Want to loose half my body weight...and some more!

jules1981 said:
I am not sure why but I cant like your post Tracy.

I have always liked Christmas but having little man has brought the magical side out of it and it will just get better the older he gets. He will not be sure what its all fully about this year BUT he knows what presents are now and can open them with a bit of help. xxxx
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Yes, it's wonderful! It was only a couple of years ago that Kathryn had to finally admit that she didn't really believe in Santa, lol, but she still loves Christmas just as much - my husband reads The Night Before Christmas to her every Christmas Eve, the same as my Dad always did to me and my sister, and it's magical. :) xx
 
Awww sweetheart, are you feeling better now? :)


I bought my mum a beautifully illustrated copy of the night before christmas last year for her christmas eve box, I love the story!

Really go all out for Christmas, do Christmas Eve boxes each year as there's only me and mum now as brother spends it with his wife and we don't go see twat [long story - basically abusive grandfather who's now in a home]. They have all sorts in to 'ease us into Christmas' a festive fleece blanket, pot of gold (gold things/goild coins/lottery ticket and scratch cards), pj's, money for a takeaway, Christmas DVD, outfit for Christmas Day (something festive basically :D), posh bottle of wine/bucks fizz, small bottle of perfume, posh toiletries (always a festive lush bomb) all manner of pampering things :D I love love love doing it! She pretends not to remember I'm doing them each year but I know she loves them too.
 
Tracy Aw thats so sweet that you have carried on that tradition with your daughter. Me and my dad always used to go last minute Christmas shopping for mum on Christmas eve. I am thinking about maybe we will always see a film on xmas eve. Don't think I have ever read the night before Christmas might have to get that and read it on xmas eve too. I am stealing your ideas ;) xxx

Psp I am feeling a lot better now thanks. Even though I didn't sleep well. Can still feel stuff on my body and keep itching but not seeing spiders-which I hate anymore I am on extra meds though
.

Will type some more in a bit and turn laptop pn I can't use this phone to type! Xxx
 
I cant type on my stupid phone! Laptop is so much easier!

PSP-Love your idea of a Christmas box, so sweet your mum pretends not to know :) I might steel the idea for little man :) (New PJ, Xmas Book, stickers xmas dvd, small toy etc) and start that as a xmas tradition too. I love lush stuff, we bought some honey soap from there and I love it :) Sorry for what you and your mum had to go through with your grandfather HUGS

;lkjhgfs\asy-That little mans message he just came on my lap and pressed some buttons!

Off out for breakfast with the inlaws I know there stuff will be fried but only used 1 syn yesterday and will use my syns up today on it, so hopefully it wont make to much difference to my weight loss tomorrow. I know thats not supposed to carry syns over but it makes me feel a bit better!

extra meds so feel a bit floatty this morning!

xxx
 
Steal away - The Night Before Christmas is a real classic, and just the right length to read out loud to a child! I love the box idea too, PSP, sounds lovely. I really must try to be more organised this year, lol. I'm saving all my Tesco clubcard vouchers, as they really helped last year, getting pressies for all the nieces and nephews! :) xx
 
Hope you had a lovely meal with the rellies, Jules, and big hugs and well dones from me for finding ways to deal with everything, that takes real guts and you got it in spades hun xxxx

How are you finding SW so far?
 
Tracy I LOVE tesco clubcard voucher we use them for meals and days out :) We are going to a zoo on hubbys 30th Birthday and it would have cost us over £30 for me and hubby to get in, but with the clubcards we will end up only spending about £5 to get in :) xxx

Ladyf Thank you hun...I would have hid in bed before and let depression sink over me and just go under BUT I cant, I have a little boy who relays on me-and a hubby, so am fighting through it as much as I can, just hope I can stay this strong, as sometimes the voices and hallucinations consume me. Fingers crossed.
I am loving SW, all the free food is fab and means I am getting wayyyyy over my 5 a day. I like the meals they look family friendly.

Had a lovely morning at the play center/restaurant with the in laws. I even suggested we go on holiday with them next year to a cottage somewhere, which to me is a massive thing as we don't see them loads (even though they live 10 mins away) and the state of my mental health-which they are only just starting to understand. They had no idea how bad I was. But I want Little man to have a good relationship with them. I loved my grandparents and I want both sets to be a big part of Little ones childhood. My parents see him at least 3 times a week when they care for us.

xxxx
 
Glad to hear it lovely :) Hopefully everything is on the upside.

