have to deal with the temptation and when you are done you are going to be a whole new person and they'll be falling over themselves to be with you!
 
Mifford, it's sounds like a lovely day you had. I'm very jelous.
 
wow what a nice day! and what bloody good will power you have! i would love to get and just go and do something cultural! i never do though! you are only down the road i see, i am near junction 6 on m25 , my mum used to live in maidstone so we used to go shopping in tonbridge wells.I t pretty much rained all day here, i just went to croydon to the shops and got nothing apart from the raving hump as my child just wont stay in the buggy and screamed! it was fab! I did manage to walk passed many food outlets though without going in! just had chicken and asparagus! was ok , gonna have a chocolate shake for pudding! kinda wishing i had some mouse mix, sounds great! glad your still bieng strong, have thoss scales stayed hidden away? mine have! gonna jump on before france then when i come back! or maybe when i come back! have a good evening.xxx;)
 
re the friends thing, i think your right!some of mine 1 especially who is always on a diet hated the fact i lost 3 stone on LL last year and said what a stupid diet it is, i told her last week that i was doing CD and he went mad saying i was irrasponsible and setting a bad example to my daughter! she is 18 months, she dosnt care what i eat as long as she does! its all just because she cant do it, and i have not heard from her since! the others just laugh at me as they are skinny!!! as i will be soon hahaha.one of my patients was talking about cd last night and how fab it was, she lost 3 stone in 3 months and is gonna do it again when she can. people who dont have a weight problem just dont understand! and those that do but cant face the cd are very bitter! xxx
 
how is doing something about your weight a bad example for your daughter??? my friend who is so obsessed with eating healthily that her kids have their chocolate buttons counted out and rationed on the basis of being "healthy" is doing waaaay more damage to her daughter by teaching her to be obsessed with her weight and also that being overweight is something disgusting when in reality sometimes its something that people can't control. She is the same one that told me that she's worried about me losing too much weight though because it makes me look older. What the???!!! I was still a stone overweight last time I stopped so how is that too much, I certainly didn't look older and even if I did I would much rather look my age and reduce all the health risks then look nice and young and die at 50!!!!! Its the best one I've heard yet - you shouldn't do CD because you'll lose weight and if you do that you'll look older lol

It annoys me when people judge it - I did go through all the downsides with my goddaughter when she did LL because she hadn't really tried any other diets or changing her eating habits etc and went for the quick solution. In my case I have tried literally everything its possible to try - I've even seen nutritionists and dieticians who have told me that my diet is petty good and they can't really advise me on how to change it to help as I'm already doing everything right. Even on portion sizes when they saw what I eat I was actually told to increase them as I wasn't eating enough. CD is literally the only thing that has worked for me because of my previously untreated thyroid - I take the view that when they've walked in my shoes for a while then they will have earned the right to judge. Until then - butt out :)

I did indeed have a fantastic day yesterday though and would recommend it to anyone. Taking the bull by the horns and deciding that no you are confident enough to just go and live life is a great boost I can tell you. I did struggle diet wise yesterday though - I even ended up eating a lump of cheese to stop the cravings :(

In fact I've been reading on here today what you aren't meant to eat on SS+ and thinking oh dear. I haven't got the scales out again yet but I'm a bit worried they may not show anything this week - I've been eating prawns, smoked haddock, quorn sausages and eggs (with cheese in them) all of which are not on the SS+ list hahahahaha I've been kind of taking the list they have as a guide more than a rule and I'm now a bit worried that I may not have lost anything at all!!! Then again to be honest I don't think I'm too worried about being religiously strict on it as I was eating eggs and pork last week and still managed to go into ketosis without a problem. I could go back to just the shakes but I tried that a couple of days ago and my body was screaming at me to eat something so I think the food addition is vital for me right now.

As long as I keep losing I'm not going to sweat it - just means I might be doing it a bit longer than if I was being more religious. I'm still being a damn sight better than I was before so the weight has got to come off even if its slower. Plus I have quorn sausages for dinner tonight and I've been looking forward to them so much that I'm not giving them up for anyone hahahahaha

Might start getting a bit stricter next week though once the freezer is empty and I will be able to buy specifically what I need.
 
oh and the other thing with the people who are so down on CD - I wonder sometimes if they think its the easy solution and that's why they are so against it. I hear loads about the weight coming straight back on as well - yes it will if you go back to eating how you used to but if you commit to it and change your diet afterwards then it won't. There must be hundreds of thousands of people who have lost with CD or LL who haven't regained the weight! Plus if they think its easy I challenge them to come and try it - especially the first 5 days - and then we'll talk :)
 
well its now 1230 and my friend who i havw not seen for ages, supposed to be best friend was supposed to come round for coffee! not turned up! i am not gonna call a fed up with it! it pees me off that i can remeber things and other simply cant because obviously not that important! wouldnt mind but i am the only one out of my friends who bloody works full time or even works at all! and still can remember what i have planned for the next day! i will stop moaning now! :eek:

anyway dont worry about the cheese thing and the other bots you have introduced into CD, if you look at LLlite you can eat loads more different stuff and it says you are still in ketosis and you lost 7lb by doing it your way! stick to what makes it better for you to stick to. I have got more chicken and asparagus, really makes your wee smell! hahaha! so tempted to get some prawns! i may make a quorn curry next week when i am back?

