Weight loss again

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Hey lovely just wanted to say that unsolicited advice, comments and bull is usually jealousy in my experience, aimed to demotivated or at worse damage your sense of self over you achievement. One of the things that helped me over the years is the ‘don’t take things personally’ part of the 4 agreements wish I could loan you my book.

I’ve had a off week myself but just know that a) your not alone b) you are stronger than you think and finally c) Do it for you.

Sending positive waves and strength. I have two funerals coming up and plan on only attending the service for self preservation!

Thank you, hun. You are doing so well as well, I love your determination and how you plan and think about the events in your life. Thank you for your kind and motivating words Xx

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Will be sending you all the positive energy, Alecto.. You've got this. You will soon be cruising again.

Thank you Kelpie. Xx

 

[AliGal]

What RareKiwi says. The Kiwi knows!

I've found justnofamily threads in reddit (and some of the narcissist threads) really useful for getting and keeping perspective on unsolicited advice, comments and bull - and tips on how to manage it.

Some people will talk down to you, deliberately try to provoke you, criticise you, put you down, and often say rude things, even when it's not true. We don't have to take that.

Three useful things I learnt on the justno and narcissit threads are:

- No is a complete sentence. For food related issues, maybe No thank you. then move away or change the subject.

- Grey Rock - named by a blogger called Skylar - provide no interest or stimulation for them
see: https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
and https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/

- JADE - This one has been really really useful as my own relationship has deteriorated.
Said to be an Al-Anon phrase - don't Justify, Defend, Argue or Explain. More on this at: https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/

I find it easy to remember - and when I'm getting drawn into something, I just don't go there! I let stuff go. Just don't respond. No attitude or facial expression or eye contact.

It's hard to re-train one's response to not engage ...so I have to keep alert!

Hope this helps you next week.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Day 55. 67.1kg. Another 100grams down.
Yesterday was a fine day food wise but with less steps. I'm focusing on the food interaction aspect as that's the important bit for me atm.
Wishing a great weekend to anyone reading this!

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

What RareKiwi says. The Kiwi knows!

I've found justnofamily threads in reddit (and some of the narcissist threads) really useful for getting and keeping perspective on unsolicited advice, comments and bull - and tips on how to manage it.

Some people will talk down to you, deliberately try to provoke you, criticise you, put you down, and often say rude things, even when it's not true. We don't have to take that.

Three useful things I learnt on the justno and narcissit threads are:

- No is a complete sentence. For food related issues, maybe No thank you. then move away or change the subject.

- Grey Rock - named by a blogger called Skylar - provide no interest or stimulation for them
see: https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
and https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/

- JADE - This one has been really really useful as my own relationship has deteriorated.
Said to be an Al-Anon phrase - don't Justify, Defend, Argue or Explain. More on this at: https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/

I find it easy to remember - and when I'm getting drawn into something, I just don't go there! I let stuff go. Just don't respond. No attitude or facial expression or eye contact.

It's hard to re-train one's response to not engage ...so I have to keep alert!

Hope this helps you next week.

Thank you Ali. I also saw you were speaking about JADE on another thread - I loved the concept, thank you for the links how are you doing? I can see your losses are really piling up! Well done!!

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

@AliGal also I noticed that you were doing Alevere. You're doing great on it - I always wondered what it was about as I see it advertised in many places! Is it the same principle as Cambridge or slightly different?

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

@RareKiwi27 i had no idea you also had 2 funerals coming up. My sincere sympathies! Hope you're okay... Were the people close? It's okay if you don't wanna talk about it, though. I don't really have the choice of just doing the mass or burial as it's all happening about 3hrs away by train from where i live. Its gonna be a bit of a treck om Thursday evening (not coming out of work until 6.30pm, then the only other train is at 7.45pm), and then up early on Friday for the events. I think ill be too tired to bother with what anyone is saying. Ive already planned to just pack 4 sachets of anything and I know now the meal is going to be a buffet style so it's going to be easier to navigate. One of my colleagues in my office is an ACT specialist. I got from him: accepy what you cannot change, redirect conversation to the person's preferred topics, focus on the good bits that are upcoming (ill get to cuddle my 5month nephew again, yay!), not on the bad, and as you say, none of it is personal. How you doing, hun?

 

[RareKiwi27]

@Alecto_on_LCD it was my uncle (cancer) and great aunt (old age) we were close but tbh it’s my dads side of the family who are toxic. My mum and dad are cool but my dads family are judgemental arseholes.

All local to me so have agreed with my parents I can just do the service as I don’t want to take my kids and will leave them with my MIL (excuse available and exploited)

I’m actually ok more worried about my best friend who is my rock. Her dad died suddenly and she isn’t coping at all she’s just shut down. I’m focused on plan and trying to get through 1 day at a time.

