Right well where do I begin with this post....
Friday night, thought everything was going fine, had my 1 and a half shakes at work and was going to have the rest at home but without going into too much detail I got very upset and spent the evening crying and having anxiety attacks at home on my own. Couldn't stomach anything else so that's all I had all day.
Saturday I didn't feel much better, I was out 6 hours dress shopping and hated everything I loved online, hated my body and myself with every new dress I tried on. I've been thinking too far ahead to where I wanna be that I thought I would look good in things I still don't have the body for. It was depressing realising although I have lost 3 stone I haven't really changed that much. I still feel massively fat.
I had a small skinny latte from starbucks while I was out that I didn't finish and a shake when I got home.
I did eventually find a really lovely dress in next, its not anything like what I was looking for its a sort of 1940s pin up housewifey thing, not glam enough for a party, more casual but it did somewhat restore my faith that I look better than when I started. I bought some navy tights and bright red shoes to go with it, gunna make some sparrow accessories too.
We were meant to be going to an engagement party saturday night which I got all dressed up for, walked outside and realised we were snowed in. Thats when I caved and ordered a take away. I only had chicken and lettuce but still felt abit bad about it so it was more like a day on 810, didn't have any more shakes after that though, felt like I was punishing myself. I know I should've had them.
Back on track Sunday, had my 3 and just about enough water I think, still feeling a little down now and again but trying to distract myself from it all. Going out for another meal on Wednesday that I'm looking forward too more than I probably should. Debating whether to come of Saturday to drink at my brothers party though if I'm honest I'm more interesting the buffet than the alcohol
I know I will feel differently on the night because I will be seeing so many I haven't for ages and it will be nice because they will see the difference... I dunno I just feel abit lost.