beckyn22
Silver Member
Thank you suepat. Funny isn't it how it's always the bad things that come back to hurt us and we focus on these rather than the positive things. We will stay positive!!xxx
Weight related bullying - long post sorry!
- Thread starter beckyn22
- Start date
Thank you suepat. Funny isn't it how it's always the bad things that come back to hurt us and we focus on these rather than the positive things. We will stay positive!!xxx
beckyn22
Silver Member
Thank you Shirleen - you're absolutely right. I have always done my best to stand up to bullies and haven't shied away from confrontations - sometimes I think that's why things got so extreme in a couple of the incidents I posted about. If I had not responded and walked away I wouldn't have got assaulted; it is a dangerous world we're living in these days!! I think if this happens again whilst I am on my weight loss journey I will, no doubt be terribly upset, but will curb my tongue and walk away. I always deal with it with kids in schools, as I remember teachers when I was at school who kids used to tease mercilessly and they used to ignore it which used to make it worse. I've never had a kid say anything again (at least within earshot or to my face!!) when I trot out my standard 'People come in all different sizes and we can all say nasty things about each other's appearance if we want to, but those of us who are civilised don't'. It never fails to work lol! I'm sorry you've had bad experiences too and we will show them all when we get to our target!!xxx
beckyn22
Silver Member
I've never experienced anything like this, I'm shocked. I am quite a confident person and if somebody spoke to me like that in the street I would probably be on a murder charge. Maybe you need to start keeping your chin up more? You are obviously an intelligent woman, You could wipe the floor with these f*ucktards. I've never been bullied in my life and I've got plenty to be bullied about, trust me, but I think people look at me and see my outward persona and just think I'm the wrong person to mess with.
These people are worthless. I wouldn't spend a minute more thinking about this stuff! If it makes you feel better though, I'll stick them on my "list"
Thanks JezVonSavage - you've made me laugh lol. I think you have a point about confidence and the aura you project. At the time of most of the incidents they were when I had had something truamatic happen in my life and was as if these people seem to know I was at my lowest and most vulnerable; so perhaps my body language changed without me being aware of it and they picked up on it. I know how to present a confident persona or I would be eaten alive as a supply teacher and I was a student in London for 4 years and used to often walk in very dangerous areas on my own late at night and never had a problem; I'd read that women who walk around and look confident and as if they would make a row if they were attacked were less likely to get attacked so I used to live by that mantra!
Weight has always sapped my confidence 'though, and I have known other women who are as big as me or bigger who appear supremely confident and don't seem to get stick for their appearance. What makes me angry is that it can be a criminal offence (and rightly so) for people to abuse people for the colour of their skin or sexuality, but it's perfectly socially acceptable to abuse and bully overweight people. Thank you for your kinds words and support hon. xxx
beckyn22
Silver Member
:bighug::bighug::bighug:Thank you so much to everyone for your kind and wise replies. There is so much positivity from you all - and I'm so sorry that most of you have had upsetting comments and incidents related to being overweight. It's great that we've all found this forum, and are changing ourselves into healthier and happier people. If I lie awake at night replaying these incidents as I sometimes do when I've had a tough day I will come on here and read all of your posts again. You are all wonderful and I'm so glad to have virtually 'met' you in your posts and I'll look out for you on here. Big hugs to you all :bighug::bighug::bighug: xxx
pinkelle
I'm on a mission!!!
Hi Beckyn22
I too have been bullied on pretty much most my life for being overweight. It started at senior school, I achieved the nick-name of "mammoth" which lasted me the whole 5 years, as well as the usual fat b**** and the other "original" names.
I can remember one time in a geography lesson the teacher asked who can remember the last time they moved house and the reason why they moved. I was one of three growing children so we moved house because my parents wanted a bigger house as in a bedroom each - that kinda thing. My god how the class erupted in laughter.
And to think no-one understood as to why I didn't want to (and didn't) attend the school reunion last year!
I have been lucky though in a way, although bullied relentlessly, it has always been verbal abuse and never physical.
My most recent episode was just a matter of months ago after I split up from my fiance. His best friend (and what I did consider to be a very good friend of mine - secrets shared etc) decided to write a "poem" about me, and publish it on facebook as well as another internet site, entitled "Big Butch Bertha".