Hope you, hubby and little legs have a great time at the zoo too :D Is it soon? :)
 
Its at the end of Aug hun we cant wait first time little man will have been to the zoo :) xxx
 
jules that sounds lovely x x :D
 
Loved the sound of your post, Jules, so upbeat and positive - lots of lovely things to look forward to, and an eating plan that you are loving. Go girl! xxx
 
I went of plan last night-Majorly binge eating :( anything I could get when it comes to food.my hands on I hate how messed up my head is (again) but jumped on the scales this morning and had lost 5 1/2 lbs so am 23. 4 1/2 or 326 1/2 so must have done some good in the week
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Thanks girls I am happier most of the time its nice to know it shows in my posts
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I think the group therapy are helping with my values-to be a good mummy and wife so I know what I am fighting for. Hopefully the dieting will help my self confidence in the long run.

Went to group therapy today and you have to set a goal that is along with your values BUT takes you out of your comfort zone...So My goal today was to take little man to a group on my own-I haven't done this since he was 9 months old. I have always had carer/family/friend with me.

[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] I did it this afternoon and It all went a bit wrong today thought.I took Little man to a taster group at the sure start center, we played in the sand, house played with trains painted, and after an hour we had to leave to go to nursery (In the same building just the other end) and he had the biggest tantrum EVER, managed to hold him to get him into the nursery room where he was SCREAMING at the door, I and his key person tried to talk to him I offered him cuddles and a muslin cloth (his comforter), then I realized he had done a poo so asked if I could change him, he was still screaming and kicked the mat of the changing station [/FONT]
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[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] I picked it up laid him down again got close to his face and said `no` that's enough and he started to calm down at which point he had woken 4 children up from there sleeps ( how bad did I feel) I carried on changing his nappy giving him a wipe to hold then stood him up and we talked about the animal pictures all around the toilet and he calmed down. Took him out of the bathroom and his key person offered him the rice to play with (which he liked on fri) and off he went, said mummy come too so i played for a while feeling very guilty that I hadn't stopped his tantrum. I then went in to see the manger to pay the nurser bill and she asked how I was...But there were 3 other people in there so I just said `ok` when inside I was sooo wobbly and screaming and I got out of the nursery and just felt overwhelmed, totally. I couldn't even remember my own phone number to call my dad to pick me up so walked home in a weird state I wanted to cry my eyes out but felt emotionally numb and just walked in and said I am taking lorzapam and going to bed which is what I did, slept for over an hour and am now on here feeling more with it![/FONT]

Wont be taking him on my own again needless to say feel like a rubbish mummy :(

xxxx
 
Oh hon, you mustn't ever think of yourself as a rubbish mum, please!! You're having to overcome so much, but you're doing so well to even set yourself these goals and try to achieve them. So you're not quite there yet, so what? You tried, and you want to get better - that's got to be a big part of it. Please don't put yourself down. :) xx
 
hi jules
your not a crap mum at all we all fall off and make mistakes but you got to brush yourself down your going to do it love with our support
 
First of all congratulations on your weight loss lovely! :) You've shown yourself to be so strong and focused, don't let the little wobbles put you off from continuing - you can do it. You're doing it for yourself and for your family too! What better goal than that? Well done Jules!

It's bound to have been a stressful time for yourself at the group to start with as it was the first time you'd gone without back up from another adult. Your little man sounded like he'd had such a great time with you there that he didn't want to leave. You DID stop his tantrum, you told him no and he started to calm down! You distracted his attention and he continued calming down. You are a GREAT mum! You did discipline him all by yourself and it worked - he calmed down!

Well done lovely! Think of all your achivements - including walking back all by yourself! You can do it!!
 
Thank you guy for your lovely comments- YOU have all made me feel better about his tantrum. I think I felt everyone was looking at me, when they wernt. We have had a few more tantrum's since then! Everything is no, he wanted to go to nursery in his PJs this morning er No! I am the parent you are the child!

Just been to see my nan she is blind and in a residential home she has got a kidney infection but has stopped drinking so unfortunately its just a matter of time before she passes away. She is 97 and has lead the life she wanted to. But its so hard to see her like she is . She keeps asking why she is ill :(

Last night I binged :( (again) I wish I knew how to stop. I feel so guilty :( BUT back on plan today.

Hoovered the whole house this morning as the in laws are baby sitting sun morning while hubby and I are doing a car boot. It will be the first time they have taken little one out-we are putting the car seat in mother in laws car. But I think it will do us all good to trust them a bit more.

We have all little mans clothes from when he was in 5lb stuff to up to 2. We are selling it because we have decided not to have any more little ones (joint decision), as I am at high risk of PND again and would hate to have to go to a mother and baby unit 2 1/2 hours drive away and not see our first little one for so long. The tablets I am now on are not baby friendly at all.

Thanks for reading my waffling xxx
 
hi jules
i think you and hubby made the right decision and have been honest with yourselfs im so to hear about your nan bless her i alawys say its does not matter how old they are it still hurts like mad when they pass over
do not worry about the binge love your back on form now love x x
 
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