hope those scales have stayed tucked away? i dont want to get on mine in case i have not lost or put on, i know i will eat if thats the case! i spoke to my mum today and made sure she has plenty of dull uniteresting food in for me, she has so should be ok in france. It will be if we go out for the day i may get stuck as i have no tetra packs, will just have to drink lots of coffee, i know i can always get that.


hope your day is going well.xx:D
 
can your CDC not let you get some tetra packs? if you tell her you are doing 1200 plan so you don't need the medical form :)

and you aren't moaning - your friend is not being a friend! I would text her and say you are really worried that she didn't turn up and is something wrong or did something happen. If she doesn't get the point then then I would give up! It'll be interesting to see what she says and what excuse she comes up with if nothing else. If she says she simply forgot just text her back with something like "oh, ok. Just wanted to check as was sat here all afternoon worrying" - if nothing else it should embarrass the living daylights out of her. And if it doesn't then she really isn't a friend and kick her to the kerb. You certainly don't deserve to be treated like that by anybody.

I've personally come to the conclusion that I am partly responsible for letting people carry on treating me like that and that I am taking responsiblity for my part by refusing to accept it any more. If they don't like that then it is their issue not mine. Friendship is a two way street and I'm no longer making excuses for the way friends treat me and I'm going to start taking things at face value. If they treat me like crap I'm going to assume they intend to and not that they don't mean it and just don't realise.

I'm having a much better day today - still craving to eat things I'm not allowed but I'm pretty certain its my brain resisting being told it can't have anything rather than my body actually needing it. I took the opportunity to defrost my freezer while its half empty as well - I now have nothing in there but some veg, 2 pieces of salmon and a breaded chicken piece (which I will eat when it gets to the stage where I need to come out of ketosis). So now I can refill it with the right stuff I need for the diet so tomorrow I'll be heading to the butchers. I'm planning on getting some chicken pieces and making mini keebabs with mushrooms and green pepper for tomorrow. The asparagus with chicken sounds good too so I'll probaby pick up some of that tomorrow too and steam it - possibly with a couple of little brocolli florets too.

Still not got my scales out - which is totally freaking me out. The idea of not knowing what I weigh before Thursday is not sitting well with the control freak in me hahahahaha I would say once you've been good for a week you should weigh yourself though - it will either tell you that you need to be more careful on it or you will get a huge boost from seeing the numbers come down. I'm trying to get my head into accepting whatever I lose as well now - I'm panicking that I might only lose 1 or 2lbs this week and yet if I was doing Weight Watchers and lost that I'd be happy and if someone offered me 2lbs a week normally I'd take it. Its still going in the right direction - more slowly admittedly but at least the right way. And if I lose 2lbs a week then in 4 weeks I'll have lost another 8lbs so I'm going to be happy with it even if it kills me lol

I am getting my head back in the right place again today but now I just need to get my freezer there with me and then we are good to go :)

When are you off to France?
 
good evening, well i text about 3 as i wanted to go out, she said she had not forgotten but was bad at time keeping and had too much to do! i didnt reply! anyway i am off on a mini holiday so i wont let it bother me!

well today i wanted to eat everything in sight, but have resisted apart from a couple of slices of ham! i just want to eat something nice!!!!! not going to ,so am off to bed in a mo. May weigh in the morning just so i can see if i put on in france , even though i intend to be good. I am going to Britany, my mum moved there last year, its in the middle of no where so not much temptation around. Not looking forward to 12 hour fery, i usually eat my time away! will have to stay in the cabin!

hope your evening is going well, chicken kababs sound good ! also quorn sausages! i love them. well done for keeping those scales hidden, i am just scared to go on mine! off to bed now, night.x;)
 
try taking something like sudoku with you - anything that keeps your head and hands busy on the boat will help. And lots of water - just keep drinking lots of water and pretending it is something other than water lol

Although today I'm thinking of just pouring my water straight down the toilet and missing out the middle man!!!! I have not stopped peeing all day - I swear there is no way I have drunk the amount I am weeing!!!!!!!! With any luck it means that by Thursday my weight will be down but we will see.

Your mum's place sounds nice - go and relax for a bit and let someone else take care of you or at least share your daughter and forget the idiot friends. Seriously, no-one deserves to be treated like that and fobbed off with "my time keeping is bad and I'm too busy" - what a total and utter crock. Not even a particularly good excuse and unbelievably self-centred. If she is busy fair enough but in that case just don't fix to do something you can't manage anyway - and yes she was busy as she was meant to be busy seeing you! My goddaughter's mum does that and fobs things off about her time keeping being bad but I've pointed out that if she has an appointment somewhere she manages to keep that!

You'll be fine on the scales as well - you've been really good this week so there must be some come off. Good luck and well done for ignoring the food cravings. Hope you get a good night's sleep xxx
 
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