Basically this so-called poem goes on about how big, fat and butch I am, how MY life is a mess, how My kid (5yr old) is a little sh*, and generally badmouthing my family. All because a relationship ended which had nothing to do with him in the first place.
I have managed to put this incident behind me, after all it is HE who has the problem if he is not able to live and let live and feels the need to write these awful things about another person.
I have decided that the best way for me to "get even" and stick my fingers up at them is to continue my weight loss journey.
At first it bothered me, I was sooooo upset but live well is the best revenge and I am aHUGE believer in karma!!
The main thing that bothers me now is that my sister tried to make light of the whole incident as she now calls me butch, as does her hubby. I make out that I don't care (although I had to tell her 9yr old daughter I did not want to hear her calling it me again!!) at the end of the day I am absolutely howling with laughter at her. I am now, after losing nearly 4 stone, only one stone heavier than she is. She hasn't shown any signs of noticing my weight loss but the thing I am looking forward to most at the moment has to be when she does finally notice and I can reveal that I am finally lighter than her and also ask her who she thinks is more worthy of the title "butch"!!!
Anyway, sorry such a long reply!! I will shut up now. All I want to say though is (and this is what is spurring me on at the moment) just imagine the looks on all their faces when they see the slinky new you in the magazine, all done up and looking goooood!!!
xxxx
I too have been bullied on pretty much most my life for being overweight. It started at senior school, I achieved the nick-name of "mammoth" which lasted me the whole 5 years, as well as the usual fat b**** and the other "original" names.
I can remember one time in a geography lesson the teacher asked who can remember the last time they moved house and the reason why they moved. I was one of three growing children so we moved house because my parents wanted a bigger house as in a bedroom each - that kinda thing. My god how the class erupted in laughter.
And to think no-one understood as to why I didn't want to (and didn't) attend the school reunion last year!
I have been lucky though in a way, although bullied relentlessly, it has always been verbal abuse and never physical.
My most recent episode was just a matter of months ago after I split up from my fiance. His best friend (and what I did consider to be a very good friend of mine - secrets shared etc) decided to write a "poem" about me, and publish it on facebook as well as another internet site, entitled "Big Butch Bertha".
Basically this so-called poem goes on about how big, fat and butch I am, how MY life is a mess, how My kid (5yr old) is a little sh*, and generally badmouthing my family. All because a relationship ended which had nothing to do with him in the first place.
I have managed to put this incident behind me, after all it is HE who has the problem if he is not able to live and let live and feels the need to write these awful things about another person.
I have decided that the best way for me to "get even" and stick my fingers up at them is to continue my weight loss journey.
At first it bothered me, I was sooooo upset but live well is the best revenge and I am aHUGE believer in karma!!
The main thing that bothers me now is that my sister tried to make light of the whole incident as she now calls me butch, as does her hubby. I make out that I don't care (although I had to tell her 9yr old daughter I did not want to hear her calling it me again!!) at the end of the day I am absolutely howling with laughter at her. I am now, after losing nearly 4 stone, only one stone heavier than she is. She hasn't shown any signs of noticing my weight loss but the thing I am looking forward to most at the moment has to be when she does finally notice and I can reveal that I am finally lighter than her and also ask her who she thinks is more worthy of the title "butch"!!!
Anyway, sorry such a long reply!! I will shut up now. All I want to say though is (and this is what is spurring me on at the moment) just imagine the looks on all their faces when they see the slinky new you in the magazine, all done up and looking goooood!!!
xxxx
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beckyn22
Silver Member
It makes me so angry to read a post like this beckyn22
I know anything i say wont delete those things from your memory but my advice is use it as motivation. If you are exercising, want to pig out on pizza or even just trying to get back on the wagon after a bad day - think about all those times!
When you get to target (and i say 'when' not if!) you can look back on those events as a positive because they have helped you get to where you want to be! You will also be sticking 2 fingers up to all those horrible people, because they would have wanted you to feel pain from their comments/actions not use what they have done to end up feeling brilliant about yourself!