Sending you positivity, I like ACT principles, they overlap with some DBT skills.

 

[AliGal]

@AliGal also I noticed that you were doing Alevere. You're doing great on it - I always wondered what it was about as I see it advertised in many places! Is it the same principle as Cambridge or slightly different?

Different in some ways because it's medically supervised and has treatments. There are blood tests, supplements (magnesium, potassium, salt, evening calcium and salt, and disgusting mineral drops) and monthly doctor's reviews. That means they can also keep you on the vlcd without having to have a food week.

Not everyone is approved if the bloods aren't OK or the doctor thinks you aren't ready. For example, she talked to me about my marital situation to make sure I was taking on too much whilst depressed. One young person was told they couldn't start until they'd finished their exams.

So blood sugars and other things are monitored. They monitor blood pressure weekly, and fat/muscle monthly - so you are certain to loose fat not muscle. You don't feel weak or headachey. Still need the loo a lot at first! One patient was sent to A&E last year as the doc had picked up signs he'd had a heart attack. Life saved.

I have 5 sachets a day ( 100 -130 calories and 15-18g protein with vitamins) so you have one every 2-4 hours. It stablilises the blood sugars so cravings are eliminated. They are drinks, soups, savory meals, some sweet deserts, including brownies and pancakes. As I'm very overweight, I can have a 6th when I need it. 2-3 litres of water daily.

Lowest carb salad and veg at lunch and supper, with up to 200g a day of other veg such as tomatoes, onions, cauliflower. Some oil daily. It trains you to eat more veg & salad. I'm having a big green salad daily with a few tomatoes and cucumber ( those small turkish ones from Lidl), and a vinagrette using some of the oil, and veggies in the evenings - often including mushrooms, celery or aubergine. I like this as I can eat with family

Alevere test for your metabolic rate - so make a plan based on that. For example, I will put on weight eating more than 1600 calories even carrying 2O stone around. Explains why I could put on weight eating a 1800 calorie diet plan!

So it's worked out how long it will take to get to a goal that is sustainable. Mine is at a BMI of c33 - so overweight still but so much healthier than I've been for most of my adult life.

There are weekly clinic visits with felt melting and skin hoovering. The fat melting is ultrasound on fatty deposits under the skin which respond poorly to a diet because blood circulation is less good and it's difficult for the fat cells to release their contents into the blood vessels. For me, that's belly, hips and thighs particularly. It is relaxing.

The "hoovering" is LPG, slightly less comfortable - but feels good afterwards. It improves the skin’s elasticity as weight is lost so very few people have hanging loose skin after significant weight loss. It also improves the circulation of blood and lymph (great as I have swollen calves) and assists the removal of fats. I feel really alive afterwards - like really effective skin brushing or exfoliation feelings. The therapists also check your blood pressure, how you are feeling, and sort out any problems and make sure all is well each week.

You start to phase food back in you've lost 70% of the weight - so learn how to re-incorporate regular meals and shed the remaining 30%. The doctor helps you establish a plan for stabilising your weight at goal. They've started giving free monthly monitoring for at least the first year to keep you on track. So it's a significant investment in time and money - but typically less than a gastric bypass, without taking life threatening surgery. I am using my savings to do it - and don't mind driving a 12 year old car and forgoing holidays.

I feel good on it, and like the probability that my skin will shrink as I lose 100lbs+. I know I'm medically safe - and am able to sustain it in a way that weight watchers and SW didn't work for me.

This is my second time as I lost the plot (and my marriage, caring for my ma in law, a few other bereavements, loosing people I love, lost job and more over the past 6 years). This time, they have free monthly monitoring , and I will work as hard at maintaining as I am at shedding!

 

[AliGal]

@RareKiwi27 I know now the meal is going to be a buffet style so it's going to be easier to navigate. ?

Reminds me of hoovering up the garnishes on plates of sandwiches and my lovely ancient cousin's funeral! She'd have been amused. Surprising amounts of green stuff! Hope your various funerals are OK>