I'm not sure if i'm making much sense but i know (especially while exercising) that thinking about these sort of things makes me work 50 times harder! My 'thing' is thinking of the people i want to prove wrong, thought i would fail or generally think they are better than me because they are 'slim'.
xxxxx
Thank you so much Sam. I know what you mean about using these sort of comments for motivation when exercising; you get angry and it helps you attack the exercise more lol - it's good advice!xxx
Shirleen
Gold Member
Ooh when you get to target get some really feminine photos done, whatever floats your boat, burlesque/boudoir, although my romantic notions go for Broderie anglaise in a corn field!
ThatBubbs
Silver Member
God I could've written that post hun, big hugs.
Lots of horrible things have been said to me over the years, I've had work bullying, umpteen stragners in the street and pubs on buses and taxi drivers insulting me. The worst I remember, and it always comes back to me, is when I was about 16 years old. i was probably a size 16 at the time, and a well dressed middle aged man came over to me in the street and asked for directions. I said 'I'm not that good with directions but I'll try to help where is it you're wanting to go?' and his retort was 'I was hoping you could tell me the way to the beach since you're a you big f***ing fat whale' I was totally in shock by it, and didn't say anything, as he laughed ever harder to himself and walked off. Makes me sad now even.
Everyone is right, the problem was them not us - never would I ever think to insult someone in the street or otherwise for who they are / how they look - and although it's difficult we have to try to rise above and not let it get to us. We're better than those people x
Lots of horrible things have been said to me over the years, I've had work bullying, umpteen stragners in the street and pubs on buses and taxi drivers insulting me. The worst I remember, and it always comes back to me, is when I was about 16 years old. i was probably a size 16 at the time, and a well dressed middle aged man came over to me in the street and asked for directions. I said 'I'm not that good with directions but I'll try to help where is it you're wanting to go?' and his retort was 'I was hoping you could tell me the way to the beach since you're a you big f***ing fat whale' I was totally in shock by it, and didn't say anything, as he laughed ever harder to himself and walked off. Makes me sad now even.
Everyone is right, the problem was them not us - never would I ever think to insult someone in the street or otherwise for who they are / how they look - and although it's difficult we have to try to rise above and not let it get to us. We're better than those people x
pinkelle
I'm on a mission!!!
OMG!! What a complete and utter d*ck!! xx
Thin in 2012 :)
Full Member
Thank you for posting this, it must have been tough reliving some truly terrible experiences. It is totally shocking that people would bully and abuse anyone in such a way because of their appearance.
foodjunkie10
Silver Member
I can honestly say I've never experienced anything like this and if I did I'd be kicking someones ars* big time.
The guy that rammed his bike into your car would have had the tyre of the car on his head.
I agree that bullys know how and who they can victimise and it is shocking
The guy that rammed his bike into your car would have had the tyre of the car on his head.
I agree that bullys know how and who they can victimise and it is shocking
beckyn22
Silver Member
Hi Pinkelle,
I'm so sorry about all the cr** you too have had to put up with from bullies. I just can't believe the Facebook incident - how unbelievably pathetic, immature and sad those people must be. No friend would ever do that - you are well rid of all of them hon but I know that doesn't make it any less painful. Would it be worth saying to your sister 'I know I laughed along with you, but actually I find your comments hurtful and upsetting?'; I just suggest this as I had a great friend years ago with whom I used to have the best laugh with. At that age, I used to put myself down and make jokes about my weight (which I stopped doing as I got older!) as a form of self defence. She used to make jokes too which I used to laugh at - and she was totally well meaning - but one day I said what I suggested above to her and she was mortified and never made a joke at my expense again.
I am appalled at what you've described, and what other people have said have happened to them. Whatever the reasons for bullying, no-one has the right to make a judgement on anyone based on their weight, looks, hair colour or whatever and it's even worse if someone if vulnerable and underconfident.
You sound very determined and you've done fabulously well with your weight loss. We will do this!! Thank you sharing your experiences. It's certainly helped me to get it out of my system and I hope it does you as well. You sound lovely and you have done nothing to deserve the c*** xxx
Maximus
Gold Member
I'm rather lucky as I was always overweight (and unlike yourself - not at all tall!) I never had any problems apart from the lads taking the mick - all in good fun though as I was always in the "good crowd" or as we say up here, "the daft lads". Besides, being a lad it would have been acceptable to use the fists if necessary
In a bid to cheer you up, I'll relate one incident to you. A young kid living nearby to me called me fatty, he was very young, so I did the adult thing, and maturely called him "ginger nuts" lol. His big sister was looking after him, and she didn't know where to put her face.
Skip forward until fairly recently, the same little kid, a couple of years older, but still ginger called me baldy!
I asked him "What was wrong with fatty?" - and he said "Nothing mister you're not fat!" - I was quite chuffed my weightloss had met with copper-tops approval, until he followed it with, "But you have got a baldy heed!"
I wonder if I had been bullied mercilessly like you whether I would have done nothing about it until I was 45.
Anyway, as others have said, there's some nasty people out there, and though it doesn't make it any easier, they are more to be pitied than hated.
Steve
In a bid to cheer you up, I'll relate one incident to you. A young kid living nearby to me called me fatty, he was very young, so I did the adult thing, and maturely called him "ginger nuts" lol. His big sister was looking after him, and she didn't know where to put her face.
Skip forward until fairly recently, the same little kid, a couple of years older, but still ginger
called me baldy!I asked him "What was wrong with fatty?" - and he said "Nothing mister you're not fat!" - I was quite chuffed my weightloss had met with copper-tops approval, until he followed it with, "But you have got a baldy heed!"
I wonder if I had been bullied mercilessly like you whether I would have done nothing about it until I was 45.
Anyway, as others have said, there's some nasty people out there, and though it doesn't make it any easier, they are more to be pitied than hated.
Steve
beckyn22
Silver Member
I can honestly say I've never experienced anything like this and if I did I'd be kicking someones ars* big time.
The guy that rammed his bike into your car would have had the tyre of the car on his head.
I agree that bullys know how and who they can victimise and it is shocking
You know at the time I did consider just driving over his bike but was worried my car would be damaged lol. xx
beckyn22
Silver Member
I'm rather lucky as I was always overweight (and unlike yourself - not at all tall!) I never had any problems apart from the lads taking the mick - all in good fun though as I was always in the "good crowd" or as we say up here, "the daft lads". Besides, being a lad it would have been acceptable to use the fists if necessary
In a bid to cheer you up, I'll relate one incident to you. A young kid living nearby to me called me fatty, he was very young, so I did the adult thing, and maturely called him "ginger nuts" lol. His big sister was looking after him, and she didn't know where to put her face.
Skip forward until fairly recently, the same little kid, a couple of years older, but still ginger
I asked him "What was wrong with fatty?" - and he said "Nothing mister you're not fat!" - I was quite chuffed my weightloss had met with copper-tops approval, until he followed it with, "But you have got a baldy heed!"
I wonder if I had been bullied mercilessly like you whether I would have done nothing about it until I was 45.
Anyway, as others have said, there's some nasty people out there, and though it doesn't make it any easier, they are more to be pitied than hated.
Steve
Thanks for that Steve - it did make me laugh
. Little so and so. It must have been a great feeling when he said he couldn't call you fat anymore - well done! xx
pinkelle
I'm on a mission!!!
I go by "never judge or put anyone else down....you NEVER know what life is going to dish out to you."
Like I say, I am a huge believer in Karma and I do think what goes around, DEFINATELY comes around!!!!
And...you know what beckyn?! I am going to have a word with my sister, she would be quick enough to say something to me if I was doing it to her!!!
Chin up and to hell with the lot of 'em!!!
xxxxx
Like I say, I am a huge believer in Karma and I do think what goes around, DEFINATELY comes around!!!!
And...you know what beckyn?! I am going to have a word with my sister, she would be quick enough to say something to me if I was doing it to her!!!
Chin up and to hell with the lot of 'em!!!
xxxxx
beckyn22
Silver Member
Me too - one of my standards that I trot out to kids is 'if you can't say anything nice...don't say anything at all' lol
Yes - DO say something to your sister - go girl! I believe what goes around comes around too xxxxXOXONICOLA
Banned
That is a lovely post, it really warms my heart to know that people really care for others like this.
And Becky, don't let this hold you back on your journey. Just think good thoughts and with a bit of hard work and sheer determination, you will get there. Imagine how good it would feel if you ever saw these people again and you were wearing a size 10 dress and a huge smile. Their faces would be absolutely priceless!!