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

@AliGal ha. im reading through your links. The first one & Grey Rock strategy is absolutely my first husband. And how I had to deal throughout the divorce (man, I had it coming then...a lot of paranoia and 'you'll never find this sort of patience for your c**p from anyone else' and 'i never really liked you anyway as you talk too much about feelings and things' -7 years and a marriage later - really?! Those were part of his last words after wr signed the papers.). Well chose him based on what I knew and was approved...by my mum. She is the major person in all of this...and still...my mum...and an elder person now. So there's nothing i can change ot discuss there. Thr first Grey Rock article is great as I have been barely getting a phone call every 4 weeks (used to be minimum 3 a day!!) because....I made it boring. Honest but boring. Unfortunately the fact that I'm 10kg smaller than when she saw me last (i keep contact at minimum and it's the first time since I've been with my partner that I'm seeing her alone- the rule is, do not leave me on my own!) and its visible will attract attention. Ill go into all the scientific details of what ketosis is. She wont want to know so ill work that to my advantage . I know somewhere she may mean well. But she doesnt transmit it that way. And thats just how it is. Ill detach myself from it as much as I can.
Thanks again xxx

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Different in some ways because it's medically supervised and has treatments. There are blood tests, supplements (magnesium, potassium, salt, evening calcium and salt, and disgusting mineral drops) and monthly doctor's reviews. That means they can also keep you on the vlcd without having to have a food week.

Not everyone is approved if the bloods aren't OK or the doctor thinks you aren't ready. For example, she talked to me about my marital situation to make sure I was taking on too much whilst depressed. One young person was told they couldn't start until they'd finished their exams.

So blood sugars and other things are monitored. They monitor blood pressure weekly, and fat/muscle monthly - so you are certain to loose fat not muscle. You don't feel weak or headachey. Still need the loo a lot at first! One patient was sent to A&E last year as the doc had picked up signs he'd had a heart attack. Life saved.

I have 5 sachets a day ( 100 -130 calories and 15-18g protein with vitamins) so you have one every 2-4 hours. It stablilises the blood sugars so cravings are eliminated. They are drinks, soups, savory meals, some sweet deserts, including brownies and pancakes. As I'm very overweight, I can have a 6th when I need it. 2-3 litres of water daily.

Lowest carb salad and veg at lunch and supper, with up to 200g a day of other veg such as tomatoes, onions, cauliflower. Some oil daily. It trains you to eat more veg & salad. I'm having a big green salad daily with a few tomatoes and cucumber ( those small turkish ones from Lidl), and a vinagrette using some of the oil, and veggies in the evenings - often including mushrooms, celery or aubergine. I like this as I can eat with family

Alevere test for your metabolic rate - so make a plan based on that. For example, I will put on weight eating more than 1600 calories even carrying 2O stone around. Explains why I could put on weight eating a 1800 calorie diet plan!

So it's worked out how long it will take to get to a goal that is sustainable. Mine is at a BMI of c33 - so overweight still but so much healthier than I've been for most of my adult life.

There are weekly clinic visits with felt melting and skin hoovering. The fat melting is ultrasound on fatty deposits under the skin which respond poorly to a diet because blood circulation is less good and it's difficult for the fat cells to release their contents into the blood vessels. For me, that's belly, hips and thighs particularly. It is relaxing.

The "hoovering" is LPG, slightly less comfortable - but feels good afterwards. It improves the skin’s elasticity as weight is lost so very few people have hanging loose skin after significant weight loss. It also improves the circulation of blood and lymph (great as I have swollen calves) and assists the removal of fats. I feel really alive afterwards - like really effective skin brushing or exfoliation feelings. The therapists also check your blood pressure, how you are feeling, and sort out any problems and make sure all is well each week.

You start to phase food back in you've lost 70% of the weight - so learn how to re-incorporate regular meals and shed the remaining 30%. The doctor helps you establish a plan for stabilising your weight at goal. They've started giving free monthly monitoring for at least the first year to keep you on track. So it's a significant investment in time and money - but typically less than a gastric bypass, without taking life threatening surgery. I am using my savings to do it - and don't mind driving a 12 year old car and forgoing holidays.

I feel good on it, and like the probability that my skin will shrink as I lose 100lbs+. I know I'm medically safe - and am able to sustain it in a way that weight watchers and SW didn't work for me.

This is my second time as I lost the plot (and my marriage, caring for my ma in law, a few other bereavements, loosing people I love, lost job and more over the past 6 years). This time, they have free monthly monitoring , and I will work as hard at maintaining as I am at shedding!

That sounds fantastic! So thorough and controlled! I would've loved to have all those checks done myself before i started this (and during). But i was (only?) at 29.9 BMI and I dont think they are allowed to take you in if youre under... I'm also taking ADs so they probably would've ruled me out at the first glance of a form. Oh well. I know I can handle this myself plus the extra suppory I'm getting from my therapist, alcohol consultant, loving partner, and some of my own knowleged of these things. I refer myself to services on an ongoing basis even if I'm initially ignored but I know I'm in the range and should get some help. But I wont do it if I know that services will perform a screening procedure as i know (from my own job) how that messes things up for employees and data and most importantly if takes up someone else's place who will need that help more than me. So it's a give and take in terms of services available and what i know i can do for myself. I had a heart thing diagnosed once. Had to really push for an ultrasound which I knew would show something. But i wont take phlebotomy/US checks away from people who I know really need more than me at any given time...

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Reminds me of hoovering up the garnishes on plates of sandwiches and my lovely ancient cousin's funeral! She'd have been amused. Surprising amounts of green stuff! Hope your various funerals are OK>

Lol. Yeah. I have good containers for shakes that I can put in a backpack for shakes and can pack as many bars as i want. Ahem! Disclaimer: i always walk around with a backpack rather than a purse/hanbag or such, no matter what I wear. I exclude special date-type occassion with my partner. A.I've done this since I was 14, if anyone has known me in the past at least 3 years of my life they know/expect it's part of the package; B. In my job im an academic scientist (psychological medicine:/) - almost everyone as a norm walks around with a backpack so it's yeah...it's considered norm as everyone's doing it.... C. I dont care, it's handy and helpful. Can carry around water, food, reading stuff if i get bored and im sat at the back where no one sees me...and can carry any belongings (not requiring a fridge) that I wish. So I'm taking this bonus. Apart from when i do want to look fancy and bring a purse out .
But yeah - if theres plain meat and green stuff ill be all over it. If not. Well. Ill be prepared!
Had a long chat with my mum this evening about what bothers her. I think I'm better prepared.

 

[RareKiwi27]

I too carry a back pack!!! Must be a psychologist thing lmao

I purchased a red leather one as other wise I could be mistaken for a bag lady

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

@Alecto_on_LCD it was my uncle (cancer) and great aunt (old age) we were close but tbh it’s my dads side of the family who are toxic. My mum and dad are cool but my dads family are judgemental arseholes.

All local to me so have agreed with my parents I can just do the service as I don’t want to take my kids and will leave them with my MIL (excuse available and exploited)

I’m actually ok more worried about my best friend who is my rock. Her dad died suddenly and she isn’t coping at all she’s just shut down. I’m focused on plan and trying to get through 1 day at a time.

Sending you positivity, I like ACT principles, they overlap with some DBT skills.

Keep going hun. I know what it's like for a father to go away suddenly unfortunately (i realised how i edited the smiley face it was a happy one and i was aiming for a sad one).Shes finding the best way to deal with it and it might take time... All you can do is be open and be there with a hug or calming word when the time is right and say you're available. You cant rush these these things.
I admire the way you think about this and also have planned your own sad events. I think what AliGal said about JADE and links she posted regarding more difficult family members is really spot on. What my consellor and then friend in the office said (mind you, first is person-centered, latter is ACT, ive been trained CBT but love merging and mechanisms-long story): if you liked and had a connection with the people who passed away - keep in mind that event is all about them, your relationship with them and mourning, and the mourning of those who were closest to that person (daughters, sons, spouses, close friends). If you feel close/know them, talk to them - and focus on how they deal with mourning if they want that (talk about it, talk about something else? We're all different in this respect). The event is not about you, your life etc. So anyone focusing on your life/weightloss/marriage - that's not what that is about! I will perosnally just focus on that mantra. I get my support and chats elsewhere. They have theyre own stuff to deal with and I'll help in any way i can even if its just listening.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

I too carry a back pack!!! Must be a psychologist thing lmao

I purchased a red leather one as other wise I could be mistaken for a bag lady

Whats a bag lady??? My partner got me a smaller/hitchhicking one as i was carrying a big ol laptop one filled with papers, books, and data on paper to think about (all anonymous of course, just numbers!). So now i carry less in this wee bag...but can still fit in my exantes

 

[RareKiwi27]

A bag lady = someone who is homeless and carries all there stuff in a bag. I’m the same have laptop, papers, normally a few notebooks (I prolifically wrote things down), post it’s and coloured paper.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

A bag lady = someone who is homeless and carries all there stuff in a bag. I’m the same have laptop, papers, normally a few notebooks (I prolifically wrote things down), post it’s and coloured paper.

Same here lol!! Many ppl around me do it. It must be a psychologist thing. Trained as one. Even if I'm in academia, surrounded by backpacked psychologists lol (ps. Not as obvious when us lot travel 'into practice' when needed, but still needed to have the notes and laptop and papers:/)
Love your idea of a red leather (differently looking) one!

 

[a_kelpie]

I have so many backpacks... (also a teacher thing?)

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

I have so many backpacks... (also a teacher thing?)

I think so yeah. We all teach too. Staring again October time. Excited! Doing tonnes of CPD on top of everything else. But enjoying it massively. Totally a teacher thing also - where else would you put your stuffs?!